Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Chris screws up again.

Episode 3.16 “Double Lives”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on January 18th, 1998)

Sean McGovern (Rob Youngblood) shows up on the beach, looking for Chris.  It turns out that he’s a former lover who is now in the witness protection agency.  We jump forward several months and Sean has not only vanished by Chris has been accused of helping him flee.  Chris is being investigated and, as is typical with this show, the reaction of the bicycle cops is to get offended that they’re being held to any sort of professional standard.

Seriously, Chris’s former boyfriend escapes custody?  Heck yeah, Chris should be investigated!  (I gave up cursing for Lent, everyone.)  Instead, Chris pouts about having to answer the most basic of questions and Palermo wanders around in the background, talking about how he needs to get Chris back on a bicycle and doing her job.  It’s hard to take any of this seriously when everyone’s wearing bicycle shorts.

Meanwhile, a gang of teenagers is mugging closeted gay men because they know the men won’t go to the police.  Victor is told to go undercover as a gay man to catch the muggers.  “No one’s going to believe me as a gay man!” Victor says.  Fortunately, Victor is wrong and he’s able to capture the muggers.

This episode was well-intentioned.  As far as the mugging storyline was concerned, it treated the victims with sensitivity.  Judge Annadale (Gil Gerard) refuses to make a police report because coming out of the closet would end his career and, at the time this show aired, he had every reason to believe that.  That said, the actors playing the muggers were not exactly the most intimidating teenagers around.  As far as Chris’s storyline is concerned …. who cares?  Seriously, why does Chris never have to face any consequences for being awful at her job?

Watching this show is becoming a real trial.