Spring Breakdown: Super Shark (dir by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on March 4, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, here’s the thing: when I was making out my list of films to review for Spring Breakdown, I was under the impression that the 2011 film, Super Shark, was a Spring Break film. I was convinced that it was a film about a giant shark that ate a bunch of people over the course of Spring Break.

Fortunately, right before posting this review, I decided to rewatch Super Shark. Normally, I probably wouldn’t have because I’m currently on vacation but it’s also currently raining and it’s also about 7 degrees outside. (That’s 7 degrees Celsius but it’s still pretty cold.) It’s like God was reading through my drafts folder last night and said, “Uh-oh. Lisa needs to rewatch the movie before she posts the review.”

Anyway, upon rewatching Super Shark, I discovered that 1) the film is still awesome as Hell and 2) it’s not actually a Spring Break film. Instead, it’s a summer film. There’s even a scene where two lifeguards talk about what a great time they’re going to have working on the beach during the summer. So, technically, I probably shouldn’t be reviewing this film as part of a Spring Break series but …. well, I’m going to do it anyways. I mean, it may be a summer film but it plays out like a Spring Break film. Plus, it’s got a giant shark.

Not surprisingly, for a film called Super Shark, the giant shark is the main attraction. The CGI’s a bit dodgy and the shark does look a bit cartoonish but that actually adds to the film’s charm. Whereas Steven Spielberg dealt with the reality of a fake-looking shark by keeping the shark off-screen as much as possible, directed Fred Olen Ray takes the opposite approach and seriously, more power to him. Ray puts the shark in as many scenes as possible, as if he’s saying, “Yes, this is a low-budget B-movie and why should we pretend that it’s anything other than that?” There’s an honesty to this approach that’s impossible not to respect.

The shark is prehistoric in origin. It was safely separated from society until the big bad oil company did some bad corporate stuff and, as a result, the shark is now free to ruin everyone’s summer. You know that whole thing about how sharks have to stay in the water or they’ll die? That’s not a problem for Super Shark. Super Shark will jump on the beach and eat you, he doesn’t care. In fact, Super Shark is such a rebel that he’ll even take on a tank and win! WE LOVE YOU, SUPER SHARK!

As always, there’s a group of humans around who don’t love Super Shark as much as the viewers. There’s the evil corporate guy played by John Schneider. He’s into money and drilling. And then there’s the scientist played by Sarah Lieving. She hates corporations and she doesn’t like sharks. There’s a DJ played by Jimmie “JJ” Walker. And then there’s the lifeguards and the beachgoers and the people who just want to participate in a wholesome bikini contest. Sorry, everyone, Super Shark has other plans.

Anyway, I have a weakness for films about giant sharks attacking oil wells and eating people on the beach. It’s a silly film but it’s obviously been designed to be silly. This isn’t Jaws nor is this a serious film about the issues surrounding underwater drilling. This is a B-movie about a giant shark and if you can’t enjoy something like this, I worry about you. This is a film that you watch with your friends and you have a lot of fun talking back to the screen. Don’t take it seriously and just enjoy the giant shark action. Who could ask for a better summer? Or a better Spring Break for that matter?

Adventures in Cleaning Out The DVR: River Raft Nightmare (dir by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on November 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there! As I write this, I am couch-bound with what I’m pretty sure is a sprained toe. With that in mind, I’ve decided to continue my efforts to clean out the DVR. I just finished watching River Raft Nightmare, which premiered on Lifetime on September 5th. That was Labor Day weekend and, like a lot of people, I was too busy hanging out with my family to watch a movie about a mother and daughter navigating rapids while being menaced by three criminals.

River Raft Nightmare, which was directed by the amazingly prolific (and, by B-movie fans, beloved) Fred Olen Ray, tells the story of Sharon (Brigid Brannagh) and her teenage daughter, Cassie (Leah Bateman). They are looking forward to spending a nice relaxing weekend trying not to drown while river rafting. The only things they have to worry about are the possibilities of Cassie going into diabetic shock, a sudden wilderness fire breaking out, and maybe running into three criminals who are searching for some stolen money that has been hidden somewhere in the wilderness.

True, it’s easy to imagine that one of those things could happen. After all, all vacations have their obstacles. And maybe you could even see two of those things happening because, sometimes, it’s just a mistake to leave the house. But who would have guessed that all three of those things would end up happening!? That’s right — Sharon and Cassie have to deal with fire, diabetic shock, and criminals!

The head criminal is named Frank. He’s played by Ivan Sergei. From the minute he showed up, I thought he looked familiar and then, about an hour into the movie, I realized that he previously played the psycho boyfriend in another Lifetime mainstay, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? Incidentally, that movie also featured Ivan Sergei nearly drowning in a river. Maybe Ivan should stay away from the water from now on…

Frank continually assures Sharon and Cassie that he’s not going to kill them and that he just wants to find his money. However, Cassie has already seen Frank kill a man. That’s one reason why River Raft Nightmare was originally called Eyewitness, Personally, I think River Raft Nightmare is a better title. Eyewitness is a bit generic but River Raft Nightmare — hey, it’s got the word nightmare in it! You can’t go wrong with that.

River Raft Nightmare is a thoroughly predictable film. You will not be taken by surprise. But, with that in mind, it’s enjoyable enough. One thing that I appreciate about Fred Olen Ray is that he is a director who is almost totally lacking in pretension. A Fred Olen Ray film doesn’t pretend to be anything that it isn’t. River Raft Nightmare is a low-budget B-movie and it’s totally content with being a low-budget B-movie and you really have to admire that. Add to that, I always love movies about moms and daughters bonding while kicking ass and Ivan Sergei was hot even when he was killing people.

(By the way, Fred, if you’re reading this, I’ve got an idea for a film called Red River Nightmare….)

One funny thing about the DVR is that it really does work as a time machine. When you watch something that you recorded two months ago, it’s like stepping back in the past and sometimes, you’re shocked to discover what you had forgotten about. In the case of River Raft Nightmare, I was shocked to be reminded that — for a few weeks — Lifetime experimented with having Erin Foley pop up during the commercial breaks and attempt to be snarky. A typical Erin Foley comment would be something like: “So, they’re being hunted by killers but their makeup and hair are still perfect.” (To which those of us at home would say, “No shit, haven’t you ever watched one of these movies before? We all got over that a long time ago…”) Having been reminded of its existence, all I can say is that I’m glad Lifetime ended that experiment. No offense to Erin Foley but nothing she said ever came close to topping what the live tweeters were saying on twitter.

Seriously, Lifetime, those of us watching provide more than enough snark without it being necessary for you to bring in a “ringer.”

Sorry, Erin Foley, you were not necessary…

What Lisa Watched Last Night #124: Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story (dir by Peter Sullivan)

Posted on May 23, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime original movie, Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story!

Why Was I Watching It?

The most obvious answer is because it was on Lifetime. As y’all know, I love Lifetime movies, especially when they’re based on a “true” crime story.

As well, I am among those who, since 2013, have been fascinated and frustrated with the twists and turns of the Hannah Anderson kidnapping case. Hannah was a 16 year-old cheerleader who was kidnapped by a family friend, James DiMaggio. DiMaggio also murdered Hannah’s mother and younger brother. When Hannah was finally found and rescued by the FBI, many questioned whether Hannah had been DiMaggio’s victim or his accomplice.

I can still remember when questions were first raised over Hannah’s role in DiMaggio’s crimes. It seemed like everyone had an opinion. There were some days when I felt like Hannah had to be innocent and then there were other days when I thought the exact opposite. Nearly two years later and I still go back-and-forth. That’s the main reason I wanted to see Kidnapped. I wanted to see whether this would be the film that would finally convince me one way or the other.

What Was It About?

The film begins with the FBI rescuing 16 year-old kidnapping victim Hannah Anderson (Jessica Amlee) and killing her kidnapper, Jim DiMaggio (Scott Patterson). A traumatized Hannah returns home but soon discovers that some, in the media, are claiming that she collaborated with Jim to murder her mother and younger brother. Hannah goes on a talk show to tell her side of the story.

What Worked?

Scott Patterson and Jessica Amlee gave good performances as Jim and Hannah. Amlee was sympathetic throughout. Patterson was properly creepy.

What Did Not Work?

The main reason that this case captured everyone’s imagination was because of the ambiguity of it all. Nobody was quite sure how they felt about Hannah Anderson and, especially in the early days of the investigation, Hannah’s behavior gave a lot of people reason to feel uneasy about her story. And while that’s probably not fair (who knows how any of us would act in a similar situation), it’s still the reason why people continue to debate the specifics of the Hannah Anderson kidnapping to this day.

Unfortunately, none of that ambiguity was present in the film. The only voice heard is Hannah’s and those who had doubts about Hannah’s story are dismissed as being trolls and bullies. In the process, a multi-layered mystery is reduced to just being the latest anti-bullying PSA. Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story had all the elements necessary to be a truly intriguing and potentially unsettling film but, in the end, it’s just a standard Lifetime movie.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Considering the subject matter, I’d just as soon say that there were no “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments. However, that’s not quite true. There were times that I cringed at the flashbacks to Hannah and Jim’s relationship before the kidnapping, because, when I was that age, I did have some similar relationships that, in retrospect, were more than a little bit creepy. In particular, the scene where 40ish Jim says that he wishes he could “date” the 16 year-old Hannah brought back some less than fond memories.

Lessons Learned

Never underestimate the power of narrative ambiguity.

Film Review: Instinct to Kill (Dir by Gustavo Graef Marino)

Posted on April 29, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there and welcome to another edition of Lisa Marie Watches An Obscure Film Via On Demand And Then Reviews It.

Last week, I watched and reviewed a 2001 guilty pleasure called Tart.

This week, I watched another film from 2001, Instinct to Kill.

Instinct to Kill begins with homicide detective Jim Beckett (Tim Abell) sitting outside a suburban house and secretly filming Tess (Missy Crider) as she dresses. As Jim watches, Tess joins her parents for dinner. Tess’s father strikes her mother. In case we needed anymore reason to hate him, Jim chuckles.

A day later, Tess is at cheerleader practice and again, she is being watched. Sitting in the bleachers, Jim films her until he finally approaches her and strikes up a conversation. Jim may be creepy but he’s also charming. Agck!

The film jumps forward 3 months. Tess and Jim are getting married. Jim and his partner Lance (Kadeem Hardison) spend the reception filming the bridesmaids and leering over all the cleavage. Bad Jim, bad!

And again, the film moves forward by 3 months. As all too often happens, the daughter of an abusive father has ended up with an abusive husband. As Jim attempts to murder Tess, Lance rushes into the house with his gun drawn. Jim is arrested and sent to prison.

3 months later, Jim escapes from prison and, after retrieving a disguise kit from his own abusive father, Jim starts to stalk his ex-wife, her family, and her friends. As Lance attempts to track down his former friend, Tess gets a bodyguard and a self-defense instructor in the form of J.T. (Mark Dacascos).

According to the imdb, Instinct to Kill was rated R for featuring “brutal violence and strong sexual content” and yes, it certainly had both of those. However, to be honest, if you toned down the violence and edited out all of the boob shots, Instinct to Kill would be an almost prototypical Lifetime movie. After all, it has all the classic Lifetime elements: a sociopathic ex-husband, a sensitive guy who teaches self-defense, and a female protagonist who comes out of it all newly empowered and confident. Fortunately, I happen to love Lifetime movies and maybe that’s why, somewhat to my surprise, I actually found Instinct to Kill to be an effective B-movie.

Some of that may also be due to the fact that Instinct To Kill’s executive producer was Mark L. Lester, who has directed some of the best B-movies of all time. (He also directed The Ex, which has become a bit of a staple on the Lifetime Movie Network.) I don’t know how involved Lester actually was with the production of this film but it feels much like a Lester film — the villain is flamboyant, the action moves quickly, and the end result packs much more of an emotional punch than you would expect.

Instinct to Kill may have a generic title but it’s definitely not a generic film. Tim Abell makes for a genuinely scary villain and Mark Dacascos is the epitome of strength and sensitivity. That said, the film’s best performance comes from Missy Crider, who believably transforms from being a helpless victim to an empowered warrior over the course of the film and, as a result, elevates the entire film.

Missy Crider in Instinct to Kill