Adrian Holmes | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1993’s The Only Way Out! It can be viewed on YouTube.

“I’ll kill you before I let you go,” Tony (Henry Winkler) says to his terrified girlfriend, Lynn (Stephanie Faracy).

Agck! Those are frightening words and they are certainly not something that you would expect to hear from a character played by notorious Hollywood nice guy Henry Winkler. And, indeed, it would probably shock most of the characters in the film if they knew how Tony talked to Lynn. Tony is a grad student who has worked at any number of jobs. While some people might say all of those jobs prove that Tony has a hard time sticking to anything, Tony has obviously learned how to convince people that he’s actually a just a determined man working his way through grad school and taking whatever job will help to pay the bills. Tony is friendly and romantic and given to grand gestures. He’s the type who shows up unexpectedly at Lynn’s place of employment with flowers. He’s the type of guy that strangers applaud while those close to him look for any way to escape.

Lynn knows all about the other side of Tony. Tony is controlling, obsessive, and abusive. He hits her. He barks orders at her kids. When she tells him that she wants him out of her life, he refuses to go and blames her for all of their problems. He’s someone who can quickly go from being everyone’s friend to being a monster. He preys on insecurity and, whenever anyone stands up to him, he plays the victim. Tony is a classic abuser and the fact that he’s played by the likable Henry Winkler makes him all the more disturbing. Like most abusers, Tony knows how to turn on the charm. He knows the power of a smile and a few complimentary words.

Lynn is in the process of getting divorced from an architect named Jeremy (John Ritter). It’s been a remarkably amicable divorce, with Jeremy and Lynn agreeing on joint custody and apparently not bearing any ill feelings towards one another. The only problem is that Lynn cannot bring herself to actually sign the divorce papers. Jeremy wants to marry Susannah (Julianne Phillips) and Susannah is not happy about the long wait. She’s even less happy when Jeremy takes it upon himself to try to protect Lynn from Tony. Soon, Tony is stalking Jeremy and Jeremy finds himself considering a particularly extreme solution to his problem.

It’s John Ritter vs Henry Winkler and the casting of two of Hollywood’s best-known nice guys as violent rivals works surprisingly well. Winkler is memorably unhinged while Ritter plays a guy who is struggling to hold onto a life that, until Tony shows up, seemed to be perfect. In the end, it’s not just Tony who catches us by surprise by just how far he’s willing to take things. The film’s ending took me by genuine surprise. Featuring excellent dramatic turns from two actors best known for their comedic skills, The Only Way Out is a superior melodrama.

A holiday slasher, 2001’s Valentine tells the story of five girls and the nosebleed-prone incel who has never forgiven them for not dancing with him in high school….

Well, no, actually, it’s a bit more serious than that. In high school, dorky Jeremy Melton asked four popular girls to dance with him at the Valentine’s Day dance. Shelley, Lilly, and Paige rejected him and were rather rude about it. Kate was polite and promised that maybe she would dance with him later. Only Dorothy agreed to dance with him but when Dorothy and Jeremy were subsequently discovered making out underneath the bleachers, Dorothy falsely claimed that Jeremy forced himself on her. School jock Joe beat up Jeremy and humiliated him in front of the entire school. Jeremy ended up in a reform school and was eventually sent to a mental institution.

Years later, everyone has grown up. Shelley (Katherine Heigl) is a medical student. Lily (Jessica Caufiel) is dating an artist named Max (Johnny Whitworth) and having to deal with Max’s angry ex, Ruthie (Heddy Burress). Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw) is insecure and dating the caddish Campbell (Daniel Cosgrove). Paige (Denise Richards) is still living her life as if she’s everyone’s favorite mean girl. And Kate (Marley Shelton) is in an on-and-off again relationship with Adam (David Boreanaz), a recovering alcoholic and writer. No one is really sure what has happened to Jeremy but when someone starts picking off the members of their group and they start to get morbid Valentines in the mail, everyone starts to wonder if maybe Jeremy has returned.

Of course, this group isn’t going to let the fact that a murderer is stalking them keep them from throwing a big Valentine’s party as Dorothy’s house. These are extremely stupid people, as you may have guessed. It’s a bit of an awkward party, largely because everyone is having relationship issues and Ruthie Walker shows up and yells at everyone. Things get even more awkward when the a killer wearing a cupid’s mask shows up and starts killing everyone at the party.

I always remember Valentine as being a really big deal when it was first released but, when I was doing a little research for this review, I discovered that Valentine was actually considered to be a flop at the box office. Maybe I just got in into my head that it was some sort of huge success because Valentine was one of those films that used to show up on Showtime constantly. I think I’ve seen the film’s ending over a hundred times, just while waiting for the next movie to start.

As far as slasher films go, it’s adequate without being particularly memorable. The killer is creepy but the victims are all so shallow that it’s difficult to have much sympathy for them. Probably the most interesting thing about this film is that all of the supporting characters are so strange and perverse that it almost feels as if they’ve wondered over from an old giallo film. This the type of film where everyone’s either an ex-addict or a notorious con artist or an underwear thief. Undoubtedly, the best supporting character is Ruthie Walker, if just because she’s the only character in the film who is willing to call out everyone on their shallowness. Unfortunately, Ruthie doesn’t come to a good end but she does get the best death scene in the film and, when it comes to something like Valentine, that has to be considered a triumph.

Anyway, Valentine ends with the set up for a sequel but it never happened. Valentine’s Day remains an awesome holiday! Don’t let any killer cupids ruin it for you.