Tony Lucatorto | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch fixes everything.

Episode 4.11 “11-99: Officer Need Help”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 18th, 1981)

Three criminals are stealing trucks from a trucking company. One of the criminals works for the company but he gets fired, not for his thievery but because he accidentally put a cate of corrosive chemicals on the wrong truck. Now, the highway patrol has to track down the chemicals and also stop the criminals.

It’s a typical episode of CHiPs. A man loses his job after he’s wrongly accused of being the thief. The man’s son (Greg Bradford) helps Jon and Ponch catch the real criminals. There’s a subplot about all of the members of the high patrol carrying a new device that sends out of a signal whenever an officer’s down. Grossman accidentally pushes the button while chasing a lost dog. The emphasis here is on everyone working together and the Highway Patrol going out of their way to always have the best equipment to do their job. In the end, this is such a typical episode that the whole thing is kind of boring.

Really, for me, the only interesting thing about this episode is that it featured a subplot about a new police dispatcher who spoke with a stammer and who had trouble sending out instructions over the radio. I had a lot of sympathy for Kathie Lark (Katherine Moffat) because I had a pretty pronounced stammer up until I was about twelve years old. (It now only comes out if I’m extremely tired or stressed.) That said, considering just how important the dispatchers are when it comes to the Highway Patrol, I was a bit surprised that Kathie got the job in the first place. Kathie mentioned that she had previously been a dispatcher in a small town and again, I wondered how she got that job. To me, it seemed like the Highway Patrol was basically setting Kathie up for failure.

The good thing is that eventually someone gives Kathie some advice that helps her to overcome her nervousness and become an excellent dispatcher. Do you want to guess who gave her the advice? Seriously, I dare you to guess who, out of the show’s cast of characters, magically knew exactly the right thing to say to help Kathie out. If you’re thinking that Ponch was responsible for Kathie becoming a badass on the airwaves, you are exactly right! Is there no problem that Ponch can’t solve? Ponch’s advice, by the way, was that Kathie should always imagine that she was speaking directly to him. The next time that I find myself tripping over a word that starts with B, I’ll try the same thing.

It’s the Ponch Show! Seriously, there’s nothing that Ponch can’t do! Beyond that, this was a boring episode. The California scenery was nice to look at but otherwise, this episode felt like CHiPs on autopilot.

This week, Ponch and Jon’s attempts to keep the highways safe are endangered by a young man with a fast car, a bad attitude, and diplomatic immunity. Cue the music!

Episode 2.9 “The Shiek”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on November 18th, 1978)

The title character of this week’s episode is Barney (Kario Salem), the son of the ruler of a Middle Eastern country. Wealthy beyond belief, Barney is in the United States. He’s supposed to be studying but he spends most of his time recklessly speeding around Los Angeles in his sportscar. When Ponch and Baker pull him over, he announced that he has diplomatic immunity. When Ponch tries to reprimand Barney for putting people at risk, Barney slaps him.

Barney gets arrested but again …. diplomatic immunity! In fact, the State Department sends a representative to come down personally and ask that Barney not only be released but that Ponch and Baker apologize for inconveniencing him.

Barney subsequently invites Ponch and Jon to a party on his yacht. Ponch spends his time flirting with Barney’s assistant, Fay (Marianne Meeks). Baker struggles to hit on two French girls. But when someone passes out while on a speeding motorboat, Ponch and Jon both jump on their jet skis and save the day.

Barney, it turns out, is interested in seeing how the American police do their job. He is scheduled to return home and take over his father’s private police force. Despite the fact that it sounds like Barney will basically be rounding up and torturing political dissidents, Baker and Ponch take him on a ride along. Witnessing a real car accident and the struggle to save the lives of the people involved all leads to Barney renouncing his speeding ways. Ponch and Baker have to agree that Baney’s not such a bad guy.

This episode felt a bit strange. Instead of featuring several different storylines and rescues, the entire episode pretty much revolved around Ponch and Baker’s relationship with Barney. It’s never really made clear which country Barney is from but Ponch does mention the Shah at one point. If Barney is planning on returning to Iran, that means he’s going to return just in time for the revolution. Poor Barney.

Anyway, Barney had a nice car and the jet ski rescue was exciting. Baker was charmingly inept at speaking French. Ponch smiled a lot. It was pretty much a basic episode of CHiPs. Seen today, it’s probably most interesting as a portrayal of a pre-911 America’s attitude towards the Middle East and its leaders. Barney may have been spoiled and arrogant but ultimately, he just needed some straight-talking, no-nonsense, blue collar Americans to explain the way the world worked to him. Ponch and Baker were happy to oblige.