Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.26 “The Kiss”

Posted on September 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe’s in trouble!

Episode 3.26 “The Kiss”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on April 13th, 1978)

Gabe tells a joke about Uncle Milton the medium. Uncle Milton talked to a spirt named Max. In life, Max was a waiter. “Come closer,” Milton said. “I can’t,” Max replied, “it’s not my table.”

Gabe’s going to need all the jokes and laughs that he can get because he’s in a lot of trouble. After asking student Laura Stevens (Sally Hightower) to see him after class, Gabe is shocked when she suddenly faints. Gabe just wanted to talk to Laura about her habit of putting on her makeup while he’s trying to teach but instead, he finds himself performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Of course, just as he’s doing this, Woodman walks into the room.

Mr. Woodman is scandalized. Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck, making one of her infrequent appearances in the third season) is scandalized to the extent that she declares she wants to transfer to an all-girl’s school. The school board and Principal Lazarus are planning to hold a meeting to discuss what to do with Gabe. Julie tells Gabe that she believes him when he says that he wasn’t actually kissing Laura but then she adds, “How pretty was this girl?” Julie then complains that homely girls never faint….

Well, you would know, wouldn’t you, Julie?

Sorry, that was mean. I fainted more than a few times in high school so this is an episode that I took slightly personally. Listen, being beautiful in high school is a lot of pressure. People have no idea.

The Sweathogs are on Gabe’s side and they even stop by the Kotter apartment to let Gabe know that Laura’s brother, Baby, is angry with him. Gabe laughs. How much of a threat can a baby be?

Then, Baby shows up.

Baby really doesn’t look that tough to me but everyone else is scared to death of him. Gabe is scared until he find out that Baby is only responding to rumors. He hasn’t even asked Laura what actually happened. Gabe sends Baby off to talk to his sister.

The Sweathogs also talk to Laura. Laura doesn’t really remember what happened. The Sweathogs note that Laura is on an all-bean sprout diet. That’s why she fainted! Laura then goes to the principal’s office, where Kotter is currently being grilled by an investigator from the school board. While waiting in the lobby of the office, she faints once again! This time, it’s Woodman who gives her mouth-to-mouth. In all probability, Laura has got a serious eating disorder that could very well prove fatal but, since this is Welcome Back, Kotter, the only thing that’s important is that Gabe is exonerated. Laura is told to head down to the cafeteria and eat a lot. A grateful Laura says that she will as she leaves the office.

Happy to in the clear, Gabe tells the school board guy a joke about a Chinese waiter who spoke perfect Italian because he thought he was leaning English.

This episode is a good example of the type of story that Welcome Back, Kotter would have handled with a lot of skill back in the first season. Unfortunately, by the time the third season rolled around, the show had gotten way too cartoonish to effectively deal with real-life issues, like teachers kissing students. As well, the Sweathogs — with the exception of John Travolta, who was in his early 20s — all very much look like adult, 30-something men now. Time to get out of high school!

Next week, the third season comes to a close.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.25 “Horshack and the Madame X!”

Posted on September 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I guess it’s time to get back to reviewing those Sweathog antics!

Episode 3.25 “Horshack and the Madame X!”

(Dir by Al Schwartz, originally aired on February 23rd, 1978)

So, I’m finally ready to start reviewing Welcome Back, Kotter again and …. OH NO! It’s a Horshack episode!

Listen, don’t get me wrong. Ron Pallilo, despite what some critics have said, did not give a bad performance as Arnold Horshack. Consistently, he gave the best performance that he could with the material that he was given. It’s just that, as the series progressed, the character was written in a way that was more and more cartoonish. By the time the third season rolled around, a little bit of Horshack went a long way. If the first season present Horshack as being a relatively believable class clown, the third season Horshack was the type of weirdo who made you want to take out a restraining order.

This episode finds Horshack depressed because he can’t get a girlfriend. The Sweathogs try to help but the truth of the matter is that no one wants to date Horshack. (Not be mean but would you want to date Horshack? Especially when Barbarino, Epstein, and Washington are right there?) When Gabe mentions that he’s going to be teaching a night class at NYU, the Sweathogs announce that they’ll go over to his apartment to keep an eye on Julie. Gabe agrees to this, mostly because he secretly hates Julie.

At the apartment, Julie tries to give Horshack some encouragement and makes the mistake of allowing him to show her how he asks a girl out on a date. Horshack falls in love with Julie and he decides that she’s in love with him. As I said, restraining order time!

The next night, Julie invites Horshack to dinner so she can let him down easy. Unfortunately, Horshack shows up early and Julie has to try to talk to him with wet hair and wearing a bathrobe. Then the other Sweathogs shows up and assume that Julie is leading Horshack on. This episode did the impossible, in that it made me feel sorry for Julie. Usually, Julie comes across like someone who is just permanently in a bad mood but this episode really drove home just how unfair it is that she has to continually play hostess to her husband’s students. To be honest, Julie has the patience of a saint in this episode.

Travolta made me laugh a few times but otherwise, this was one of those episodes where I just wanted the Sweathogs to leave the apartment and leave the Kotter family alone. Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that Gabe was barely in it. Reportedly, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along and it’s easy to sense that during the third season.

As for this episode’s opening joke, Gabe told Julie about his uncle who became a mailman and then bit himself because he thought he was a dog. Gabe’s family is just wacky!

Mini Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 3.23 “Goodbye, Mr. Kripps”

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve got a sprained wrist so typing is kind of painful. For that reason, today’s review is going to be a quick one. You might even call it a …. MINI REVIEW!

Episode 3.23 “Goodbye, Mr. Kripps”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on February 16th, 1978)

Shop teacher Mr. Kripps (Jack Fletcher) is famous for being cranky and for not liking the Sweathogs. Even when Gabe was a student at the school, Mr. Kripps was a teacher known for his bad temper. When Mr. Kripps drops dead of a heart attack, only Barbarino is shocked. Barbarino also feels guilty because Mr. Kripps was yelling at him when he died.

Woodman, Gabe, and the Sweathogs attends the funeral and then all return to Gabe’s apartment. I get that the Sweathogs are in a co-dependent relationship with Gabe but why is Woodman at the apartment? Gabe and the Sweathogs are depressed. Woodman talks about how July is the best month for a funeral. “August is too hot!”

Barbarino turns himself into the police for murder. Awwwww, poor Barbarino! Seriously, this is an unbelievably dumb thing to do but John Travolta is so crestfallen and child-like as Babarino that your heart still breaks for him. No-nonsense Lt. Eddie Lasky (Norman Alden) comes down to the school to investigate Mr. Kripps’s death. Gabe and Lasky help Barbarino to understand that it’s not his fault that Mr. Kripps had anger problems. And again, it’s kind of dumb but Gabe Kaplan and Norman Alden play off of each other really well and Travolta’s puppy-dog earnestness just makes you want to hug him.

Woodman gets upset when he sees that Lasky parked in his spot. Woodman vandalizes Lasky’s car and gets taken to jail. When he returns to the school, Gabe cheers him up with a joke about Uncle Willie, who was sentenced to a 99-year sentence.

This was a good episode. It felt like a throwback to the humane and sweet-natured episodes of the first season. Travolta once again shows why he’s the Sweathog who ended up with the Oscar nominations.