16 | June | 2016 | Through the Shattered Lens

Trash Film Guru

Like you, I’m sure, I’ve learned to become more than suspicious of the Netflix “Recommended For You” list, and more often than not find myself wondering if whatever algorithm comes up with it really takes into consideration my prior viewing habits at all. Once in awhile, though — just once in awhile — the damn thing comes up trumps and scuttles my plans to quit paying attention to it altogether for at least a little bit longer. Last night was just such an occasion, as a 2015 indie horror flick from a director I’ve never heard of named Mike Testin found its way to the top of my recommendations and, having nothing else and/or better to do, I decided to give it a go, only to walk away from it 90 minutes later pleasantly surprised by the whole thing and reasonably eager to get off my ass and tell you…

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cracked rear viewer

If there’s a film room in hell, you can be sure THE ROOKIE is playing there continuously. This totally unfunny service “comedy” stars the team of Tommy Noonan and Peter Marshall. They’re about as funny as having a spike driven through your forehead. The only reason I’m writing about this atrocity is to give you all fair warning: DON’T WATCH IT!!

The story makes no sense whatsoever. Tommy is drafted just as WWII is over, and demands to be put through boot camp. A mix-up occurs at the Pentagon when two drunken janitors answer the phone, and Camp Clyde is ordered to stay open and put Tommy through basic training. This doesn’t sit well with Sgt. Peter Marshall, who was looking forward to discharging and marrying his sweetheart, starlet Lili Marlene (Julie Newmar, who’s wasted in this mess).