October True Crime: Karla (dir by Joel Bender)


When it comes to true crime cases, few are as disturbing as the story of Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka.

Paul and Karla were a young, married couple who lived in Ontario.  They were both attractive.  They were both popular.  They were both superficially charming, in the style of someone who you might have taken a class with but the only thing you can really remember about them is their smile.  And they were both killers.  Paul Bernardo, a wannabe rapper who had previously made his money by smuggling cigarettes and who was also a serial rapist, murdered at the least three teenage girls, including Karla’s sister, Tammy.  When Paul was arrested, Karla told prosecutors that she had helped Paul with his murders but only because he threatened and abused her.  Prosecutors, perhaps moved by a picture that Karla’s friend took of her bruised face after one of Paul’s beatings, made a deal with her for her testimony.  In return for testifying against Paul Bernardo, Karla was convicted only of manslaughter and given a 12-year prison sentence.  (She was 23 at the time and would only be 35 when released from prison, assuming that she served the full sentence.)  However, during the trial, video tapes of the murders were uncovered and showed that Karla had been a far more active participant in the murders than she had originally admitted.  That included the murder of her sister, Tammy.

There were calls to rescind Karla’s plea bargain and to try her for murder but since her plea bargain had only required her to provide enough evidence to convict Paul, it was ruled that she had upheld her end of the bargain.  While Paul Bernardo is currently serving his life sentence, Karla Homolka is now free and living somewhere in Canada.

Needless to say, the case drew international attention, both due to the circumstances of Karla’s plea bargain and also to Paul and Karla’s image of being the “Ken and Barbie Of Serial Killers.”  It’s a case that continue to haunt Canada, an example of how the accused was ultimately treated with more respect than the victims.  For her part, Karla continues to claim that it was all Paul and that she was forced into helping.  Paul claims that he and Karla were equal partners and that the actual murders were all committed by Karla.  Personally, I think they’re both lying.

2006’s Karla stars Laura Prepon as Karla Homolka.  The film opens with her already in prison and being interviewed by a psychiatrist (Patrick Bauchau) who has been assigned to determine if there’s a risk of her reoffending.  As Karla tells her story, we see flashbacks of Karla’s life with Paul (Misha Collins).  Prepon and Collins are both chillingly believable as the soulless Paul and Karla.  Laura Prepon plays Karla as being a narcissistic sociopath who is incapable of understand that she’s not the victim in this story.  I imagine that Prepon’s performance probably captures the essence of the real Karla, even if Prepon doesn’t really look like her.

That said, the film itself is largely a surface level exploration of the case.  The film’s script attempts to maintain some ambiguity as to whether or not Karla Homolka was a voluntarily participant in the murders or if she actually was just too scared of Bernardo to stop him.  Prepon plays her as being a sociopath but the script still tries to play both sides of the debate and, as a result, the film falls flat.  The film may be called Karla but it doesn’t really get into her head and, as a result, it has all the depth of an Investigative Discovery special.  In the end, the film feels like it’s trying to exploit the notoriety around a famous case without taking a firm position on the case’s biggest controversy.  When it comes to the crimes of Karla Homolka, that’s not an option.

Cleaning Out the DVR Yet Again #11: 400 Days (dir by Matt Osterman)


(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR!  It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet.  So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR!  She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Wednesday, November 30th!  Will she make it?  Keep checking the site to find out!)

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I recorded 400 Days off of the SyFy channel on November 6th.  Apparently, it got a very brief theatrical run earlier in the year.  Yeah, I don’t remember it either…

400 Days stars Dane Cook as an astronaut!?  Oh my God, that sounds like a formula for intergalactic, kinda-edgy-but-not-really wackiness!  Oh, and this film features Dane and three other astronauts locked in a simulator for 400 Days!?  Wow, I bet Dane will be driving them crazy with all sorts of wacky frat boy antics!

Well, no, not quite.  400 Days is actually an extremely serious film, one that doesn’t seem to have much use for what the rest of us would call humor.  In anticipation of future exploration of space, NASA arranges for four astronauts to be put into an underground bunker for 400 days.  The idea is that they’ll be able to study the effects of complete isolation and confinement but, naturally, things soon start to get weird.

For instance, Dvorack (that would be Dane Cook’s role) is this alpha male who is kind of a jerk and he’s always throwing his weight around and giving orders and looking down on his more scientifically inclined colleagues.  At one point, Dvorack stares at himself in a mirror and imagines his face falling apart.  AGCK!

And then there’s Bug (Ben Feldman), who is an emotionally unstable scientist who is still struggling to deal with being separated from his son.  (His son may be dead.  There’s a scene in a hospital but I’m not sure if it was a flashback or a hallucination or what.)  Bug is soon locking himself away in his room and drawing a maze on the wall.  Maybe he’s mad because everyone keeps calling him Bug.  It’s not a flattering nickname.

And then there’s Captain Cooper (Brandon Routh) and Dr. McTier (Caity Lotz).  Cooper and McTier used to go out but then they broke up two weeks before the start of the experiment.  Wow, that sounds like a formula for awkward relationship comedy!  Just wait until Dane Cook starts flirting with McTier and snarkily challenging Cooper’s authority…

Oh wait — sorry.  This is a serious movie.   A very serious movie.

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Anyway, after about two weeks in the bunker, the four astronauts hear a loud explosion above them.  Has something happened on the outside!?  Or is it just a part of the experiment?

And then, 300+ days later, an emaciated man emerges from an air vent!  Finally convinced that something has happened on the outside, the four astronauts leave the bunker and discover that the Earth is a now a dark and windy place that is covered with dust.  There’s a dilapidated town nearby.  It’s apparently run by a mysterious man named Zell (Tom Cavanagh as the most unlikely war lord since Hugh Grant showed up in Cloud Atlas).

But again — is this real or is this just a part of the experiment?

It’s an intriguing question but I’m going to warn you not to expect an answer.  While I don’t want to spoil the film for anyone, I do feel like I have an obligation to let you know that this film ends on a note of very deliberate ambiguity.  It’s the exact type of ending that tends to get on people’s nerves.  As I watched 400 Days off of my DVR, I did a twitter search to find out what some of my friends thought about this film when it originally aired.

https://twitter.com/ggfletcher/status/795099413098229761

With all that in mind, I will now cautiously admit that I didn’t hate 400 Days.  While I thought the execution left a lot to be desired, I kind of liked the idea behind the film.  The problem with the film’s ending was not that it was ambiguous as much as it hadn’t really earned the right to be ambiguous.  If you’re going to go with an open ending, you have to provide enough clues and details that the audience can still have an opinion about what actually happened after the end credits rolled.  As oppose to something like Inception or Upstream Color, 400 Days didn’t really didn’t build up to its enigmatic conclusion.  Unearned ambiguity just feels like narrative laziness.

That said, I liked the design of the bunker and, as I said before, I liked the idea of watching these four characters trying to figure out what’s real and what’s a hallucination.  Dane Cook did okay with his role, though ultimately he was still just Dane Cook trying to be serious.  However, Brandon Routh and Caity Lotz did well, despite both being saddled with rather underdeveloped roles.

400 Days wasn’t that terrible…

Hallmark Review: The Nine Lives Of Christmas (2014, dir. Mark Jean)


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Gotta admit, I was worried when I started this movie up. No, not because Mark Jean directed it. I was worried because it was written by Nancey Silvers. Nancey Silvers is the one who brought us the scripts for A Country Wedding and The Color Of Rain. But, it turned out to be decent.

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The movie opens up and we meet Zachary Stone played by Brandon Routh. Yep, the abandoned 2006 Superman himself. The firehouse he works at is putting together one of those hunk calendar things. Even the photographer hits on him.

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Now we meet Marilee White (Kimberly Sustad). She’s a veterinarian student and works at a pet store.

He finds a cat named Ambrose. She is a cat lover herself, but her landlady has a strict no pet policy so she has to hide it. Although we don’t see the bar graph for it like we did in The Wish List, it does look like there’s a high probability she’s going to eat a whole tub of ice cream.

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They meet at a grocery store and either I’m going crazy and seeing it everywhere at this point, or that is the boom mic popping in from the top of the frame.

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There honestly isn’t much to this story. I mean there is some product placement like this.

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They make sure you get a good look at that Folgers coffee. There’s also this rather unfortunate line.

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Finally, trying to figure out where this movie is supposed to take place and this shot not helping matters.

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Some shots will say Portland and others will say Jamestown. Luckily, the filmmakers left in this shot…

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in case we really wanted to know this was shot in Fort Langley, British Columbia, Canada. Or at least that one scene was done there.

Otherwise, what you have here is a straightforward, but well acted enough standard Hallmark romance. Just add cats. I mean he’s dating a girl who’s a stuck up female dog. She’s tossed aside pretty quickly. Marilee’s friend does put her on a dating site, but they don’t do anything with that. They keep spending time together, so do their cats, and eventually they end up together.

Well, there is this with the dating site.

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Uh, doesn’t that mean she has selected she is a man? I mean given there is no other part to that profile page that indicates her gender and it is above the “Looking for a:” box.

There’s really only one problem I had. This film kind of ends, but still has running time left. She hangs up some mistletoe hoping for a kiss from him. He cleverly pretends to not see it for a bit, then swoops in and kisses her. They are already living together at this point. The movie should end there, but it doesn’t. Instead, she mistakenly thinks he went out with some blonde, they’re apart for a bit, and then they find each other again. It should have ended on the kiss, whether that meant stopping the film where it occurred or moving that scene later into the film. It’s an unnecessary last minute speed bump.

That’s a minor complaint. There isn’t anything special here, but I liked the two leads and believed they actually liked each other. This movie even did the moving focus from one actor to another pretty much right. You’d think that is a given, but not in Hallmark movies. Sometimes they move the focus too slow and it gives you time to dwell on the change when there’s no reason to. This movie doesn’t do that.

Sorry there isn’t more to say. At least we can leave it on a shot that makes Brandon Routh look like he’s a psycho with a sign that says “Merry Christmas” behind him!

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A Quickie Review: Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (dir. by Kevin Munroe)


Yesterday, I called into work because my asthma was acting up and, in order to pass the time, I watched Dylan Dog: Dead of NightTo be honest, I probably should have just risked having another asthma attack and spent 108 minutes at work, answering the phone.  It would have been a more productive use of my day.

Dylan Dog is based (quite loosely) on the same Italian comic book that inspired one of the best Italian horror films of all time, Dellamorte Dellamore.  Brandon Routh gives a charisma-free performance as Dylan Dog, a New Orleans-based private investigator who is hired by a mysterious woman (Anita Briem) to investigate the circumstances of her father’s death.  It turns out her father was killed by a werewolf and fortunately, Dylan is apparently an expert on New Orleans’ supernatural underground, including the decadent vampires that are led by Taye Diggs (who, seriously, deserves better than this movie.)

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night plays less like a movie and more like a greatest hits collection of other, better movies (and tv shows).  We get werewolves and vampires going to war, we get an athletic blonde woman doing karate moves on a bunch of vampires, and we get a lot of casual decadence being committed by vampires who speak with Southern accents that just drip molasses.  Now, I love True Blood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of the shows that gave me the strength to survive a lot of hard times, and I’ve even got a girlcrush on Kate Beckinsale as a result of Underworld.  But I’ve also got all of those wonderful shows on DVD.  I can see them whenever I want.  I didn’t spend $5.00 to rent Dylan Dog OnDemand just so I could see Dylan become the millionth film hero to walk in slow motion while firing two guns at the same time.

By all accounts, the film’s version of Dylan Dog has very little in common with the comic book version of Dylan Dog.  It’s hard for me to say for sure because, while I’ve read and heard a lot about the Dylan Dog comic, I’ve never actually read it.  Even if I could get my hands on a copy, it wouldn’t be much help since I’m not exactly fluent in Italian.  This is what I assume to be true, strictly based on my own research:

1) The comic book Dylan Dog is a melancholy character who, despite dealing with the supernatural on a regular basis, also suffers from several irrational phobias of his own.  The movie’s Dylan Dog is a blank-faced mannequin who utters useless quips and appears, in the tradition of American movie heroes, to have no fear. 

2) The comic book Dylan Dog has an assistant who is a Groucho Marx imitator.  The American Dylan Dog has an assistant who is a zombie.  That assistant is well-played by Sam Huntington and he actually does have a few good moments but it’s still impossible to watch him and not wish he was a Groucho Marx imitator.  (In the film’s defence, it appears that the Marx estate took legal action to prevent Groucho’s likeness from being used in the film.) 

3) The comic book Dylan Dog lives in London.  The movie Dylan Dog lives in New Orleans for absolutely no reason other than these movies always seem to be based in New Orleans.  Seriously, New Orleans is one of the most overrated cities in America.

4) Finally, the comic book Dylan Dog is one of the most popular cult heroes in Europe.  The movie Dylan Dog is the subject of one of the biggest cinematic flops of 2011.

It’s really hard to know what to say about a film like Dylan Dog other than the fact that it’s really, really bad.  In fact, I’m tempted to call it the worst of 2011 so far but, after giving it a lot of thought, I decided that title still belongs to The Conspirator.  Unlike The Conspirator, Dylan Dog isn’t a pompous film, it’s just a very, very lazy one. 

I think the best thin to say in regards to Dylan Dog: Dead of Night is that it might inspire viewers to seek out and watch Dellamorte Dellamore.  Now, that’s a film.