Industrial spy Harry Trent (Matt Mitler) escapes from two security guards by hiding in a space shuttle.  He accidentally launches himself into orbit.  As soon as he’s in space, Harry witnesses a bunch of pigmen attacking Earth.  Harry spends five years exercising, eating frozen dinners, and drawing pictures of naked women on the walls o0f the space shuttle before finally returning to Earth, eager to defeat the pig men.  After hooking up with Dana (Denise Crawford), Harry heads to Richmond to investigate rumors of an underground weapon that can defeat the pig people.  Harry and Dana meet and team up with a biker named named Mad Dog Kelly (Joe Gentissi), who looks a lot like Sylvester Stallone in Nighthawks.

A micro-budget science fiction film that doesn’t make a shred of sense, Battle For The Lost Planet is just barely redeemed by its lack of pretension.  It doesn’t take itself seriously and neither should anyone else.  Nobody in the movie view Harry as being any sort of hero and even Harry admits that he’s more interested in getting laid than actually battling for the lost planet.  The movie is narrated by Old Man Harry, who is writing his memoir and who has decided to title the manuscript, How I Saved The World.  It looks like he’s writing his story in a ten-page notebook so saving the world was apparently very simple.  Just find a super weapon and turn it on.  It’s too bad no one thought of that when the Earth was being invaded!

Battle For The Lost Planet is a stupid movie but I like it.