Retro Television Review: Hang Time 2.11 “Superman Brodis” and 2.12 “Green-Eyed Julie”

Posted on November 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh. I can’t get the theme song out of my head.

Episode 2.11 “Superman Brodis”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 16th, 1996)

Teddy’s long-absent father retires from playing professional basketball and moves to Indiana so that he can be close to his son. Because “Superman” Brodis has spent the past 15 years playing across the country and in Europe, he’s been absent from most of Teddy’s life. At first, Teddy can’t stop talking about how excited he is to finally have his father in his life. However, Teddy’s father turns out to be kind of a jerk, constantly telling Teddy that he needs to lose weight and work harder. Teddy says that it doesn’t bother him but, as usual, Josh decides that it is his place to tell everyone else how to live their lives. Josh tells Teddy that he should be angry and soon, Teddy is angrily telling his father to stay out of his life.

(And don’t get me wrong. Teddy’s father deserved to be told off but it still really wasn’t Josh place to get involved.)

Meanwhile, because this season’s writers were incapable of writing the character as being anything other than self-centered and overdramatic, Julie will not shut up about having a toothache. Eventually, things work out on both fronts. Teddy and his father agree to try to build a relationship. Julie goes to Amy’s dentist and, after discovering that she will need a root canal, she blames Amy. Actually, Julie, maybe you should blame yourself for not brushing and flossing. Going to the dentist may be unpleasant but it’s still preferable to dying of blood poisoning.

This episode continues this season’s theme of Josh and Julie being the best players and the worst human beings on the team. While Julie whines and moans about having a toothache, Josh tells Teddy how he should feel about his father. That said, this episode also shows why Anthony Anderson went on to have a successful career after leaving Hang Time. He gives a touching and sincere performance here, especially in the episode’s final scene. There’s a lot of emotional honesty to be found in Anderson’s performance, which isn’t necessarily something that you would expect from an episode of Hang Time.

Episode 2.12 “Green-Eyed Julie”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 23rd, 1996)

Julie upset when she discovers that there’s a new waitress named Nicole at her favorite after-school hangout and, for once, it’s kind of understandable. Not only Nicole played by a pre-American Pie Shannon Elizabeth but Nicole obviously has a crush on Josh! Josh’s efforts to set Nicole up with Danny fail, largely because Danny is kind of a loser.

Eventually, it’s revealed that Chris Atwater (who was the first season’s version of Josh) cheated on Julie in between the first and second seasons and that’s why they broke up. It’s also why Julie is incapable of trusting anyone. It doesn’t help, of course, that Julie happens to see Nicole kissing Josh. Later, when she finds out that it was Nicole who made the first move and that Josh did not reciprocate, she tells Josh that he’s way better than Chris. I have to wonder how David Hanson, the actor who played Chris during season 1, felt about this episode.

Meanwhile, the school is throwing a disco party! Everyone dresses like they’re from the 70s and breaks out some disco moves. That was cute, silly, and fun and provided a nice (and needed) relief from all of the Julie drama.

Next week, season 2 ends! Will Deering made it into the playoffs? We’ll find out in December.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 2.9 “Style Before Substance” and 2.10 “Son-On-Law”

Posted on November 21, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’ll always remember …. me and my friends at Hang Time!

Episode 2.9 “Style Before Substance”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 2nd, 1996)

This episode opens with Julie and the basketball team at the diner and getting angry because the football team is in their booth.

“That’s our booth!” Julie says, “We’re the champions!”

Strangely, Josh agrees with her. Remember how Josh almost walked off the team because he thought they were too obsessed with winning? Remember how Josh was all about sportsmanship and humility? I guess that all got tossed out the window once he started dating Julie. And another thing — when did Julie become so stuck up? During the first season, Julie was confident but she wasn’t full of herself. This season, the writers aren’t doing her character any favors.

Needless to say, this all leads to a series of increasingly stupid competitions to decide which team gets to …. sit in the booth, I guess. I’m not really sure what they were fighting about but then again, I’ve never played team sports. Occasionally, I play tennis with my sister. I’ve never won a game but I look good in a tennis skirt so it all works out.

While this is going on, Amy is volunteering for the mayoral campaign of Robert Kent. Robert Kent is an obviously sleazy politician who says that he cares about the environment. (To be honest, he reminded me of Beto O’Rourke). Amy has a crush on Robert and is devastated to discover that he’s lying about being an environmentalist. It turns out that he supports industrial development.

“Some of the money can be used to clean up the environment,” says Kent.

“But we wouldn’t need to clean it if you didn’t mess it up in the first place!” Amy whines while the audience goes crazy over the most shallow argument possible.

The good thing about this episode is that it portrayed politicians as being sleazy. That said, I had to laugh at the sight of all the adults listening as Danny and Amy told them how to vote for. In the end, Danny and Amy’s efforts proved to be futile as Kent won and probably proceeded to personally bulldoze their favorite park.

Episode 2.10 “Son-In-Law”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 9th, 1996)

The team is freaking out because they have to win a game against an undefeated team if they have any hopes of making it to the playoffs. Coach Fuller invites a real basketball player to stiffly deliver some words of encouragement to the team. Hang Time was big on getting actual basketball players to make cameo appearances and I imagine that was good for the show’s ratings. But, for the most part, none of the basketball players could actually act so the scene featuring them are often incredibly dull.

Meanwhile, Mary Beth is angry at her father for ignoring her so she dates Vince just to annoy him. But then she suddenly decide that she actually does like Vince which …. NO! NO! NO! Mary Beth is a thousand times too cool to go out with someone as boring as Vince! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HANG TIME!?

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 2.7 “Fake ID-Ology” and 2.8 “When Loss Is Gain”

Posted on November 14, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we have one of Hang Time’s best episodes followed by one of its worse! Let’s jump into it!

Episode 2.7 “Fake ID-Ology”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 19th, 1996)

As the episode begins, Coach Fuller is giving his usual pep talk. Yes, the other team is big and they’re good but the Tornadoes have been playing solid basketball! Get out and do your best! Woo hoo!

Except, what’s this? A bunch of Tornadoes that we’ve never seen before run out onto the court while Julie, Josh, Vince, Danny, and Teddy sit on the bench! Mary Beth is sitting in the stands, instead of helping Fuller coach. Amy is sitting next to her and is not in her cheerleading uniform! Oh my God, what’s going on!?

As we find out via flashback, the good players (along with Mary Beth and Amy) all got fake IDs so they could go to a 21 Only Club. (If only they lived in Florida instead of Indiana, they could have gone to Miami’s “hottest under 21 club,” The Warehouse.) Unfortunately, things didn’t go well at the club. Vince didn’t have a fake ID so he wasn’t allowed to enter but then he kept calling Danny until Danny went outside and handed over his fake ID. Vince used that ID to get in the club but, because a new bouncer was on duty, now Danny couldn’t get in. Meanwhile, Josh won a round of free beers and got drunk. (He had such a hangover, he tells us, On a TNBC show, even drinking one beer always leads to the worst hangover ever!) Mary Beth and Amy attracted the attention of some scuzzy weirdos who demanded that they kiss them in return for the free beers that they sent over to the table. The resulting brawl led to everyone getting grounded and Fuller benching all of them….

….which is kind of weird since it’s not like their Fuller’s kids. Teddy is Fuller’s godson so it makes sense that Fuller would punish him but I’m not really sure why he cares what the rest of the team does when they’re not on the court. As well, it seems like Fuller is actually punishing the other players on the team by revealing how bad they are to the rest of the world. The Tornadoes lose the game and not by a small margin. Basically, Fuller just announced, “My team sucks except for Julie and Josh.”

Still, there’s a wonderfully overacted moment in which one of the bad players announces that, “I don’t want to let the team down!” while glaring at the players sitting on the bench. And there’s a funny gag about the bouncers at the club and their reading materials. One reads The Gulag Archipelago while the other reads the Collected Works of Shakespeare and complains that Danny is so annoying that he can’t even make it through Hamlet. This is actually one of the best episodes of Hang Time because of the way it skillfully mixes broad comedy and heavy-handed moralizing.

That said, I still think Coach Fuller should have minded his own business. The Tornadoes are supposed to win games, not learn lessons!

Episode 2.8 “When Loss Is Gain”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 26th, 1996)

Because Coach Fuller is giving up getting angry for charity (?), everyone on the team agrees to give up something that they love for a few days. Julie gives up basketball. Josh gives up kissing. Teddy gives up desert. Vince gives up flirting. Amy gives up cheerleading. Danny gives up caring. How does any of that help the poor?

Mary Beth is supposed to give up shopping and, when she goes to the mall and shops instead, everyone gets all judgmental. So, Mary Beth goes down to a homeless camp and starts giving out money, which leads to her getting mugged. Mary Beth says she’s never going to forgive the people who attacked her.

“I’m sorry you got mugged and I’m glad you’re okay,” Josh announces, “but your attitude stinks!”

You know what, Josh? Go to Hell, you prick.

Anyway, it turns out that Josh is poor along with being condescending but you know what? Fuck him and his self-righteous attitude. Seriously, when Josh first appeared on this show, his whole thing was that he wouldn’t play basketball because he felt the team was too focused on winning. Now, he’s bitching because Mary Beth is upset over being mugged. What a jerk.

Bleh!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 2.5 “War of the Roses” and 2.6 “Short Cuts”

Posted on November 7, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The season continues!

Episode 2.5 “War of the Roses”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 5th, 1996)

Mary Beth (Megan Parlen) proves once again that she is the coolest girl at Deering High by painting the boy’s locker room pink without asking them. Vince (Michael Sullivan) freaks out about the pink (actually, it’s salmon) and leaves Mary Beth an angry note. Mary Beth gets angry about the note and hires a muscle-bound dude to threaten Vince in front of his friends. Vince tries to get Mary Beth to eat a poisoned chili dog. Eventually, Mary Beth somehow changes Vince’s grades to make it appear the Vince is ineligible to play basketball while Vince STEALS COACH FULLER’S WALLET and tries to frame Mary Beth.

Like, seriously, what the Hell?

It all leads to a really weird scene in which a mock trial is held to determine whether or not Mary Beth and Vince should be barred from being involved in basketball. Finally, Mary Beth acknowledges that she shouldn’t have repainted the locker room without talking to anyone (how exactly did Mary Beth repaint the locker room without anyone noticing?) and Vince admits that his note was rude. Everything works out.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Julie again proves herself to be the world’s worst girlfriend by getting angry at Josh for trying to throw her a surprise birthday party. This whole Julie/Josh subplot felt like it belonged in a first season episode but it did lead to Mary Beth smashing a birthday cake in Julie’s face, which was kind of satisfying considering how whiny Julie was in this episode. (“This is why I hate surprise parties!” Julie yells.)

This was …. well, look, it was pretty dumb. But Megan Parlen was a good enough comedic actress to save her storyline. And personally, I’m on her side as far as the locker room is concerned. That shade of pink really was pretty.

Episode 2.6 “Short Cuts”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 12th, 1996)

Wow, Vince sure is a screw-up. He spent the previous episode trying to destroy Mary Beth’s life. This episode, he starts taking steroids. Of course, this leads to him getting acne and roid rages but it also helps him win a few basketball games so …. well, let’s just say that everyone is quick to jump on Vince’s back for taking drugs but no one suggests giving back any of their victories.

Vince is using drugs because he wants to attend a basketball clinic with Coach Fuller and a short basketball player named Muggsy. (I went on Wikipedia and discovered that Muggsy actually was a real basketball player, even though he was shorter than me! That’s kind of neat!) At the start of the show, Fuller announces that only Julie and Josh qualify for the clinic because, in the world of Hang Time, Julie and whoever she’s dating at the time are the only people who can actually play well. Once Vince starts taking the steroids and having rages, he qualifies for the clinic but he is just as quickly disqualified because of his drug use. Fortunately, Muggsy is there to tell him to stop being a whiny baby and to stay off the pills.

In the B-plot, Danny directs a really crappy sci-fi film. Unfortunately, he also accidentally films Vince with his dealer so Vince destroys the tape. Damn, Vince!

This episode was a reworking of the episode of California Dreams in which Tiffani got hooked on steroids and the episode of Saved By The Bell where Zach needed to raise money to replace the school’s video camera. It was predictable but the cast did a fairly good job. If nothing else, this episode showed that Reggie Theus improved quite a bit as an actor between seasons 1 and 2. And he didn’t need steroids to do it! Let that be a lesson to all.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 2.3 “Harvest Moon” and 2.4 “The Sure Thing”

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 2 continues with the search for victory on the court and love off of it!

Episode 2.3 “Harvest Moon”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 21st, 1996)

It’s time for the Harvest Moon dance, which I guess is an Indiana thing. Danny is all excited because Sam is going to be coming home from college so that she can attend the dance with him. But then Sam sends Danny a letter, telling him that she’s fallen in love with an anthropology student and that they are heading down to Mexico! Danny gets whiny, which is kind of annoying to watch. Honestly, why would you want to date someone in high school when you’re in college?

Anyway, Danny gets a rebound date with girl named Veronica. Veronica has red hair, just like Sam. Amy even mistakes Veronica for Sam, despite the fact that Amy wasn’t even on the show last season. Everyone talks about how much Veronica looks like Sam while Veronica is standing right there. It’s kind of rude.

Meanwhile, Teddy DJ’s the dance while Julie and Josh find excuses to abandon their dates and dance with each other. Vince and Mary Beth also end up poking fun at each other’s dates and then they end up soulfully staring at each other when Teddy announces the last dance, which leads me to worry that Vince and Mary Beth are going to become a couple. Don’t do it, Mary Beth! You deserve better!

Danny steals the team bus and tries to drive it to Chicago. For some reason, Julie and Josh go with him. They talk him out of driving to Chicago and then they kiss while Danny drive them back to Indiana. So, Danny is heart-broken but at least Julie and Josh are happy.

Finally, during the dance, another real-life basketball player drops by to visit with Coach Fuller. I have no idea who the guy was but the audience went crazy as soon as he showed up. Fuller, however, kicked him out of the gym for scuffing the floor.

Josh and Julie seems like they’ll be a cute couple and I guess I should accept that the Mary Beth/Vince thing is going to happen because opposites attract. Danny is now single and kind of whiny so hopefully, that will only last episode or two. As far as school dance episodes go, this one could have really used either the Zack Attack or the California Dreams.

Episode 2.4 “The Sure Thing”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 28th, 1996)

The Tornadoes have lost six straight games so Fuller demands that the members of his team carry basketballs around with them everywhere that they go. If that doesn’t work, I guess the season’s over and Fuller’s out of a job.

Teddy is more concerned about asking out Tracy, the new cheerleader. However, as Teddy explains to his new friends, he’s never asked a girl out before because he’s always been “the fat kid who is everybody’s friend” and you know what? Anthony Anderson totally sells it! “You don’t know what it’s like to ask someone out and have them laugh and then you have to laugh too!” Anderson says at one point and my heart was totally breaking for him. Seriously, watching this episode, you fully understand why Anderson went on to have the busiest career of the many actors who appeared on this show.

Vince and Danny decide to help Teddy out by stalking Tracy and discovering everything that she’s interested so that Teddy will feel confident talking to her. Couldn’t Teddy just mention that, as was established during the first episode of the second season, his father is an NBA superstar and probably has a lot money? That’d be a good icebreaker.

Meanwhile, Josh and Julie are dating but Josh is tired of the cutesy way Julie talks to him. I don’t blame him as, up until this point, there’s been absolutely nothing about Julie’s personality that suggests she would talk to her boyfriend in baby talk. Eventually, Julie reveals that she’s only been talking that way because she thought Josh liked it and she actually hates doing it as much as Josh hates hearing it.

During this week’s game, the Tornadoes are losing but Teddy finally asks out Tracy and gets the confidence he needs to lead the team to a comeback victory. Yay! It was kind of sweet.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 2.1 “Winning Isn’t Everything” and 2.2 “Just One Of The Guys”

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Season 2 of Hang Time! Because NBC wasn’t happy with the first season, the 2nd season served as a bit of a reboot for the season. Half the cast left and the show became a bit more broad in its comedy. That’s a polite way of saying that things got a little bit more cartoonish.

The show also got a brand new theme song!

Episode 2.1 “Winning Isn’t Everything”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 7th, 1996)

The first episode of the 2nd season starts in the school hallway. “They’re coming!” one kid yells before leading all of his classmates in a chant of “Tornadoes! Tornadoes!”

Yes, the students at Deering High love their basketball team. But where is everyone? We see Julie, Danny, and Mary Beth walking down the hallway. Where’s Chris? Where’s Earl? Where are Michael Maxell and Sam!? Danny orders the students to chase down the one kid wasn’t cheering and then, as if he can hear our thoughts, he says, “I’m really going to miss Earl, Michael, and Chris.”

It turns out that things have changed! Julie broke up with Chris over the summer and then he went off to college. Earl is also at college. And so is Sam. All those people were seniors last year? Why were they so worried about dating a bunch of underclassmen? Mary Beth mentions that she’s no longer a cheerleader and now she’s equipment manager because her Dad thinks it will teach her responsibility. Amy (Paige Peterson) is the new head cheerleader. Everyone acts as if Amy was around last year even though she wasn’t in any of the episodes.

At practice, we meet the new players. Vince D’Amata (Michael Sullivan) is cocky and determined to be a star. Everyone makes fun of Vince for being short but he’s still taller than Danny so I’m not really sure that joke is as effective as the rest of the team thinks it is. Fuller announces that the team has gotten lazy so it’s a good thing that his godson, Teddy Brodis, has transferred to the school. Fuller used to play with Teddy’s father so Teddy is “probably great.” On cue, Teddy enters the gym and …. OH MY GOD, IT’S ANTHONY ANDERSON! Proving that everyone had to start somewhere, future Departed, Law & Order, and Black-Ish star Anthony Anderson did a two season tour as a part of the Hang Time cast. Anderson was in his mid-20s at the time, making him considerably older than the rest of the cast. Coach Fuller is upset to see that Teddy is not particularly tall and a little heavy-set. Hey, Coach, that’s a future Emmy winner you’re talking to! (And, even though he doesn’t got to do much in his first few episodes, it is obvious from the start that Anderson instinctively knew how to play to the camera.)

“Could we possibly be off to a rockier start?” Fuller says and in comes Mary Beth with a box of new uniforms, all of which are the wrong color. Mary Beth explains that they may be wrong but at least they’re “pretty.”

Anyway, the team is looking weak. Can the team recruit Josh Sanders (Kevin Bell) to play for them!? Josh is athletic but he refuses to play team sports because he doesn’t like the competitive aspect of the game. We know that Josh is good and cute because the audience goes, “Woooooo!” whenever he shows up onscreen. The team tries to recruit him by showing him that they don’t believe that winning is everything. Honestly, though, if Josh isn’t into competing, why would you want him on your team? Team sports are about winning!

Josh agrees to try out for the team but then walks out of a practice because of the team arguing with each other. But then he comes to a game and see Fuller bench Vince because Vince wasn’t playing as a part of the team. Josh immediately joins the Tornadoes. I’m getting the feeling that Josh might have issues with impulse control.

Finally, Mary Beth accidentally washes all of the autographs off of one of Fuller’s basketball. Fuller nearly fires her but then Mary Beth brings in some tall guy to re-sign the ball. Judging by the way the audience went crazy and the fact that the guy was like 7’3, I’m going to guess he was a basketball player.

Episode 2.2 “Just One Of The Guys”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)

Julie doesn’t understand why Josh doesn’t seem to be attracted to her. Mary Beth and Amy tells her that she should try to be more feminine. Later, during practice, Julie gets upset when Vince gives her a high five and says, “Way to go, man!” “I’m a girl,” Julie replies. Josh, her crush, says, “Don’t take it personally, you’re just like one of the guys.”

OH MY GOD! If I was Julie, I would move to a different state at this point.

Anyway, Mary Beth and Amy give Julie a makeover, which basically amounts to Julie wearing high heels, not wearing a bra, and tossing her hair back while talking to Josh.

However, Josh just wants to talk about basketball practice.

Pictures alone cannot communicate how awkward this scene was.

After spending all of last season determined to prove that she can play with the guys, Julie quits the team in order to prove that she’s not one of the guys. Mary Beth is shocked. “When I’m upset,” Mary Beth says, “I don’t get a new life. I get new shoes!” “Shoes aren’t a substitute,” Julie says and the only person more horrified by that statement than Mary Beth is me. Mary Beth suggests that Julie try a new look. “How about Janet Jackson?” Mary Beth says. Uhmmm …. this is going somewhere dangerous….

Fortunately, Fuller is friends with an Olympic gold medalist, who just happens to drop by the office and gives Julie a pep talk. Julie rejoins the team and decides to be confident in herself. Is there nothing that an Olympic gold medalist can’t do?

In the B-plot, Vince, Teddy, and Danny make fun of the cheerleaders so the cheerleaders stop talking to them. So, Vince, Teddy, and Danny dress up as cheerleaders.

Anyway, the important thing about this episode is that Daniella Deutscher had more chemistry with Kevin Bell than she with David Hanson and, as such, the Julie/Josh relationship is a lot more entertaining than the Julie/Chris relationship. Here’s hoping everything works out for them!

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.13 “Game Day”

Posted on October 17, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for championship so let’s get to it!

Episode 1.13 “Game Day”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

The final episode of Hang Time‘s first season opens not with the team practicing or Coach Fuller coaching. Instead, it opens with the Deering High gym dark and deserted, with the exception of Samantha. Samantha sits in the bleachers, writing in her diary. As I watched this scene, it occurred to me that, after 12 episodes, we know next to nothing about Sam beyond the fact that she works at the Sports Shack, she’s the equipment manager, and she’s dating Danny. Does she have a family? Does she have parents who wonder why she’s hanging out at the gym in the middle of the night? Why can’t she write in her journal at home? I get the feeling that Sam’s home life must have been some sort of Dickensian nightmare.

Anyway, this episode revolves around Sam remembering the days leading up the championship game and the game itself. She writes that she had never seen Coach Fuller “so pumped,” which means that we get a flashback of Fuller talking to the team in the locker room and yes, he does seem pretty excited. Fuller tells the team that “I know the Huskies are undefeated …. but I know we’re going to win tonight because we’re a family!”

(Here’s my thing, though. The Huskies are undefeated but the Tornadoes are not. So why is the championship being played at Deering High instead of wherever it is that the Huskies are from?)

Fuller leaves the locker room and everyone starts fighting! Oh no! There’s trouble in basketball world! Michael thinks he’s jinxed! Danny and Sam are arguing! Chris and Julie aren’t even talking!

“But I’m getting ahead of myself,” Sam writes, “This all started Monday morning.”

And so, we go even further into the flashback machine. Julie gives Chris a massage outside the school but gets upset when Chris accidentally calls her “Mary Beth.” “It just slipped out!” Chris replies, something that he probably says to Julie a lot. Julie gets upset.

Meanwhile, while having a picnic in the gym (again, with the gym), Sam tells Danny that she loves him. Danny panics and replies, “I like you a lot.” AGCK! Bad move, Danny. It’s bad enough that Sam is apparently not allowed to leave the gym. She’s also got a coward for a boyfriend.

At practice, Coach Fuller tells everyone that they have to play as a team. Fuller says that Chris’s playing has sucked over the past few weeks. What could Chris be doing differently than before? Let’s see. When Chris was playing well, he was dating Mary Beth. Now, he’s dating …. uh oh. Mary Beth overhears and mentions that she used to always kiss Chris before every game. Now, of course, Chris is dating Julie and Julie apparently doesn’t believe in showing affection so it sucks to be Chris.

At lunch, Julie tells Sam that she grew up with four brothers and they can play “every Led Zeppelin song through use of their armpits.” I don’t know if I believe that. Some of those songs are pretty long. Stairway to Heaven is like a 50-minute song if I remember correctly. Julie is worried Chris isn’t over Mary Beth. Sam says that she has nothing to worry about and then writes, “Sometimes, you have to lie through your teeth.”

Danny tries to apologize to Sam, explaining the he thinks people are too quick to use the “L-word.” Sam says she understands but then Danny casually mentions that he “loves” tuna fish. Meanwhile, Earl freaks out because Michael walks under a ladder. Everyone’s getting a storyline in this episode!

Chris also gives into his superstition, sharing a kiss with Mary Beth before the game. Actually, he shares several. He’s so busy kissing her that he doesn’t notice Julie coming out of the locker room until the last minute! Uh-oh.

The game begins with everyone angry at each other. Myself, I’m more concerned that the other team is being played by people who obviously were basketball players and, as a result, they tower over the Deering Tornadoes.

(Incidentally, I spell Tornadoes with an E. Judging by the banners hanging in the Deering High gym, this show does not. However, I’m the one writing the review.)

Before the game begins, Julie tells Chris that she’s not going to be a runner-up to anyone. (But seriously, Mary Beth is so cool that if you were going to be runner up to someone….) Julie then kisses Earl to show that she can have any guy she wants. Earl does the chef’s kiss motion while Chris stares on horrified.

Despite their problems, the Deering High Tornadoes still take the lead. However, Coach Fuller is angry because the score is still too close in his opinion. Hey, Coach, they’re winning! A win is a win. Fuller does praise Chris for playing a great game. We all know who deserves the credit for that. Mary Beth better get the game ball.

In a subplot that is so stupid that I’ve been tying to avoid mentioning it, Michael has been trying to play the game without stepping on any cracks on the gym floor. (He doesn’t want to break his mother’s back. I told you it was stupid.) Fuller yanks him out of the game and sends in a previously unseen player as a replacement. The new player’s name is Bryan Kuta, which feels like such a random name that I’m assuming that was either the actor’s real name or the name of someone on the show’s crew. Later, when Fuller tries to send Michael back into the game, Michael refuses because there’s only 13 seconds left in the quarter. I would make fun of Michael but, to be honest, I refuse to use odd numbers. If you’ve ever wondered why I always use four periods for an ellipsis instead of the standard three …. well, now you know. Anyway, Fuller gives Michael a piece of tape and tells him to use it as a good luck charm.

Danny gets knocked to the ground. Samantha runs out on court to make sure that he’s okay. Michael interrupts the game by grabbing a microphone and announcing, “Samantha Morgan, I love you.” Awwwwwww! Yes, it’s cringey but Sam and Danny are a cute couple so it works.

With only 30 seconds left in the game, Coach Fuller pulls Chris and Julie off the court and replaces them with the second-string players. Of course, the Tornados are up by ten. Let’s see if Fuller would be so nice if it was a one point game! Chris tells Julie that all of the luck came from Julie and not Mary Beth. Personally, I think we all know that Mary Beth deserves all the credit.

The Tornadoes win the championship 84-75. “Well, congratulations,” Fuller tells the players, “You’re the champs.” That wasn’t much of a speech but …. Yay, I guess.

And so, the first season comes to an end. Chris and Julie are a couple! Danny and Sam are in love! Michael is going to be a star! Earl already is a star! I can’t wait to see what happens to all of them next season….

Oh, alright. I’ll tell you what happens next season. Chris, Sam, Michael, and Earl are written out of the show and all of tonight’s storylines are forgotten about. Join us next week for …. THE NEW HANG TIME!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 1.11 “The Bachelor Pad” and 1.12 “Poetic Justice”

Posted on October 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

We are reaching the conclusion of the first season of Hang Time and it’s time for us to ask where we’re all going with this show. What will be the ultimate conclusion of Deering’s season? Let’s get in the mood to find out with the Hang Time theme song!

Get out on that court and put it in the basket!

Episode 1.11 “The Bachelor Pad”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

“Great game, everyone!” Coach Fuller announces at the start of this episode, letting us know that Deering is finally having a good season. I wonder if they’ll make it to the state championship? (Of course, they will! A show would never be made about a merely adequate team. That seems a bit unfair, though. Most high school teams are merely adequate and surely, they deserve some representation as well!)

There’s trouble in paradise! Danny’s parents are out of town and, for some reason, this leads to Danny staying at Coach Fuller’s penthouse for three days. A student staying with his teacher and coach for the weekend? I remember when this happened on Degrassi. The end result was the coach getting fired and the student being traumatized for life. Seriously, Danny staying with Fuller seems massively inappropriate but I guess the 90s were a different time. Meanwhile, Sam is worried that no one takes her seriously because she’s just the equipment manager.

Anyway, you can guess what happens, can’t you? Coach Fuller goes out for the evening. Danny does the Risky Business dance in Fuller’s penthouse and then everyone from school shows up. The wild party leads to Fuller’s $3,000 chair getting damaged. The next day, during the game, Fuller learns about the party and the damage to his chair and he chases Danny out onto the court. Fuller is kicked out of the game and Sam has to take over. Sam coaches the team to victory and the team apologizes to the coach. Yay!

Oh — and due to winning that game, the team is going to the league championship! Take that, merely adequate teams!

As for the episode itself, this is another one of those episodes that drives me crazy because every problem that the characters run into is due to their own stupidity. Still, it was nice that Hillary Tuck finally got a chance to shine. The team owes their victory to a redhead. Yay, Sam!

Episode 1.12 “Poetic Justice”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 25th, 1995)

“Chris and I are a couple!” Julie announces at the end of this episode.

“A couple of what?” Mary Beth responds and I’ll admit right now that I laughed. Megan Parlen’s delivery was perfect on that line.

Mary Beth has reason to be upset because, just before Julie made her announcement, she was telling Chris that she wanted to get back together with him. Mary Beth may have thought that she was over Chris but Earl encouraged her to write a poem about her feelings and that led to Mary Beth realizing that she was still in love with her ex.

Earl’s a poet now? Yep.

Julie is finally ready to public with her relationship with Chris? Yep.

The championship is coming up with all of this drama going on? Yep.

Yes, it’s all kind of silly but it was worth it for that one line. “A couple of what?” It made me laugh and that really is kind of the point of the show.

Next week, it’s championship time!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 1.9 “Stranded” and 1.10 “The Sweat Shack”

Posted on October 3, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’ll always remember, me and my friends at Hang Time!

It’s time to check in and see what’s happening at Deering High!

Episode 1.9 “Stranded”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 4th, 1995)

“Great!” Sam announces halfway through this episode, “we’re all stuck together and we hate each other!”

And yes, it is true. After a terrible loss, Coach Fuller makes the team come in for a Saturday morning practice. Only a few members of the team make it due to the fact that it’s snowing and those who do make it end up getting trapped in the gym by the blizzard! Way to go, Coach!

This actually wasn’t a bad episode. For one thing, memories of the 2021 Texas blizzard are still fresh on my mind so, for once, I could relate to what the characters on the show were going through. I actually have been snowed in, with the power going on-and-off. Fortunately, I wasn’t trapped in a gym. I was in my house, with a book to read.

The majority of the episode was taken up with a group therapy session, in which Fuller tried to get the team to open up about both the loss and their feelings to each other. And while I initially groaned when the scene started, it was actually handled fairly well. We got to hear each character’s inner thoughts and it turned out that most of them were just as tired of Julie being the center of every storyline as the viewers undoubtedly were. Add to that, a new member of the cast made an appearance when one brave boom mic made an appearance, hovering over the group.

While everyone tried to figure out how to survive being stuck in the gym overnight (did none of these high school students have parents trying to dig them out?), Julie and Chris debated whether they could both date and be teammates and Mary Beth, who was in the gym despite not being a member of the basketball team, tried to take care of the fake baby that she had been assigned for a class assignment.

As I said, this was not a bad episode. Chris and Julie were still an amazingly boring couple but, with this episode, it felt as if the cast had finally come together as an ensemble. Still, it’s strange that the episode ended with Michael saving everyone in the high school as opposed to say the parents who were undoubtedly wondering to where their children had disappeared during the worst blizzard in Indiana history. Did the adults in town just not care about their high school basketball team?

Episode 1.10 “The Sweat Shack”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 11th, 1995)

This was a weird episode. Mary Beth’s father demanded that she get a job so, somehow, she ended up as manager of the Sports Shack (which is the store in the mall where most of the characters work). At first, Mary Beth is too lenient of a boss. Then she become too strict of a boss. All of her employee go on a strike but is there really a Sports Shack union? Is the strike even legal? Couldn’t everyone be arrested for disturbing the peace and, even more importantly, why can’t Mary Beth just fire all of them and hire cheap replacements? That would definitely cut down on payroll.

Meanwhile, Coach Fuller is in charge of a new exchange programs where members of the basketball team pair up with girls from Russia and …. wait, WHAT!? Earl gets a Russian who loves hanging out with him. Michael gets a Russian who is overweight so, of course, the audience goes, “Whoa!” “You are fresh prince,” the Russian tells Michael, on account of the fact that Michael appears to be the only black student at Deering High. “Hah hah hah!” the audience responds. Eventually, Michael learns an important lesson about not judging Russian mail order brides by their weight. It’s all more than a little cringey but it is kind of sweet that Earl’s exchange student even follows him around while he’s working his security job at the mall.

Anyway, this one of those episode that kind of felt as if it was just a mix of scenes and storylines that had been cut from other episodes. Perhaps it would have been better if everyone had been trapped at the mall by another blizzard. Seriously, blizzards bring out the best of this show.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.7 “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble” and 1.8 “The Candidate”

Posted on September 26, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The season continues!

I hate to say it but this terrible theme song is starting to get stuck in my head. Takin’ my shot …. something something something …. Hang Time …. flying like glockmock …. running with big screen tee ayyy …. Hang Time …. okay, those may not by the exact lyrics but that’s what it sounds like to me.

Episode 1.7 “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

Just in case the viewer needed a reminder that this show is from the mid-90s, this episode opens with Sam lustfully comparing her boyfriend, Danny, to Mel Gibson. Needless to say, Danny looks nothing like Mel Gibson but, at the same time, it also seems like he’s a bit more emotionally stable so I guess it all works out in the end.

This episode was all about relationships. Mary Beth’s frustration with Chris’s refusal to act like a rich snob led to her being tempted by her childhood friend Charles Landingham (Trey Alexander). Apparently, Charles used to be overweight but now he’s lost the weight and he wears a sweater over his shoulders and Mary Beth accepts a kiss from him. Unfortunately, Julie sees Mary Beth kissing Charles and she now has a dilemma. Should she tell Chris the truth or not? Considering that Mary Beth and Charles are an adorable couple, a true friend would be encouraging them to get together.

Meanwhile, all the boys head over to Coach Fuller’s house to watch a Mike Tyson fight. Unfortunately, this means that Danny has to break his regularly scheduled date with Sam. He claims to be sick and then heads over to Fuller’s house. However, Sam shows up at the house and it turns out that she’s a fight fan as well! She gets so into the Tyson fight that she forgets to slap Danny for lying to her in the first place.

Eventually, Mary Beth tells Chris the truth and they have the most peaceful break-up ever. They agree to be friends, which frees Chris up to date Julie. It’ll be a relationship based not only on basketball but also the sound of the audience applauding every time one of them gets the ball in the basket.

As I’ve said before, Mary Beth is the only character to whom I can relate on this show because she’s the only character who doesn’t spend all of her time talking about basketball and who shops whenever she gets upset. This was a good Mary Beth episode and it was the first to really give Megan Parlen a chance to show off her comedic skills. Still, it’s hard not to be disappointed at how predictably the Chris and Julie relationship is playing out. It seems obvious that Chris and Julie are going to be a fairly boring couple. What are they going to do after basketball season ends?

Episode 1.8 “The Candidate”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 28th, 1995)

Mary Beth is running for school president on a platform of doing away with the Future Farmer’s Club and replacing it with the Gold Card Girls Club. “Membership will be open to anyone, as long as you’re a girl, you have a gold card, and we all like you,” Mary Beth explains. Having been profoundly moved by reading The Grapes of Wrath for English class, Michael runs against Mary Beth on a platform of saving the Future Farmer’s Club. (Doesn’t this show take place in Indiana? Isn’t every student at the school a member of the Future Farmer’s Club by default?) Danny manages Mary Beth’s campaign. Sam manages Michael’s campaign. “I’m running on the issues,” Michael announces.

Oh, get over yourself. It’s a student council election. Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, and City Guys all featured the same stupid storyline. So did Boy Meets World, if I remember correctly. (“Hold on,” Topagna announced, “we still need to do something about the black mold in the cafeteria!” Isn’t that the job of the adults?) Eventually, after all of the usual nonsense that always happens in episodes about student council elections, Michael is elected but declines to accept the office because he’s ashamed of his campaign. Mary Beth becomes president but promises to be the type of president that “Tom Joad would be proud of.” Good luck with that. IT’S JUST THE FREAKING STUDENT COUNCIL, PEOPLE!

While the school picks a new president, Chris and Julie continue their painfully dull courtship and Coach Fuller looks for date to a wedding. Chris and Julie finally kissed at the end of the episode. “Woooo,” the audience dutifully responded but even they didn’t sound particularly excited about it.

Anyway, this episode is almost as dumb as suggesting that a high school student is going to be obsessed with John Steinbeck. To Hell with your grapes of wrath!