In 1980’s Stoned, Scott Baio plays Jack Melon, a teenager with a problem.

Jack is shy, awkward, and can’t escape the shadow of his older brother, Mike (Vincent Bufano).  Mike is champion swimmer.  Jack is someone who can barely walk down a hallway without walking into a wall.  But then Teddy (Jack Finch) gets Teddy hooked on marijuana, the so-called weed with roots in Hell!  Soon, Jack is acting weird, making strange jokes, and getting all of the attention in the world.  Unfortunately, Jack is also alienating those closest to him and his newfound habit leads to a near-tragedy.

Stoned was aired as an ABC Afterschool Special and, while it’s not quite Reefer Madness, it does adhere to the general anti-drug formula.  In record time, Jack goes from being shy and dorky to being goofy and potentially dangerous.  We get all the expected scenes of Jack devouring ice cream, Jack wandering around in a daze, Jack realizing that the girl he likes what’s nothing to do with the new Jack, Jack’s well-meaning teacher (played by the show’s writer and director, John Herzfeld) confronting his students about their drug use, and Jack accidentally hitting his brother with an oar.  Jack thinks that marijuana is opening his brain because, while stoned, he suddenly realizes that a tree looks like “Old Man Eber.”  Stoned goes on to show Jack ruining his life but I have to admit that I spent most of the running time wondering who Old Man Eber was.  (Seriously, Old Man Eber sounds like some sort of Lovecraftian ghoul, waiting in the shadows to drag one to an Arkham cemetery.)  Of course, someone nearly dies as a result of Jack’s marijuana use.  What’s interesting is Jack is able to save the person’s life, even though he’s stoned.  Would non-stoned Jack have been able to do it?

From the fashion choices to the cast to the message that marijuana is the most dangerous thing on the planet, Stoned is one of those TV specials that epitomizes its time.  This was a film that was made at a time when it was inconceivable that there would some day be commercials for edible gummies and it shows.  Watching Stoned is like stepping into a time machine.

Today, of course, Scott Baio is better known for his politics than his acting.  Whenever I see a headline that reads, “This veteran Hollywood star is calling out his industry for not understanding America,” I know the story is inevitably going to be about Scott Baio complaining about his taxes.  That said, Scott Baio is convincing when he’s playing Jack as being awkward and insecure but he definitely goes a bit overboard once Jack starts smoking.  While that probably dilutes the effectiveness of the film’s message (because, let’s be honest, real stoners are going to watch this and easily recognize the fact that Jack is trying way too hard to convince everyone that he’s stoned), it does give this film a certain entertainment value.

Here is Stoned, complete with the commercials that aired when the show was original broadcast on November 12th, 1980: