Brian Farrell | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time set sail for adventure!

Episode 5.28 “A Dress To Remember”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on May 8th, 1982)

This week’s episode features three stories and one dress.

The dress, a lovely blue gown, is brought on board by diet doctor Dr. Alfred Farney (Kelly Monteith), who claims that his “muskmullet” diet will lead to Donna Baker (Markie Post) losing 10 pound by the end of the cruise. The proof will be that Donna will be able to fit into the dress. Alfred’s former partner-turned-rival Dr. Tucker Martin (Lyle Waggoner) is also on the ship and his plan is to tempt Donna into eating so much that she’ll instead gain 11 pounds and the dress will rip. Boooo! Shame on both of those doctors! Seriously, Donna looks miserable for the entire cruise. That said, despite the efforts of Dr. Martin, Donna still loses the weight …. in fact, she loses even more than 10 pounds. She loses 11! Doctors Farney and Martin agree to partner up again and Donna, who looks like she’s about to faint, suggests that they celebrate over pizza. The doctors make some money and Donna gets an eating disorder but at least the dress looks good.

That dress goes through a lot over the course of one episode. For some reason, Gopher and Isaac have been tasked with keeping it safe. Why would you trust those two with something important? Actually, Isaac is usually pretty smart and Gopher’s actually been behaving a bit more like a professional than usual this season so I guess they were just having an off-cruise.

Norman Lomax (Bob Denver) wears the dress (and a wig) to keep his ex-father-in-law, Tom (Forrest Tucker), from recognizing him. Tom must be an idiot because Bob Denver in a wig and dress still looks and sounds like Bob Denver. Norman’s ex-wife, Nancy (Brianne Leary), is also on the cruise. Norman tries to win her back.

Finally, Tom falls for Rosie Strickland (Eleanor Parker), who makes her living selling flowers to people boarding the cruise. When Rosie’s daughter (Catherine Parkes,) shows up, Rosie doesn’t want her to know that Rosie isn’t rich. So, the Captain gives her the dress to wear and helps Rosie pretend to be a rich woman. Fortunately, it turns out that Rosie’s daughter loves her regardless of whether or not she’s rich. And so does Tom!

Myself, I’m a little bit concerned by the fact that the Captain just gave away a piece of clothing that belonged to one of the passengers. That doesn’t really seem very professional and it kind of goes against everything that we know about Captain Stubing. He’s a good man but he’s not exactly a rule-breaker. That said, everything works out in the end. Stubing even gets to perform a triple wedding.

The third story, I actually liked it. It’s heart was in the right place, even if it was basically just a remake of Lady For a Day. Eleanor Parker actually gave a really good performance, finding some much needed reality in Rosie’s character. The other two stories were pretty forgettable (or, in Bob Denver’s case, annoying) but Eleanor Parker’s story made up for both of them, making this a very nice and ultimately rather touching cruise.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, we start season 3 of Highway to Heaven!

Episodes 3.1 and 3.2 “A Special Love”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 24th and October 1st, 1986)

The third season of Highway to Heaven opens with a two-parter.

A Special Love is centered around Jonathan and Mark working at the Special Olympics and meeting a developmentally disabled child named Todd Bryant (played by a 15 year-old Paul Walker …. yes, that Paul Walker). Given up by his parents (who only did so when told by their doctors that they would never be able to give Todd the care that he needed), Todd lives in a group home and desperately wants to be a part of a family. Can Mark and Jonathan help Todd find the confidence to compete in the Special Olympics? Can they reunite Todd with his older brother (played by none other than Josh Brolin), who just happens to be a coach with the Special Olympics? And can they make his dream of being adopted come true? You already know the answers. This is Highway to Heaven, after all.

This is also a Scotty episode. Scotty (played by James Troesh) is a paraplegic attorney who is married to Mark’s cousin, Diane (Margie Impert). Scotty and Diane appeared in several episodes during the first three seasons of Highway to Heaven. Every Scotty episode follows the same basic pattern. Mark and Jonathan drop in on Scotty and Diane. Scotty is feeling happy and optimistic about his future. Then, something happens that derails whatever Scotty’s latest plan is. Scotty gets upset and tells everyone to leave him alone. Diane says that she can’t deal with him anymore. While Mark comforts Diane, Jonathan tells Scotty to stop feeling for himself. Scotty eventually apologizes. Everything works out in the end.

Though the Scotty episodes were always predictable, I do think that Highway to Heaven deserved some credit for never turning Scotty into a saint. Too many films and television shows tend to use disabled characters as idealized props who exists only to impress everyone with their upbeat attitude and homespun wisdom. They show up. They say a few words of wisdom that serve to inspire the lead character. And then they’re never seen again. They often exist only to help the star and their lives are never explored beyond how the lead character relates to them. Scotty, on the other hand, was frequently angry about being a paraplegic. Even when his life was going well, Scotty would get understandably frustrated. Scotty was not always perfect. He made mistakes, just like anyone else would have. What’s important is that, in the end, he always tried to do the right thing. James Troesch, a real-life paraplegic, was not the best actor in the world but, as was so often the case with Highway to Heaven, he played the role with such sincerity that it didn’t matter that he often sounded stiff while delivering his lines. He brought a lot of humanity to the role.

In this episode, Scotty is upset because he has just learned that he and Diane will never be able to have children. When both Jonathan and Diane suggest adopting Todd, Scotty bitterly refuses. Scotty claims that, due to his disability, he wouldn’t be able to properly take care of Todd. However, when Todd announces that he’s going to win a race at the Special Olympics to prove that he’s worthy of being adopted, Scotty realizes that he’s just using his disability as an excuse to not face up to his own fears. Scotty and Diane decide to adopt Todd. Unfortunately, Todd’s parents suddenly decide that they don’t want another family to adopt Todd. They want Todd to say in the group home where he is currently living. It leads to a teary-eyed courtroom showdown. It also leads to a happy ending. Again, was there ever any doubt?

The story may have been melodramatic but this was still a touching episode and a good example of how Highway to Heaven‘s earnest sincerity helped the show overcome plot twists that could have been mawkish in the wrong hangs. The first hour is especially touching, as it’s largely a tribute to the Special Olympics and the athletes involved. There’s a lot of negative things that can be said about the Kennedy family and their impact on American political culture but Eunice Kennedy Shriver deserves all of the credit and praise in the world for founding the Special Olympics. This episode did make me cry and it earned every tear.