Retro Television Reviews: T. and T. 1.17 “The Game” and 1.18 “A Victim of Fashion”

Posted on October 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Mr. T plays the game!

Episode 1.17 “The Game”

(Dir by Robert Malenfant, originally aired on May 2nd, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T explains, “Amy and I disagree on tactics as I try to bring an end to a very dangerous game.”

Pam Richards (Cynthia Preston) and her boyfriend Nash Weaver (David Orth) are two spoiled rich kids, playing a dangerous game. Nash steals some expensive dishes and silverwear from the home of his father (who is judge, no less) and, with Pam’s help, puts it in the locker of one of their shy classmates, Greg Walker (Victor Erdos). Nash then calls the police, gives them an anonymous tip, and Greg is arrested. Greg is only 14 but it appears that he’s going to be tried as an adult! Canada is going to make an example out of him!

Fortunately, Greg’s attorney is Amy Taler and that means that T.S. Turner is on the case! It doesn’t take T.S. long to figure out what happened.

“The way I see it,” he tells Amy, “the girl played decoy so they could plant stuff in Greg’s locker! These are the type of games these kids are into. I’m going to see if I can play too.”

T.S. stakes out Pam’s house. Nash orders a pizza for him. “I don’t eat while on duty,” T.S. growls.

That night, Nash and Pamela leave Nash’s house and break into a neighbor’s house. T.S. follows them, just to discover that they’ve already left the house. In the kitchen, T.S. finds a balloon that looks like an eyeball. The balloon pops, revealing a note that reads, “We’re watching you too.” Suddenly, the cops show up and arrest T.S!

Waiting outside the house, Nash tells T.S. to “give my regards to the boys in blue.”

“Give it to them yourself,” T.S. replies.

Nash and Pam claim that they were just going in the house to water the plants and T.S. is not charged with breaking and entering. Detective Jones assures T.S. that he doesn’t like Nash much either, saying that the kid has been in trouble before but he’s never been charged.

“Why?” T.S. snarls, “Because his father’s a judge?”

T.S. returns to staking out Nash’s house. (He’s eventually joined by Greg, who simply cannot believe that Pam would frame him.) “These kids are not playing kid games!” T.S. says. Eventually, Nash and Pam drive off to small warehouse. When T.S. follows them, Nash pulls a gun on them.

“You want to go to prison?” T.S. demands, “You know what prison’s like? Being locked up in the small cell, 24 hours! After you shoot me, who is next? Is it Pam? How about your father …. BECAUSE HE’S A JUDGE!”

(T.S. is really hung up on that.)

Nash points the gun at his own head.

“It’s not worth it, brother!” T.S. shouts.

A sobbing Nash surrenders himself.

Later, T.S. tells Amy, “Nash was just a little frightened kid, reaching out for love and attention.”

Here’s the thing — this all happened over the course of 30 minutes running time. As a result, Nash’s surrender seemed to come out of nowhere. This is an episode that would have benefitted from a full hour. As it is, this episode ends on a jarringly abrupt note and therefore, Nash’s surrender is neither as effective nor satisfying as it should have been.

Episode 1.18 “A Victim of Fashion”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on May 9th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “the world of fashion loses its glamour as threats and murder come into play.”

“I’m not going to hire no tux and go to no bourgeois fashion show and that’s that!” T.S. Turner tells Amy when she informs him that he has no choice but to accompany her to an uptown fashion show. This leads to a genuinely amusing scene in which Amy leads T.S. onto an elevator, where T.S. is suddenly grabbed by two men who proceed to …. get his measurements so they can rent him a tuxedo.

Fashion designer John Merrick (Richard Monette) has hired Amy and T.S. because he was mailed a slashed up picture of his top model, Anita (Tonya Williams). Anita doesn’t know that she’s being stalked and Merrick wants T.S. to be her bodyguard without explaining why. Tonya, for her part, is just happy to be famous enough to require a bodyguard.

“Please,” T.S. tells her, “call me T.S.”

“Okay,” Anita replies, “if you’ll tell me what it stands for.”

“Tree Surgeon.”

Who could the stalker be? Could it be the long-haired man wandering around with a camera? Of course it is! This is only a 30 minute show so it’s not like there’s time to develop a lot of suspects. However, it turns out that Lonzo (Patrick Brymer) was not really stalking Anita as much as he was demanding that Merrick admit to stealing Lonzo’s designs. When Merrick tries to murder Lonzo, T.S. is there to save the day! Yay!

Again, just as with the other episode I looked at this week, this is an episode that would have been considerably more effective with a 60-minute running time. With only 30 minutes to tell the story, it felt rushed. There was a lot of comedic potential to the idea letting Mr. T loose in the fashion world but sadly, there was enough time to get to any of it.

Next week — T.S. quips his way through another case! Evildoers beware!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 1.11 “Junkyard Blues” and 1.12 “Killing Time”

Posted on September 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Amy loses her car and her mind!

Episode 1.11 “Junkyard Blues”

(Dir by Dan McCutcheon, originally aired on March 21st, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy’s car goes missing and so does Amy. And I finally get my day in court!”

Amy is not having a good day. She’s running later for court so she parks her car in a no-parking zone. When she gets to court, she discovers that she forgot to bring an important file. Fortunately, the judge delays the start of the trial until Amy is prepared to proceed. (Canadian judges are super nice!) T.S. Turner tells Amy not to worry.

“Even good guys have a bad day!” he tells her.

Amy’s day is just about to get worse because, upon leaving the courthouse, she discovers that her car has been towed! She goes from lot to lot, trying to find who towed her car but everyone tells her the same thing. None of them towed a ’78, black VW convertible. Amy tracks down the only witness to the car being taken, a 14 year-old named Sydney (Tara Strong). Sydney is an aspiring journalist and she declares that Amy’s car getting stolen “could be the story that I’ve been waiting for!”

Amy finally returns to the office and, after snapping at administrative assistant Sophie, Amy says, “Pokey’s been stolen!”

“Why would any want to steal Pokey?” Sophie asks.

“It’s a classic! They just don’t make cars like that anymore!” Amy shouts.

“Easy, Amy,” T.S. says, “If it’s stolen, I’ll find it for you.”

Amy, however, is determined to find the car herself. T.S. objects and points out that he’s the private investigator and that Amy is the attorney who is due in court on several important matters. In a move that would get an American lawyer disbarred, Amy tells T.S. to handle all of her court stuff while she looks for her car. She then thinks that she sees Pokey being driven past the office so she runs outside and chases after it, yelling, “That’s my car!”

Somehow, 14 year-old Sydney figures out that Amy’s car has been taken to a chop shop. While Amy takes an adolescent that she barely knows into a potentially deadly situation, T.S. Turner goes to court and plays the role of lawyer. Fortunately, he’s able to get yet another continuance, which is a bit anticlimactic when you consider the potential of Mr. T playing someone pretending to be an attorney.

While T.S. potentially ruins her client’s life, Amy and the teenage girl who she has known for less than a day break into a criminal-controlled junkyard so that they can search for her car. As I watched Amy and Sydney sneak around the auto yard, I found myself wondering if Sydney had parents and if they knew that she was putting her life at risk to help an attorney find a VW convertible named Pokey.

Fortunately, T.S. gets out of court in time to head down to the junkyard, toss around the car thieves, and help Amy rescue her car from being smashed. Unfortunately, even after knocking out the thieves (“Goodnight, brother,” T.S. says.), T.S. is still not able to prevent Amy from accidentally destroying her car while trying to figure out how to lower it from the junkyard crane.

“It’s okay, Amy,” T.S. says, “So what if you’re not a good detective?”

“It was just a car,” Sydney says.

“THERE’S NO OTHER CAR LIKE THAT IN THE WORLD!” Amy yells at the teenager who risked her life to help a total stranger.

Presumably because he doesn’t want to have to spend the rest of his life listening to Amy complain about her car, T.S. buys Amy a new black VW convertible.

In the past, I’ve wondered why this show usually only focuses on one of the T’s. Now I understand that it’s because Amy Taler, the other T, is an incredibly annoying character who will risk other people’s lives and not even say thank you afterwards. This episode featured too many scenes of Amy yelling about her car and not enough scenes of T.S. gruffly telling people to stay out of his way. I mean, I love my car too but I’m not going to force a stranger to break into a chop shop with me to search for it. I’d probably ask my sisters to do it.

Anyway, let’s move on.

Episode 1.12 “Killing Time”

(Dir by Dan McCutcheon, originally aired on March 21st, 1998)

“On this week’s episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy and I get put on full alert when an escaped killer come back in town, seeking revenge.”

Years ago, Joe Nichols (played by Geza Kovacs, a favorite of David Cronenberg’s) was convicted of murdering his ex-wife’s new husband. The key testimony in the case against him was given by his five year-old daughter, Wendy (Mairon Bennett). And who was the prosecutor who sent Joe to prison? Amy Taler!

Yes, apparently Amy was prosecutor before she went into private practice. It’s kind of interesting how the show is continually revealing contradictory details about Amy’s past, almost as if the show’s writers were making up the character as they went along. Amy tells T.S. that the Nichols case was the last she prosecuted before switching sides. Joe Nichols was a viscous killer and he needed to be taken off the streets so I’m not sure why the Nichols case would be the one that would lead to Amy resigning from the prosecutor’s office.

Anyway, Joe escapes from prison and returns to whatever Canadian city T and T is supposed to take place in. The cops think that Joe is coming for his daughter but T.S. thinks that Joe is actually after Amy and decides to stake out Amy’s apartment so that he can beat up Joe when he shows up. And that’s what happens.

Seriously, that was pretty much the entire episode. That 30-minute run time pretty much guaranteed that T and T would always keep everything direct and to the point. Geza Kovacs is as menacing in this episode as he was as Greg Stillson’s bodyguard in Cronenberg’s adaptation of The Dead Zone. But it’s hard not to regret that this episode lacked the usual T.S. Turner quips. Other than yelling at a cop for calling him and “interrupting my cookie break,” T.S. didn’t have many memorable lines in this episode which, to me, defeats the whole purpose of casting Mr. T as a private investigator.

Well, that’s two disappointing episodes of T. and T! Hopefully, next week will be a return to form for both the show and T.S. Turner.

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 1.9 “On Ice” and 1.10 “The Latest Development”

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, T.S. insults the national sport of Canada and Amy battles city hall.

Episode 1.9 “On Ice”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on March 7th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Decker is forced to face the truth about a long-time friend.”

Though T and T took place in a generic city, the show itself was filmed in Canada, with a largely Canadian cast and crew. Hence, it only makes sense that the show would eventually do an episode that centered around hockey. This episode opens with Mr. T’s friend, Decker (David Nerman), coaching a junior hockey game. While the players skate on the ice and chase the puck, Decker deals with fans like the loud Mrs. Mowby (Jayne Eastwood), who is apparently convinced that she knows better how to coach the team than the actual coach! Unfortunately, Decker is yanked out of the game by two detectives who announce that he is under arrest for “theft of over $2,000.”

After T.S. Turner and Amy bails Decker out of jail, Amy explains that it appears that over $25,000 has been embezzled from the Junior Hockey Association. Decker admits to being the association’s treasurer but he also admits to not being good at numbers. He explains that his old friend, Goldie Stanski (played by Sean McCann), usually goes over the books for him.

“Goldie?” T.S. growls, “You trusted a guy named Goldie!?”

Decker explains that Goldie has been his friend for years. Goldie was his former coach! And, indeed, when Mrs. Mowby demands that Decker be kicked out of the Junior Hockey League, Goldie argues that Decker has not been convicted of anything, not that it does Decker much good. However, Detective Jones (Ken James) informs T.S. that “word on the street” is that Goldie has a gambling addiction.

Decker takes T.S. to his next practice and introduces T.S. to the team. They ask T.S. if he’s going to join them on the ice.

“No thanks, brothers,” T.S. replies, “I don’t play no sport when you can get frostbitten indoors. Besides, I think hockey’s an old ladies’ game …. Look at the ton of equipment you guys wear!”

After practice, Decker is arrested for a second time after the detectives, having gotten an anonymous tip, search his locker and just happen to find a bus ticket that leads to a bag full of money. Fortunately, Amy is able to bail him out of jail again, much to the relief of her spacey administrative assistant, Sophie (Catherine Disher), who has a crush on Decker.

T.S. has decided that Goldie is setting up Decker. Now, he just has to get Goldie to give himself away.

“I think with a little persuasion,” T.S. tells Amy, “he might do something foolish …. Friendly persuasion, of course!”

T.S.’s style of persuasion is to show up in Goldie’s apartment and tell him that everyone knows what Goldie’s done while drinking a glass of milk. “Thanks for the milk,” T.S. growls before leaving. When Goldie responds by going to the gym and pocketing more money from the hockey’s charity fund, Amy, T.S., and Decker are there to chase him out on the ice and catch him. If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. T drive a Zamboni, this is the episode for you.

Decker’s name is cleared and he’s re-instated as coach. Yay!

This was a totally predictable episode but I kind of liked it. Mr. T on a Zamboni was just a ludicrous enough image to make the entire show work.

Episode 1.10 “The Latest Development”

(Dir by George Mihalka, aired on March 14th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy and I fight City Hall …. and City Hall fights back!”

When a dumb, 13 year-old kid named Nick (Toby Proctor) breaks into a construction site and takes a bulldozer for a joyride, he accidentally destroys a truck. The owner of the site, Enzo Malec (George Touliatos), is determined to throw the book at Nick because he’s an evil developer and he wants both Nick and his grandmother, Cora (Helen Hughes), out of their home.

It turns out that one of Amy’s former classmates, Brian Brack (Richard Comar), works in the city’s legal department so she heads down to City Hall in an attempt to guilt him into allowing Cora to stay in her home. For once, we actually get to see Amy doing legal work, which basically amounts to wandering around with a file folder and rolling her eyes while having conversations with other people.

Meanwhile, T.S. takes Nick down to the construction site and convinces Malec to let Nick work off his debt as a construction worker. T.S. arranges for Cora to move in with gospel-singing Aunt Martha (Jackie Richardson) while Nick moves in with Decker.

Suddenly, building inspectors show up at Amy’s office and start searching for violations. “Brian Brack is responsible for this, isn’t he!?” Amy says, while the inspectors write her up for not having a window that opens quickly enough. That’s a $2,000 fine! Upon discovering that they are now going to war with city hall, T.S. tells Amy, “This could be a title bout!”

Amy confronts Brian at a fancy restaurant and tells him that she has discovered that he has invested in Enzo Malec’s development. She demands to know who he and Malec paid off at city hall. Brian tells Amy that she doesn’t know who she is missing with. Amy responds by tossing a drink on him. In a case of amazing timing, Alderman Kent (Mark Walker) shows up and asks if Amy is going to be joining him and Brian for lunch. Hmmm …. I wonder who the corrupt politician could be.

Meanwhile, T.S. and Decker help Nick deal with his anger by training him to box.

“I know how to fight!” Nick says.

“To win, you need a strategy,” T.S. replies.

T.S. proceeds to knock down a 13 year-old.

While T.S. is teaching Nick how to fight, the city is threatening to shut down Aunt Jackie’s foster home! When T.S. finds out, he puts on his dark jacket and starts to head off to City Hall so he can presumably beat up the mayor. Instead, Amy convinces him to hold off by revealing that Brian and Alderman Kent have been taking bribes from Enzo Malec. When T.S. heads down to the construction site, Malec panics and, later that night, he tries to burn a bunch of incriminating files. However, it turns out that he’s being filmed by Amy and the local news.

And that apparently fixes the whole thing!

This episode felt rushed as it basically only had 30 minutes to deal with an hour’s worth of complications. It only took one boxing lesson for Nick to let go of his anger and it only took one confrontation with T.S for Enzo Malec to make one sloppy mistake. That said, I appreciate any episode that portrays municipal government as being thoroughly corrupt and irredeemable. Fight the system!

Next week: Amy’s car gets stolen!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 1.7 “The Silver Angel” and 1.8 “And Baby Makes Nine”

Posted on September 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we meet T.S. Turner’s family!

Episode 1.7 “The Silver Angel”

(Dir by Donald Shebib, originally aired on February 22nd, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T informs us, “Amy and I get mixed up with a modern day Robin Hood and we are forced to recruit some heavyweight help.”

The Silver Angel is a silver-clad trumpet player who has been going to a high-priced grocery store, filling his cart with food, and then running off with the cart and not paying. The police that think that they have finally arrested him. However, the man that they caught is Duffy (Edward Atienza), an elderly crossing guard who doesn’t even seem to know what’s happening to him. Amy is assigned to his case.

T.S., however, has other things to worry about. As he explains to gym owner Decker, his nephew is a member of a rap group known as The Fat Boys and, as you might guess from their name, they’re a bit overweight. Their manager wants The Fat Boys to lose a few pounds before their next tour and who better to oversee their diet than T.S. and his friend Decker? The Fat Boys show up at the gym and it’s time for an exercise montage!

Anyway, it soon becomes apparent that Duffy is not as senile and frail as he appears to be and he actually is the Silver Angel. Amy discovers that Duffy has been taking the stolen food to a homeless shelter.

“It’s still a crime,” T.S. says.

“I know. It looks like I’m going to lose this case!” Amy declares, as if she’s the first attorney to ever defend someone who was guilty. One would think that Amy would understand that the job of a defense attorney is to serve as an advocate for their client and to help them make their way through the legal system. The question of whether or not the guy is actually guilty really isn’t the issue that she should be concerning herself with.

The Fat Boys, overhearing Amy and T.S.’s conversation, decide that they need to help the Silver Angel. “My mind is clear,” one of the Fat Boys says, “so you stay right here!” Did I mention that the Fat Boys rap all of their dialogue? “I went downtown to get this stuff,” another Fat Boy declares as they collect food to give to the homeless, “Come on, brothers, it’s up to us!”

Anyway, Duffy puts on his angel costume once again and shows up at the grocery store. When the store’s manager, Mr. Hanlon (Sam Moses), orders security to catch the Angel, the Fat Boys suddenly show up in angel costumes and it leads to a chase scene throughout the store.

T.S. brings the chase to a close by grabbing Mr. Hanlon, lifting him up and carrying him around the store. T.S. tossed Mr. Hanlon into a display of eggs and declares, “Sorry, brother! Nobody touches an angel!”

How about a thief? Are they allowed to touch a thief?

Anyway, for some reason, Hanlon drops the charges so I guess Duffy gets away with his crimes and Amy maintains her perfect acquittal record.

This was dumb. Grocery store owners don’t owe you a thing and, by stealing all of that food, the only thing Duffy did was probably cost everyone their Christmas bonus. I mean, is there a reason why he couldn’t buy food and then take it to the homeless shelter? Some hero. More like the Silver Jackass, am I right? Let’s move on.

Episode 1.8 “And Baby Makes Nine”

(Dir by Harvey Frost, originally aired on February 29th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy and I find that more than just diapers are dirty when we track down the person responsible for an abandoned baby.”

One of Amy’s clients leaves a baby on the front doorstep on the office, along with a note that says she’ll be back in a few days. As opposed to calling the police or child protective services, Amy gives the baby to T.S. to look after. T.S. takes the baby to the hospital and, after discovering the baby is in perfect health, he takes the baby to Decker’s gym. Amy is not happy when she sees T.S.’s car parked outside the gym. A gym is no place for a child, she declares, not with all the sweaty men around.

“The baby has to learn how to sweat,” Decker replies, “He can’t pant like a dog for all of his life!”

Back at the office, Amy explains that parenting is a little bit more complicated nowadays than it was when T.S. was a child.

“Babies still need to be changed, don’t they?” T.S. replies, “Wow! Look at the great job I did on his diaper!”

Anyway, the baby is actually the son of Henry (Martin Neufeld) and Betty (Joanne Vannicola). Henry made a deal with a corrupt adoption attorney named Mr. Finn (David Calderisi) to sell his son. Not wanting to lose her child, Betty dropped the child off at the law office in the hopes that Amy would know how to stop the adoption. When Henry goes down to the gym to try to grab his son, he is instead grabbed by T.S. Turner. When Turner threatens to sell Henry, Henry asks what he’s talking about.

“We’re talking about baby selling, Henry!” Turner replies, “We’re talking about what type of man would sell his own flesh and blood! What do you think we should do to a father who would sell his own son?”

Turner scares Henry straight and he promises not to sell the baby. Betty forgives him, which is kind of weird.

“It’s people like you,” Amy later hisses at Finn, “who give my profession a bad name.”

And that’s the end of that. This was yet another episode that would have worked better if the story played out of an hour instead of just 30 minutes. As it is, the whole thing felt rather rushed. That said, at least Betty was a more sympathetic client than the Silver Angel jackass.

Next week: T. and T. reminds us that it’s a Canadian show with an episode that is all about hockey!

The TSL’s Grindhouse: The Vindicator (dir by Jean-Claude Lord)

Posted on July 19, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1986 film, The Vindicator, is one of those Canadian exploitation films that doesn’t make much sense but is still memorable just because of how dedicated it is to being utterly incoherent.

Basically, an evil corporate guy named Alex Whyte (played by Richard Cox) wants to design a space suit that will turn people into rage-filled assassins. Or something like that. To be honest, I had a hard time following just what exactly Alex was trying to do. When one of his scientists, Carl Lehman (David Mcllwraith), figures out that Alex is up to something sinister, Alex blows him up. Alex then puts Carl’s charred body into the suit and Carl is transformed into a cyborg who flies into a murderous rage whenever anyone gets too close to him. That’s not exactly what Carl was hoping to spend the rest of his life doing so Carl breaks free from the lab and seeks revenge while also trying to protect his wife (Terri Austin) and his daughter (Catherine Disher). Unfortunately, because of the whole rage thing, Carl can’t allow himself to get close to them but somehow, he figures out how to speak to them through the synthesizer that’s sitting in the living room.

Now that Carl is wandering around Canada and killing all of his former co-workers, Alex decides that he needs to do something to take Carl out of commission so he hires an assassin known as Hunter. Hunter is played by Pam Grier. Yes, that’s right — the Pam Grier! Soon, Hunter and her team are pursuing Carl across Canada and, in the process, they end up killing almost as many people as Carl. And those people who aren’t killed by Carl or Hunter fall victim to the types of accidents that could only happy in a Canadian exploitation film. For instance, in one scene, a truck drives over a guard rail and immediately explodes.

Meanwhile, Carl’s friend, Bert (played by Maury Chaykin because this is a Canadian film), is falling in love with Carl’s wife and plotting to try to take her away from her cyborg husband. At first, Bert appears to be a sympathetic character and then, about an hour into the movie, Bert is suddenly not sympathetic at all. The same can actually be said for just about everyone in the film, which will lead most viewers to wonder just why exactly we should care about whether or not Carl is ever stopped.

It’s a messy film. For a relatively short and presumably low-budget film, there’s a lot of characters in The Vindicator and it’s not always clear how everyone is related. Since Carl kills most of them, I can only assume that they’re all bad but still, you can’t help but wonder if maybe Carl is being a bit too quick to assume that everyone was okay with him getting blown up. Carl is one judgmental cyborg.

Supposedly, special effects maestro Stan Winston was involved with the production of The Vindicator and, to give credit where credit is due, Carl does look like what I guess most people would expect a cyborg to look like. In fact, when I watched the movie, I originally assumed that it was a Robocop rip-off but then I discovered that The Vindicator actually came out a year before Robocop. That’s not to say, of course, that The Vindicator was, in any way, an influence on Robocop. Beyond the cyborg-theme, the two films really have nothing in common. Robocop is a satirical commentary on fascism. The Vindicator is …. well, I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to be.

The Vindicator is a mess. It’s one of those films where no one’s motivations make any sense and it is often next to impossible to actually keep track of who is who. (The actors playing Alex and Carl looked so much alike that it took me a few minutes to figure out that Carl was the one who got blown up.) And yet, like many Canadian exploitation films from the 80s, The Vindicator is also compulsively watchable. The actions move quickly. The entire plot has a make-it-up-as-you-go-along feel to it that’s kind of entertaining. Plus, Pam Grier’s in the film, openly rolling her eyes at just how silly it all is. The Vindicator isn’t exactly good but it did hold my interest. All things considered, maybe that’s vindication enough.

Hallmark Review: The Good Witch’s Gift (2010, dir. Craig Pryce)

Posted on August 6, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

I haven’t done a Hallmark movie in awhile. It’s been even longer since I did one that I watched on DVD. I only mention it because once again it is difficult to get it to start in VLC, and the close captioning is a little wonky. That leads to some humorous captions. I bring them up in case you go to watch it using VLC, or need to use the close captioning for more than just convenience. This is also the last of the Good Witch movies I have left to review. Let’s dig in.

The movie begins and we immediately join Jake Russell (Chris Potter) as he is doing some window shopping to decide what to get Cassie (Catherine Bell) for Christmas. He’s also doing a bit of foreshadowing.

He spots a guy that he clearly knows, but then Cassie pops up like she always does to say “hi.”

This is as good a time as any to mention that she uses her powers a little more explicitly this time around. It’s not like in a later one where she teleports right in front of a camera. However, she does pop around more, and she makes the doors to her shop open right in front of Jack to the point where he asks her if she installed automatic doors. At least that’s what they say if you can hear. If you can’t, then this is what shows up onscreen.

The next important thing is to find out who that guy was that Jack saw while window shopping. It’s a guy named Leon Deeks (Graham Abbey) who was part of a bank robbery and was recently released after having served his time. The issue is that not only was the money never recovered, but Jack’s son is going out with Deeks’ daughter played by former Degrassi: TNG star Jordan Todosey. It’s interesting that with this film it means that actor Matthew Knight was in a movie with one of the late stage Degrassi: TNG actors, and one of the early ones in Jake Epstein who was in an episode of Matthew Knight’s short-lived TV Show called My Babysitter’s A Vampire.

Deeks of course stops by Cassie’s place, and as usual with new people, she nearly gives him a heart attack by suddenly showing up behind him. He remembers the place when it used to be rundown and is impressed with what she has done. There is an ulterior motive to him looking around the place. It will turn out the unrecovered money from the robbery is under her floor.

Lori (Hannah Endicott-Douglas) makes a return, but really won’t play too much of a role in the film. Mainly when Cassie’s ring goes missing, she runs around looking for it. However, good old quintessential small town busybody Martha Tinsdale (Catherine Disher) is sure around for her plot line.

At the start she is being annoying, making people angry, and really getting into hitting that gavel. She is rejecting a local business’ request to put up a sign to advertise for their business. Her plot line is like the rest in that it will revolve around family, and will resolve with family. It’s what the “Gift” in the title means. The formation or maintenance of family is the central theme around which the plot lines revolve. I do love how at this meeting, which is where we first see her, she manages to piss off everyone at the table. Then she leaves only to be confronted by her husband the mayor who tells her they lost a lot of money, and she needs to get a job as a result.

Catherine Disher really does have that Jim Carrey facial expression thing about her. I love it.

Then we meet Brandon (Matthew Knight) and Jodi Deeks played by Jordan Todosey.

So, we have Cassie and Jack who need to end up getting married to each other. We have Jodi and her father who need to be reunited despite Jodi’s mother fighting against it. It’s understandable because the time he served was ten years on top of committing the crime. We also have Martha who needs survive this bump in the road with her husband. However, we have one last piece of setup.

What do we do with grandpa (Peter MacNeill)? He actually has one of the more subtle ways of having family in his plot line. The woman he met last time at the orchard departs. Since Cassie is going to go and live with Jack in the end, what is going to happen to Grey House?

That’s your setup. The movie is on autopilot now as the plot lines run their course to their happy conclusions. Let’s talk about how these different plot lines all resolve.

The reason for the marriage being rushed is that Jack is getting frustrated that it keeps getting pushed back, so come hell or high water, he’s going to make it happen before Christmas. The marriage runs into a few small speed bumps with finding a preacher at the last minute, getting the wedding together at the last minute, and getting the marriage license also at the last minute. It’s the standard stuff you’d expect. Martha’s husband marries them since he is the mayor. They get the marriage license since Cassie has been around long enough legally that the government says that’s enough to establish an identity. I’m not sure it really works that way, but it’s a movie, and a very minor point that is just there to stall the film a bit.

Martha goes around trying to sell herself as a prospective employee, but she’s pissed off too many people for that to be an easy task.

In the end, she’ll become a party planner. Cassie is the one who suggests this to Martha. In this one, more than others, she seems to be more conscious of these actions to help people. I swear I remember in the past that she treaded the line between some sort of an all knowing being, and a regular human better.

As for grandpa, that’s actually easy. He moves in to take care of Grey House and the B&B with Cassie.

The hard one is getting Jodi and her father back together. That’s really what Cassie puts her mind too. In the end, that works out too, but she has to attack that problem from several angles. Turning the money in is the major step he takes to turn things around for him and his family.

It really has been awhile since I watched other Good Witch movies, but this one felt a little different. I recall the others having a main plot, and several micro-plots around it that really didn’t have any reason to be there. This time around we have the Deeks plot line that has some more importance, but they are all treated rather equally, tie together, and have a central theme. Kind of like a Good Witch version of Signed, Sealed, Delivered: From The Heart (2016) except that it doesn’t have so many plots that it gets overwhelming. This is average, but recommendable as far as Good Witch movies go.

Hallmark Review: Love’s Complicated (2016, dir. Jerry Ciccoritti)

Posted on February 29, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

Last night at the Oscars we had a comedy bit where black actors were inserted into movies that were nominated for awards. They took somewhat humorous shots at The Martian and Joy. Then The Danish Girl came up. I haven’t seen it yet and I’ve heard it’s god awful. None of that matters. They inserted comedic actor Tracy Morgan into the movie, put him in a dress, then told us to laugh at him because he was a man in a dress who was being the black version of the trans woman from the film. Then for more shits and giggles, they actually had him eat a danish. That was vile and despicable. I have been laughed at for something as simple as wearing tights. I can’t possibly imagine walking outside in a dress right now, and have even less courage to do so after last night’s display of kicking an even smaller minority to the curb while supposedly trying to send a message about having another minority appear more often in films. While I seriously doubt she would have done it, having Laverne Cox of Orange Is The New Black fame, who is both black and trans, do that might have actually sent a positive message. Thank you very much Oscars for making it clear that not only was it worth dragging on the blacks in film thing so long that it started to feel like a joke itself, but for giving all trans women a punch in the face. Much appreciated.

That right there is an example of the central theme of this movie. Not avoiding conflict. That can be for a number of reasons. Not letting other people make decisions that should be yours since it is your life. Not being paralyzed by a fear of conflict when facing it could lead to a much needed reconciliation. Not letting other people treat you like trash, but standing up for yourself instead. It can also be something as simple as saying, “No, you have no right to do that. I want the refund I’m owed.” The book this movie is based on is even called My Life As A Doormat. So how the hell did this movie end up being called Love’s Complicated? I’m guessing Hallmark has a quota to meet of movies with “love” in the title. Honestly, love barely is a part of the movie.

The movie begins by quickly showing us Leah (Holly Marie Combs), who is a writer, at home before cutting to a radio station to introduce us to Cinco (Ben Bass). He isn’t a shock jock or a woman hating radio personality. I think the best way to describe him is as a debater. He is someone who isn’t afraid to express his opinion, but we will get to his fear of conflict issue later. During this opening credit sequence it cuts back and forth between them. We find out one useful piece of information here, and that is that Leah isn’t a big fan of his. We’ll find out later that he didn’t give a favorable review to her last book. And segue!

We are now with Leah and Catherine Disher from The Good Witch. Hmm…I think there’s an in-joke here. She is told her book needs serious work. Basically spice things up by adding some conflict. The very thing that is the Source of the problems in her life.

I love that Leah has one of those keyboards similar to the old IBM keyboards. Those things are very satisfying to type on. It makes sense that a writer would have one. I could mention the roommate here, but she’s a minor character. She’s what I call a nudger character in Hallmark movies. A character who isn’t unimportant, but is really there to show up occasionally to nudge the main character in the right direction.

Now we meet Leah’s boyfriend Edward (Randal Edwards). As you can see, it looks like Leah just wishes she could freeze him in place so she could get up without having to confront him. Anyways, the two of them soon go off to a party where she insists on wearing a red dress that he isn’t so happy with. Now for plot I guess, here’s Cinco just hanging out in the flowers to run into Leah at the party.

He actually tells her to throw the wine in his face because of his bad review of her book. Of course her being non-confrontational means she doesn’t. Although, I bet she would have liked to make him explode if she could. She’ll come around eventually.

Phew! Three references to Charmed should be enough.

Next for reasons that are beyond me, Leah’s boyfriend gives her a coupon to a conflict management course. I’d say just for plot, but Edward is really odd in this so I buy that he gives this to her, and then doesn’t show up because he meant it to be just for her.

She goes, and of course for again reasons, Cinco is there. There also are a few other people there including a married couple named Robert (Brad Borbridge) and Glenda (Precious Chong). Sorry, I wasn’t able to avoid that witch reference. It’s in the movie after all. Although, I’m still not sure why Catherine Disher’s character is named J.R. I’m really not sure what a reference to Dallas is doing here, but okay.

Believe it or not, that’s all the setup that’s necessary for this movie. She keeps going back to the group and never tells them Edward is a boyfriend till the end of the film. She does learn to not be afraid of conflict, which was systemic in her case. She helps Cinco in turn to take a chance and visit his father who he hasn’t spoken to in awhile. Instead of fearing a confrontation, he just gives him a hug. In his case it works. At the end of the film, he and his father, who both love to argue, are having a lively debate on the radio. The other people in the class come around too. In the end, she breaks it off with Edward, writes a book called My Life As A Doormat, and winds up with Cinco.

As I hope you can tell, the love part is incidental to the story of overcoming a fear of conflict. I like that the film was clearly done on the cheap, but they told a story that didn’t require more money in order to tell. I appreciate it when a film molds itself to the production constraints rather than feeling like it’s running into money walls. That said, there are several times when it feels like the movie thinks we have spent more time with the characters than we actual have. I would give it a marginal recommendation.

Now since I feel better than when I wrote my last Hallmark review, here are the normal things you’ve come accustomed to seeing in my reviews.

I actually like this fake computer screen. It’s cartoony sure, but it has the right elements.

This shot tells us that at least this part was done in Sudbury, Ontario. I believe this is the first Hallmark movie I’ve seen shot there.

This shot though, is from Minnesota.

However, the movie either doesn’t mention it at all, or makes very little fuss about where it’s supposed to take place. It’s not like so many Hallmark movies that really try to convince you it’s the US when it’s Canada.

Hallmark Review: The Good Witch’s Garden (2009, dir. Craig Pryce)

Posted on February 11, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

This is actually the first Hallmark movie I’ve watched on DVD. I only mention that for others who might watch it on their computer using VLC like I did because it makes taking screenshots easy. This movie’s particular DVD really gave me trouble and I had to force it to bypass the menu in order to get it to play. Sadly, the captions on the DVD were not very good so if that’s important to you then I’m sorry. They drop out at times and get wonky. At least that was my experience.

This now means there is only one more Good Witch film for me to see. That would be The Good Witch’s Gift (2010). If I didn’t notice it before, then I definitely did this time after recently watching Garage Sale Mystery: Guilty Until Proven Innocent. That one introduced Good Witch style subplots to it that I really didn’t like and should be taken out from future installments. I remember them being in, I believe, all of these Good Witch films. I have never watched the TV Show, but I get the strong feeling that this works far better as a TV Show than it did as a yearly series of films. The main plots and subplots are fine for a TV Show and even if they are completely self-contained to a single episode almost always would add to a character in some way. However, when I watch these Good Witch movies I just wanna scream: “Please have a single self-contained plot that all of the characters are involved in and which moves them all forward to a state that we will pick up in the next film.” The Signed, Sealed, Delivered movies do just that. I’m theorizing here, but that’s probably why that went from a show to a series of movies and the Good Witch franchise did the opposite. Let’s talk about the movie now.

The movie starts off and we have Martha Tinsdale (Catherine Disher) once again in full busybody mode. Luckily, she starts to come around by the end of this installment. She is joined by her friend Gwen (Elizabeth Lennie). I love the drastic difference in their faces here. Gwen is certainly interested in Grey House, but she acts like a reasonable person. Martha actually has some priceless nonsense that she comes up with here to say. First off though, yes, just like For The Love Of Grace, this one also prominently features a Nikon camera. The only other product I ever recall showing up in a bunch of Hallmark movies was the Wii and once the Wii U.

Anyways, they are there to scout out a location for the bicentennial of their town called Middleton. They decide to take a look at Cassie’s (Catherine Bell) house since it is 200 years old. Martha bumps into a creeper plant on the ground, freaks out, and runs to Jake Russell (Chris Potter) who is the top cop in town. He also happens to be dating Cassie.

There is a brief little period here where they quickly reintroduce us to Cassie, George (Peter MacNeill), and Lori (Hannah Endicott-Douglas). This time they tone down the she’s a little girl, get it, she’s a little girl, can we remind you one more time she’s a little girl stuff, but without changing the character. It’s just the way they present her. She fits in better this time around than she did in the first film.

Now we get probably the best part of this movie. Martha shows up at Jake’s office and among other stupid things, she actually alludes that Cassie is growing pot. She says she suspects some of her plants are “illegal”.

Can’t think of something else reasonable that she could be referring to in talking to a police officer and using that particular word. She also talks about this vine on the ground that she bumped into like she just saw the movie The Crawlers (1993). She seems to really believe that Cassie may have plants that are like the roots in that movie which will reach out to kill you. I think Chris Potter’s face gets across how hilariously ridiculous these lines are.

Disher does a great job delivering them. I just love her line that Cassie may be growing illegal plants. I can’t get over that.

Now we kick off the main plot and the subplots. Let’s do the subplots first.

That’s George meeting Gwen. I’m sorry, does that need an explanation?

That’s Lori on the right who has been assigned to do a paper with Jess (Jordy Benattar). However, you can see that Jess has gotten up to flee. For an adult audience the reason is immediately understood. Jess can’t read. Lori doesn’t find this out till a little later. Up till then she thinks Jess is just trying to get her to do all the work, which is understandable. People do that.

That’s Brandon (Matthew Knight) on the right and his two new “friends”. His subplot is these two guys are pushing him around to do something stupid to I guess be initiated into the stupid kids society. It’s similar to the one in the most recent Garage Sale Mystery movie except this time it’s not filled with humorous goofs, lines, and a resolution that had his friends looking like Bill Pullman from Ruthless People (1986). This time Cassie does almost the same thing she did in the first film. She gives him a mirror and just before they do their stupid thing, she shows up causing the item she gave him to come into play.

With the subplots going, this guy shows up to be our main attraction.

He’s Nick Chasen (Rob Stewart) and he has his eyes set on Grey House. He presents himself as the true heir to the house.

Again, Catherine Bell does the Jadzia Dax thing here. She always comes across as wise and with years of experience, but never appearing in some super state of nirvana above us mere mortals. She definitely has her suspicions, but still needs help and has to work through the situation with Jake and his family. She doesn’t just foresee it all and play along. That would make for a rather bland film in my opinion.

As you know from the later films, he does propose at the end of the movie.

There are a couple of little goofs, but nothing worth mentioning. Most of it seems to have been shot around Hamilton, Ontario. That’s really it in that department. I did not see the goof listed on IMDb about Martha’s shoes. Apparently the opening shot shows them as black, but after she goes in the gate of Grey House they are leopard print. Here’s the two shots. I didn’t see it.

With these Good Witch movies there really isn’t much else to talk about except to lay out the plots for you. That’s how these films work.

It’s not as good as the first film. That one felt like it could have been self-contained. This feels like what it is really: the second episode of a TV Show rather than a new film that continues a saga. The acting is good all around as usual. I actually forgot that Matthew Knight was on My Babysitter’s A Vampire. I liked that show.

I recommend this one, but I could tell it was already starting to drop off in quality from the first one more than I would have liked. I want to hear from anyone who has seen the show to tell me if it does seem to work better that way than as an annual TV Movie.

Footnote: Since I brought it up in a past review of a Good Witch movie, let me put it to rest. I did track down the relevant scenes from the one episode Catherine Bell did of Hot Line back in the 1990’s. It’s just really generic 90’s late night erotica. Nothing special or interesting at all. I thought there might be something, but there isn’t. Often when you come across an entry in someone’s filmography that is so different from their usual, then it turns out to be worth seeing if you are a fan of their work. Not here. I would only recommend this for Catherine Bell completionists who must see everything she has ever done. It certainly wasn’t even worth the couple of minutes it took me to find it. The clip I saw from an episode of Dream On that she was on looked like a much more interesting example of her really early work if that’s what you want to see. Just wanted to bring that to a close.

Hallmark Review: The Good Witch (2008, dir. Craig Pryce)

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

Prior to watching this I had only seen the last four Good Witch films they’ve made. The difference is night and day. Sure, this movie also has Catherine Bell looking gorgeous in well chosen outfits, but that’s all it shares with those last four movies. This one has a believable romance, it has an explanation for why we really never see her do magic, and most importantly, it has an actual plot. You’d think that last thing would be a given, but it’s sorely missing in the last four films. Honestly, the only thing I can think of that I didn’t care for was the daughter.

They make her up and dress her in the little girl equivalent of the little boy who goes around dressed like Rambo. I get it, you’re a little girl. Enough with the colors and blonde hair. I’m in no way confused about her gender. Very minor complaint, but in a movie that dresses the other actors appropriately, including her brother, it feels a bit much. They probably felt they needed to make her look as kiddy and vulnerable as possible to have her asking Cassie (Catherine Bell) about being scared about monsters and later, bunnies.

Let’s talk about the movie now. The movie begins in the little town where all these movies take place, and we meet Jake Russell (Chris Potter) who has two kids and a wife that was killed off by being a spouse in a Hallmark movie. Jake also lives with his Irish father who will remind you numerous times that he is Irish. Then there’s Martha Tinsdale (Catherine Disher) who is the local busy body. If this took place in the 1980s, then she would be trying to get Huckleberry Finn banned in schools. She’s that type. That’s when the kids walk by an old, and thought to be, abandoned house. Enter Casie Nightingale!

She really is an incredibly gorgeous woman. Luckily, she can also act and is perfect for this role. In previous reviews I compared her to Terry Farrell who played Jadzia Dax on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and that’s still true. They are both very pretty girls who do an excellent job of playing a character that simultaneously carries a wisdom brought on by many years, but without somehow transcending being a regular human being.

That’s the look of an actor who just realized he is working with a woman who looks like Catherine Bell. Jack here is the local sheriff and was asked to check out the house because everyone thought it was abandoned, but seemed to be suddenly occupied. These three screenshots sum up the remainder of this movie.

The first screenshot is of a woman who Cassie sells an aphrodisiac to at her shop called Bell, Book, and Candle. An aphrodisiac that apparently works because she comes back begging for more. In other words, Cassie does have some useful things to sell the people in the community. Thus, her business has a purpose other than just to simply make her a fixture in the community by having her own a business.

The second screenshot is of the son when he follows some advice of Cassies. Her instructions are a bunch of bullshit. She just totally made it up and sold it with her charm. It was just a way to convince the son to do something he was perfectly capable of doing himself and in no way needed supernatural forces to make happen. That’s one of the best things about this film. We almost never see her actually do anything remotely magical because she’s smart enough to know that most things can be resolved through practical means. And that the people involved will be a whole lot better off making it happen themselves, then her twitching her nose or something.

The third screenshot is the culmination of the busy body’s activities to try and drive Cassie out of the community because you know, she’s a witch! These two kids vandalize her place.

Jack and Cassie coming together occurs naturally around her becoming a valuable member of the community, her being wonderful with his kids, and that he keeps finding out how great a person she is in contrast to what the community is saying.

I guess there is one other little problem I have. The relationship feels a little one-sided. Like he fell in love with her, and that’s what she wanted him to do. And this final shot of the film doesn’t help.

Maybe the sequel explains this. Just as I swear “all streams lead to the toilet” is a saying in Computer Science. Apparently, all movies eventually wind up in front of my eyeballs.