Let’s Talk About 3-Headed Shark Attack!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK4TKbwJjRI

One thing that I love about Asylum films is that, as opposed to big studio productions, they always deliver exactly what they promise.  As a part of the lead up to the third Sharknado film, 3-Headed Shark Attack premiered on the SyFY network on Monday night.  The title promised a three-headed shark and that is exactly what the film delivered.  The title also promised that the three-headed shark would attack and, again, that’s exactly what happened.  This giant 3-headed shark devoured a record number of fisherman, scientists, and college students.

3-Headed Shark Attack is also the story of three boats and the people on those boats.

One boat is a booze cruise that’s full of rich kids and their bikini-clad girlfriends.  You really only have to take one look at these people to know that almost all of them are doomed.  However, they certainly are not helping matters by tossing all of their empty beer cans into the ocean.  Little do they know that there’s a giant shark with three heads following the trail of cans.

On another, much smaller boat, there are the survivors of the 3-headed shark’s previous attack on the Persephone research lab.  They are scientists, environmentalists, and a few student interns.  They may have been dedicated to protecting the environment but the three-headed shark could hardly care less.  While thsee people seem to be a little bit more competent than the drunks on the booze cruise, it’s still hard not to feel that they are all equally doomed.

And finally, there’s one final boat.  The people on this fishing boat have guns, which in theory should be helpful against a three-headed shark.  Even more importantly, Danny Trejo is on this boat!  If anyone can defeat a three-headed shark, it’s Danny Trejo, right!?  SyFy advertised 3-Headed Shark Attack as “starring Danny Trejo” but, to be honest, Danny’s role is pretty much a cameo.  But that’s okay.  Danny Trejo is always fun, regardless of how much screen time he has.  Plus, the film smartly uses Danny’s badass persona to keep the audience off-balance.

3-Headed Shark Attack was director Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray (who also directed the much different but equally entertaining Mega Shark vs. Kolossus) and it’s also a sequel to 2-Headed Shark Attack.  3 Headed Shark Attack is a surprisingly somber film, one in which likable characters are just as likely to killed as unlikable ones and where the ocean frequently turns red with innocent blood.  For those who, as a result of the Sharknado films, have gotten it into their heads that all Asylum films are actually comedies, 3-Headed Shark Attack will prove otherwise.

3-Headed Shark Attack is an entertaining work of underwater mayhem.  If, like all good people, you love the Asylum style of filmmaking, you’ll find a lot to enjoy about 3-Headed Shark Attack.  This is a film that delivers exactly what it promises.

Here’s hoping that 4-Headed Shark Attack is close behind!

3-headed-shark-underwater-shot

What Horror Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #106: Finders Keepers (dir by Alexander Yellen)


Last night, the Snarkalecs and I watched the latest SyFy original film, Finders Keepers!

FK

Why Was I Watching It?

I had been watching Big Driver over on Lifetime but that film proved to be unusually disturbing and I really wasn’t in the right mood to deal with it.  Sometimes, you need to just be entertained and SyFy original movies are always entertaining!  So, after watching an hour of Big Driver, I turned over to SyFy and watched Finders Keepers.

What Was It About?

Recently divorced writer Alyson Smith (Jaime Pressly) moves into a nice, old house with her daughter, Claire (Kylie Rogers).  At first the house seems ideal but soon, cracks start to appear on this perfect fantasy of home ownership.  Claire starts to act strangely.  A crazy old cat lady (Marina Sirtis) keeps coming by the house.  Alyson does some research and discovers that the reason the house was empty was because, years before, it was the scene of a brutal mass murder.  And, of course, Claire finds a creepy doll in her bedroom and becomes extremely attached to it.

Soon, everyone who knows Alyson and her ex-husband (Patrick Muldoon) is turning up dead.  Could it be that the doll is evil or could it all be a coincidence?

Actually, there’s really no question.  That is one messed up doll…

What Worked?

SyFy hasn’t been showing as many original movies this year as they did last year.  Fortunately, the ones that they have shown have all been excellent and Finders Keepers keeps the streak going.  Finders Keepers is an effectively creepy horror film, featuring excellent performances from Jaime Pressly and Patrick Muldoon, atmospheric direction from Alexander Yellen, and a clever script from Peter Sullivan.

Incidentally, Finders Keepers probably featured one of the bigger body counts that I’ve ever seen in a SyFy film.  Nobody’s safe from that doll!

What Did Not Work?

Over the course of the film, two cats and a crazy old cat lady are killed.  As most of you know, I am about 40 years away from becoming a crazy old cat lady so that was a little bit difficult for me to deal with.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

So, beyond the crazy old cat lady and her two cats, this film also featured a vivacious, 20-something redhead who ended up being murdered by the evil doll.  And then, once the redhead and the cat lady had been dispatched, we were introduced to an incredibly efficient office administrator and guess what happened to her?  That’s right — murdered by the crazy doll.  Speaking as a vivacious and efficient redheaded office administrator and future crazy cat lady, I really have to wonder just what exactly this film had against me!

Lessons Learned

Do not let your daughter keep any creepy old voodoo dolls that she just happens to find in her bedroom.  If she won’t get rid of the voodoo doll, consider giving her up for adoption because, seriously — voodoo is nothing to mess with.