Patrick DeLuca | Through the Shattered Lens

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime Movie Network premiere, House of Darkness: New Blood!

Why Was I Watching It?

The main reason I was watching it was because it was on Lifetime.

That said, I was also intrigued by the fact that Lifetime was premiering a horror film. In the past, horror has been one of the few genres that Lifetime has usually avoided. It’s only been rather recently that Lifetime started to show movies that could even be considered a part of the horror genre and, as a horror aficionado, I’m curious to see what this development will lead to.

Of course, another big reason why I was watching it was because it’s been raining nonstop since Thursday so, for once, I actually spent a Friday night at home. There’s nothing like watching a horror movie while surrounded by rain, thunder, and lightning!

What Was It About?

Judd (Liam McNeill) has asked Brooke (Kate Stone) to marry him! Yay!

There’s only a few problems. For one, Brooke’s creepy son, Dylan (Jake T. Getman), doesn’t seem to like Judd that much. Secondly, Brooke has yet to meet Judd’s mother, Elaine (Hilary Momberger-Powers). Elaine, it turns out, lives in a big house out in the country, a house that’s full of secrets and — you guessed it — darkness! When Judd takes Brooke and Dylan out to the house, Elaine doesn’t seem to be happy to see any of them. Judd says that it’s just a symptom of Elaine’s dementia but is that all there is to it?

Soon, Brooke is hearing weird noises, seeing dark shadows, and having terrible nightmares. Judd says that it’s probably just a side effect of the sleep aid that she’s taking but Brooke isn’t too sure. Is it all in Brooke’s head or has she truly discovered …. A HOUSE OF DARKNESS!?

What Worked?

There were a few effectively creepy moments. The house was big and spooky and full of ominous atmosphere and Hilary Momberger-Powers did a good job as Elaine. She kept you guessing and off-balance.

What Did Not Work?

House of Darkness ran into the same problem that’s haunted a lot of made-for-TV horror films. It’s difficult to maintain suspense when you the story has to come to a stop every 15-to-20 minutes for a commercial break. Every time that I found myself starting to get invested in the storyline, it was suddenly time for that Humira commercial where that guy meets his girlfriend’s parents for the first time.

The fact that it was on television also meant that the horror often had to be a bit low-key. There was one hanging scene that was effectively horrific but otherwise, the film often felt a bit too restrained to be fully effective.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I know that it’s usually said that people are stupid for not just leaving an obviously haunted house but, to be honest, I’d probably stay even longer than Brooke did. I mean, it’s not every day you get to deal with the paranormal.

Lessons Learned

Always check the lights before moving into a new house.

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 10th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

The 18th film on the DVR was the Lifetime original movie, House of Darkness.

House of Darkness is a film that asks a question that I’m sure we have all asked ourselves at least once: “What if Lifetime made a horror film? What would that be like?”

Well, apparently, it would be like every single horror film that you’ve ever seen. There is not a single cliché that does not show up in House of Darkness. It starts out with the promise that we are about see a true story and hey, maybe it was! After all, the film reminded me of a lot of other horrors film — Amityville, Paranormal Activity, and others — that were supposedly based on true stories.

Kelly (Sara Fletcher) and Brian (Gunner Wright) are a married couple but they are also a Lifetime couple, which means that their marriage is in trouble! Brian is a carpenter who has a difficult time opening up emotionally. Kelly is a massage therapist, which Brian appears to think is the equivalent of working in a brothel. How bad is their marriage? When Brian sees Kelly wearing sexy lingerie in an effort to liven things up, he responds by going out to the garage.

Fortunately, Brian and Kelly have been seeing a marriage counselor. The counselor suggests that they both start keeping a video diary, which allows the film to occasionally so some found footage shots. (That’s the Paranormal Activity influence.) If the video diaries don’t help, maybe moving to a new house in San Francisco will do the trick!

And you know what? It’s a great house but the owners didn’t want much money for it. It’s almost as if they were trying to get rid of the house. I wonder what that could mean!

Anyway, Kelly and Brian’s daughter is soon wandering around, speaking in a demonic voice while giving everyone Hillary Clinton-style death glares, and encouraging her friends to wander into the basement. Meanwhile, Brian is acting even weirder and suddenly, it’s like he can’t go anywhere without bringing an axe with him!

And then there’s the neighbors. A sexy woman and a superhot man occasionally appear standing in front of the house across the road. The woman smiles at Brian, tempting him to … to do what? I guess that the idea here is to encourage Brian to start doing his Jack Nicholson impersonation but I wasn’t sure. I suspect, to a certain extent, that the ghosts and the evil spirits and whatever the Hell is in the house don’t really have any goals beyond doing the usual horror stuff. They probably said, “Look! A stationary camera! Let’s go knock shit around!”

Anyway, House of Darkness is pretty much just a festival of nonstop clichés and scenes lifted from other horror films. It’s never really scary, largely because it’s a made-for-TV movie and, since it’s Lifetime, you know that it’s not going to be disturbing or graphic like The Walking Dead or Game of Thrones. Without any intentional humor or unexpected scares, House of Darkness is largely forgettable.