Demons (1985, dir by Lamberto Bava)
For today’s horror song of the day, we have Demon, a track from the soundtrack for the 1985 film, Demons. This song was composed and performed by Claudio Simonetti, who is best known as the keyboardist of Goblin.
The music video, incidentally, was directed by Michele Soavi, who also appeared in Demons as the mysterious masked man handing out free movie tickets.
This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films. I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.
Today, we continue with the 1930s.
4 Shots From 4 Horror Films
La Llorona (1933, dir by Ramon Peon)
The Invisible Man (1933, dir by James Whale)
Maniac (1934, dir by Dwain Esper)
The Bride of Frankenstein (1935, dir by James Whale)
The 1981 Canadian film, The Pit, tells the story of a creepy little jerk named Jamie Benjamin (Sammy Snyders).
Now, admittedly, Jamie is only twelve years old and, usually, I make allowances for bad behavior from people who aren’t old or mature enough to know better. But there’s just something off about Jamie. He comes across as creepy from the first minute he shows up, with his intense stare and his blonde bowl cut. He spends a lot of time in the woods, where he has discovered a hole in the ground. The hole is full of hungry creates that Jamie calls Trogs. Jamie regularly takes raw meat to the hole and tosses it in. Unlike all of the kids at school and his own parents, the Trogs are always happy to see Jamie.
It may sound like a bad idea to give meat to a bunch of monsters that you just happened to find in the woods but Teddy thinks it’s a good idea. Teddy is Jamie’s teddy bear. Teddy talks. Teddy has all sorts of ideas for how Jamie can get back at everyone who has ever made fun of him or left him feeling insecure. Why not just toss them into the pit? Is Teddy real or is he just in Jamie’s mind? The film tries go for some ambiguity. That said, the Trogs are definitely real so it’s not that difficult to go from accepting the idea of carnivorous monsters to buying into a talking teddy bear.
Jamie is entering puberty and his hormones are going crazy. When his parents leave for a trip, they hire a psychology student named Sandy O’Reilly (Jeannie Elias) to keep an eye on Jamie. Jamie develops a crush and soon becomes obsessed with Sandy. Jamie is the type of kid who pretends to drop something just so he can look up Sandy’s skirt. (Bad Jamie!) Despite Jamie’s crush on Sandy, he still steals money from her so that he can buy raw meat for the Trogs. When he can’t get any more meat, he starts tempting real people out to the woods and pushing them in. When he tells Sandy about the Trogs, she doesn’t believe him. He takes her to the pit and that’s when things really start to get bad….
The Pit is an odd little film, one that never quite settles on a tone. In the original script, the Trogs and Teddy’s advice were all meant to be in Jamie’s head and Jamie himself was only meant to be 9 years old. The horror elements were meant to be products of Jamie’s disturbed imagination and one can still see elements of that in the completed film. However, director Lew Lehman decided to make Jamie older, to leave no doubt that the Trogs were real, and to add a small amount of humor. As such, The Pit is a film that veers from being a horror film to being a somewhat depressing coming-of-age film to a somewhat mean-spirited comedy. Sammy’s behavior, which might have been understandable for a 9 year old, becomes even more creepy now that he’s a twelve year-old who still takes orders from a teddy bear.
It’s a confused film but Sammy Snyders gives one of the best creepy kid performances of all time and there’s something undeniably satisfying about the ending. As Jamie discovers, he’s not the only kid with a pit and teddy bear can only protect him for so long.
Despite the title, 1965’s Frankenstein Meets The Space Monster is not actually about Frankenstein or his monster.
Instead, the Frankenstein of the title is Frank Saunders (Robert Reilly), an astronaut who happens to be an android. Frank was created by Dr. Adam Steele (James Karen, in one of his first film roles). Frank is designed so that he can go into space without making any of the mistakes that a human astronaut might make. He’s the next stage in the space program! With Frank sitting in a rocket, America will have rightfully conquered the Moon in no-time flat!
(Don’t waste my time with any of the international treaty crap. I don’t care how many other countries go to the Moon, it belongs to America because we landed their first. It’s the 51st State and someday, we’ll probably end up moving the federal government to the moon. Hopefully, we’ll just leave it there.)
Unfortunately, no sooner has Frank gone into space then he gets shot down by the Martians. Frank crashes in Puerto Rico and, with his face horrifically disfigured, starts to malfunction, Soon, he’s creating chaos all over the island and it’s up to Dr. Adam Steele — what a name! — to put a stop to it. However, before Frank is deactivated, he needs to meet the Space Monster (a mutant named Mull) and defeat the Martians.
Why are the Martians on Earth? According to a short, pointy-eared dwarf Martian named Dr. Nadir (Lou Cutell), an atomic war has led to the death of all the women on Mars. Personally, I think Dr. Nadir is lying because he came to Earth with a Martian woman named Princess Marcuzan (Marilyn Hanold). I think it’s more a case of almost all of the Martian women faking their own deaths so that they could get out of having to talk to Dr. Nadir. Seriously, Dr. Nadir is a little creep. Add to that, his Martian name actually sounds like an insult in English. Personally, I think he should come up with a new name if he wants people to listen to him. I would suggest calling himself Adam Steele but that name is already taken.
Soon, Martians are abducting bikini-clad women off of beaches in Puerto Rico. Can the Martians be stopped? Can Frank be restored? Will James Karen go on to have a distinguished career as a beloved character actor? Spoiler alert: the answer to the third question is yes. Indeed, one of the joys of this film is getting to see James Karen in a rare leading role. He commits to giving as good performance, even though the film itself is pretty silly.
Another joy of this film is the soundtrack, which is surprisingly good for a film of this budget and caliber. Just try to get That’s The Way It’s Got To Be out of your head! (In the film, this song plays as Frank prepares to go into space.)
That’s the way it’s got to be!
As for Frankenstein Meets The Space Monster …. I just can’t help it. I like the damn thing. It’s just so ludicrous and silly that it’s impossible for me not to enjoy. The film’s producers decided that they didn’t just want a robot terrorizing an island. They also wanted Martians and a mutant, as well! And we’re all better off for it.
Oh my God, I love this movie!
In this 1953 film, a gorilla wearing a diving helmet uses the Calcinator Death Ray to wipe out almost all human life on Earth. Only 8 people survive, among them a professor, his family, and Roy (future Eurospy star, George Nader). Ro-Man (George Barrows) is hounded by his superior to track down and destroy the survivors. Ro-Man does his best, though the humans prove to be …. well, they’re not really that resourceful. In fact, they’re pretty dumb. But Ro-Man is pretty dumb himself.
Regularly (and incorrectly) cited as being one of the worst films ever made, Robot Monster is an enjoyably absurd hybrid of horror and science fiction. Earth is destroyed through a combination of bad lighting effects and stock footage and the arguments between Ro-Man and his superior have to be heard to be believed. Robot Monster is actually a bit more self-aware than a lot of people realize. This is a low-budget Z-movie that realizes that it’s a low-budget Z-movie and which cheerfully embraces its identity. Robot Monster is a personal favorite and it’s a bit of Halloween tradition around these parts.
And now, enjoy Robot Monster in all of its black-and-white glory!
Last night, I watched the classic 2017 Lifetime film, Sleepwalking In Suburbia.
Why Was I Watching It?
I was watching it as a part of the #MondayMania watch party! We’ve been watching the Stalked By My Doctor films and Sleepwalking In Suburbia, along with being a stand-alone film, leads into the fourth Stalked By Doctor film. While I watched, I realized that I hadn’t reviewed this film yet so I decided to get on it.
What Was It About?
Michelle Miller (Emillie Ullerup) has a nice house in the suburbs and a successful husband (Giles Panton) but she also has a sleepwalking problem. At night, she’ll get out of bed, leave the house, and, while in trance, go inside someone else’s house and either have sex in the living room or join them in bed. She’s been diagnosed with “sexsomia.”
One sleepwalking incident leads to her having sex with her neighbor, Luke (Carlo Marks). Now, every time that Luke sees Michelle, he’s like, “When are you coming by again?” and Michelle is like, “What are you even talking about, weirdo?”
Michelle’s pregnant! Her husband is all excited but is he the father or is it Luke? And when Luke’s wife seemingly vanishes, Michelle suspects that there might be murder in suburbia as well!
What Worked?
What worked? The entire movie, that’s what worked! Seriously, this was one of the greatest Lifetime films ever made. It embraced the melodrama. The plot featured twist after implausible twist. The performances were enjoyably over-the-top and I defy anyone not to smile when the kindly doctor announces that Michelle has “sexsomia.”
Here’s the thing: sexsomia is a real thing. Now, if you look it up on Wikipedia, it redirects to “sleep sex” but this is a Lifetime film and it’s obvious that it was understood that “sexsomia” just sounds better than “sleep sex.” Was this film a realistic portrayal of sexsomia? Who knows and who cares?
The title was absolutely brilliant. Anytime you see the word “suburbia” in the title of a Lifetime movie, you know you’re about to see something special. And I have to say that the film made the suburbs look very nice. All the houses were big and well-decorated. No one in the Lifetime universe lives in a small house (unless they’re living in a trailer parker, which does happen on occasion.) That’s the way things should be.
Emillie Ullerup gave a great performance as Michelle. Her intense sleepwalking stare was one of the thing that made this film so entertaining. Giles Panton and Carlo Marks also gave good performance as two of the men in her life in her waking and sleeping life. The scene where Panton, as Michlle’s husband, reveals that he wants to handcuff Michelle in bed so that she won’t leave is both horrifying and slightly funny. “Not kinky!” her husband assures her.
Finally, the film ended with one of those out-there twists that Lifetime is known for. Seriously, when you’re in a Lifetime film, trust no one! The film’s ending was also open-ended enough that it allowed Michelle to return for Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare.
What Did Not Work?
It all worked! This is a film that relentlessly and unapologetically embraced the melodrama in the best Lifetime tradition! When I talk about the best Lifetime films being self-aware without being too in-your-face about it, this is the type of film that I’m talking about.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments
Wandering around in your night clothes in the middle of the night? Hey, I’ve been there! Of course, in my case, I was actually awake and I was checking on a cat. I have never broken into a house while just wearing a slip. I usually at least put on a robe before doing something like that.
Lessons Learned
Lock the door before you go to sleep. And the windows!
Parkour!
Parkour was quite a thing for a while, though I’m not sure if it’s as big a deal now as it used to be. Back in the day, YouTube was full of videos of people jumping off of roofs, skipping up walls, jumping over tables, and rolling around in the dirt. The main thing I remember about parkour was that, whenever anyone jumped over a bench, everyone watching had to go, “Whoa! HE JUMPED OVER A BENCH!” I also remember that the Divergent films were an attempt to present parkour as the key to surviving a dystopian future.
2010’s Leap opens with a college student spotting a guy named Shane (Alexander J. Bonda) leaping over a railing on campus. When Shane is asked what he’s doing, Shane replies, “Parkour. It’s from France.”
Now, really, that should have been a red flag right there. It’s from FRANCE! You know, the same France that surrendered to the Nazis and then spent years whitewashing the activities of the Vichy government? French is a beautiful language and the country has given us some of the greatest films ever made. Actually, to be honest, I love visiting France but still, when it comes to self-defense, they’re perhaps not the the best role model.
Soon, Shane is teaching a group of college students how to do parkour. There’s a lot of parkour in this movie and, for the most part, it’s scored to some of the mellowest heavy metal out there. When Shane’s students invite him to Bible Study, it upsets Shane’s girlfriend, Crystal (Chelsea Raugast). When Shane and his students decide to build a Christian outreach program around parkour, they start getting threatening letters. “Who could be threatening us?” one of the student asks. “Atheists,” comes the reply. Soon, Crystal is chasing Shane across campus and the two of them get to show off their parkour skills.
I really do have to mention the chase scene because it goes on for several minutes and it really doesn’t make much sense. (Crystal, who is apparently looking to kill Shane, drops her gun just so she can chase him.) What’s funny about it is that, even while running for his life, Shane still has to show off his parkour skills. For instance, when he sees a picnic table in front of him, he doesn’t simply run around it. Instead, he jumps on top of it and then rolls off. It reminded me a bit of the classic 80s action film Gymkata, in which a city in Eastern Europe was full of random pommel horses so that the gymnast hero could show off his moves while fighting the bad guys.
Leap was made for $200 and the cast was largely made up of volunteers. I have a weakness for low budget passion projects and I was willing to cut this film a bit of slack but then I reached the Bible Study scene where a youth minister explained that HIV was God’s way of punishing the nonbelievers for failing to follow him and that was such an icky statement that I can’t overlook it. The film ends with the end times approaching and the promise of a sequel. Can parkour defeat the Beast? We’ll find out, I guess.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, Ponch reveals even more hidden talents!
Episode 4.16 “Karate”
(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 8th, 1981)
Ponch and Baker have been assigned to patrol Ponch’s old neighborhood. Ponch says that he feels as if he can see a ghost on every corner. Baker laughs and says that at least they have an easy assignment.
Not so fast, Baker!
Andy Macedon (Lewis Van Bergen) is paying teenagers to steal dirt bikes for him. Macedon went to school with Ponch. Macedon was a few years ahead of him and he was always a bully. Now, Macedon is setting up a crime ring. He’s even got Donny Bonaduce working for him!
Ponch’s solution? Ponch decides to encourage the neighborhood kids to come to the local youth center by having Bonnie teach gymnastics while Ponch teaches karate. Are you surprised to discover that, on top of everything else, Ponch knows karate? You shouldn’t be. You’re watching….
Admittedly, it doesn’t start off well. When Andy Macedon comes down to the Youth Center and personally challenges Ponch to a fight, Ponch backs off. He does it because he doesn’t want to make trouble for the Youth Center but the kids view him as being a coward. If Ponch is ever going to stop Andy Macedon and keep young Rivas (Mario Marcelino) from falling under Macedon’s evil spell, he’s going to have to beat Andy in a karate street fight with everyone watching.
And that’s exactly what Ponch does. Why? Because it’s the Ponch Show and there is nothing that Ponch cannot do!
This episode featured a combination of bass-heavy music and not just Erik Estrada but also Danny Bonaduce doing karate moves so you know it was a classic. I related to Terri (Kari Michealson), the teenager who couldn’t decide if she wanted to be a gymnast or a criminal. I went through the same thing when I was 16. Ballet or crime? Crime or ballet? I compromised by shoplifting makeup after my dance classes.
There is nothing Ponch can’t do. Never forget.
a.k.a. Blood Legacy
In this 1971 film, John Carradine briefly plays Christopher Dean, a wealthy man who hated his family and his servants. He dies before the film actually begins but we do get to see him in flashbacks and we also hear his voice at the reading of his will. Dean leaves a fortune to his children and his servants, but he does so only on the condition that they spend a week at Dean’s estate. If anyone dies or leaves the estate, they will lose their inheritance and the money will be split amongst those who stayed and/or survived. You can see where this is leading, right?
This is actually a promising premise and it’s easy to imagine how it could have inspired an American version of Mario Bava’s Bay of Blood, where one person is killed by another just for that killer to then be killed by someone else until eventually, there’s no one left. Unfortunately, while the characters are all unpleasant and greedy, none of them are as memorable as anyone in Bava’s classic shocker. They’re all generic jerks and, as such, it’s hard to have much of a reaction when they start dying. The film does feature several familiar B-movie stars. Jeff Morrow and Faith Domergue (both of whom were in This Island Earth) appear as brother and sister. Richard Davalos (who played James Dean’s brother in East of Eden) has an eccentric role. Western character actor Rodolfo Acosta plays the sheriff who eventually takes an axe to the forehead. B-movie veteran Buck Kartalian plays Igor, the butler. (His name is actually Igor!) Some of the members of the cast were good actors but few of them are particularly good in this film. I did appreciate the weird energy of Buck Kartalian. John Carradine doesn’t do much but he does deliver his lines with the proper amount of contempt.
The film does have a few vaguely interesting kills. Bees are used as a weapon at one point. A head is found in a refrigerator and Richard Davlos says, “This is just like a horror movie.” Wow, Richard, thanks for sharing! There’s a big twist ending but it really not that impressive of a twist.
Probably the most interesting thing about Blood Legacy is that it’s essentially a remake of Andy Milligan’s The Ghastly Ones. (Director Carl Monson had a habit of ripping off other films. In 1973, he remade Roger Corman’s Little Shop of Horrors. Monson called his remake Please Don’t Eat My Mother. The film starred Buck Kartalian.) Blood Legacy was originally released under the title Legacy of Blood but Milligan was so annoyed at being ripped-off that he later made his own remake of The Ghastly Ones and decided to give it the same title as Carl Monson’s rip-off. Monson changed his film’s title and distributed it under the names Will To Die and Blood Legacy so that it wouldn’t be confused with Andy Milligan’s Legacy of Blood. It makes sense. Why would anyone want their Andy Milligan rip-off to be confused with an actual Andy Milligan film?
The next episode of Hammer House of Horror is The House That Bled To Death but I’ve decided not to share it for this Halloween because it features the death of a kitty and I’m kind of tired of pets dying in horror films. It’s an effective and scary episode, though. It’s on YouTube so if you want to watch it, feel free.
Moving right along, tonight’s episode is Charlie Boy. Graham (Leigh Lawson) and his wife Sarah (Angela Bruce) inherit an statue that they don’t realize also doubles as a really big voodoo doll. After stabbing the statue a bit too many times, Graham comes to realize that he’s accidentally condemned almost everyone he knows to death, including both him and his wife. Thanks to the fast-paced director of Robert Young and the committed performances of the cast, this is an entertainingly macabre episode. It originally aired on October 18th, 1980.
Through the Shattered Lens 