October Positivity: The Apocalypse (dir by Justin Jones)


First released in 2007 and produced by The Asylum, The Apocalypse opens in much the same way as many Asylum films.  An asteroid is hurtling towards the Earth.  It crashes into our planet without warning, destroying the town of Monterey.  (“And nothing of value was lost!” says the old timey Borscht Belt comedian.)  Then more asteroids strike the planet, causing mass panic.  The power goes out.  People desperately try to reach their loved ones.

And then a tornado hits out of nowhere.

And then the state of California is suddenly hit by torrential rainfall.

And then….

Well, you get it.  Things are not going well in California or in the rest of the world.  As I said at the start of this review, the Earth being bombarded with asteroids is a pretty common theme when it comes to the Asylum.  Indeed, anyone who has watched more than a handful of Asylum films is probably already picturing the stock footage of the asteroid hurtling through space with Earth in the distance.  I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen that rock start to burst into flames as it enters the atmosphere.

What sets The Apocalypse apart from other Asylum asteroid films is that, after the first asteroid hits, people start to vanish.  They’re not crushed underneath an asteroid, or at least they aren’t as far as we can tell.  Instead, they just seem to vanish into thin air, as if they’ve been taken to another place.  Those who do not vanish can only stand around and wonder why they didn’t go to church more often….

“I’ve been left behind,” one character says and yes, this is indeed a mockbuster version of the Left Behind films.  I guess it makes sense.  The Asylum has produced mockbuster versions of every other genre out there.  Why shouldn’t they also try to cash in on the end times.  Really, one has to respect the fact that the Asylum managed to make its own Left Behind film without abandoning the idea of the world being bombarded by asteroids.

(And, if we’re going to be honest, the idea of God using asteroids to destroy humanity actually makes a lot more sense than the usual story that these films tend to tell.  I mean, asteroids have to be good for something, right?)

The Apocalypse follows Jason (Rhett Giles) and Ashley (Jill Stapley), a divorced couple who are trying to make their way through the state of California so that they can see their daughter Lindsay (Kristen Quintrall) before the world ends.  Along the way, Jason and Ashley discuss their own failed marriage and their guilt over the death of their son.  Though Jason and Ashley do have to deal with some unexpected weather and asteroid events, the film itself is surprisingly somber for an Asylum film.  There’s far less self-referential humor than in the usual Asylum film.  The pace is deliberate, thoughtful, and, to be honest, a bit too reverential for its own good.  The world ends but it ends very slowly.  This is probably the talkiest film that the Asylum has ever produced.

That said, the film does create a believable portrait of the type of desperation that would accompany the end of the world, with the various characters all attempting to find some sort of peace before everything ends.  The special effects may be a bit cheap but the images of deserted streets and desolate countryside are far more effective than what one might expect from an Asylum film.  This is a case where the mockbuster, flaws and all, is still superior to the original.

Spring Breakdown: Super Shark (dir by Fred Olen Ray)


So, here’s the thing: when I was making out my list of films to review for Spring Breakdown, I was under the impression that the 2011 film, Super Shark, was a Spring Break film.  I was convinced that it was a film about a giant shark that ate a bunch of people over the course of Spring Break.

Fortunately, right before posting this review, I decided to rewatch Super Shark.  Normally, I probably wouldn’t have because I’m currently on vacation but it’s also currently raining and it’s also about 7 degrees outside.  (That’s 7 degrees Celsius but it’s still pretty cold.)  It’s like God was reading through my drafts folder last night and said, “Uh-oh.  Lisa needs to rewatch the movie before she posts the review.”

Anyway, upon rewatching Super Shark, I discovered that 1) the film is still awesome as Hell and 2) it’s not actually a Spring Break film.  Instead, it’s a summer film.  There’s even a scene where two lifeguards talk about what a great time they’re going to have working on the beach during the summer.  So, technically, I probably shouldn’t be reviewing this film as part of a Spring Break series but …. well, I’m going to do it anyways.  I mean, it may be a summer film but it plays out like a Spring Break film.  Plus, it’s got a giant shark.

Not surprisingly, for a film called Super Shark, the giant shark is the main attraction.  The CGI’s a bit dodgy and the shark does look a bit cartoonish but that actually adds to the film’s charm.  Whereas Steven Spielberg dealt with the reality of a fake-looking shark by keeping the shark off-screen as much as possible, directed Fred Olen Ray takes the opposite approach and seriously, more power to him.  Ray puts the shark in as many scenes as possible, as if he’s saying, “Yes, this is a low-budget B-movie and why should we pretend that it’s anything other than that?”  There’s an honesty to this approach that’s impossible not to respect.

The shark is prehistoric in origin.  It was safely separated from society until the big bad oil company did some bad corporate stuff and, as a result, the shark is now free to ruin everyone’s summer.  You know that whole thing about how sharks have to stay in the water or they’ll die?  That’s not a problem for Super Shark.  Super Shark will jump on the beach and eat you, he doesn’t care.  In fact, Super Shark is such a rebel that he’ll even take on a tank and win!  WE LOVE YOU, SUPER SHARK!

As always, there’s a group of humans around who don’t love Super Shark as much as the viewers.  There’s the evil corporate guy played by John Schneider.  He’s into money and drilling.  And then there’s the scientist played by Sarah Lieving.  She hates corporations and she doesn’t like sharks.  There’s a DJ played by Jimmie “JJ” Walker.  And then there’s the lifeguards and the beachgoers and the people who just want to participate in a wholesome bikini contest.  Sorry, everyone, Super Shark has other plans.

Anyway, I have a weakness for films about giant sharks attacking oil wells and eating people on the beach.  It’s a silly film but it’s obviously been designed to be silly.  This isn’t Jaws nor is this a serious film about the issues surrounding underwater drilling.   This is a B-movie about a giant shark and if you can’t enjoy something like this, I worry about you.  This is a film that you watch with your friends and you have a lot of fun talking back to the screen.  Don’t take it seriously and just enjoy the giant shark action.  Who could ask for a better summer?  Or a better Spring Break for that matter?