So, I Watched Kill Shot (1995, Dir. by Nelson McCormick)


A group of college students all live in a California apartment complex that’s owned by Jake Mondello (Gianni Russo), who also owns a restaurant and sponsors a beach volleyball team.  From the description that I read of the movie’s plot, I thought there would be a lot more beach volleyball and, from the title, I thought there would be a lot more thrills.  Turns out I was wrong on both counts.

It’s pretty obvious that this was a pilot for a tv show that was inspired by Melrose Place.  A lot of characters are introduced and they’re all shallow but pretty.  Just like with Melrose Place, everyone has a drama and everyone has someone that they like but who they can’t tell about their feelings.  Casper Van Dein is the most recognizable person in the cast.  He plays a rich boy who likes to play volleyball and who falls for a poor girl.  Other characters include Jacqueline Collen as a former volleyball star who is going back to college and who is being stalked by her ex (Jack Scalia), Catherine Lazo as the med student who loses her scholarship, and Ria Pavia as an abrasive science student who falls in love with her new roommate (Mushond Lee), even though he’s gay.  Ernie Reyes, Jr. plays Koji, who is a computer nerd who says stuff like, “I just got a new CD-rom game.”  He’s so good with computers that the police turn to him to help track phone calls and match finger prints.  Denise Richards appears for two seconds and smiles at Casper.  Gianni Russo is the worst actor in the movie but everyone loves Jake because Russo also wrote the script.

This was largely plotless and pointless.  Casper was nice to look at but I didn’t care about any of the characters.  There is a big beach volleyball game at the end but it only lasts for a few minutes and it was impossible to tell who was winning.  One important character is taken out by a kill shot but no one notices.  Watching the movie made me hate both the beach and volleyball.

 

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #36: Killer Assistant (dir by Danny J. Boyle)


(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June.  She’s trying to get it all done by the end of July 11th!  Will she make it!?  Keep visiting the site to find out!)

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The 36th film on my DVR was Killer Assistant (also known as simply The Assistant.)

Killer Assistant originally aired on Lifetime on June 20th and it won major points from me just because of the title.  Though often underappreciated, administrative assistants are the glue that hold most offices together.  If there were no administrative assistants, the entire world would literally stop spinning so I’m always happy whenever I see a movie in which the assistants finally get their revenge.

The assistant of the title is … well, he claims his name is David (Brando Eaton).  That’s not his real name, of course.  And he’s really not from a small town in upstate New York despite what he tells everyone.  He may be a shady character who stole someone else’s identity but that doesn’t mean that he’s not a good assistant!  He especially proves to be invaluable to Suzanne Austin (Arianne Zucker), an editor at a fashion magazine.  As Suzanne struggles to put together the magazine’s 50th anniversary edition (all the while being watched by her boss, who bare a probably not coincidental resemblance to Anna Wintour), David proves to be a great source of ideas.  When Suzanne thinks that she’s seen her husband (George Stults) cheating on her, David proves to be a great source of comfort.

Which is another way of saying that they end up having a one night stand.  How passionate do things get?  So passionate that the sex scene is actually shown in slow motion.  (You know that Lifetime is getting serious when they start using the slow mo.)  However, the next morning, Suzanne announces that the previous night was a “mistake” and tells David that he is fired.

David, however, has other ideas.  After all, he already went through the trouble of attacking one of Suzanne’s other assistants just to make sure that he’d be able to keep his job.  David tells Suzanne that he’s not going anywhere.  He’s going to continue to answer the phones for her and schedule meetings for her.  And if she has a problem with that, he’ll just show everyone the little film that he made of the two of them during the previous night.

So, Suzanne is stuck with David.  And David is now flirting with her rebellious teenage daughter, Calista (Natalie Lander).

Anyway, Killer Assistant is rather ludicrous but I enjoyed it because 1) it was about a crazy administrative assistant and 2) it took place at a fashion magazine and was, therefore, full of bitchy dialogue.  Plus, Brando Eaton did a really good job in the role of David.  He was just so clean-cut, helpful, and cheerful, no matter what terrible things he was plotting.  As I watched the film, I found myself imagining a possible spin-off in which Suzanne is a guest judge on Project Runway and David blackmails her into praising the ugliest dress.  It was fun!

(For those keeping track of my efforts to clean out my DVR, that’s 36 films down and 4 to go!)