Lifetime Film Review: Her Secret Family Killer (dir by Lisa France)

Posted on October 30, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

DNA Tests are all the rage right now.

Right now, everyone is taking them. Most of them seem to be hoping that they’ll find something really unexpected and cool in their background, like that they’re descended from Tecumseh or somebody. Personally, I’d love to discover that I am related to Rutherford B. Hayes, seeing as how he was the greatest president who ever lived. Of course, then you have other people who are just hoping that a DNA test will somehow make them seem less generic. “I’m 1.2% North African,” they’ll tell you, in-between posting Taylor Swift memes on twitter.

That said, everyone should approach DNA tests with caution. First off, if you’ve ever taken a DNA test, that means that the government now has access to your DNA and can probably use it to clone a race of super soldiers or something. That’s definitely one thing to consider. There’s also the possibility that being goaded into taking a DNA test could end whatever hope you have of ever being elected President. That’s another thing you have to consider. And finally, there’s the possibility that your DNA will turn up on the dead body of your best friend! Agck!

That’s exactly what happens to Sarah (Brooke Nevin) in Her Secret Family Killer. Her best friend Victoria (Carmen Moreno) gives her a DNA test for her birthday. Despite the protestations of Lyle (Devin Crittenden), who says that DNA tests are the first step towards dictatorship, Sarah gets the test done. Later, Victoria disappears. Sarah, while out on her morning run, just happens to stumble across Victoria’s dead body. The police test the DNA that was on Victoria’s body and just guess whose DNA shows up.

That’s right! Sarah’s!

But, surely, Sarah couldn’t be the murderer. It must just be someone who shares Sarah’s DNA, like a family member. So, which of Sarah’s relatives is the murderer? Or, could it be that there’s something else going on? I mean, seriously, when you’ve got DNA traveling all over the place, who knows who might be able to get their hands on it….

The best Lifetime films always strike at a secret fear that many people have but aren’t always willing to express. Her Secret Family Killer is all about the fear that one of your relatives might be murderers and you might not know it. I mean, it’s definitely possible. Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, the Grim Sleeper, the Baseline Killer, the D.C. snipers, they all had families and they all had relatives who were probably shocked when cousin Ted ended up in jail, accused with murdering people across the country. I mean, who knows what type of monsters you might have hiding in your family tree? People take DNA tests assuming that they’ll discover they’re related to someone great. What if you take your DNA test and discover that your great-uncle is the BTK Killer? It could happen.

Anyway, Her Secret Family Killer is another entertaining Lifetime thriller. Brooke Nevin has appeared in a few of these and she does a good job of embracing the melodrama, which is pretty much the key to making a good Lifetime film. If nothing else, watching the film will make you think twice before sending your DNA off to strangers and that’s probably a good thing.

Lifetime Film Review: Her Deadly Sugar Daddy (dir by Brooke Nevin)

Posted on September 28, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have to admit that the term “sugar daddy” just amuses the Hell out of me.

Seriously, I can’t hear anyone use that phrase without starting to laugh. I mean, it’s just such a ridiculous combination of words. I remember that Dr. Phil went through this phase where, every week, he did a show about irresponsible millennials who, instead of getting a job, were going online and visiting what Phil called, “sugar daddy websites.” Once you’ve heard Dr. Phil say, “sugar daddy” twenty times, it’s hard to take the term seriously.

Needless to say, when it comes to Lifetime films, sugar daddies are a popular topic. I’ve lost track of the number of Lifetime films that I’ve seen in which a young woman decides that the only way to make ends meet is to start accepting money from older, wealthier men. I mean, it seems like a good idea. You get to dress up and you get a good dinner and you get to spend time in a really nice house and sometimes, you even get to fly on a private plane. But, in the end, it’s never worth all the trouble. First off, your parents and your friends will inevitably judge you and say that they’re ashamed of you. Number two, there’s always a good chance that your sugar daddy will either 1) die of a heart attack at an inopportune time or 2) end up becoming obsessed with you. To quote an anti-meth commercial that I recently watched on YouTube, “Don’t do it. Not even once.”

In Her Deadly Sugar Daddy, Bridget (Lorynn York) gets involved in the world of being an escort not just because of the money ($10,000 a week!) but also because she needs something write about. Bridget and her friend, Lindsey (Aubrey Reynolds), have recently moved over to Los Angeles from Arizona. (This film makes it sound as if Arizona is literally on the other side of the world from California.) The daughter of a famous novelist, Bridget wants to make a living as a writer. However, she doesn’t want to write books, at least not yet. Instead, she wants to blog. Unfortunately, when she goes to the corporate headquarters of Swerve.com, she’s told that she doesn’t have enough experience to be one of their writers. She’s told that she needs to start her own personal blog and build up a following before she can even think of writing for a fine site like Swerve.

(Hey, it worked for that Movie Bob guy.)

A bad date leads to Bridget meeting Anthony (Brent Bailey), a bearded businessman who ends up giving Bridget a job. He needs someone to keep track of his schedule for him. Bridget agrees. He also needs someone to entertain older male clients. After a little bit of hesitation, Bridget agrees to that too. After all, she needs something to blog about, right?

Unfortunately, Anthony has an obsessive streak and some control issues. Add to that, he doesn’t particularly want his employees blogging about his business or, for that matter, taking pictures around the office. Soon, Bridget’s life is in danger. If she survives, she’ll at least have something to write about….

Her Deadly Sugar Daddy delivers what you typically want out of a Lifetime film like this. Anthony owns a big house and he works in a big office and Bridget’s clothes are to die for and an important life lesson is learned at the end of it all. Brent Bailey is properly charming and intimidating as Anthony and Lorynn York (who has appeared in several of these films) is sympathetic as Bridget. I have to admit that, on a personal level, I enjoyed the film because I’m a blogger who has worked as a personal assistant so I could relate to Bridget. That said, I’m not interested in working at Swerve. Through the Shattered Lens is perfect for me.

Cleaning Out The DVR: The Wrong Mother (dir by Craig Goldstein)

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 187 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded The Wrong Mother off of Lifetime on April 8th, 2017!)

(aka The Wrong Mother)

The Wrong Mother is a pretty typical example of a type of Lifetime movie that I like to call a “Trust No One Film.”

These films always deal with the same basic plot. Take a perfect family, consisting of a perfect wife, a perfect husband, at least one perfect kid, and a perfectly outspoken best friend. Open the film by establishing that they all live in a perfect house. Then, the wife makes the mistake of inviting a seemingly friendly person into the house and suddenly, things aren’t so perfect anymore. Suddenly, the husband is being tempted. The wife is being deceived. The children are being brainwashed. And the best friend usually ends up either dead or in the hospital. It all happened because the wife trusted someone. If only she had been willing to embrace her paranoia.

In The Wrong Mother, the perfect wife is Kaylene (Vanessa Marcil), who is run down by a SUV one day while she’s out jogging. The perfect husband is Drew (Stephen Snedden), who works as an airline pilot and is often not home. The perfect best friend is Samantha (Elizabeth Bond), who immediately realizes that the key to Kaylene’s recovery will be Kaylene washing her hair and not spending too much time in bed. The two perfect children are twins and they’re just adorable. And the perfect stranger is a nurse named Vanessa (Brooke Nevin). After meeting Kaylene and Drew in the hospital, she talks them into hiring her as a home care giver. Soon, Vanessa is lounging around the pool in a bikini and forcing Kaylene to take all sorts of pills. Vanessa is so dangerous that she even wears Lolita-style sunglasses. Samantha suspects that Vanessa might be hiding something…

And she’s right!

For one thing, Vanessa isn’t actually a nurse. She’s just someone who was hanging out around the hospital. For another thing, she knows that Kaylene had the twins via in vitro fertilization. In fact, Vanessa donated the eggs. Now, Vanessa wants the children for her own and she’s willing to go to any lengths to get them, even murder.

The lesson here? TRUST NO ONE!

Anyway, The Wrong Mother is a fairly typical Lifetime film. Once you’ve seen enough of these films, it becomes fairly easy to predict everything that’s going to happen and that certainly was the case with The Wrong Mother. (At this point, I can usually guess how many commercial breaks will pass before the best friend has an unfortunate “accident.”) The main reason to watch this movie is for the performance of Brooke Nevin, who delivers her snarky asides and rolls her eyes with such enthusiasm that she provides The Wrong Mother with a few enjoyable sparks.

Hallmark Review: Come Dance at My Wedding (2009, dir. Mark Jean)

Posted on January 29, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

Since including the music I was listening too while writing the review went over swimmingly last time *cough*, here’s a song that was a hit during the mini-Swing revival of the mid-to-late 1990s (Go Daddy-O by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy).

I think this is also a particularly perfect choice for this film as well because while there are three other characters in the film, this is really the father’s film. The father being Tanner Gray played by John Schneider.

The film begins with some dancing in kind of a dance floor nowhere. It just exists. By that I mean something like the eternal dance floor where there is always a couple dancing. Every time the film would come back from a commercial break there would a couple dancing in the dark for a few seconds before returning to the characters.

Now we are introduced to our leading lady named Cyd Merriman (Brooke Nevin). Named after Cyd Charisse of course, but the film will have the father be ignorant of that just in case the audience didn’t know even though his character would absolutely know that fact.

She runs a dance studio in a small town. We also meet her fiancee in these opening scenes named Zach Callahan (Christopher Jacot).

Notice the lighting in these shots. They will keep that style of lighting throughout the film whenever they are in the studio. However, those scenes will stand in rather strong contrast to the rest of the way the movie is shot. It’s a neat way of visually making the place special to us in order to fit with the way the characters think of it.

In short order, we are also introduced to Laura Williams (Roma Downey).

She’s here to plead with us to not let her next movie be Keeping Up with the Randalls. Actually she’s here because she’s a friend of the family who is also their lawyer. Cyd’s mother recently passed away and there is a stipulation in the will that the father she didn’t know she really had–he didn’t know he had a daughter either–now are co-owners of the dance studio. It also works out for him, unfortunately, because he is let go from his job at the same time he finds out.

In reality it’s plot convenience, but nevertheless. Meanwhile, we spend some more time at the studio, with Downey, and with the fiancee. Spoiler alert! The fiancee is not played like a bad guy as you might expect from a Hallmark movie. He’s a really good guy in this. Now the father shows up in town with the legal papers he received to talk with the daughter he didn’t know he had.

I mentioned it at the start, but I really want to drive home that while Cyd, Zach, and Laura have roles in the movie that are important, this really is the story of Tanner Grey. He sits down with his daughter to talk about who he is and what happened in the past. It basically comes down to that he wanted to see the world and he eventually did just that. He never really says he regrets going out and seeing the world or anything. It was a good thing for him and he appreciated what he was able to see as a young man, but you can tell that the loss of his wife over it is something that has always dragged on him.

Cyd wants to sell the dance studio to some developers who want to revamp the town so she can take that money to work towards becoming a child psychologist. This film does have some of the standard big business evil/we need to defend our small towns nonsense that you see in other Hallmark movies, but here it’s really out of place. Especially when that isn’t the reason Tanner isn’t ready to just sign over his half of the studio. We find out two things as the film progresses. One, now that Cyd’s mother is gone and seeing as she appears to be on a similar trajectory to leaving town the way he did, he wants to take it slow to make sure they all have a real grasp on the situation. In particular, why the mother essentially grabbed him out of her past and forced him into the current situation via the will. He doesn’t take that lightly. We also find out that Tanner likes to dance.

And honestly, that really sums up the movie. There isn’t a whole lot to talk about with this film. Hallmark movies don’t really have the time and money to spend on having a plot driven story, but that doesn’t seem to stop them by trying to maximize plot and minimize the amount of character development needed to crank out a movie. This time they really did try to go the character driven route with this studio that almost exists outside time as a centerpiece of the film in a similar way that the film Love, Again did with the bridge.

Throughout the film we get closer to Tanner as we see him teach more of the dance classes and in conversations with Downey. All the while, Cyd tries to come to grips with this turning point in her life while her fiancee is always on her side. He always stays on her side. I remember him having a scene at the end of the film that was similar to a scene the father had in the recent South Korean film Marriage Blue. In that film, an older man’s daughter is going to get married but she hides a much more wild side of herself from a lot of people, including her father. She shows up to tell him the truth. At first we think we’re going to get the response you often see in movies where someone comes out as being gay to their parents and in turns out they already knew, but not quite. He’s just happy for her, is a little surprised she bothered keeping it a secret, and is a little ticked off that his future son-in-law has known more about his daughter than him this whole time. Zach has a similar moment where he isn’t happier or sad for her when she decides to keep the studio. As long as she was being true to herself, then he’s happy to be right there with her.

One other thing I want to mention is a scene actor John Schneider has near the end. It’s a sweet and understated conversation he has with Downey.

He basically pours his heart out here about everything he has been thinking about concerning the whole situation and why he is ready to walk away now if it is necessary. It’s a nice and well done piece of acting that you usually don’t see in these Hallmark movies.

My final verdict on this one is that I do recommend it. There are little things I would have tweaked like the big business threat thing which was just out of place, but it’s still one of the good ones as far as Hallmark goes.

Clearly though, the only thing missing from this movie was Billy Idol singing at their wedding.

And okay, I know you saw the title and I mentioned music so you all probably expected it. Here’s Ballroom Blitz by Sweet.

Hallmark Review: On the Twelfth Day of Christmas (2015, dir. Harvey Crossland)

Posted on January 2, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

Well, I was gonna review a Late Night Cable movie next, but unfortunately I watched Serena The Sexplorer (2013). It was horrible! Same writer and director as the also terrible Monster Of The Nudist Colony. *Shudders*

So instead I watched the next Hallmark movie on my DVR. The movie opens and we meet our two leads in college. This is Mitch (Robin Dunne).

This is Maggie (Brooke Nevin).

This lady reminds me of a online friend I met about 6 years ago who also used to work as a small town reporter like this character will. By the way, she runs a great movie blog over at Comet Over Hollywood. One of the most wonderful people I know online and a far better writer than I will ever be. But back to the movie.

She needs to get home for Christmas and he agrees to give her a ride home so she doesn’t miss it despite the storm. They get stuck in a traffic jam along the way so they can spend some time together to setup the plot for later in the movie. One little problem here. They are clearly just sitting in a car that isn’t moving which isn’t uncommon in movies, but when they say they are going to get off the highway it immediately cuts to them getting out of a stationary car. The movie really could have benefitted by a shot of the car going onto an offramp before that shot. Well, they make snow angels, build a snowman, and ride a toboggan. Finally, he gets her home and before you can say When Harry Met Sally (1989), it cuts to 10 years later.

We are now in a small town called Harrison. And by Harrison they mean Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.

Also, they go a little northeast to Toronto.

By the way, it’s nice to know that Murder, She Baked: A Plum Pudding Mystery also took place in Harrison.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas (2015)

Maggie is now a small town newspaper reporter and subscriptions are down so the head of the paper informs them the paper will be joining the Wrightsbridge family of publications. Those damn kids and their Internet that no newspaper makes heavy use of and never makes all their reporters have social media accounts. They now need to be at their best. Maggie turns on the radio…

and either she is thinking her life might turn into Ron Howard’s The Paper (1994) and she too will have to ask why the bullet came out of the wall or she recognizes the name Mitch O’Grady.

Mitch has moved to the small town of Harrison from L.A. to be a disc jockey. He is a bit of a Scrooge when it comes to Christmas. He doesn’t want to play any Christmas music because he thinks it’s overplayed on the radio during the season. Tell me about it! And much to my surprise the film will treat him respectfully. We will kindly be taken through a series of events that culminate with us finding out why Christmas is a painful time for him now. Oh, and notice the sweet three monitor setup he has there complete with the monitor on the far right that I believe is using Audacity. Not sure what the other monitors are showing, but it doesn’t matter cause all you need to remember is there are three of them and the monitor on the right has nothing underneath it.

Oh, and kudos to the production crew for a well faked website.

Now Maggie is having lunch when of course Mitch comes in and joins her to catch up. Unfortunately, the local flirt shows up to hit on Mitch. You can tell how important she is because I am not even going to include a screenshot of her. Maggie goes home and gets a brilliant idea. The title of the movie mentions the 12 days of Christmas so she’s going to send 12 gifts to Mitch as a Secret Santa. They are inspired by the things they did together on their way to her home 10 years prior.

Back at work a guy from the parent company shows up and I thought he was going to be like the “evil” reporter from The Note, but nope. He’s barely in the movie and very reasonable. He’s just there to drop the line that people like personal interest stories so that she will let the Secret Santa thing go further than she probably should.

Meanwhile, back at Mitch’s office. Somebody has moved his far left monitor to the far right and put a book under it.

The first gift comes and it’s the eyes he and Maggie used 10 years prior to make a snowman. And this is Rita (Geri Hall).

She will be your Beth from NewsRadio for the movie, but more useful and less annoying. Oh, and his monitor’s are back the way he likes them.

Now Mitch decides to talk about the Secret Santa thing on the radio, turns out KCNQ is a “bronze-level” advertiser with the paper, and the presents are now on the radio’s website. There’s your setup. She keeps sending him stuff, there are red herrings about who could be the Secret Santa, and they spend time together because she needs to cover the story for the paper. One more thing, I forgot that each present comes with instructions of what he is to do with the present. For example, make a snowman to use the eyes on. Of course Maggie is more than willing to help out.

He eventually figures it out and does the third act misunderstanding bit before things turnaround for the best. While Maggie pouts, we get a cameo we all knew was coming.

That’s right! A cameo appearance by the can of Folgers coffee from The Nine Of Christmas.

The Nine Lives Of Christmas (2014)

Okay, nobody expected it, but there it is.

Seeing as I did like this one, I won’t spoil why he is a bit of Christmas grumpus. It’s a standard Hallmark cliche, but I won’t say. This was reasonably well acted, it didn’t have its characters act in weird unexplainable ways, none of that Christmas Land crap, and it knew it was a small scale story and made it fit that format.

However, there is one thing I want to know. I mean aside from why he suddenly only has two monitors near the end of the movie with the book back under the far right one. I thought people who break into places to rearrange furniture only existed in the movie A Chorus Line (1985). Must be the same person who did it in 12 Gifts Of Christmas.

What I want to know is where was actor Don Allison in this movie? He is credited as playing Mitch’s father, but I didn’t see him. Don Allison is the actor from Christmas Magic that in his few minutes of screen time gave a real heartfelt performance with barely two words. If anyone knows, then please tell me because I didn’t see him.

This isn’t an amazing Hallmark movie, but it’s a nice little story that one could certainly sit through the next time it comes around on Hallmark. I do recommend it.

Adventures in Cleaning Out The DVR: Stolen From The Suburbs (dir by Alex Wright)

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After I watched 16 and Missing, it was time to continue cleaning out my DVR by watching Stolen From The Suburbs. Stolen From The Suburbs is a Lifetime film that originally aired on August 30th and I’m not sure why I missed watching it the first time that it aired.

If I had to describe Stolen From The Suburbs in one word, it would be intense. From the opening scene, in which two homeless teenagers are forcibly abducted by a man who pretended to be from a charitable organization to the film’s final violent stand-off, this is one intense film. While it has all the usual Lifetime tropes — rebellious daughter, overwhelmed single daughter, untrustworthy men, and hints of real-world significance — Stolen From The Suburbs is a hundred times more intense than your average Lifetime film. Indeed, this is one of the rare Lifetime films that ends without the hint that everything is going to be okay. While there are hugs at the end, there is no reassuring coda. The emotional and physical damage inflicted in Stolen From The Suburbs feels real and has real consequences.

Widowed Katherine (Cynthia Watros) and her teenager daughter, Emma (Sydney Sweeney), has just moved to the suburbs. Katherine is a loving mother and Emma is a good daughter, the type who even turns down a beer on the beach because she told her mother that she wouldn’t drink. However, when Emma meets the cute (and asthmatic) Adam (Nick Roux), she starts to resent her mother’s overprotectiveness. When Katherine finally says that she doesn’t want Emma hanging out with Adam, Emma responds by sneaking out of the house and never returning.

Desperately searching for her daughter, Katherine goes down to the mall and finds Emma’s cell phone tossed away in a dumpster. When she calls the police, Katherine tells them that Emma has been kidnapped. The unsympathetic detectives ask her if Emma has a history of running away and basically prove themselves to be useless. (The cops are always useless in a Lifetime film.) Katherine teams up with Anna Fray (Brooke Nevins), a missing persons activist, to find Emma.

What Anna tells Katherine is terrifying. Anna explains that teenage girls have been vanishing all over town. The police assume that they are runaways and make no effort to find them. In reality, though, the girls are being sold as sex slaves.

And that’s exactly what happened to Emma. Emma and several other teenage girls have been abducted and are now locked in a cage. In just a few days, they will be auctioned off to the highest bidder. Overseeing the entire operation is Milena (Oliva d’Abo).

As played by d’Abo, Milena is one of the great Lifetime villains. As she explains it, she was kidnapped herself and sold as a sex slave. However, she has now managed to take over the operation and takes obvious pleasure in putting others through the same torture that she suffered. Playing the role with an ever present smirk and a haughty cruelty, Olivia d’Abo is absolutely chilling as Milena.

Also giving a great performance is Cynthia Watros. (You may remember her as Libby on Lost.) Watros makes Katherine’s pain and desperation feel incredibly real and when she finally confronts Milena, it’s absolutely riveting.

Stolen From The Suburbs is an excellent Lifetime film. Keep an eye out for it!