Roger Til | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Leslie Nielsen returns to Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.17 “Playgirl/Smith’s Valhalla”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

This week, Tattoo is super excited because one of the guests is Erica Clark (Barbie Benton), a famous centerfold for Rooster Magazine! Erica, however, no longer models. As she explains to Mr. Roarke, she grew tired of men treating her as just being a sex object. Indeed, her fantasy is to be able to treat men the same way! (Today, of course, Erica could save however much money she spent for the fantasy by simply watching clips of Magic Mike on YouTube.)

In perhaps the simplest fantasy that Mr. Roarke has ever put together, he sends Erica to the Island’s famed Jackrabbit Club, where men dance while women watch. Again, to be clear, all Mr. Roarke had to do was send her to the island’s version of Chippendales. I mean, Erica could have just done that on her own. Anyway, Erica witnesses one of the dancers, Walter Wilde (Fabian Forte), getting fired for refusing to go along with being sexually harassed by one of the women in the audience. Relating to Walter, his desire to go to medical school, and his life as a single father to Dinah (Heather McAdam), Erica agrees to come out of retirement and pose (in a bikini with a big rooster tail hooked on the back) for the club’s owner, Big Earl Sanderson (Denny Miller). However, when Big Earl demands that Erica do more than just pose, Walter is there to punch him out.

Anyway, it turns out that Dinah’s fantasy was for Walter to fall in love and Roarke combined her fantasy with Erica’s, presumably to save some money. So, Erica, Walter, and Dinah leave the island together and I guess Erica learns that …. well, I’m not sure anyone learned anything. This was a pretty weak fantasy that claimed to be about treating men as sex objects but spent the majority of time looking for excuses to put Barbi Benton in a bikini. Seriously, Jackrabbit was the tamest male strip club I’ve ever seen.

Meanwhile, the Island finds itself in what should be an international incident after a group of dirty commies hijack a plane and make it land at an abandoned Fantasy Island airport. The communists say that they are doing this because they have to get people to pay attention to their cause but it’s hard not to notice that there’s next to no media coverage of the events, there are no soldiers or police surrounding the airport, and Mr. Roarke merely shrugs it off.

The only person who does care is Jason Smith (Hugh O’Brian), whose fantasy is to lead a combat mission. The fantasy becomes personal for Jason when he discovers that his wife (Emily Banks) is one of the hostages! Mr. Roarke arranges to Jason to work with three combat experts.

Buck Tanner (Sean Garrison) is an explosives expert who suffers from war flashbacks.

“Weasel” Forbes (Charlies Dierkop) is a wild sniper.

And French soldier of fortune Emile Bouvier is …. LESLIE NIELSEN!

Yes, this episode of Fantasy Island features Leslie Nielsen is one of the last of his “serious” roles, playing a French mercenary by wearing a red beret and not even attempting an accent. Bouver is tough and no-nonsense, as we learn when he catches Buck drinking on the job.

Anyway, Jason is able to rescue his wife and the other hostages and the communists are all arrested and hopefully sacrificed to the Fantasy Island mermaid. Bouvier sacrifices his life to save Jason’s but Mr. Roark explains that it was no big deal because Bouvier was dying anyways and his fantasy was to end his life doing something heroic. Once again, it appears that Mr. Roarke saved some money by combining fantasies. Was Fantasy Island feeling the effects of the Carter recession? Perhaps.

Other than Leslie Nielsen playing a serious role, probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that Mr. Roarke and Tattoo barely spoke to each other over the course of it. There was none of the usual comedic banter or anything like that. Indeed, even in the scenes greeting and saying goodbye to their guests, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize refused to every look at each other. Obviously, it wasn’t all happy days on Fantasy Island.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1969’s Dragnet 1966! It can be viewed on YouTube!

“This is the city….”

So begins Dragnet, a television movie version of the classic cop show that was the Law & Order of it’s day. Dragnet began as a radio program in 1949 before making it’s way over to television in 1951. Each episode starred (and the majority were directed by) Jack Webb, who played a no-nonsense cop named Joe Friday. Friday narrated every episode, dropping trivia about the history of Los Angeles while also showing viewers how the cops went about catching criminals. Despite what is commonly believed, Joe Friday never said, “Just the facts, ma’m,” but he did investigate each case with the cool determination of a professional who kept his emotions under control. The majority of Dragnet’s episodes were based on actual cases that were worked by the LAPD, hence the opening declaration of, “The story you are about to see is true.”

On television, Dragnet originally ran from 1951 to 1959, during which time Dragnet also became the first television series to be adapted into a feature film. Jack Webb decided to relaunch Dragnet in 1966 and he produced a made-for-television movie that followed Friday and his latest partner, the far more talkative Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan), as they worked multiple cases over the course of one long weekend. The pilot movie did lead to a new show, one that lasted from 1967 to 1970 and which is today fondly remembered for scenes of Friday and Gannon debating the merits of the legal system with hippies. However, for whatever reason, the 1966 pilot movie was not actually aired until 1969.

The made-for-TV movie features Friday and Gannon searching not for LSD dealers and draft dodgers but instead for a crazed photographer (Vic Perrin) who hires women to pose for him and then ties them up and takes their picture right before her murders them. The photographer is based on real-life serial killer Harvey Glatman and Perrin is perfectly creepy in the role. Though Friday never loses his composure, his disgust at the photographer and his crimes is palpable and it adds an extra charge to the scene where, in the middle of a drenching rain storm, Friday tries to sneak up on the trailer where he believes the photographer is holding his latest victim. It’s actually a pretty exciting scene and definitely one that will take by surprise anyone who thinks of the 60s Dragnet as just being a campy exercise in establishment resentment.

Of course, catching a serial killer is not all that Friday and Gannon deal with. It’s a long weekend so Friday and Gannon end up investigating the murder of a French tourist and Friday helps a younger, black detective deal with a racist criminal. (The scene where Friday stands up to the racist was obviously meant to answer those who claimed the LAPD was a racist organization.) At the start of the film, Joe almost gets collared into working security for a visiting Russian diplomat and the Russian’s paranoid security team is contrasted to the level-headed and capable men of the LAPD. Some of these scenes are better than others. The French tourist subplot features some truly risible acting and the scene with the racist is well-intentioned but still feels a bit condescending in its portrayal of the black detective needing Friday to help him deal with the suspect. That said, I did enjoy listening to Bill Gannon talking about his plans for retirement and how working for the LAPD was destroying his teeth. Harry Morgan’s folksy humor was always the perfect counterpart to Jack Webb’s perpetually rational Friday.

Finally, I appreciated that the movie featured a scene with Friday and Gannon went undercover at a lonely hearts club. If you’ve watched the 1960s version of Dragnet, you know that, for all the times that Friday and Gannon went undercover, they never really put much effort into it. I mean, they didn’t ever bother to take off their jackets!