Tag Archives: Justin Mader

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Mommy’s Prison Secret (dir by John L’Ecuyer)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi!  I am currently in the process of cleaning out the DVR.  I recorded Mommy’s Prison Secret off of Lifetime on May 6th.)

Taylor Reynolds (Kelli Williams) has a secret and, believe it or not, the secret is not that she served time in prison.  Everyone knows that Taylor has a record and, as opposed to what would happen in the real world, everyone seems to be okay with it.  She’s got a nice house in the suburbs, a handsome husband (Justin Reynolds), and a good relationship with her teenage daughter, Bianca (Niamh Wilson).  She’s even best friends with her probation officer!

Of course, it’s not like Taylor killed anyone or anything like that.  She went to prison because she was arrested for DUI and the cops found weed in her car.  She was a model prisoner and apparently, something of a protegé of the warden’s.  She secured an early release from prison and she got her life back on track.

So, what’s Mommy’s prison secret?  Could it be that the weed actually belonged to husband and she basically took the fall for him?  Or could it have something to do with her former cellmate, Meghan (Sarain Boylan)?  Meghan has just been released from prison and of course, she promptly turns up in Taylor’s hometown.  When Taylor is at the supermarket and she realizes that she’s forgotten her wallet, Meagan pops up, pays for her groceries, and tells off the cashier.

Taylor can’t wait to get away from Meghan, who is tough, crude, and has a blonde mullet sorta thing going on.  However, Meghan has other plans,  That night, she shows up at Taylor’s house.  Her car has broken down.  It’s raining.  Taylor’s like, “Go away,” and Taylor’s husband is like, “We can’t kick out a guest!”

Needless to say, that’s a big mistake.  Not only is Meghan soon pressuring Taylor to sneak drugs into the prison but she’s also proving to be a bad influence on Bianca.  Taylor would love to tell Meghan to leave or maybe even call the police but, if she does that, Meghan will reveal Mommy’s prison secret!

What is Mommy’s prison secret?  Well, it’s probably not what you think it’s going to be.  I thought that it was going to turn out that Meghan and Taylor had been more than just cellmates (and there are hints of that being the case) but the secret itself is something totally different and, to be honest, a lot less interesting.

Anyway, the best thing about Mommy’s Prison Secret is Sarain Boylan’s performance as Meghan.  Boylan dominates every scene in which she appears.  Meghan speaks her mind and has literally no secrets and, in an odd way, you actually end up liking her a lot more than you like the duplicitous Taylor.  Even if she is a bad influence who blackmails Taylor into becoming a drug smuggler, it’s hard not to occasionally say, “Go Meghan!”

One final note: Was Taylor named after Orange Is The New Black‘s Taylor Schilling?  I’m going to assume that she was.

So that was the Unauthorized Full House Story…

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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So, last night, after months of nonstop promotion, Lifetime finally aired The Unauthorized Full House Story and…

Meh.

I have a confession to make.  I am 99.9% sure that I have never seen a complete episode of Full House.  I’ve seen bits and pieces, of course.  But I don’t think I have ever watched a single episode from beginning to end.  And yet, despite this, I still feel like I know everything about the show.  I know that John Stamos was obsessed with his hair.  I know that the Olsen Twins played Michelle.  I know about “Oh mylanta!” or “Cut it out” and “you got it, dude,” and all the rest.  I know that Dave Coulier may have inspired Alanis Morissette.

And, though I’ve never seen an entire episode of Full House, I have seen The Aristocrats, a documentary that features Bob Saget telling an incredibly long dirty joke.  And, of course, I’ve also seen Half Baked, which featured Saget asking if Dave Chapelle had ever “sucked dick for coke.”

So, naturally, I figured that The Unauthorized Full House Story would feature a lot of cocaine being snorted backstage while an actress meant to Alanis went down on Coulier in a theater.  I mean, it had to be unauthorized for a reason, right!?

But no — much like last year’s Unauthorized Saved By The Bell, the Full House movie was notable largely for how little drama it featured.  Apparently, there were no scandals.  There was little to no conflict behind the scenes.  John Stamos was apparently a little stand-offish at first.  Bob Saget occasionally forgot there were children around and made an off-color comment.  Dave Coulier apparently was just happy to be there.

In other words, it was all pretty boring.  But, I still had fun live tweeting the film and apparently, a lot of people enjoyed reading my tweets.  So, in honor of what the Full House movie was truly all about, here’s a collection of my best tweets from last night.

Hell yeah!  But, before they get to Unauthorized Degrassi, Lifetime will be showing Unauthorized 90210 and Unauthorized Melrose Place in October!  Now, those shows will be worthy of being unauthorized!