Time Winters | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

It’s time for another episode of the worst show ever produced by Peter Engel!

Episode 1.6 “My Hero”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 15th, 1998)

Jason and Stads are finally admitting that they are a couple. Normally, I would say that this is a step forward for them and a sign of growing maturity but Jason still cannot stand the fact that his girlfriend is more athletic to him. (Did it not occur to Jason that Stads works as a lifeguard, a job that requires a certain amount of athleticism?) Stads beats Jason at foosball. She beats him at tennis. She beats him at basketball. She beats him at everything so, of course, when someone tries to rob the restaurant, Stads lets Jason have all the credit for knocking him out despite the fact that she’s the one who did it.

Oh yeah, this is a healthy relationship….

Everyone celebrates Jason as a hero. Traycee gives him a picture of David Hasselhoff to sign. The local news wants to do a story on him, for some reason. Jason lets all the adulation go to his head and, on live television, says that Stads was cowering in a corner while he defeated the robber. Stads proceeds to call him out and reveal what really happened, again on live television.

So, I guess that’s the end of that relationship, right? Nope. Jason apologizes and Stads takes him back because it would appear that Stads has no self-esteem. Seriously, Stads — you’re a blonde lifeguard with a sweet personality. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN JASON! (That said, I probably would have at least let him win a game or two of tennis, just to be nice. And I wouldn’t have played basketball at all because everyone always seems to end with a skinned knee or a broken nose whenever they play that game. Foosball, though …. TAKE NO PRISONERS!)

This is yet another episode of Malibu, CA where the main theme is that Jason Collins is the second worst person on the planet. (The worst, of course, is his brother, Scott.) Whiney and entitled is no way to go through life.

Speaking of being whiney, Scott is upset that Murray keeps tagging along on all of his dates with Sam. So, Scott sets up Murray up with a girl who is as into surfing as Murray is. Suddenly, Scott discovers that Murray is a big believer in double dating. Scott tries to explain to Murray that he’s becoming a third wheel but Murray thinks that Scott is talking about Murray’s new girlfriend so Murray dumps her so that he can spend all of his time with Scott and Sam. Ha! Take that, Scott, ya schmuck!

I hate this show.

1934. Chicago. The FBI guns down a man outside of a movie theater and announces that they have finally killed John Dillinger. What the FBI doesn’t realize it that they didn’t get Dillinger. Instead they killed Dillinger’s look-alike brother. The real John Dillinger (played by Martin Sheen) has escaped. Over the next five years, under an assumed name, Dillinger goes straight, gets married, starts a farm, and lives an upstanding life. Only a few people know his secret and, unfortunately, one of them is Al Capone (F. Murray Abraham). Only recently released from prison and being driven mad by syphilis, Capone demands that Dillinger come out of retirement and pull one last job. Capone has millions of dollars stashed away in a hotel vault and he wants Dillinger to steal it for him. Just to make sure that Dillinger comes through for him, Capone is holding Dillinger’s family hostage.

This film, which was produced by Roger Corman, combines two popular but probably untrue rumors, that Dillinger faked his own death and that Al Capone had millions of dollars stashed somewhere in Chicago. Though the two never met in real life (and moved in very different criminal circles), the idea of bringing Dillinger and Capone together sounds like a good one. Unfortunately, the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Sheen and Murray are both miscast in the lead roles, with Sheen especially being too old to be believable as the 40 something Dillinger, and the script never takes advantage of their notoriety. In this movie, Dillinger could just as easily be any retired bank robber while Capone could just as easily be any unstable mob boss. In classic Corman fashion, more thought was given to the title than to the story.

One things that does work about the movie is the supporting cast, which is full of familiar faces. Clint Howard, Don Stroud, Bert Remsen, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Catherine Hicks, Maria Ford, and Martin Sheen’s brother, Joe Estevez, are all present and accounted for. Especially be sure to keep an eye out for Jeffrey Combs, playing an FBI agent who suspects that Dillinger may still be alive. He may not get to do much but he’s still Jeffrey Combs.