What Lisa Watched Last Night #159: Best-Selling Murder (dir by Michel Poulette)

Posted on November 13, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after I watched Little Girl’s Secret, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched Best-Selling Murder!

Why Was I Watching It?

The obvious answer, of course, is that it was a Lifetime premiere and y’all know how much I love my Lifetime movies! But, even beyond that, there were two reasons why I made it a point to watch Best-Selling Murder.

1) Much as with Little Girl’s Secret, I was hoping that — by watching and live tweeting Best-Selling Murder — I could bring some joy to an otherwise depressed world. Unfortunately, I didn’t get much live tweeting done because it was late and I was kinda tired.

2) It was a murder mystery about a writer! I’m a writer and I’d love to solve a real-life murder mystery! Obviously, this would be a movie to which I would be able to relate.

What Was It About?

Hannah (Vanessa Ray) is an acclaimed author who has run out of ideas. Actually, not only has she run out of ideas, but she’s also now on the verge of running out of opportunities. Her publisher is dropping her. As they explain it, awards and accolades don’t mean anything. People wants novels about teenage vampires and middle-aged bondage.

Of course, that’s not all Hannah has to worry about. Her creep of an ex-husband has married and impregnated her former best friend. She has not one but two stalkers following her around. And she also appears to have something of a drinking problem!

However, things start to look up after she starts to channel her rage into a serialized series of stories, all of which deal with a serial killer named Bloody Mary. If you betray Bloody Mary, you get stabbed in the heart…

Suddenly, people who have betrayed Hannah start to turn up dead. And guess what? They’ve all been stabbed in the heart!

What Worked?

Everything worked! Pulpy, melodramatic, and occasionally a little silly, this movie was the epitome of everything that makes Lifetime great. Don’t worry about whether or not the plot makes any sense. Don’t worry if some of the twists come out of nowhere. Instead, just enjoy the ride.

Vanessa Ray was well-cast as Hannah. Not only was she a sympathetic protagonist but you also actually believed that she capable of being a somewhat respected author. I’m always extremely sensitive to how writers are portrayed in the movies. Vanessa Ray was never less than believable.

Considering the number of Lifetime films that I’ve seen, it’s not easy to take me by surprise but this film’s twisty plot kept me guessing.

What did Not Work?

There was nothing that didn’t work about this film. Best-Selling Murder is exactly the type of movie that we watch Lifetime for. It was a melodramatic, fun, and even surprising.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I always relate to any film about a writer, especially if that writer is dealing with the darker side of life. It’s true that I’ve never gotten to solve a murder but who knows what the future holds!

Lessons Learned

Don’t upset Bloody Mary.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #13: Final Destiny (dir by Michel Poulette)

Posted on July 2, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In an effort to clean out my DVR and make room for endless episodes of reality television (not to mention the Olympics), I am currently in the process of watching the 40* films that I recorded from the beginning of March to the end of June. The 13th film on my DVR was Final Destiny, which originally aired on the Lifetime movie network on April 3rd.

This will be a quick one. Usually, I try to come up with at least 500 words for every movie that I review but it’s going to be a struggle as far as Final Destiny is concerned. There’s really just not much to say about this particular film.

According to the imdb, Final Destiny was originally entitled Brace For Impact and I assume that the title was changed in an effort to fool viewers into thinking that Final Destiny had something to do with the Final Destination films. Well, Final Destiny does start out with a scenario that could be lifted from one of those films. Sofia Gilchrest (Kerry Condon) gets on an airplane with her brother, Shane (Ian Lake). Right before the plane is scheduled to take off, Sofia gets the feeling that something bad is going to happen. She freaks out and she’s kicked off the plane. The plane then takes off and crashes, killing her brother.

Unfortunately, that’s about all that this film has in common with Final Destination. The plane crash does not lead to a series of increasingly macabre accidents as death attempts to correct itself by killing Sofia. Tony Todd never shows up to talk about destiny. There’s no humor, which is a shame because Final Destiny could have used some humor.

(The only humor comes from the fact that, beyond ripping off a more successful franchise, Final Destiny makes absolutely no sense as a title! That said, Brace For Impact was kind of a crappy title too…)

Instead, Final Destiny turns into a plodding procedural. It turns out that Sofia is a flight crash investigator, which means that she now gets to investigate the crash that her killed brother. Or, at least, it would if not for the fact that all of Sofia’s colleagues are totally corrupt and have no faith in her abilities. It turns out that, in the past, Sofia has been too quick to assume that every plane crash was the result of a conspiracy. Plus, she is such a careful investigator that it sometimes takes her years to determine why a plane crashed. The government wants quick answers but Sofia would rather be right than be fast!

But here’s the problem with the movie: Sofia is a totally unlikable character. That’s a bold statement to make about someone who is investigating the death of her brother but, even with that added layer of motivation, Sofia still comes across as being shrill, self-centered, and generally unpleasant.

It also doesn’t help that the cause of the crash is pretty obvious from the start. About an hour into the movie, Sofia figures out that it was the act of domestic terrorists and then she spends the rest of the movie telling everyone that it was the work of domestic terrorists and then, at the end of the movie, she’s like, “Yep, domestic terrorism,” and that’s pretty much it.

There, of course, are a few subplots but none of the subplots are that interesting. Sofia’s mother is shocked to discover that Shane was gay. Sofia’s best friend is discriminated against because of his religion. Sofia is angry because she didn’t get a promotion. It’s all really predictable and it doesn’t add up too much.

In the end, Final Destiny didn’t even feel like a movie. It felt like a pilot for a TV show that nobody would want to watch. If ever a film needed Tony Todd to show up and start talking about life and death, it was this one.

—

*Yes, I know that I originally said I would have to watch 36 films to clean out my DVR but I recorded 4 more films since making that statement. So now, it’s 40 films but I’m still hoping to be finished with the series by the end of next week.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #115: Kept Woman (dir by Michel Poulette)

Posted on February 28, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Earlier, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Kept Woman!

Why Was I Watching It?

Well, why not? First off, it was on Lifetime. Secondly, the commercials made it look really creepy. Third, I checked on the imdb and I discovered that this film was made in Canada and everyone knows how much I love Canada. And finally, I read a very misleading article on Bustle that insinuated that this film was based on the Ariel Castro case.

What Was It About?

One night, after an evening at the theater, Jessica (Courtney Ford) and her fiancée Evan (Andrew W. Walker) return to their apartment and discover that they’re being robbed by a guy who looks like Jack Black’s younger, thinner brother.

Jessica says, “Enough of this city living! We’re moving to the suburbs!” Evan agrees to use his life savings to purchase a house in the suburbs. It’s here that Jessica will work on her book while skyping with her true crime-obsessed friend Oscar (Jesse Camacho).

From the minute he first shows up and offers them a bottle of wine as a welcoming gift, it’s obvious that there is something off about their new neighbor, Simon (Shaun Benson). For one thing, he dresses like he’s in a community theater production of The Music Man. He’s a professor of Men’s Studies at the local university and, when he comes over for dinner, he’s clearly both offended and aroused by the sight of Jessica’s visible bra straps. Also, he’s likes to wear bowties and we all know that, in a Lifetime movie, bowties often equal evil.

Of course, the main clue that there’s something wrong with Simon comes when he kidnaps Jessica and locks her in his basement. There’s another woman already living in the basement. Her name is Robin (Rachel Wilson) and she’s been down in the basement for so long that she’s now in love with Simon.

And did I mention that the basement is specifically made up to look like the 1950s?

Because it so totally is!

What Worked?

Oh my God! Shaun Benson was sooooo creepy! Seriously, he gave a great over-the-top psycho performance in this film. Rachel Wilson did a good job too, poignantly portraying just how brainwashed her character had become. As well, whoever designed and decorated that basement deserves some sort of award. It was truly a creepy location.

What Did Not Work?

This is one of those films that should have been an insane masterpiece but, somehow, it never worked quite as well as I wanted it to. The film could never seem to quite decide whether it wanted to be an over-the-top melodrama or a serious look at abduction, abuse, and brainwashing. Courtney Ford and Andrew W. Walker did not have much chemistry as the endangered couple and, for the film to work, characters often had to behave in the stupidest way possible. Even the film’s ending, which was obviously meant to be a big “You go, girl!” moment, felt forced.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Much like Jessica, I am totally obsessed with true crime and I enjoy trying to solve real-life unsolved mysteries. I also imagine that, much like Jessica, I would probably break into my neighbor’s house to investigate whether he was a potential murderer.

Lessons Learned

Creepy neighbors should be handled with extreme caution.