Marissa Jaret Winokur | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh. I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up. The grand prize is a jet ski! Woo hoo! Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina). In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament. (Why Scott’s tip money? Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money. God, this show is freaking stupid.) It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT! NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell? Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money. He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl. Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date. Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski. Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament. (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.) At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator. It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse. They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams. As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are. One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat. I hope their jet ski sinks.

The 1999 romantic comedy Never Been Kissed is a definite guilty pleasure of mine, and that’s not just because of the fact that James Franco has a small role in it. Never Been Kissed is a genuinely sweet movie that might not be extremely realistic but is still enjoyable.

Never Been Kissed requires a certain amount of suspension of disbelief, largely because Josie Gellar, the character who has” never been kissed,” is played Drew Barrymore. Oh, it’s not that Josie hasn’t ever been kissed. Instead, it’s that she’s never gotten the type of kiss that every girl dreams of getting. She’s never been kissed by someone who she was truly in love with. She’s never had the type of romance that everyone dreams of having (especially when they’re in high school).

However, Josie is about to get a chance to find that kiss. Josie works for a newspaper and her editor (John C. Reilly) has just assigned her to go undercover at a local high school. Unfortunately, Josie was traumatized by her experiences the first time that she went to high school. (She wrote a poem for a boy, he responded by asking her to prom and then throwing eggs at her.) On her first day as a “student,” Josie finds that she is just as unpopular as the last time but now she’s also absolutely out-of-touch with her classmates. Fortunately, she’s befriended by Aldys (Leelee Sobieski) and, soon, Josie has finally managed to find a place with the Denominators, a group of intelligent students.

Unfortunately, hanging out with the good kids isn’t producing the type of stories that Josie’s editor wants. He orders Josie to reject Aldys and to befriend the school’s mean girls. After her brother, Rob (David Arquette), also enrolls in high school, he helps Josie to become the most popular girl in the school. Soon, Josie is no longer hanging out with Aldys and has been asked to go to the prom by the loathsome Guy Perkins (Jeremy Jordan).

However, Josie has fallen in love with her English teacher, Sam (Michael Vartan). Sam likes Josie too but, of course, he thinks that she’s a student. Will Josie tell the truth and risk losing Sam? Will she be able to maintain her cover even when she discovers that her new friends are planning to humiliate Aldys? Will Josie ever truly be kissed?

Well, you can probably guess all the answers. Nothing really surprising happens in Never Been Kissed but it’s still a likable film. For the most part, the actors all do a good job with their stock roles and David Arquette, especially, is hilarious as a professional slacker who thrives in high school precisely because he’s never bothered to grow up. (Of course, by the end of the film, his new high school girlfriend is wanting to know what he’s planning on doing with his life after he graduates….) At no point is the film in any way realistic but it’s still an enjoyable way to spend 110 minutes of your life.