Tag Archives: Michael Levine

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.5 “Excessive Force”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Earlier tonight, I was thinking I might get to bed early as a way to battle my depression over the election in New York City.  Then I suddenly remembered that I still had to review this stupid show.

Episode 3.5 “Excessive Force”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 7th, 1997)

A bank is robbed in Santa Monica so Chris and Victor ride their little bicycles really fast to the scene of the crime.  Victor gets shot in the behind and he spends the rest of the episode with everyone laughing about the fact that it’s excruciatingly painful for him to sit down.  (Wow, what a great group of people.)  Chris shoots one of the robbers in the neck so he swears revenge on her.

Meanwhile, Palermo’s ex-wife is married to an abusive police detective.  She briefly moves back in with Palermo, they end up going at it on the couch, and their daughter gets upset.

As is almost always the case with this show, it’s hard to get involved in the human drama because all of the humans are pretty dull.  Chris ends up staying at TC’s apartment for her own safety and there’s a lot of “will-they-or-won’t-they” tension but it doesn’t add up to anything because TC is boring and Chris is equally boring so who cares?  Meanwhile, Lt. Palermo just comes across as being the volleyball coach from Hell.

Oddly, this episode had a really impressive guest cast.  Dey Young played Palermo’s ex-wife.  Cliff de Young played her new husband.  John Hawkes — as in future Oscar nominee John Hawkes — played the brother of the guy who wanted to kill Chris.  Even Dorian Gregory, from the weird second season of Baywatch Nights, showed up as an FBI agent.  The guest stars were the lucky ones.  None of them had to pretend to be excited about riding a bicycle.

What a silly show.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.3 “Rave On”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike cops go undercover and essentially end up looking like a bunch of cops working undercover.

Episode 3.3 “Rave On”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on August 17, 1997)

The bike cops go undercover!

If that’s not funny enough, they go undercover as ravers.

I swear, you haven’t really laughed until you’ve laughed at the sight of the extremely stiff stars of Pacific Blue hanging out at a rave and giving each other secret signals whenever they spot anyone doing drugs.  Chris’s drink gets roofied and, as someone who has experienced that in real life, I appreciated that the show was trying to warn its viewers about leaving their drinks unattended.  Seriously, if my friends hadn’t been looking out for me that night, it scares me to think about what probably would have happened.  Still, good intentions can’t disguise just how unconvincing Darlene Vogel’s performance was.

Palermo spends this entire episode saying that the parents of teens who go to raves and take drugs should be prosecuted and jailed.  Then Palermo discovers that his sixteen year-old daughter (Johna Stewart-Boden) has been attending raves and, while she hasn’t intentionally taken any drugs, she’s stood by while her friends have.  Palermo does not arrest himself.  He does not throw himself in jail.  He does not look in the mirror and smirk and say, “Oh yeah, buddy, your parent-of-the-year.”  In other words, Lt. Palermo is a big, freaking hypocrite.

The bike cops break up the rave scene but the music will never die.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.1 “Inside Straight”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Everyone’s book for another season of bicycles and law-breaking.

Episode 3.1 “Inside Straight”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on August 3rd, 19997)

One night, while on a date with Chris, TC spots a man holding a gun.  TC draws his own gun and yells at the man to drop his weapon.  The man turns around.  He fires so TC shoots and the man goes down.  It turns out that the man was an undercover narcotics detective with a spotless record.

TC is suspended and the bike patrol basically stops doing their job and instead proceed to harass the dead man’s wife and his partner until they discover that the wife and the partner were having an affair and, conveniently, the cop was actually shot by someone who happened to be standing behind TC.  It seems like simple forensic evidence (like the amount of bullets on the scene) should have proven that without the bike patrol even getting involved but I guess the cops in Malibu or wherever this show takes place are extremely incompetent.

Meanwhile, the poker game of mobster Joseph Tataglia (Joseph Campanella) gets held up,  The thief is a degenerate gambler who tries to frame TC’s older brother, Teddy (Andy Buckley — how, it’s David Wallace from The Office!).  The real thief is easily exposed and captured.  I’m not really sure what the point of this story was.  Tataglia last appeared during the first season but this episode acts as if he’s been a continual presence in the show for the past two seasons.  I imagine viewers were confused as to who he was or why he had so much pull with Palermo.

There’s a scene where TC is subjected to an intense interrogation from Internal Affairs and I have to admit that it made me laugh because TC and Palermo were wearing their dorky bicycle cop uniforms while being yelled at by someone in a suit.

Another scene features Victor and Cory telling Chris and TC that there’s a huge crowd waiting to see the movie that they want to see.  Victor says TC might have to flash his badge to get tickets.  Police arrogance is annoying in general but it’s even worse coming from people who ride bicycles.

It appears that nothing had changed with the start of a new season.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.21 “The Last Ride”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, wild things are happening in Malibu.

Episode 2.21 “The Last Ride”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on April 13th, 1997)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) has promised everyone that he will be going straight as soon as he completes his community service.  However, we all know better than to trust Mahmoud!  It turns out that he’s gotten involved in an elaborate con job to sell Malibu Pier to some naive investors.  Oh, that Mahmoud!

What was that?  What did you ask?  Oh, who is Mahmoud?

I asked that exact same question when I watched this episode.  I had no idea who Mahmoud was or why exactly he was at the center of an episode of a show about bicycle cops.  Chris and Cory did show up occasionally to harass him but, still, it really did seem like Mahmoud belonged on a different show.  After this episode ended, I did a search of my previous reviews and discovered that Mahmoud actually has appeared on the show before.  As a vendor on the beach, he sold Chris a necklace that made her neck turn green.  But that was about eight episodes ago and it was a rather minor subplot, all things considered.

As for Mahmoud in this episode, he was annoying.  His dialogue was overwritten, his story felt cartoonish, and Shaun Taub’s overacting didn’t help things.  Still, it’s interesting to think that the regular characters were so boring that the show’s writers decided they would rather do a show about a minor supporting character than actually try to come up with anything for Chris and Cory to do.

The episode’s other subplot actually does feature the bicycle cops.  Victor’s childhood friend has been released from prison and is now the head of a violent car theft ring.  Victor is forced to deal with his own guilt over being a juvenile delinquent as he and TC try to take down the car thieves.  This was pretty standard stuff but it did feature one scene that was just stupid enough to be entertaining.  With the car thieves opening fire on them, Victor and TC ride their bikes straight toward the thieves.  Eventually they both stand up on their still-moving bikes and, leaning forward against the handle bars, they start shooting their guns back at the bad guys.  Somehow, they’re able to do this and aim well-enough to take out the car thieves while also keeping their bikes rolling forward.  (TC does get shot but it turns out the bullet only grazed his forehead.  “He’ll just have a headache for a while,” Chris says.  Yeah, I would think so.)  This is one of those moments that would have been really badass if not for the fact that Victor and TC were still wearing their dorky bike cop uniforms during it.  The blue shorts, the white polo shirts, the bicycle helmets — sorry, you just can’t look cool when you’re wearing all that.  Nice try, guys!

Next week, season 2 ends!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.19 “Lost and Found”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike cops screw up another case.

Episode 2.19 “Lost and Found”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on March 2nd, 1997)

I’ve often felt that the most interesting thing about Pacific Blue is witnessing just how totally incompetent the bicycle cops really are.

This episode centers around a girl who has run away from home.  Chris and Palermo are holding her at the station and they release her to the first guy who shows up claiming to be her father.  They don’t bother to ask the man for any sort of proof that he’s her father.  They don’t even ask to see his ID.  Instead, they just let her go with him.

Guess what?  That guy wasn’t her father!

Her actual father shows up a little while later and, needless to say, he’s pretty pissed off.  Instead of apologizing or in any way accepting accountability for screwing up, Palermo and Chris snap at the guy to calm down and then say that they’ll track down his daughter.  What’s funny is that we’re supposed to be on the side of the bicycle cops because the father is angry and yelling.  Well, the father has every right to be angry and yelling.  THE IDIOTS LET HIS RUNAWAY DAUGHTER LEAVE WITH THE FIRST GUY WHO SHOWED UP!

Now, the show later reveals that the father was abusive and that his daughter ran way because he was beating her.  Yeah, he’s not a good father and he should lost custody of his daughter.  That doesn’t make the bicycle cops any less incompetent, though!  It just amuses that this show continually tries to convince us that we should take these people seriously as cops but every episode seems to feature them making some sort of terrible mistake.  This show really seems to think that, as long as Chris is shooting people the death glare, that means she’s not responsible for any of her screwups.

This episode also featured a subplot in which Cory tried to protect her no-good brother from some hitmen.  She did a better job with her storyline than Chris and Palermo did with the case of the runaway.  Maybe Cory should be in charge.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.13 “Outlaw Blues”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, there’s way too much happening on the Boardwalk.

Episode 2.13 “Outlaw Express”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 8th, 1996)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) is selling cheap jewelry on the boardwalk.  He gives Chris a “silver” necklace that makes her neck turn green.  Uh-oh, someone’s allergic to tin!

Palermo’s daughter is hanging out with some extreme athletes who are pressuring her to take part in increasingly dangerous pranks on the boardwalk so that they can film them for their web site!

Two criminals are hijacking trucks and then forcing merchants to sell stolen goods!  When they see that one truck driver is wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt, they shoot him in the back and then tell him, “Say hi to Jerry for me.”  (I’m guessing they were referring to Jerry Garcia and not Jerry Springer but who knows with this show.)

Finally, Victor’s mother is staying at his apartment which means Victor can’t get laid!

Wow, there’s a lot to deal with this week.  When a show tries to juggle this many plots, it really does remind you of the importance of having clearly defined and compelling characters.  Pacific Blue doesn’t have any of that so this episode kind of sucked.  We are 24 episodes into this stupid show and I still can’t tell the difference between Victor, TC, and Palermo whenever they’re riding their bikes.  That’s a problem.  24 episodes in and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being annoyed by everyone she talks to.  That’s another problem.

(“I didn’t catch your first name Officer Kelly,” Mahmoud says.  “Officer,” Chris replies, deploying the power glare.)

Seriously, just think about how much it would suck to be a victim of the crime, call 911, and then have these douchebags show up.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.11 “Deja Vu”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, someone is out to frame Palermo!  It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Episode 2.11 “Deja Vu”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on November 10th, 1996)

Palermo is upset because his former partner is returned to the boardwalk and is now running an arcade.  Gene Savage (Joe Cortese) may have once been a cop but now he’s a paroled ex-con and it was Palermo’s testimony that led to Savage being convicted in the first place.  Palermo suspects that Savage is out for revenge and it turns out that he is.  He tries to frame Palermo for a murder.  Internal Affairs demands Palermo’s badge.

And the thing is …. I know I’m supposed to feel bad for Palermo but I don’t.  Palermo’s a self-righteous jerk.  He’s been a self-righteous jerk since the start of the show.  He acts like riding a bicycle somehow makes him superior to everyone else on the boardwalk.  Finding out that he testified against his partner makes him seem like even more of a jerk.  It’s hard to like a snitch.

This entire episode is built around the idea of Palermo being treated unfairly but I kind of feel like he needed to be taken down a rung or two.  Maybe now, he won’t be so rude when he arrests people.  Maybe he’ll understand that not everyone cares about his whole bicycle thing.  Probably not, though.

While Palermo was dealing with his ex-partner, Cory and Chris dealt with the Good Samaritans, a group of blue beret-wearing citizens who attempted to fight crime on their own.  Andy Miller (Keith Coulouris) was determined to take down the local drug dealer.  When Andy’s partner (Claudette Mink) got shot and nearly died, Andy snapped and grabbed a gun and tried to get revenge himself.  Cory was there to arrest not only the drug dealer but also Andy.  “You’re a danger to the community and yourself!” Cory snapped.

Ugh.  People who ride bicycles shouldn’t try to act like badsses.  Seriously, is there a less likable cast of characters than the Pacific Blue crew?  It’s not a good thing when a cop leaves me rooting for the criminals.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.7 “Line In The Sand”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the beach gets dangerous.

Episode 2.7 “Line In The Sand”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on October 6th, 1996)

There’s a lot going on in this episode, leaving me to wonder if maybe this episode was edited together from two or three other episodes that, for whatever reason, were never aired in their original form.  Seriously, it’s an oddly put together episode, with two very dramatic stories and one silly story and absolutely no tonal consistency whatsoever.

A kayaker keeps trying to kayak where he’s not wanted so two surfers beat him up.  When the kayaker continues to kayak, the two surfers break into his home and …. put his girlfriend in a coma?  Seriously?  That seems like an overreaction.  How exactly are these two getting away with this?  Every episode of Pacific Blue leaves me more and more convinced that bicycle cops are a terrible idea.  These surfers aren’t brilliant criminals or anything.  Real cops would have been able to stop them.

Even with his girlfriend in a coma, the kayaker continues to kayak.  So, the surfers punch out two other guys and steal their jet skis so they can chase the guy.  But the kayaker leads them under the pier, which leads to one surfer colliding with a wooden support beam and the washing up on the beach, where he’s promptly arrested by Palermo.

“She woke up,” Palermo explains, referring to the kayaker’s girlfriend.  Apparently, this whole thing was just a sting to arrest the surfers but did allowing the surfers to beat up two innocent jet ski owners play into the plan?  If the girlfriend woke up and identified them as her attackers, why not just arrest the surfers on the beach instead of making them chase the kayaker?

Yes, it’s good the guy’s girlfriend woke up but consider this.  She wouldn’t have been in a coma to begin with if Santa Monica had a real police force.  Seriously, how can two surfers cause this much havoc without getting arrested before it reaches the point that they’re breaking into someone’s house and putting his girlfriend into a coma?  It is explained that they have a lawyer who represents them free-of-charge in return for surfing lessons.  I can’t think of a single lawyer who would do that.  Most lawyers need money to pay their bills and stuff.

One of the surfers is named Weed so Palermo got to say, “Hold on, Weed!” at one point.  That made me smile.

Meanwhile, a random woman became obsessed with Victor and started painting pictures of him.  When Victor rejected her, she tore her clothes and accused him of attempting to rape her.  Victor was charged with rape but we never actually saw anyone arrest him.  Cory went undercover as Victor’s girlfriend in order to get the woman to attack her.  Somehow, this led to the charges against Victor getting dropped, though it didn’t actually do anything to disprove the woman’s claim.

Finally, Elvis — the Pacific Blue mechanic played by David L. Lander — wanted to join a swinger’s club but he was told he would have to bring a woman with him.  Elvis asked Chris to accompany him.  By this point, Elvis should know that Chris’s character only exists to humiliate people who ask her to do things.  Chris isn’t interested in swinging but Elvis continue to look.  To be honest, I didn’t even realize that Elvis was still on the show.

This was a dumb episode.  Let’s leave it at that.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.5 “Point Blank”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike patrol’s stupidity and worthlessness puts everyone at risk.  What are they thinking!?

Episode 2.5 “Point Blank”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 21st, 1996)

A report comes in about an armed robbery so TC and Chris speed off on their bicycles to catch the guy …. *snicker*

I’m sorry, I need a minute to stop laughing.

Anyway, TC gets knocked off of his bike by the robber, who proceeds to steal TC’s gun.  Oh my God, TC’s such a dumbass!  The real cops show up in their cars and Chris is all like, “Go get the robber while I tend to my fallen colleague and his totally rocking bicycle.”  Seriously, Chris is kind of rude about it, frantically motioning at them to go after the robber.  What else do you think they were going to do, Chris?

While TC searches for his gun, Chris discovers that someone has signed her up for a video dating service.  Chris, who is always complaining about how she can’t get a date, complains about having too many dates.  Then she complains that none of her dates work out, largely because of her whiny and abrasive personality.

Meanwhile, a little kid has lost his dog.  Del Toro and Cory suspect that the pet has been kidnapped and sold to a research lab.  They go from one sleazy kennel to another, searching for the dog.  They take the kid with them and probably traumatize him for life.  The good thing is that they save the dog and break up the dognapping ring.  The bad thing is that their story and likable chemistry still has to share the screen with Chris whining and TC searching for his lost gun.

TC’s gun eventually lands in the hands of a bullied teenager who promptly threatens to shoot his bullies.  But he changes his mind and instead give the gun back to TC.  TC’s praises the kid for doing the right thing.  To be honest, the kid threatened to kill three people.  Haul him off to jail, TC!  DO YOUR JOB, BICYCLE BOY!

I swear, this show….