Look, I get it.  Not everyone is as crazy about watching the Oscars as I am.  Some of you have absolutely no interest in watching the Oscar tonights and right now, you’re saying, “If only there was something else to watch!”  I hear you and I’m here for you.

And fear not!

There is something else for you to watch!  Just go to YouTube and look up Zontar, The Thing From Venus!  You can watch the whole movie three times in a row while everyone else is watching the Oscars.  Don’t ever say that I didn’t do anything for you.

What is Zontar, The Thing From Venus?  It’s a film from 1966 and it was directed by Texas’s own Larry Buchanan!  It tells the story of what happens when a creepy scientist named Keith (Tony Huston) manages to contact a big, three-eyed bat named Zontar.  Zontar’s from Venus and it wants to rule the world.  Keith thinks that humanity could benefit from being conquered by a ruthless alien warlord.  So, Kieth arranges for Zontar to come to the Earth.  While Zontar hides out in a cave, it manages to shut down everyone’s electricity and, using a bunch of smaller, flying bats, it also possesses almost an entire town.  Keith thinks it’s great but that’s because Keith is an idiot with fascist tendencies.

You know who isn’t impressed by Zontar and all of his high-and-mighty rhetoric?  Another scientist named Dr. Curt Taylor (John Agar).  Dr. Taylor knows that Zontar is up to no good but how can he stop him?  Well, he’s not going to do it by driving a car because Zontar’s knocked out America’s electrical systems.  So, instead, he rides a bike from location to location.  Seeing John Agar awkwardly trying to balance himself on a bike is more than worth the price of admission.

(Of course, since this is on YouTube, the price of admission is only your immortal soul and your internet privacy.)

Anyway, if all of this sounds familiar, that’s because Zontar is a remake of an earlier Roger Corman film called It Conquered The World.  For some reason, in the 60s, American International Pictures gave Larry Buchanan a handful of money and told him, “Go direct some crappy remakes of some of our best films.”  Zontar is probably the best known of Buchanan’s remakes and it’s also probably the most fun.

I mean, don’t get me wrong.  It’s nowhere near as good as It Conquered The World but, at the same time, it doesn’t have the slow spots that show up in most of Buchanan’s other films.  The story moves fairly briskly and Buchanan keeps the picture in focus and, considering some of Buchanan’s other movies, that’s a bit of a minor triumph.  Zontar is an impressive monster.  In fact, I’d say that batty Zontar is probably a more effective creation than the smiling crab that showed up in It Conquered The World.  Finally, you get to see John Agar trying to ride a bicycle and that’s always an entertaining sight.

Zontar is enjoyably dumb.  If you want to kill 80 minutes but you don’t want to have to do any thinking, watching Zontar is definitely one way to do it.