Horror Film Review: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged (dir by Johannes Roberts)


Let us take a moment or two to give some thought to the poor, misunderstood shark.

Sharks have a reputation for being the most dangerous predators in the ocean but, for the most part, sharks just swim around and eat whatever is in front of them.  They are certainly not harmless but they’re also not the clever, calculating monsters that they’ve been made out to be.  As opposed to what all the sequels to Jaws have told us, sharks do not stalk people.  They do not seek revenge.  They do not look at certain humans and think, “That is my mortal enemy.”  A shark will not follow you from New England to the Caribbean just because you’re the widow of the man who killed its cousin.  Sharks look scary and, certainly, you should stay out of the water if one of them is swimming nearby.  But, for the most part, the only thing that one needs to have to avoid being attacked by a shark is common sense.

Unfortunately, none of the characters in the 2019 film, 47 Meters Down Uncaged, have any common sense.  The film tells the tale of Mia (Sophie Nelisse) and her stepsister, Sasha (Corrine Fox).  Mia and Sasha are both students at a new school in Mexico.  Their father, Grant (John Corbett), has been exploring a submerged Mayan city.  Along with their two friends, Alexa (Brianne Tju) and Nicole (Sistine Stallone), Mia and Sasha decide to spend the weekend scuba diving and exploring the ancient city.  The girls have a good time looking at all of the mummies and the sacrificial chamber.  Unfortunately, a great white shark shows up to ruin their fun.  The simplest solution would probably be too leave the city but, because the girls keep screaming and accidentally knocking stuff over, they soon find themselves trapped in the newly collapsed city.  Not only have they upset a shark but they’ve managed to destroy a bunch of valuable historical artifacts.  Way to go!

47 Meters Down: Uncaged was sold as being a sequel to 47 Meters Down, the Mandy Moore/shark film that came out in 2017.  However, other than having the same director, the only thing that the two films have in common is that they both spend a lot of time underwater and they both feature a shark.  In fact, I’m not even sure if they get down to the 47 meters in Uncaged but that’s just because, as an American, I find the metric system to be extremely confusing.  The original 47 Meters Down also had a slightly interesting premise and a good performance from Mandy Moore.  47 Meters Down: Uncaged, on the other hand, is just about four girls who did something incredibly stupid and then did something else incredibly stupid and then just kept on doing every stupid thing that came to mind.  Most people will be cheering for the shark.

That said, it should be noted that Johannes Roberts definitely uses that shark for all that its worth.  The film’s characters may be stupid but the shark itself is scary and generates its share of effective jump scares.  This is one of those diabolically clever sharks that knows how to hide behind corners until someone swims by.  As I mentioned at the start of this review, that’s not exactly realistic shark behavior but it’s definitely effective movie behavior.  The scenes where the shark suddenly emerged from the darkness definitely made jump.  The scene where one of the girls attempted to climb out of the cave and then fell into the water in super slow motion made me laugh.  There’s something to be said for a film that can make you both jump and laugh.

One final note: the sharks lived in that submerged Mayan city for over a hundred years without damaging anything.  Mia, Sasha, and their friends visit the city for less than an hour and manage to destroy the place.  Remember that the next time anyone says anything against the sharks.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #158: Little Girl’s Secret (dir by Dominic James)


Last night, I watched Little Girl’s Secret on Lifetime!

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Why Was I Watching It?

Oh my God, everyone’s so depressed right now!

Or, actually, I should say that almost everyone I know is depressed right now.  Obviously, the entire country is not depressed about Donald Trump winning the election because 60,000,000 people voted for him and I assume that they’re all happy.  But the 60,000,0000 who voted against him are all pretty depressed right now.  And, even worse, a lot of them are blaming my generation because not many of us voted and quite a few of us decided to vote third party.

My twitter timeline is seriously dark right now.

So, I figured that maybe I could cheer some people up by doing one of my famous Lifetime movie live tweets!  Looking to help heal a divided nation, I watched Little Girl’s Secret on Lifetime and I tweeted every single thought that popped into my head.  I don’t know if I saved the world but I certainly did increase my Klout score.

What Was It About?

That’s a good question!  This film left me thoroughly confused, though that may be because I’m currently spending the weekend at my uncle’s and, as I tried to watch and tweet, I was also having to deal with 100 hyperactive cousins.

As far as I could tell, here’s what was happening in the movie: Jean (Maria Bello) is an artist.  Dave (Callum Keith Rennie) is a writer.  Molly (Sophie Nelisse) is Jean’s teenage daughter.  Heather (Isabelle Nelisse) is Dave’s daughter.  Michael (William Dickinson) is someone’s son.  I guess he’s Molly’s brother but it wasn’t always easy to keep track of how everyone was related.  He could have been Dave’s son and Heather’s brother.  It really doesn’t matter.

Anyway, in 1982, this family leaves Baltimore and moves into a new home — a former church that’s been turned into a house!  There’s a cemetery out back.  There are ruins nearby.  There’s a ghostly apparition that appears occasionally.  Heather, who doesn’t feel like she belongs in this reconstructed family, is soon spending all of her time talking to the apparition.

Meanwhile, Molly is having nightmares and she keeps seeing birds forming ominous shapes in the sky.  (It’s kinda like in Take Shelter.)  She also starts to hear noises in the dark and see ominous shadows in unlit rooms.  Why doesn’t anyone ever turn on the lights?

What Worked?

It had its share of creepy moments.  Molly’s dreams were always well-executed.

What Did Not Work?

This movie was so damn dark!  I don’t mean thematically.  I mean that it was often hard to see what was going on in the movie because it never seemed to occur to anyone to turn on a light!  I get the point, of course.  This was a horror movie and everyone’s scared of the dark.  But, after a little while, the constant darkness went from being atmospheric to just being silly.

Maria Bello, a terrific actress, was pretty much wasted in a minor role.

I was going to complain about the film’s pacing but I think that has more to do with the fact that it premiered on Lifetime than anything else.  It’s difficult to maintain suspense when you’re having to stop every few minutes for a commercial break.

And finally, the plot itself was overly complicated and not particularly easy to follow.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I related to Molly in quite a few scenes.  I was a rebellious 14 year-old too.

Lessons Learned

TURN ON THE DAMN LIGHTS!