Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we have the start of a two-part story!

Episode 2.18 “Whatever Happened to Arnold? Part One”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a skin diver.  His name was Mike Nelson Kotter.  One day, Mike was shocked to see a guy go down 40 feet without equipment.  When Mike demanded to know what the guy was doing, the guy replied, “You jerk!  I’m drowning!”

At school, Epstein amuses the Sweathogs by doing his Mr. Kotter impersonation.

Gabe walks in on Epstein’s routine but he’s not upset because it actually gives him the perfect excuse to tell the Sweathogs about the school drama festival.  He needs some volunteers to appear in one scene from a play, which Gabe will direct.

“Acting is stupid,” Barbarino says, “Pretending to be somebody else.”

Horshack disagrees and shows off his acting skills by falling to his knees and declaring his love for Freddie.  Freddie proceeds to do his Harry Belafonte impersonation which leads to Barbarino ripping his t-shirt and shouting, “Stella!” before Gabe then does his Vito Corleone impersonation and compliments Barbarino’s Marlon Brando.

“I was doing John Wayne,” Barbarino replies.

Realizing that Horshack actually is serious about wanting to act, Gabe offers to direct Horshack in a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac.  Of course, Horshack’s co-star will be Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), who goes to Mr. Woodman to complain about having to work with a Sweathog, though she should be used to it by now as she ends up having to work with them every time that she appears on the show.  Woodman tells Judy to do what he does and imagine that she’s a missionary and the Sweathogs are a bunch of cannibals preparing to eat her.

“Throw me into the pot!  THROW ME INTO THE POT!” Woodman starts yelling.

Later, when Woodman sees Horshack in costume and carrying a sword, Woodman shouts that Kotter is “arming the Sweathogs!” before adding, “Call out the national guard!”  Poor old Woodman.

Unfortunately, Gabe’s attempts to hold rehearsal are interrupted by Barbarino, Freddie, and Epstein, who all show up and proceed to heckle Horshack and Judy.  First Judy storms off.  That’s to be expected because that’s what Judy always does.  But then Horshack gets angry, yells that he’s trying to do something good for all the Sweathogs, and storms off the stage.

The next day, there has still been no sign of Horshack.  Freddie, Epstein, and Barbarino tell Gabe that they broke into Horshack’s house but didn’t see any sign of him or his family.  With Horshack missing, that means someone is going to have to put on the fake noise and play Cyrano in his place.

“Stella!” Barbarino shouts.

Anyway, the day of the drama festival comes and Barbarino …. well, he’s not a very good Cyrano.  He forgets his lines.  He talks back to the audience.  He and Judy argue in the middle of the scene.  He dances while delivering the few lines that he does remember.  He ends the scene by falling to his knees and screaming, “Stella!”  But it doesn’t matter because he’s a young John Travolta and he’s absolutely adorable with his fake nose.  The audiences loves him but Barbarino says that the moment feels hollow because this should have been Arnold’s moment.

“Where could he be?” Freddie asks.

“I don’t know,” Gabe says, “but I think the problem is something more serious than this play.  But what?”

And, on that rather ominous note, this episode ends.  Fear not, we’ll learn what happened to Horshack in the next episode.  For now, let’s just remember that John Travolta did a very convincing Brando and a very amusing Cyrano.  The entire cast of this show did a good job (and I especially enjoy John Sylvester White’s weekly descent into insanity) but episodes like this remind us of why John Travolta is the one who went on to become the biggest star.