On New Year’s Eve in 1972, a tragedy struck in the Aegean Sea.  Just as the clock hit midnight and its passengers wished each other a happy new year, the cruise ship Poseidon was capsized by a tidal wave.  The majority of the ship’s crew and passengers were killed in the disaster but a small group managed to climb up through the wreckage and make their way to the ship’s hull, where they were rescued.  Gene Hackman sacrificed his life so that Ernest Borgnine, Red Buttons, Jack Albertson, Carol Lynley, and Pamela Sue Martin could all survive.

We all know the story of The Poseidon Adventure and some of us have even been goaded by our sisters into singing There’s Got To Be A Morning After for karaoke night at Grandpa Tony’s.  (Grandpa Tony’s has since shut down but, for a while, it was the best place in Dallas for nachos and karaoke.)  But do you know the story of what happened after that initial group of survivors was rescued from the ship?  Have you gone Beyond The Poseidon Adventure?

First released in 1979, Beyond The Poseidon Adventure picks up directly from where the first film ended.  Mere minutes after the rescue helicopter flies off, a tugboat pulls up alongside the still capsized wreck of the Poseidon.  Needing money to pay off his debts, Captain Mike Turner (Michael Caine) has decided to declare salvage rights and claim all of the cash and jewelry that he can find in the wreckage.  Accompanying him is his mentor Dead Meat (Karl Malden) and his protegee, Annoying and Cutesy (Sally Field).  Actually, Dead Meat is named Wilbur but, as soon as Karl Malden starts to dramatically grab at his chest, viewers will know that he’s destined to heroically sacrifice himself.  Annoying and Cutesy’s real name is Celeste.  Sally Field gives perhaps the worst performance of her career as the almost always perky Celeste.  This movie came out the same year that Sally Field appeared in the film for which she won her first Oscar, Norma Rae.  I have to imagine that Field was happy to win that Oscar because it meant she would never have to do another film like Beyond The Poseidon Adventure.

Before the tugboat crew can begin to explore the Poseidon, another boat shows up.  This boat is captained by Stefan Svevo (Telly Savalas), who claims to be a doctor who is responding to an S.O.S. from the capsized ship.  Svevo and his crew insist on accompanying the tugboat crew into the Poseidon.  It’s obvious from the start that Svevo is not actually a benevolent doctor.  For one thing, the men accompanying him are armed.  For another thing, he’s played by veteran screen villain Telly Savalas.

The two crews finally enter the ship and …. hey, there’s even more people on the boat!  At the end of The Poseidon Adventure, we were told that only six people had survived the disaster but apparently, that was just a damn lie.  The ship is literally crawling with people who still haven’t gotten out.  (Why didn’t the people who rescued the first batch of survivors check to make sure that they had gotten everyone?)  There’s Tex (Slim Pickens), who says he’s from “Big D” and talks about how he owns an oil well (as we all do in Big D).  There’s Frank Mazzetti (Peter Boyle, basically playing the same loudmouth that Ernest Borgnine played in the first film) and his daughter Theresa (Angela Cartwright) and Theresa’s new boyfriend, Larry (Mark Harmon).  There’s a nurse (Shirley Jones) and a blind man (Jack Warden) and his wife (Shirley Knight).  There’s Susanne (Veronica Hamel), the cool femme fatale who has a connection to Svevo.

While Svevo searches for a crate of plutonium (what the Hell was that doing on the Poseidon?), Mike tries to get the survivors to safety.  That means once again climbing up to the hull while the ship shakes and the engines continue to explode.  Both the first film and the sequel feature the exact same footage of the engines exploding.  At this rate, I guess the Poseidon might finally sink sometime this year.

Directed by Irwin Allen (who produced the first film), Beyond The Poseidon Adventure is about as bad as a film could be.  The first film had plenty of silly moments but it also had the entertaining spectacle of Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine competing to see who could yell the loudest.  Beyond the Poseidon Adventure has Michael Caine and Telly Savalas both looking bored while Peter Boyle complains, “That was the worst New Year’s Party I’ve ever been to!” and Sally Field says stuff like, “I’ve been to Anzio!  It’s the pits!”  At one point, Slim Pickens says that he’s as phony as a three dollar bill.  The same could be said of this film.  Beyond The Poseidon Adventure looks and feels cheap and generates none of the suspense of the first film.

As Beyond The Poseidon Adventure ended, I found myself worrying that there might be other passengers still stuck on the ship.  I mean, apparently, it’s very easy to not only survive on a capsized cruise ship but also to be overlooked by professional rescue crews.  Unfortunately, there was not another sequel so those folks were just out of luck.