Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.19 “Off Road”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch and Jon go to the desert!

Episode 3.19 “Off Road”

(Dir by Paul Nuckles, originally aired on February 2nd, 1980)

Though off-duty, Jon and Ponch continue to hang out together.  This weekend, they’re taking part in an off-road race at an old military bombing range in the desert.  They’re going to have look out for unexploded shells as they drive through the desert and try to make it to the finish line.  Since they’re cops, they will also have to deal with two crooks (Ramon Bieri and Michael Baselon) who are using the race as a cover to track down some stolen gold that they hid in the area.  Another racer (played by Edd Byrnes) also knows about the gold and he’s determined to get it as well.  And, of course, Ponch falls for two female racers who also end up getting involved in the search for the gold.

This is one of those episodes of CHiPs where Ponch and Jon show off the California lifestyle.  Whether it’s hang-gliding or sailing or offroad racing or handball, you can be sure that Ponch and Jon will try it at least once.  This episode is a bit of a throwback to the first season, in that Jon is the one who knows about off-road racing while Ponch is the one who learns what it’s all about.  Jon gets to be a mentor again, explaining the rules of the race while Ponch flashes his smile and leers at every woman who happens to walk by.

This episode actually spent more time with the people looking for the gold than it did with Ponch and Jon.  And I guess that’s okay because this is also one of those episodes where you can tell just how much Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada disliked being in the same scene together.  Playing co-workers and close personal friends, Wilcox and Estrada have all the chemistry of two high school rivals forced to sit next to each other in summer school.  Wilcox barely looks at Estrada while talking to him.  Estrada continually flashes the Estrada smile in their scenes together, silently daring Wilcox to try and steal back the scene.  I was actually worried that Baker might end up abandoning Ponch in the desert but, fortunately, he didn’t and their adventures can continue.

Anyway, if you’re a car chase person, this was a fun episode.  If you’re watching for the stunts, this episode had quite a few.  The storyline was needlessly convoluted but the vehicles looked good and that’s what CHiPs is all about.

Lisa Marie Considers The Alpha Incident (dir by Bill Rebane)


It seems that every film lover owns at least one of those box sets of public domain films that Oak Creek Entertainment puts out.  You know which ones I mean — the box sets usually have about 50 to 100 movies crammed onto 12 discs and always have titles like “Astounding Adventure Classics.”  Most of the time, you’ll recognize one or two of the movies included (usually Night of the Living Dead) and you’ll end up buying it because they only cost like 6 bucks and that’s pretty good for 50 movies, even if you already know most of those movies are going to suck.  I own several of these box sets, including 50 Chilling Classics. 

I’ve recently decided to write a review for every single film that I have in my collection and I figured, what better place to start than with the often-forgotten and ignored public domain films that can be found in 50 Chilling Classics?  So, let’s get things started by reviewing a little public domain film from Wisconsin called The Alpha Incident.

Made in 1977, The Alpha Incident tells us what happens when a train, carrying a deadly virus brought back from Mars, makes a stop over at a small country train station.  It seems that Hank (played by George “Buck” Flower, who giggles a lot) had taken it upon himself to inspect that deadly cargo and has accidentally released it into the atmosphere.  The train station, and the five people trapped inside, are quarantined by the U.S. government.  Trapped in the station are the increasingly crazed Hank, the cold Dr. Sorenson (Stafford Morgan), gruff bully Jack (John F. Goff), neurotic secretary Jenny (Carol Irene Newell), and the shy station agent, Charlie (Ralph Meeker, who was the best-known actor in the cast).  The five are told to wait while American scientists try to find a cure for the virus.  Under no circumstances can they 1) leave the station and 2) fall asleep because, the minute they do, the virus will cause their brain to literally explode out of the back of their head.  For the rest of the film (which, honestly, would probably have worked better as a play), the five fight among themselves, wonder if they’re infected, and above all else, struggle to stay awake.

The Alpha Incident was directed by Bill Rebane, an independent filmmaker who is based up in Wisconsin.  Apparently, Rebane’s unique cinematic vision has won him a cult following among fans of low-budget horror and sci-fi films.  One term that I’ve often seen used to describe him is “the Ed Wood of Wisconsin.”  On the basis of the Alpha Incident, I don’t know if that’s a fair comparison.  Yes, the film does drag at time and the editing pretty much defines the term “ragged” but the movie still held my interest and not in a solely “what the fuck am I watching?” sort of way.  Yes, the performances are uneven, ranging from histrionic (George “Buck” Flower and John F. Goff) to boring (Stafford Morgan) to adequate (Ralph Meeker) to surprisingly good (Carol Irene Newell) but the characters themselves aren’t the usual stereotypes and, while the dialogue is often a bit clunky, the film’s story is an interesting one and the ending is just so wonderfully cynical and downbeat.  With it’s portrayal of common people trying to survive the mistakes of a faceless government, The Alpha Incident is so wonderfully 70s that I it made me want to go to a club, tell my companions, “I’m going to powder my nose,” and then snort someone else’s cocaine. 

Like many of the best B-movies, The Alpha Incident was made with more ambition than skill but it’s still a film that, if you truly appreciate the low-budget exploitation movies of the 70s, is more than worth seeing.