Tag Archives: Ronnie Rondell Jr.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.16 “Return To The Cotton Club/No Friends Like Old Friends”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, we’re traveling in time!

Episode 6.16 “Return to the Cotton Club/No Friends Like Old Friends”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 26th, 1983)

Aspiring singer Charlie Whelan (Lou Rawls) wants to go back to a time where all that mattered was talent.  As he tells Roarke and Tattoo, it’s all about image and connections now.  Charlie wants to go back to the Cotton Club, the famous New York club where blacks were allowed to perform on stage while gangsters sat in the audience.  Roarke sends Charlie back in time and soon, Charlie is at the Cotton Club.  He meets Dutch Schultz (J.D. Cannon).  He befriends the club’s manager, Gus Kelly (Yaphet Kotto).  He falls for another singer, Linda (Berlinda Tolbert).

The first thing I noticed about this fantasy is that The Cotton Club looked really cheap.  It looked like an old VIP lounge in an airport.  It was kind of tacky.  The other thing I noticed is that the fantasy wasn’t historically accurate.  The Cotton Club was not owned by Dutch Schultz.  In fact, Schultz had little to do with The Cotton Club.  The gangster who owned the Cotton Club was Owney Madden, an Irish gangster who eventually left New York City for Hot Springs, Arkansas.  In the show’s defense, the man who Charlie knew as Dutch Schultz was eventually revealed to be another guest who was having a fantasy of his own.  I’ve always had mixed feelings about Roarke’s habit of combining fantasies.  I feel like a guest should only have to pay half-price if their fantasy is going to mixed up with somebody else’s.

As for this fantasy, it was okay.  Lou Rawls certainly gave a better performance here than he ever did on Baywatch Nights.  And Yaphet Kotto was a charming as ever, even if his role was, again, not historically accurate.  (The Cotton Club may have hired black performers but otherwise, it was heavily segregated.)  I like almost anything involving 1930s gangsters.  I can’t help it.  They had style.

As for the other fantasy, Doreen Murphy (Markie Post) wants to have a reunion with her friends from college.  Doreen asks Roarke to make her rich and beautiful so that she can shame all of the people who never believed in her.  Roarke gives her a magic necklace that changes her from being a brunette to being a blonde.  That’s all it takes!  One of Doreen’s friends is Liz (Cybill Shepherd).  Liz is married to the unfaithful Al (Lyle Waggoner), who takes an interest in Doreen.  Doreen learns a lesson about true beauty being more than just an appearance.  She also learns that people don’t dislike her as much as they dislike her bitter attitude.  Doreen gives the necklace to Liz so that Liz can get her cheating husband back.  Good, I guess.

This was an uneven trip to the Island.  Neither story was particularly compelling.  The Cotton Club fantasy at least had Yaphet Kotto.  Otherwise, this was a forgettable trip.  The writers really didn’t even seem to be trying to come up with anything unexpected or surprising.  At least the Island continues to look lovely.

No Safe Haven (1987, directed by Ronnie Rondell Jr.)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

A group of drug dealers try to pressure football player Buddy Harris (Tom Campitelli) into throwing the big game.  Buddy fakes an injury to get out of playing so the dealers murder not only Buddy but also his mother and his younger brother.  Big mistake!  Buddy’s older brother, Clete (Wings Hauser), is a CIA agent who is working as a listener in Honduras.  Clete returns home and, with the help of an arms dealer (Robert Tessier, playing a good guy for change), Clete hunts down and kills everyone who killed his family.  Clete not only gets revenge for his family but he also heads down to Bolivia to show the syndicate that, for them, there is no safe haven!

This is one of the ultimate Wings Hauser films, one that he both wrote and starred in.  When Clete seeks revenge, he doesn’t mess around.  One gunman gets set on fire while standing on his balcony.  (He can either burn to death on the balcony or he can jump to a quicker death below.  Either way, Clete’s going to take a lot of pictures)  Wings chases the villains down with speedboats and helicopters and he does it all with a slight smirk that suggests he’s not only getting revenge but he’s also having the time of his life.  This is Wings Hauser at his most demented and he’s playing the hero!  Luckily, the villains are even crazier than Wings.  I have to make a special mention of Branscombe Richmond, laughing and yelling and killing in a way that you would never expect if you only knew him from Renegade.

This is Wings Hauser at his best, in a movie that’s mean, violent, and never less than compelling.  Clete kills a lot of people but it’s okay because, to quote True Lies, they were all bad.  Wings throws himself into the role with his trademark intensity and shows why no one’s safe from Clete Harris.  I’m going to miss Wings Hauser.  Only he could have played Clete Harris.  Only he could have made No Safe Haven the B-action classic of 1987.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  It’s time to start the 5th season!

Episode 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)

The fifth season brings some changes to Fantasy Island.

For instance, at the start of the season premiere, Roarke gifts Tattoo a platform that he can stand on while greeting and saying goodbye to the guests and so that he can, visually, be on equal footing with Mr. Roarke.  From what I’ve read, this was something that Herve Villechaize specifically requested as a condition for agreeing to continue with the show.  Considering that the previous season didn’t give Tattoo much to do, I can understand Villechaize’s logic.

The other big change is that Roarke has a new assistant.  His goddaughter, Julie (Wendy Schaal), has spent the summer working on Fantasy Island.  She only appears briefly in this episode, asking Mr. Roarke if she can greet the guests with him.  Roarke tells her that she’s not quite ready but perhaps next week, she will get the opportunity….

And really, Julie should feel good about that because neither fantasy is really that interesting this week.

Matt Kane (Sonny Bono) is a short sportswriter who wants to become a great basketball player and play for a team called the California Top Hatters (who the Hell came up with that name?) because he thinks that’s the only way that he’ll be able to win the heart of Ginger Donavon (Jenilee Harrison), the daughter of the team’s coach (Forrest Tucker).  Mr. Roarke warns Matt that there’s more to love than being able to play basketball but he still gives Matt a pair of magic sneakers.

Matt becomes a great basketball player.  (For some reason, the team is practicing on Fantasy Island).  Coach Donavon says that, if Matt wants a place on the team, he’ll have to beat out rookie sensation Skyhook Schuyler (Peter Isacksen).  Fortunately, Matt comes to realize that he can’t win Ginger by being the best player.  Instead, he has to be a better person.  He removes his shoes and bombs the try out.  But he gets to leave the island with Ginger.

Sonny Bono was a frequent guest star on both this show and The Love Boat.  He always played dorky guys who tried too hard to be cool.  That’s certainly the case here but what should be charming is made a bit bland by the total lack of chemistry between him and Jenilee Harrison.  On the plus side, Tattoo actually gets to do something in this fantasy, serving as a confidante to Skyhook.  It turns out that Skyhook is just as insecure about being tall as Tattoo is about being short.  To help Skyhook, Tattoo paints a picture of him so that Skyhook can see his kind soul.  Awwww!  Seriously, Herve Villechaize totally earned his right to stand on that platform.

As for the other fantasy, Helen Ross (Connie Stevens) is engaged to Ted Kingman (Martin Milner) but she can’t get over her former lover, John Day (David Hedison).  She thinks that John died while serving in the military but Mr. Roarke reveals that John actually survived the war and he lives on a nearby island.  Helen is reunited with John, just to discover that he’s a cad who faked his own death and became a deserter.  Helen leaves the Island feeling confident in her decision to marry Ted.

It’s only after she leaves that the truth is revealed.  Ted is currently serving a prison sentence.  Mr. Roarke arranged for Ted to have a weekend with freedom, on the condition that he lie about his situation to Helen so that she could move on from their failed romance.  So, basically, Mr. Roarke took Helen’s money and then lied to her.  Uhmm …. seriously, what the Hell, Mr. Roarke?

This was a bit of an underwhelming start for the fifth season but fear not!  Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns as the Devil and he wants Mr. Roarke’s soul!

Til then….