Pod People (a.k.a. Extra Terrestrial Visitor) (1983, directed by Juan Piquer Simon)

Posted on October 8, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

“Trumpy, you can do stupid things!”

Everyone knows about Trumpy, the snorkel-nosed alien with telekinetic powers who befriend a lonely boy and a really bad band while his mother killed people in the forest. He was one of the stars of Pod People, which was famously lampooned by Mystery Science Theater 3000 in 1991. It became one of MST 3K’s most beloved episodes. Audiences loved the the attempts to by Joel and the Bots the decipher the song that the band is first seen performing. Was it Idiot Control Now or Tires Are Ready To Roll Now? They also loved Trumpy showing off his cool but ultimately useless powers. But why was Trumpy so good but Trumpy’s mom was so evil?

The reason is because Trumpy wasn’t originally supposed to be in the movie. Originally, the movie was just going to be about Trumpy’s mom killing poachers and stalking the band when their van broke down in the woods. But then a little movie called E.T. became a worldwide hit and the film’s backers decided that the movie needed a cute alien. Director Juan Piquer Simon, best known for the relentless gore fest that was Pieces, created Trumpy and had him befriend a child. The film became the only killer alien film made for a family audience. Families came for the cuteness of Trumpy and stayed for the scenes of Trumpy’s mom stalking a woman while she took a shower.

Weird, weird film. Have you ever tried to watch Pod People without Joel and the Bots to help you make you way through it? It’s not recommended but it can be done. A non-MST 3K version has been released on DVD under the film’s original title (Extra Terrestrial Visitor) but the movie is really boring without anyone making jokes. You can make your own jokes, I guess. You probably will.

No, Pod People is a film to watch with the Satellite of Love crew. With them, it’s a classic.

Resist The Call: Cthulhu Mansion (1992, directed by Juan Piquer Simon)

Posted on October 4, 2018 by Jedadiah Leland

After murdering a drug dealer at an amusement park, Hawk (Brad Fisher) and his gang of teenage thugs take Chandu (Frank Finlay) and his daughter, Lisa (Marcia Layton), hostage. As Hawk and company set up shop in Chandu’s mansion, Chandu warns them that they should leave before the mansion destroys them. Chandu has been summoning the forces of darkness and now they’re living in his basement. They already killed Chandu’s wife and now, they’re prepared to kill Hawk and the gang.

Hawk doesn’t believe a word that Chandu has to say. Plus, Hawk’s younger brother has been shot in the leg so they have no choice but to spend at least one night in the mansion. That turns out to be a big mistake. Before the night ends, Hawk’s brother ends up possessed, a woman gets pulled into a refrigerator, Hawk’s second-in-command drowns in a shower full of blood, and the mansion’s just getting started!

A Spanish-American co-production, Cthulhu Mansion was directed by Juan Piquer Simon, who earned a cult following for directing movies like Pieces, Slugs, and the immortal Pod People. Cthulhu Mansion never comes close to being as good as any of those films. Legitimately great actor Frank Finlay hams it up as Chandu and gets to wear some headgear that makes him look like Carnac The Magnificent but everyone else in the movie is forgettable and, with the exception of the blood shower, none of the deaths show any of the creativity that Simon brought to Slugs. Worst of all, Cthulhu doesn’t even make a cameo appearance.

While some may be tempted to watch because of the film’s appropriation of the Cthulhu name, resist the call of Cthulhu Mansion. H.P. Lovecraft wouldn’t have even stepped foot inside this house.

Horror On The Lens: Slugs (dir by Juan Piquer Simon)

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1988, Slugs is literally one of the ickiest films ever made.

The plot of this Spanish horror film is pretty simple. In a rural community, all of the local slugs have mutated into savage, sharp-toothed carnivores. While the slugs slowly consume the locals, health official Mike Brady (Michael Garfield) wonders if maybe — just maybe — this could all be connected to the nearby toxic waste dump.

Despite some less-than-stellar performances and a plot that makes less sense the more you think about it, Slugs works. Some of that is because slugs themselves are just naturally creepy. However, the majority of the credit must go to director Juan Piquer Simon who truly takes this film to its disgusting extreme. This film is probably most famous for a scene in which one character comes to regret his earlier decision to eat one of the slugs.