Adam Storke | Through the Shattered Lens

Perry Mason (Raymond Burr) can’t even go to a wedding without someone getting killed! Kaitlynn Parrish (Heather McAdam) is the daughter of Max (Ronny Cox) and Diane Parrish (Diane Baker). Diane used to work for Perry and it’s implied that they used to be more than just colleagues. (I think that means that it is safe to assume that Kaitlynn is actually Perry’s daughter.) At the wedding, Alonzo Hawkes (Beau Starr), the uncle of the groom, gets into an argument with Max and accuses Max of embezzlement. Kaitlynn says she could kill Alonzo. A few hours later, Alonzo is found dead and Kaitlynn is arrested.

This was the 23rd Perry Mason television movie and it’s very predictable. I didn’t care much for the mystery or the scenes of Ken (William R. Moses) looking for clues. Once again, Ken gets in trouble with organized crime. It’s as if the movies ran out of plot lines for Ken so he just has to keep doing the same thing over and over again. All Ken really has to do is track down Suzy Richards (Merle Kennedy), a wedding crasher who witnessed the murder but it takes him forever to do it. Paul Drake, Jr. would have found her in the time it takes to snap your fingers.

I still recommend this one because of the cast. Along with Ronny Cox, the cast also includes Linda Blair, Paul Dooley, and musician Stephen Stills and they’re all really good. Paul Dooley plays the district attorney in this one. He really has no patience for Perry’s courtroom theatrics and Perry has a lot of them in this movie. It’s a good thing Perry was always able to get people to confess on the stand because otherwise, he probably would have gotten in a lot of trouble.

Highway to Hell, a low-budget take on the legend of Orpheus, opens with a young couple, Charlie (Chad Lowe) and Rachel (Kristy Swanson), driving to Las Vegas so they can elope. When they stop to get gas, Sam (Richard Farnsworth) warns them not to drive on the back roads at night. Charlie ignores him and the couple continues to drive through the desert until they are suddenly pulled over by Sgt. Bedlam (C.J. Graham), a scarred and mostly silent demon who is also known as the Hellcop. The Hellcop drags Rachel out of the car and then vanishes with her. Charlie returns to the gas station, where Sam tells him that Rachel has been kidnapped to Hell and will become Satan’s latest wife. After Sam gives him a shotgun and a car, Charlie heads into Hell to rescue Rachel.

Charlie discovers that Hell is even stranger than he was expecting. The highways are full of VW bugs and motorcycle gangs. Charlie passes a road crew made up of Andy Warhol look-alikes. (In a clever touch, they also work for the Good Intentions Company.) When Charlie stop to pick up a hitchhiker (played by Lita Ford), he is suddenly attacked by a crazed ice cream man. Occasionally, a friendly mechanic (Patrick Bergin) shows up and helps Charlie out. The mechanic’s first name is Beezle. Did you already guess that his last name is Bub?

There are parts of Highway To Hell that do not work. Chad Lowe seems lost as Charlie and Highway To Hell’s abrupt ending feels like it belongs in a totally different film. But Highway to Hell has enough odd characters and weird moments to make it worth watching. For instance, I liked the scene where the Hellcop stops off at a roadside diner that is full of zombies. Anne Meara plays the counterwoman who won’t stop talking long enough to take anyone’s order. (It is Hell, after all.) Jerry Stiller shows up as another cop and, finally, Ben Stiller plays a short order cook who won’t stop yelling. Ben Stiller actually plays two roles in this movie. Later, he shows up as Atillia the Hun, eating breakfast with Hitler (Gilbert Gottfried!) and Cleopatra (Amy Stiller). Hitler tries to convince them that he is actually a teenager named Bob and that he was sent to Hell accidentally.

Despite the film’s title, AC/DC is nowhere to be heard on the Highway to Hell soundtrack, which is obviously a missed opportunity. In fact, with the exception of Lita Ford’s cameo, there is no metal to be found in Hell which seems strange considering that this movie was made in 1991. Music aside, Highway to Hell is an entertaining journey into the underworld.