Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

There’s been a murder but don’t worry.  The bike patrol is here.

Episode 1.4 “Over the Edge”

(Dir by Cory Michael Eubanks, originally aired on March 23rd, 1996)

“I need some personal time!” TC announces to Lt. Palermo after TC’s childhood friend, Todd (Dave Oliver), washes up dead on the beach.  It turns out that Todd was killed in a skydiving incident and TC doesn’t think it was an accident.  Todd jumped out of 700 planes without dying so obviously something is up.

(Really?  700?  Did he just spend a year jumping out of plane after plane?  700 is a HUGE number, especially when it comes to risking your life.)

TC’s partner, Chris, is shocked to discover that TC had a friend because apparently, he never mentioned Todd in the past.  Well, Chris, this is only the fourth episode so it’s not like you two have been partners for that long.  This is a weird episode because it assume that the audience has an emotional investment in TC despite the fact that we know next to nothing about him.  We know that TC rides a bicycle.  We know that he comes from a rich family.  And we know he hardly ever smiles because being on the bicycle patrol is suuuuuuuuch an important responsibility.  Otherwise, TC is just kind of a boring guy.  I’m sorry his friend died because I’m sorry when anyone dies but other than that, I don’t really have any emotional connection to any of this.

Anyway, it turns out that Todd fell in with a bunch of Australian extreme athlete types and they shoved him out of an airplane without a properly working parachute.  I’m sure there was a reason why but, for the most part, this episode is just an excuse for TC to look grim while doing the whole extreme sports thing.  I remember that, when I was growing up, you’d always hear all this breathless talk about how someone was doing “extreme sports” but then it would just turn out they were riding a unicycle or rolling down a hill.  Remember bike jousting, where people would joust while slowly riding bicycles and it looked totally stupid but everyone would still go, “Whoa!” while watching?  That was dumb.

Speaking of dumb, I’m still having a hard time taking the idea of cops on bicycles seriously.  Did the people who made this show not realize how stupid the cast looks rolling up and down the boardwalk in their crisp white shirts and blue shorts?  Seriously, it’s hard to take them seriously.  Baywatch was a dumb show but at least those red swimsuits were visually effective.  The bicycle cops on Pacific Blue just look like idiots, no matter how fast they try to peddle.

This show just seems silly right now.  I’ve got over a 100 episodes left to review so I hope things will get better.