Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week …. oh, where to begin?
Episode 4.23 “Heaven Nose, Mr. Smith”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on March 30th, 1988)
This episode was bad.
How bad?
Let me count the ways.
- Jonathan is driving the car, for once. He and Mark are going to get some time off. Suddenly, a very shrill alarm goes off. Jonathan says that he has to go up to Heaven to meet with the never-before mentioned Sycopomp, who is in charge of handing out angel assignments. Jonathan vanishes, leaving the car without a driver. Mark nearly crashes before he gets control of the wheel.
- How have we gone for four seasons without the alarm going off earlier?
- Since when has Jonathan gotten assignments from anyone other than The Boss?
- Does Jonathan not realize Mark could have been killed as a result of him suddenly vanishing?
- The Sycopomp is played by Bob Hope. Yes, the comedian Bob Hope. Bob Hope was 85 when he appeared in this episode and, not surprisingly, he doesn’t do much. In fact, he does so little that you have to wonder why it was necessary to have the character at all.
- The Sycopomp explains that the Boss has computerized Heaven — “Modern technology,” he says, with a shrug. Why would the Boss do that since the Boss is God and God knows everything and can do anything?
- The computers have malfunctioned. How could a computer built by God malfunction?
- As a result of the computer malfunction, an angel named Max (Bill Macy) has been assigned to help fix the marriage of Stanley (John Pleshette) and Constance (Murphy Cross). The problem is that Max is Stanley’s deceased father and he’s always disliked Constance so, instead of helping Stanley and Constance, he’s instead trying to get Stanley to leave Constance for his childhood girlfriend, Nel (Anna Stuart).
- What? Okay, Jonathan got mad and yelled at the Boss a few episodes ago and he was immediately stripped of his powers. Yet somehow, Max is able to do a lot worse without any sort of punishment.
- Jonathan and Mark are sent to stop Max. They meet Stanley and Constance. While Constance’s main flaw is that she has a terrible hair style, Stanley is a total wimp who has never finished anything in his life. Stanley is so unlikable that it’s hard not to feel that Constance would be better off without him.
- Jonathan and Max both reveal themselves to be angels to Stanley. Yeah, Jonathan has revealed himself to be an angel in the past but it still feels like lazy writing.
- From out of nowhere, wimpy, middle-aged Stanley is revealed to be a fast runner.
- Jonathan and Max bully Stanley into entering a marathon.
- Stanley nearly dies during the marathon but makes it to the end. He comes in last place but Constance doesn’t care. What matters is that he finished something! And it looks like the marriage has been saved but Stanley is so sweaty and out-of-breath that one still expects him to drop dead right there.
- Sara (Patti Karr), Max’s wife, is sent down as an angel as well. She doesn’t accomplish anything but she’s sent down nonetheless.
- Why would someone as self-centered as Max be made an angel in the first place?
- With the assignment completed, everyone leaves. Constance and Stanley are back together! Except, earlier, we were told that Constance and Stanley’s marriage was in trouble because Constance wanted children and Stanley didn’t. That storyline is never resolved. In fact, it’s just kind of dropped.
- Other than Jonathan and Mark, there are no likable people in this episode. This episode tires to mix comedy and drama and it just doesn’t work.
This just wasn’t a good episode. The story just feels unfinished.
Next week, season 4 comes to a close!
Through the Shattered Lens 