Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops continue to expect to be taken seriously.

Episode 1.2 “First Shoot”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on March 9th, 1996)

It’s a busy time for the bicycle cops of Santa Monica.

Elvis (David Lander), the bicycle repairman who speaks with an indecipherable accent, is paranoid because a group of Bulgarian men are wandering the beach and asking if anyone knows where they can find him.  It turns out that the men are not dangerous but instead, they are the members of Bulgaria’s Olympic bicycling team.  They want Elvis to be their official team repairman.  However, Elvis previously had an affair with the girlfriend of one of the Olympians so he declines the offers.  He prefers the glamour of California.

Meanwhile, a pickpocket is robbing people on the boardwalk.  When he makes the mistake of grabbing the wallet of an old Italian man named Mr. Tataglia (Joseph Campanella), Tataglia goes to Lt. Palermo and explains that he wants the wallet back because it contains a picture of his wife.  He would consider it a matter of personal respect if Palermo retrieved the wallet and he promises to repay the favor.  Fortunately, the brave bicycle cops do catch the pickpocket.  Mr. Tataglia watches from a distance and nods.  I guess Mr. Tataglia is meant to be a mobster.  Believe it or not, not all Italians are in the Mafia.  I’m a fourth-Italian and I’m fairly sure that side of my family is not mob-related.

While that’s going on, Chris and Del Toro ride their bikes out to a film set and provide security for a spoiled movie star named Scott Magruder (Bojesse Christopher).  Chris is the one who has a crush on Magruder but it’s Del Toro who is seduced by the prospect of fame.  When Magruder gives Del Toro a line in the movie, Del Toro has visions of movie stardom in his head.  But then the scene gets cut.  Sorry, Del Toro, looks like you’re just going to have to spend the rest of your life riding around the beach on a Schwinn like a dumbass.  Scott later gets arrested in a bar fight but it turns out it was a publicity stunt.  Chris is saddened to learn that celebs aren’t as likable in real life as they are in the gossip pages.  Myself, I’m just wondering why Chris has gone from being the smart and driven character that she was in the pilot to being a total airhead just one episode later.

Finally, Cory and the bike cops help the real cops bust a group of drug dealers.  Cory shoots an aspiring rapper named Rasheed (Jeremiah Birkett).  Rasheed claims that he didn’t have a gun.  Cory is determined to prove that he did.  Apparently, this was the first time that Cory ever shot anyone.  Strangely, it doesn’t seem to rattle her at all that she nearly ended someone else’s life.  I mean, it seems like most people would have a more emotional reaction to nearly killing a man, even if that guy was a criminal with a gun.  Cory, however, is cool and calm and kind of creepy about it.  It’s established that Cory comes from a family of cops so maybe that’s why the shooting doesn’t faze her.

There was a lot going on in this episode.  Actually, there was probably too much going on.  This is only the second episode of the show and it’s not like any of the characters have really developed much of an individual personality.  Everyone is still pretty much interchangeable.  As a result, none of the action in this show carried much of an emotional impact.  The characters are all still strangers to me.

Maybe things will improve next week.

(Seriously, let’s hope so!  I’ve got a lot of episodes to make my way through before I’m done with Pacific Blue.)