Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Eh, who cares?

Episode 1.9 “Moving Target”

(Dir by Mickey Dolenz. originally aired on April 27th, 1996)

When TC’s former lover, ex-model Rebecca Reynard (Jacqueline Collen), is nearly shot by a mysterious gunman, TC takes it upon himself to serve as her bodyguard.  Chris rolls her eyes because that’s how Chris reacts to every situation.  We’re nine episodes in and Chris still doesn’t really have a personality beyond being perpetually annoyed.  To the surprise of no one, Rebecca turns out to be hiding some deadly secrets of her own and TC comes to realize that his former and current lover is actually a stone cold sociopath.  This is one of those traumatic developments that will probably never be mentioned again.

(I thought TC had a girlfriend.  She was present in the pilot but has never been heard from since.)

Meanwhile, former boxer Victor returns to the ring to help Palermo win a bet against a smarmy lifeguard.  The boxing storyline — which features Victor facing off against the one opponent who beat him during his previous pugilist career — was actually interesting.  Too bad the show ended without actually revealing who won the big fight.  I think we were supposed to be satisfied with the fact that Victor found the confidence necessary to step back into the ring.  No, Pacific Blue.  You haven’t earned the right to end on a note of ambiguity.  Not yet.

This episode was directed by former Monkee Mickey Dolenz.  Unfortunately, not even a Monkee can make cops on bikes look cool.