Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Wow, it’s been more than a little while since I last reviewed an episode of Monsters!  Well, it’s time to get back to it!  Like most anthology series, Monsters can be frustratingly uneven but occasionally, the viewer does get lucky with a really good episode.  Take this week, for instance….

Episode 2.12 “Museum Hearts”

(Dir by Theodore Gershuny, originally aired on January 7th, 1990)

Cheryl (Louise Roberts) comes to the natural history museum to see her husband, Danny (Patrick Breen).  Danny, one of the museum’s curators, said he would be working late in the basement but, as Cheryl discovers, Danny is actually in basement cheating on her with Edwina (Sarah Trigger).

However, the three of them have an even bigger problem that Danny’s infidelity.  While they’re busy arguing in the basement, the museum closes and all the doors are locked.  Danny’s suggestion is that they spend the night having a threesome.  Cheryl’s suggestion is that Danny find a way to get them out of the basement.

Attempting to reach a high window, dumbass Danny climbs on top of ancient coffin.  His foot goes through the wood.  Danny not only cuts open his ankle but he also steps on the mummified remains of Cerridwen (Pamela Dean Kelly), a Druid priestess.  His foot goes through her chest, revealing her heart.  Danny decides that it would be a good idea to grab the heart and take it as a souvenir.  Cerridwen, who is not quite dead, is not happy about that idea.

At first, Danny, Cheryl, and Edwina are terrified about the idea of being stuck with a mummy.  But it turns out that Cerridwen hates cheating men like Danny.  Cheryl and Edwina proceed to sacrifice Danny, allowing Cerridwen to revert back to her youthful appearance.  The three women leave the museum together.

So far, Monsters has been a rather uneven series but I really liked this episode.  A lot of that is due to Theodore Gershuny’s direction.  Gershuny also directed one of my favorite grindhouse films, Silent Night Bloody Night.  Just as in that film, Gershuny creates an ominous and dream-like atmosphere that goes a long way towards making up for the fact that episode’s story is rather predictable.  Fortunately, Danny is such a sleaze that it’s impossible not take some joy out of him getting his macabre comeuppance.  I liked the fact that all three of the women worked together rather than allowing Danny to turn them against one another.  Instead of getting mad at Edwina, Cheryl put the blame for Danny’s infidelity right where it belonged, on Danny.

This was a good episode with a good message.  Don’t mess around in the basement of a museum because you never know what you might find down there.  And, for the love of God, don’t step on a mummy’s chest.