Alarmed (2014, directed by Matt Lofgren)


Samantha stands trial, accused of killing her father, mother, and two of her sisters.  She is acquitted.  Five years later, she’s trapped on the family yacht, stranded at sea with the ship’s onboard computer ordering her to remove her limbs and slash her face.  Every morning, she wakes up and it’s as if nothing happened.  But during the evening, she goes through the entire ritual again.  Samantha feels that she is being punished for murdering her family, except that Samantha did not murder her family.  While being tortured on the boat, she thinks back and tries to figure out who the guilty party actually was.

It’s an interesting idea but a dumb movie.  You’re stuck on a boat, far from civilization and medical help.  The only other person on the boat is your husband, who can’t help you because the boat’s onboard computer has locked him out of control room.  Are you going to chop off your finger just because a computer tells you to?  Are you going to saw off your hand, just because the computer says so?  The boat is also haunted by ghosts and I wish the movie had just focused on them instead of bringing in the computer and the time loop element.

The movie just doesn’t work.  The plot is overstuffed and the acting is terrible.  Try not to laugh when you hear the dialogue between the judges and the lawyers in the courtroom scene.  The yacht is a good location but a few long shots make it obvious that the yacht is not as far away from civilization as Samantha and her husband seem to think.

All in all, a misfire.

October Positivity: Mindreader (dir by Rich Christiano)


2022’s Mindreader start out telling the story of the Great Dexter (Hamish Briggs).

In 1974, Dexter amazed audiences with his mid-reading tricks.  He also amazed his fellow magicians, none of whom could figure out how Dexter performed his tricks.  Dexter insisted that they only needed to consider his catch phrase — “I don’t really do magic, I just read minds,” — to understand how he was able to know what people were thinking.  Dexter said that his fellow magicians just needed to have faith that he could do what he could do.

But the other magicians, because they were so used to the idea of tricking their audiences, would not accept what Dexter said.  They launched an investigation into how Dexter was able to read minds.  A particularly jealous magician tried to fool Dexter by lying about what he was thinking.  Dexter, of course, saw right through him and humiliated the magician in front of his peers.  Those who worked at the same theater as Dexter were offered money to spy on and betray Dexter.  Dexter’s story eventually ended with tragedy.

Years later, Dexter is a revered figure.  The same organization of magicians that persecuted him now wants to honor him.  They interview those who knew Dexter.  They hear about Dexter’s powers.  They hear about how Dexter’s ability to read minds helped countless people.  And they still demand to know how Dexter could have read minds.  Dexter’s now aged assistant tells them that they can either believe it was a trick or they can accept that Dexter could do what he said he could.

Now, it’s pretty obvious what this film is getting at.  Dexter is obviously meant to be a Christ figure and his persecution is meant to parallel the betrayal and crucifixion of Jesus.  It’s not at all subtle but it’s still fairly well-done.  For a Rich Christiano film, the first hour of Mindreader is well-directed, well-acted, and nicely paced.

However, the film takes an abrupt turn when the end credits suddenly roll at the 60 minute mark and a whole new film begin.  Suddenly, the viewer finds themselves watching as a bunch of college students as they stand up and leave a movie theater.  They agree the movie was interesting but they don’t say much else about it.  The student who invited them to the movie goes to his dorm room and feels like a failure for not talking to them about the film’s message.  But, the next day, he discovers that at least one of them is interesting in what the film was really about and they proceed to discuss it.

Two things about this ending:

Number one, it feels more than a little self-congratulatory.  One gets the feeling that this ending was Christiano’s way of clapping back at every critic (like me!) who has ever suggested that a lot of faith-based films don’t really do much to reach people who don’t already agree with their point of view.

Number two, as the magicians in this film could have told you, you should never reveal how it’s done.  There’s a difference between getting people to think about something and telling people to think about it.  After an effective hour, Mindreader gets too heavy-handed for its own good.

Sometimes, you have to have faith in your audience.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Forgotten Evil (dir by Anthony C. Ferrante)


Earlier tonight, as part of my continuing effort to clean out my DVR, I watched Forgotten Evil!  I recorded Forgotten Evil off of the Lifetime Movie Network on March 12th.

As soon as the words, “The Asylum Presents” appeared on the screen, I knew that I was going to love Forgotten Evil.  Though the Asylum may be best known for the Sharknado franchise and several subversively entertaining mockbusters, they’ve also produced several films for Lifetime.  An Asylum Lifetime film is always delightfully melodramatic and a lot of fun.  My optimism only increased when I discovered that Forgotten Evil was directed and written by the man behind Sharknado, Anthony C. Ferrante.

“This is going to be fun!” I thought and it turns out that I was right.

Forgotten Evil opens with a woman in a bag being dumped over the side of a boat.  The opening scenes have a surreal, almost dream-like feel to them.  Ferrante does a good job of creating a properly ominous atmosphere.  As I watched that bag crash into the water, I was reminded of my own rather morbid fear of drowning.  Fortunately, the woman in the bag survives.  Unfortunately, when she’s found floating by the shore, she has absolutely no idea who she is.

That’s right!  Jane Doe (played by Masiela Lusha) has amnesia!  Even though she does occasionally have flashes of memory, she can’t put together what they all mean.  She has no idea who she was or why she was dumped in the water.  Eventually, she starts using the name Renee but that’s just because she saw a boat named Renee before she nearly drowned.

Amnesia, needless to say, is always a good way to start an intriguing story.  I mean, let’s be honest.  The idea that people can suddenly forget everything is really quite fascinating.  It’s impossible not to wonder what you would do if you were in the same situation.

Despite having no idea who she is, Renee tries to start a new life for herself.  A nurse and a police officer become her new BFFs.  Her therapist becomes her new parental figure.  She even gets a job and a new boyfriend (played by Kyle McKeever), one who is surprisingly good at karaoke!  That’s really not too bad for someone who, just a few weeks previously, was being dumped over the side of the boat.

Except, strange things keep happening.  She loses her job when semi-explicit Polaroids mysteriously appear on her desk.  She continues to have flashes of disturbing images and she’s convinced that someone tried to drown her while she was taking a bath.  She thinks that she sees a mysterious man following her around.  And that perfect new boyfriend of hers?  Well, he appears to be just a little bit too perfect.  It’s hard not to suspect that he’s hiding something.  Especially when he takes her to an isolated cabin which, in a Lifetime movie, is never a good sign…

I enjoyed Forgotten Evil.  This is pure and enjoyable melodrama, well-directed by Anthony C. Ferrante and featuring all sorts of twists and turns.  Masiela Lusha is likable and sympathetic in the main role.  All in all, this is a fun Lifetime movie.  Keep an eye out for it.