Carl Pitti | Through the Shattered Lens

At the height of the Civil War, the small town of Border City, Missouri has declared itself to be neutral ground. Mayor Delilah Courtney (Nina Varela) announces that anyone who enters her town looking to recruit for either the Union or the Confederacy will be arrested and will face the possibility of being hung from the noose in the middle of Main Street.

That doesn’t stop Charles Quantrill (Brian Donlevy) from coming to town. Quantrill is a former Confederate officer who now terrorizes the Arkansas/Missouri border with his gang of thieves. Accompanying Quantrill is his wife, Kate (Audrey Totter), who once lived in Border City and who still enjoys singing a song at the saloon.

Another new arrival is Sally Maris (Joan Leslie), who comes down from Michigan to help her no-account account, Bitterroot Bill (Reed Hadley), run his saloon. Sally attempts to bring some order to the rowdy saloon, which makes an enemy out of Kate. When Bill is killed in a gunfight, Sally takes over the saloon and soon, she is being challenged first to a fight and then to an actual duel by Kate. With the disapproving Mayor Courtney watching all of the action from her office, it is obvious that one of the women is eventually going to be taken to the noose in the middle of the street but which one?

This is one of the best of the many B-westerns that Allan Dwan directed in the 1950s. Though much of the emphasis is on the usual western action — Quantrill wants to take over a mine, there’s a Confederate spy in town, and both Frank and Jesse James appear as supporting characters — the film is really about the rivalry and eventual partnership between a group of strong-willed woman who aren’t going to let anyone tell them how to live their lives. As tough as Kate is, Sally proves to be stronger than she looks and, in the end, they realize that they are stronger working together for a common goal than trying to tear each other down. Audrey Totter and Joan Leslie both give sexy and tough performances as Kate and Sally. They’re equally believable hanging out in a saloon, flirting with a cowboy, or drawing guns on each other in the middle of the street.

Along with taking a strong stand against vigilante justice, Woman They Almost Lynched features an exciting stage coach robbery, an intriguing story, and two very interesting lead characters. It’s a western that deserves to be better known.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark clean up a troubled neighborhood!

Episode 1.4 “The Return of the Masked Rider”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 3rd, 1984)

This week, Jonathan and Mark end up a gym in a city. Jonathan applies for a job as a cut man. The gym’s owner, Mau Mau (Stoney Jackson), is doubtful because Jonathan can’t give him any references to call but then Jonathan magically heals a cut over a boxer’s eye. Jonathan gets the job and just in time because this neighborhood needs to be protected.

The problem is that the neighborhood is being ruled by Thumper (Darin Taylor) and the Satan’s Helpers. Everyone in the neighborhood is scared of the Satan’s Helpers and who can blame them when the gang literally identifies with Satan? I mean, they’re not only fans of Satan but they’re helping him as well! Anyway, the statewide boxing championship is coming up and Thumper is going to be fighting another neighborhood boxer, Joey (Chip MacAllister). The Satan’s Helpers demand that Joey throw the fight and to make sure that Joey does so, they kidnap his grandfather (Hank Rolike)!

Mark suggests that Jonathan just “zap” the gang members and bring an end to the whole thing but Jonathan explains that their mission is not to take out the gang. Their mission is to encourage the other residents in the neighborhood to take back the streets, “like the Guardian Angels!” You heard it, folks. God supports vigilantism.

Luckily, Morton Clay (John Agar) lives in the neighborhood as well. Morton was once a movie star, playing the Masked Bandit. Now retired and nearly forgotten, Morton lives in an apartment building with several of his former co-stars. Jonathan encourages Morton and his friends to put on their old costumes and march down to the headquarters of the Satan’s Helpers. The rest of the neighborhood is so amazed by the parade of old timey heroes, that they follow.

The Satan’s Helpers are so intimidated by sight of the entire neighborhood gathered together that they decide to stop helping Satan and they release the grandfather. Yay! Meanwhile, at the boxing match, Joey refuses to take a dive and he knocks out Thumper. Yay! The neighborhood is saved.

When people refer to Highway to Heaven as being a campy show, they are probably referring to episodes like this one. Undoubtedly, the episode is well-intentioned. Watching it, you can tell that Michael Landon was hoping that this episode would inspire people to take pride in the neighborhoods, just like the Masked Bandit and his friends! But the episode’s extremely earnest approach feels a bit naïve. There’s nothing particularly intimidating about the Satan’s Helpers and it certainly doesn’t help their credibility that they’re scare off by a bunch of elderly people wearing costumes.

Next week, Mark and Jonathan break into the country music world!