Author Archives: Jedadiah Leland

Music Video of the Day: Don’t Cry by Guns ‘N Roses (1991, directed by Andy Morohan)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This is the video where Slash murders his girlfriend and then laughs about it.

Sure, there’s a lot of things that could be said about this video.  It’s the first part of an unofficial trilogy of videos in which Axl Rose struggles to come to terms with the loss of his girlfriend (who, in the video, is played by Stephanie Seymour).  Axl said that the scene with the gun was inspired by something that actually occurred between him and his ex-wife, Erin Everly.  Everyone remembers the scene where the three Axls confront each other and also the epic girl fight at the piano bar.  This video is also remembered for the sign reading, “Where’s Izzy?”  Izzy Stradlin felt that the music videos were a waste of money and declined to show up on the day of filming.  He would soon leave Guns N’ Roses.

But, in the end, this will always be the video where Slash drives over a cliff.  As the guitar solo proves, Slash managed to get out of the car but apparently, his girlfriend wasn’t so lucky.  It’s a weird scene but it’s also a fair portrayal as to how many people viewed Slash and Axl Rose within the context of Guns N’ Roses.  Axl was the frontman who could sing everything but who also wore his vulnerability and instability on his sleeve for all the world to see.  Slash was rock ‘n’ roll.  Nothing got to him as long as he could keep on playing.

The older I get, the more I appreciate Guns N’ Roses.  Say what you will about the self-indulgent nature of some of their albums and videos, Axl can sing and Slash can sure as Hell play.

Enjoy!

Claws (1977, directed by Richard Bansbach and Robert E. Pearson)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

After a group of hunters wound a grizzly bear in Alaska, the bear mauls a logger named Jason Monroe (Jason Evers).  Both the bear and Jason survive their initial meeting.  For the next six years, the bear attacks people in the woods and Jason tries to move on from his experience.  The indigenous people call the grizzly, “Satan Bear” and it seems like no one can stop it.  But when Satan Bear dares to attack a group of boy scouts (including Jason’s son), Jason decides that it’s time to enter the woods and track down the bear.

Claws is like Jaws except the monster has claws.  Actually, despite the similarity of their names, Claws isn’t really a rip-off of Jaws as much as it’s a rip-off of Grizzly, which was a rip-off of Jaws.  Claws is a rip-off of a rip-off, complete with the all the usual characters who appear in revenge of nature films.  Jason is the grizzled hunter.  There’s an idealistic college student who knows all about bears.  There’s a wise old native man who talks about spirit animals.  What sets Claws apart from both Jaws and Grizzly is its heavy use of badly tinted stock footage and all of the flashbacks.  The movie starts with a group of hunters shooting at two bears but it’s obvious that the actors playing the hunters were nowhere near the two bears that are featured in the stock footage.  The flashbacks are used to fill in everyone’s backstory but none of them have anything to do with the bear so I’m not sure what the point of them was supposed to be.  The movie would not be exciting even if it only focused on the bear attacks but adding all those dull flashbacks transforms Claws from being merely mediocre to a real challenge to sit through.

Claws was a flop when it was first released but, a year later, it found success when it was rereleased and retitled Grizzly 2.  I guess the film’s distributor figured that they should just go ahead and admit it.

President Elect: Nixon vs Frankenstein’s Monster

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Yesterday, I used the old President Elect simulator to determine who would win a presidential election between Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, and The Mummy.  Dracula crushed both of his opponents, mostly because neither Frankenstein nor The Mummy could really speak.

Today, I decided to see if Frankenstein’s Monster would have had better luck if the Democrats had nominated him to run against Richard M. Nixon in 1960.  In the real world, John F. Kennedy narrowly defeated Nixon, despite the popularity of Dwight Eisenhower.  (Kennedy had some extra help in Illinois.)  Nixon had the experience and the depth of policy knowledge but Kennedy had the charisma that Nixon lacked.  After logging into President Elect, I imagined a situation in which the Democrats of 1960 turned not to Kennedy but to Frankenstein’s Monster.  Just as he had with Dracula, I imagined that Frankenstein would run on a largely non-partisan platform that put strong emphasis on fire prevention.  As well, I had to give Frankenstein low scores on his speaking ability and his ability to stay cool under pressure.  But he did get a high personal magnetism score because people have been interested in him for over 200 years.  Would that be enough to beat the similarly challenged Nixon?

No, it would not.

Just as with the campaign against Dracula, it was obvious who was going to win from the start.  Frankenstein’s Monster barely campaigned and, unlike Kennedy, he refused to debate Nixon.

On election night, the first result told the story.

The good news is that, unlike when he ran against Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster actually did manage carry a state.  In fact, he carried two.  He won both Mississippi and Georgia, receiving 51% of the vote in both.  Every other state, he lost to Nixon.

The final vote tally:

Managing to win 43% of the vote while being unable to speak or be around fire is actually pretty impressive.  But Frankenstein’s Monster still could not beat Richard Nixon.

Music Video of the Day: West End Girls (New Lockdown Version) by Pet Shop Boys (2020, directed by Luke Halls)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This is the second video for the Pet Shop Boys’s West End Girls, updated for the age of lockdowns.  In 2020, you could still sing about the girls in the West End.  You just couldn’t leave your house and go down there to see them.

Enjoy!

Rush Week (1991, directed by Bob Bralver)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

When campus coeds start to go missing, student journalist Toni Daniels (Pamela Ludwig) investigates.  At first, she suspects that a local fraternity is responsible and that all of the disappearances are linked to the college’s notoriously wild rush week.  But, after she starts dating Jeff (Dean Hamilton), the president of the fraternity, Toni decides that the killer is probably actually Arnold (John Donavon), a cook in the school’s cafeteria who asked all of the missing girls to model for him.  While Toni and Jeff try to prove that Arnold is responsible for all of the recent disappearances, the school’s puritanical Dean (Roy Thinnes), tries to keep rush week under control.  Good luck with that because no one controls rush week.

Rush Week is a mixes two genres, the campus comedy and the slasher film and it tries to proves that not even a string of murders can spoil a good frat party.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t do a very good job at it.  The comedy isn’t funny, the kills aren’t scary, and the identity of the murderer is obvious from the start.  (Surprise, it’s not Arnold.)  The best performance comes from Roy Thinnes, who gives a performance as the Dean that would make John Vernon proud.  (Almost every actor eventually reaches a point where they have to start taking John Vernon roles to pay the bills.)  Like a lot of bad 90s slashers, Rush Week used to be show up frequently on Late Night Cinemax.  Most people who watched it probably did so because Kathleen Kinmont played the student whose disappearance sets the entire movie in motion.  Kinmont plays a character named Julie Ann McGuffin.  She’s an actual MacGuffin and that’s about as clever as the script gets.

Frankenstein vs. Dracula vs. The Mummy: Who Would Win?

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

If the next presidential election were held today and the major candidates were Frankenstein, Dracula, and The Mummy, who would win?

I know that’s a question that has been on everyone’s mind and, in order to find out, I went to the Internet Archive and ran the scenario through a game called President Elect.  President Elect was developed as an election simulator in the 80s and it is still considered to be one of the best and most accurate games of its type.  Over the years, President Elect has correctly predicted the results of almost every election since 1988.

After setting the game to duplicate both the fragile state of the American economy and the uncertain outlook of our current place in the world, I then selected my three nominees.  Frankenstein’s Monster ran as the Democratic candidate.  He had no platform, beyond more funds for fire prevention.  As a public speaker, I had to give him a low rating and I also had to admit that he wasn’t good at maintaining his cool under pressure.  However, I did give him high marks on the “personal magnetism” scale because people have been fascinated by the monster for over two hundred years.  Frankenstein’s Monster may seemed like the underdog but perhaps voters would be moved by his personal story and his refusal to take definite positions on the issues.

Running for the Republicans was Dracula.  As for as public speaking, personal magnetism, and staying calm under pressure, Dracula got the highest rating available.  But his platform was undeniably extreme, with absolutely no concern for human rights.  Dracula was the only candidate to be opposed to the agendas of the Religious Right, the National Organization for Women, and the NRA.  (The last thing that a vampire would want would be for everyone to have access to silver bullets.)  Would he be too extreme for the voters?

Finally, running as an independent was the Mummy.  The Mummy had roughly the same platform as Dracula but little of the personal magnetism.  In fact, the Mummy could not even speak.  But he was determined to get what he wanted and again, he scored high on the personal magnetism because he’s been in so many movies despite spending all of his time under wraps.

I allowed the game to simulate the 9 weeks between Labor Day and the election.  Not surprisingly, Frankenstein’s Monster refused to debate Dracula.  As a third party candidate, the Mummy struggled to keep up financially.  I was expecting a close election with a lot of fireworks but instead, it was clear from week one who was going to win.  Dracula led in the polls from the start and, within the first hour of election night, he had the 270 electoral votes necessary to claim the presidency.  He went on to win a lot more than just 270 though.

Here are the votes by state:

America went full Dracula, not only giving him 60% of the popular vote but also 535 electoral votes.  Frankenstein’s Monster won only the District of Columbia and, even then, he only received 67% of the vote in this Democratic stronghold.  After D.C., Frankenstein’s best states were Minnesota and Rhode Island, in which he took 47% of the vote.  The Mummy turned out not to be a factor at all, despite winning 5% of the vote in Florida.  Frankenstein’s Monster may have had the most compassionate platform but Dracula had the charisma.  His best states were Idaho and Utah, both of which he won with 71% of the vote.

See you at the inauguration!

Music Video of the Day: On A Wicked Night by Danzig (2010, directed by Glenn Danzig)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

October is a good month for Danzig.  In this music video, Glenn Danzig gets back to nature.  Say what you will about Danzig because his music isn’t necessarily for everyone.  But Danzig could easily shove much of today’s wimpy rockers into a locker.

Enjoy!

Music Video of the Day: A Touch of Evil by Judas Priest (1990, directed by Wayne Isham)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Though Rob Halford has said that the lyrics are actually a metaphorical look at a love/hate relationship, both this song and the accompanying video are usually said to be about demonic possession.

This video was directed by Wayne Isham, who is another one of those directors who seems to have done at least one video for every single successful band out there.

Enjoy!

L.A. AIDS Jabber (1994, directed by Drew Godderis)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

This is a real movie and that is the real title.

Jeff (Jason Majik) is an angry young man who is seeing a therapist because he has issues with women.  He worked in a furniture warehouse, where he has issues with his boss.  Jeff has issues with everyone but soon, he has an even bigger concern.  Because of a nagging stomachache, Jeff goes to see a doctor.  The doctor does some bloodwork.  He runs the results twice just to be sure.  Then he informs Jeff that he has tested positive for AIDS.  Jeff snaps.  He fills a huge hypodermic needle with his own blood and then goes on a rampage, jabbing people across Los Angeles.

The two detectives who have been assigned to the jabber case (and who appear to investigate every other homicide in Los Angeles as well) do not want the story to get into the press.  Unfortunately, a stolen boombox that belongs to the boyfriend of a local news reporter (Joy Yurada) picks up the sound of the detectives talking on their secure line.  Refusing to be intimidated, the reporter reveals the details of the investigation on the nightly news.  Jeff decides to make the reporter his newest target.

Again, this is a real movie and that is the real title.

L.A. AIDS Jabber is a shot-on-video film that was based on the urban legend about someone with AIDS going to the clubs in New York and Los Angeles and randomly pricking people with a needle.  The movie itself is pretty dire, full of bad performances and subplots that don’t lead anywhere.  To me, the most interesting thing about the movie was how little it actually seemed to know about AIDS or how it was transmitted.  For instance, no one — not even the doctor who tells Jeff that he’s tested positive — uses the term “HIV.”  The doctor tells Jeff that he has “tested positive for AIDS” and then just sends him home.  I get that this film was made in 1994 when people were still learning about this virus but the doctor could have at least informed Jeff that it can take several years for HIV to develop into AIDS.  As a last minute twist reveals at the end of the film, that’s not the only way that the doctor has failed his patient.

As for the rest of the movie, it’s all bad performances, bad acting, bad jokes, and a bad script.  Jason Majik does have one good scene where he starts punching a wall but that’s pretty much it.  This jabber’s not worth getting stuck with.

Game Review: Europop Vampire (2021, Chris Chinchilla)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

You’re a vampire so get out there and party!

That is pretty much the plot of this short Twine game.  You are given the option of deciding what type of vampire you are (Are you a Nosferatu or a Twilight or a Gothic Vampire?) and you’re also allowed to decide just how exactly you want to spend your evening.  Do you want to hit the clubs or would you rather spend your night singing karaoke?  It’s up to you.

This game feels like it may have been abandoned why it was still being developed but what there is of it is enjoyable.  The game at least has a sense of humor.  There’s even an ending where the game says that you’re obviously looking for something darker than this game is prepared to offer up.  Not much happens in this game but a few of the jokes did make me laugh.  After you’ve played as many overlong, overly serious Twine games as I have, it’s hard not to appreciate something as unpretentious as Europop Vampire.

Play Europop Vampire.