Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.8 “The Smile In The Third Row”

Posted on May 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark head to Broadway!

Episode 2.8 “The Smile In The Third Row”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 20th, 1985)

Fred Fusco (Lorne Greene) is a veteran actor who is appearing in a Broadway play. In the play, Fred plays a man who learns that he’s about to die. During the third act, Fred’s character actually does die and Fred ends the play with a monologue about owning the choices he made in his life before he ascends into Heaven (via a harness).

It’s a depressing play and the theater is usually half-empty whenever Fred performs. But one night, Fred claims that he spotted God sitting in the third row. Fred also says that God really enjoyed the show. When the news get out, the play becomes a huge success as audiences turn out to see a play endorsed by God. Fred becomes a huge celebrity and befriends a terminally ill boy who promises to say hi to God when he goes to Heaven. However, when Fred starts to talk about leaving his fortune to charity, both his sister (Mary Ann Gibson) and his nephew (David L. Lander) conspire to have him committed.

Fred also happens to be Jonathan and Mark’s later assignment. Mark gets a job at the theater while Jonathan puts on a collar and becomes Father Jonathan. While Mark is convinced that Fred is actually seeing God, Jonathan is skeptical because Jonathan doesn’t see God in the theater. Why, Jonathan asks, would God reveal himself to an actor but not an angel? There’s an interesting subtext here, as it quickly becomes obvious that Jonathan isn’t so much skeptical as he’s jealous. He even rather recklessly reveals to Fred that he’s an angel in his quest to convince Fred that he hasn’t actually seen God. Fred reveals that he’s willing to accept Jonathan’s word that he’s an angel but then asks why Jonathan is not willing to accept his word that he sees God in the theater.

Is God in the theater? At the end of the episode, Fred’s harness is broken but, at the end of the third act, he still ascends above the theater and then vanishes. The newspapers call it a hoax but the show suggests that, much like Elijah, he’s been assumed straight to Heaven. Is Fred meant to be a modern day Elijah? Would that therefore make his sister a modern-day Jezebel? Perhaps but, fortunately for her, she is never eaten by wild dogs.

As usual, there wasn’t much subtlety to be found in this episode of Highway to Heaven but it still worked surprisingly well. When Fred met the dying child, my first instinct was to roll my eyes at the obviousness of it all but those same eyes had tears in them by the time the scene was over. The episode benefitted greatly from Lorne Greene’s strong performance as Fred Fusco and Michael Landon’s strong portrayal of Jonathan’s mixed feelings about Fred’s claims. All in all, this was a strong episode.

The Conquering Hero: Baby Blue Marine (1976, directed by John D. Hancock)

Posted on July 7, 2018 by Jedadiah Leland

The year is 1943 and America is at war. All young men are expected to join the Marines and fight for their country but the Corps is not willing to accept just anyone. Marion (Jan-Michael Vincent) wants to continue a family tradition of service but, as his drill sergeant (Michael Conrad) puts it, Marion just is not pissed off enough to be a Marine. Marion is kicked out basic training and told to go home. He is given a blue uniform to wear on his jury so that anyone who sees him will know that he couldn’t cut it.

Ashamed of his failure and in no hurry to confront his family, Marion takes the long route home. While having a drink in California, he meets a Marine (Richard Gere) who did not get kicked out of basic training. Though not yet 30, this shell-shocked Marine already has a head of gray hair, which he says he got from the horrors of war. The Marine is due to return to the fighting in Europe but, upon meeting Marion, he sees a way out. When Marion gets drunk, the Marine knocks him out, switches uniforms with him, and goes AWOL.

When Marion comes to, he discovers that everyone that he meets now judges him by his new uniform. Strangers buy him drinks. Other servicemen try to pick fights with him. When he stops off in a small Colorado town, a local waitress (Glynnis O’Connor) falls in love with him and nearly everyone that he meets assumes that he must be a hero. Marion doesn’t exactly lie about his past. Instead, he simply allows people to believe whatever they want to believe about him. It seems like an idyllic situation until three prisoners from a nearby Japanese internment camp escape and the towns people expect Marion to help capture them.

Loosely plotted and sentimental, Baby Blue Marine is a dramatic version of Preston Sturges’s Hail The Conquering Hero. Though the film has a gentle anti-war message, it’s actually more about nostalgia for a simpler and more innocent time. If the film had been made at height of the Vietnam War, it might have been more angrier and more cynical. But, instead, this is one of the many post-Watergate films that wistfully looked back upon the past. When Marion settles into the town, he finds what appears to be a perfect and friendly home. Only the nearby internment camp and the town’s hysteria over the escape prisoners serve as reminders that things are never as ideal as they seem. Jan-Michael Vincent gives one of his best performances as the well-meaning Marion and actors like Richard Gere, Bert Remsen, Katherine Helmond, Dana Elcar, Michael Conrad, Bruno Kirby, and Art Lund all make strong impressions in small roles.

One of the few films to be produced by television mogul Aaron Spelling, Baby Blue Marine is not easy to find but worth the search.

A Movie A Day #33: Two-Minute Warning (1976, directed by Larry Peerce)

Posted on February 2, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

For the longest time, I thought that Two-Minute Warning was a movie about a gang of art thieves who attempt to pull off a heist by hiring a sniper to shoot at empty seats at the Super Bowl. As planned by a master criminal known as The Professor (Rossano Brazzi), the sniper will cause a riot and the police will be too busy trying to restore order to notice the robbery being committed at an art gallery that happens to be right next to the stadium.

I believed that because that was the version of Two-Minute Warning that would sometimes show up on television. Whenever I saw the movie, I always through it was a strange plan, one that had too many obvious flaws for any halfway competent criminal mastermind to ignore them. What if the sniper was captured before he got a chance to start shooting? What if a riot didn’t break out? The sniper spent the movie aiming at empty seats but, considering how many people were in the stadium, it was likely that he would accidentally shoot someone. Were the paintings really worth the risk of a murder charge?

Even stranger was that Two-Minute Warning was not only a heist film but it was also a 1970s disaster film. Spread out throughout the stadium were familiar character actors like Jack Klugman, John Cassevetes, David Janssen, Martin Balsam, Gena Rowlands, Walter Pidgeon, and Beau Bridges. It seemed strange that, once the shots were fired and Brazzi’s men broke into the gallery, all of those familiar faces vanished. When it comes to disaster movies, it is an ironclad rule that at least one B-list celebrity has to die. It seemed strange that Two-Minute Warning, with all those characters, would feature a sniper shooting at only empty seats. For that matter, why would there be empty seats at the Super Bowl?

That wasn’t the strangest thing about Two-Minute Warning, though. The strangest thing was that Charlton Heston was in the film, playing a police captain. In most of his scenes, he had dark hair. But, in the scenes in which he talked about the art gallery, Heston’s hair was suddenly light brown.

Recently, I watched Two-Minute Warning on DVD and I was shocked to discover that the movie on the DVD had very little in common with the movie that I had seen on TV. For instance, the television version started with the crooks discussing their plan to rob the gallery. The DVD version opened with the sniper shooting at a couple in the park. In the DVD version, there was no art heist. The sniper had no motive and no personality. He was just a random nut who opened fire on the Super Bowl. And, in the DVD version, he did not shoot at empty seats. Several of the characters who survived in the version that I saw on TV did not survive in the version that I saw on DVD.

What happened?

The theatrical version of Two-Minute Warning was exactly what I saw on the DVD. A nameless sniper opens fire and kills several people at the Super Bowl. In 1978, when NBC purchased the television broadcast rights for Two-Minute Warning, they worried that it was too violent and too disturbing. There was concern that, if the film was broadcast as it originally was, people would actually think there was a risk of some nut with a gun opening fire at a crowded event. (In 1978, that was apparently considered to be implausible.) So, 40 minutes of new footage was shot. Charlton Heston even returned to film three new scenes, which explains his changing hair color. The new version of Two-Minute Warning not only gave the sniper a motive (albeit one that did not make much sense) but it also took out all of the violent death scenes.

Having seen both versions of Two-Minute Warning, neither one is very good, though the theatrical version is at least more suspenseful than the television version. (It turns out that it was better to give the sniper no motive than to saddle him with a completely implausible one.) But, even in the theatrical version, the potential victims are too one-dimensional to really care about. Ultimately, the most interesting thing about Two-Minute Warning is that, at one time, an art heist was considered more plausible than a mass shooting.