Michael Spound | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. The show is once again on Tubi!

This week, a tramp and a wimp seek romantic advice.

Episode 7.20 “Don Juan’s Last Affair/Final Adieu”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on April 14th, 1984)

Fashion marketer Whitney Clark (Phyllis Davis) is having an affair with her boss, Daniel Garman (David Hedison). Whitney’s fantasy is to end the affair. Myself, I have to wonder why she would have to come to Fantasy Island to end the affair. Why can’t she just save the money and end the affair in New York or wherever it is that they’re from? Better yet, why can’t she end the affair in New York and then come to Fantasy Island and actually have an enjoyable fantasy?

Daniel is on the Island, putting together a fashion show that he hopes will convince Roarke to commission a line of Fantasy Island fashions. Whitney wants to end the affair but then she meets Daniel’s wife, Elizabeth (Marion Ross). Elizabeth is in a wheelchair and, as she explains it, Daniel only stays with her out of guilt and a sense of responsibility. When she offered Daniel a divorce, he turned it down. Whitney comes to realize that Daniel loves both her and Elizabeth but that Daniel’s heart will always belong to Elizabeth. “If you love me, let me go,” she tells Daniel. She leaves Fantasy Island alone but looking forward to the future. “I’ve come to admire your courage,” Lawrence tells her. I’m not sure what courage he’s referring to. She couldn’t even break up with her married lover without Mr. Roarke’s help.

Meanwhile, nerdy Alan Curtis (Michael Spound) is in love with his best friend, Pat Grayson (Geena Davis, in an early role). Mr. Roarke arranges for Alan to go into the past to Madrid so that the legendary Don Juan (Fernando Rey) can give him advice but, due to a mix-up in the space-time continuum, Don Juan ends up in the present and on Fantasy Land. Pat falls for Don Juan! While Roarke fences with Don Juan, Alan finally tells Pat that he loves her. At first, Pat is like, “But Don Juan….” but then Don Juan mentions that he’s had 14,000 lovers and Pat decides to give Alan a try.

*sigh* The seventh season of Fantasy Island has been really depressing to review. The first few seasons were fun but the seventh season has just been a drag. This episode featured a lively performance from Geena Davis but that was pretty much it. Everyone else seemed bored and unlikable. Whitney and Alan were both wimps.

This was my final trip to the Island for 2025. Retro Television Reviews will be going on break for the Holidays so that I can focus on both the Awards Season and Christmas movies! Fantasy Island will return on January 6th, 2026. There’s only two shows left and then something new will be appearing in this time slot.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Bike patrol expands its roster, this week.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Spin”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

Bike patrol has a new recruit! Scott Kramer (Richard Joseph Paul) has been a cop for ten years and, for nine of those year, he had a perfect record. But lately, he’s became impulsive and too much of a risk taker. Bike patrol is his last chance! “I run things by the book,” Lt. Palermo says.

Chris is assigned to train Kramer and soon, the two of them are falling for each other. Chris explains that Kramer, like her, is a rebel who breaks the rule. One of the funnier things about Pacific Blue is that Chris is supposed to be a rebel who breaks the rule when she’s nothing of the sort. Instead, she just kind of gets annoyed and pouts every episode.

Anyway, it turns out that Kramer is terminally ill so he doesn’t care if he dies while taking down the two motorcycle bandits who have been robbing people all across town. And that’s a good thing because that’s pretty much what happens. The bandits are captured but bike patrol loses a recruit.

“The last thing he saw was you,” Palmero tells Chris and I think that was supposed to comfort her. Chris nods and then walks along the beach by herself.

Wow, it’s an edgy episode! Well, no, not really. It comes close to being an edgy episode. Richard Joseph Paul gives a pretty good performance as Kramer. But …. come on, folks …. they’re on bicycles! I’m sorry that I keep harping on this and, since this stupid show has like a gillion episodes, I imagine I’ll continue to harp on it in the future but bicycles are not edgy! The first season is nearly over and I still laugh whenever I see the bike cops hearing about a crime on their radio and then going, “Unit whatever responding.” I’m just imagining the dispatcher being like, “Oh no, bike patrol again.” Seriously, everyone on this show always has such a grim expression on their face and they’re determined to catch the bad guys but, again …. bicycles!

Anyway, season one comes to an end next week.