An foul-tempered man named Yuri (Jorge Riverso) gets his hands on the skeleton of a werewolf that was discovered out in the middle of the Arizona desert. Anyone who gets scratched by the werewolf’s skeleton is destined to transform into a werewolf themselves.
That’s not much of a plot. This is the first time that I’ve come across the idea that touching a werewolf’s skeleton will also turn you into a werewolf. It doesn’t make much sense but it does lead to a lot of scenes of Yuri creeping around and hitting people with pieces of the werewolf skeleton. He’s working with an archeologist (Richard Lynch) who wants to capture a werewolf and then make money by displaying it in a freak show. Unfortunately, almost everyone who gets touched by the werewolf skeleton dies shortly afterwards.
Other than Richard Lynch and Jorge Rivero, the only “name” actor in this movie is Joe Estevez, Martin Sheen’s look-alike brother. Joe Estevez has the role that I guess would go to Daniel Baldwin if the movie were made today. He stands around and yells. Overall the acting is so poor that it’s often laugh-out-loud funny. Adriana Stastny mutters, “This is absolutely fascinating,” in the dullest voice possible when she’s first told about how the skeleton can turn someone into a werewolf. As for the werewolf, it’s appearance changes from scene-to-scene, making it next to impossible to actually follow the plot.
There’s a reason why this movie is best-known for being used in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Without Mike and the bots, it’s almost unbearably dull. There’s nothing absolutely fascinating about it.
First released in 1983, Conquest takes place in a mystical land, one where humans, dolphins, and sheep live alongside witches, werewolves, and zombies. It’s a place of magic, evil, and multiple decapitations. As the film begins, a young man named Ilias (played by Andrea Occhipanti, who also appeared in Lucio Fulci’s The New York Ripper) has just turned 18 and is heading out on his first quest. His father gives him a magic bow, which shoots laser-like arrows. Illias boards a raft and sails off to do whatever people do on quests. To be honest, it’s always strange to me that people in films like this always want to go on quests. I mean, it never turns out well.
Ilias finds himself in a land that is ruled by Ocron (Sabrina Sian), a naked witch who spends her time fondling a snake and snorting what appears to be cocaine. During one of her drug binges, Ocron has a vision of a faceless man who carries a magic bow. She realizes that the man could potentially destroy her and end her reign of evil. She orders her werewolf soldiers to take a break from their usual routine of killing cave people so that they can scour the land and destroy the man with the bow.
Fortunately, Ilias has made a new friend! Mace (Jorge Rivero) is a wandering outlaw who claims that he doesn’t care about anyone but who takes an instant liking to Ilias. Soon, Mace and Ilias are inseparable as they walk through the countryside together, stopping only to kill a hunter and steal his food …. wait, that doesn’t sound very heroic. Mace’s argument is that hunters themselves are not heroic but still, it really does seem more like cold-blooded murder than anything else. It’s a weird scene but, then again, this Italian film is a weird movie.
Eventually, Ilias decides that his destiny is to destroy Orcan. Though Mace doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to cross the most powerful witch in this strange world, he does agree to escort Ilias to the seashore. (One gets the feeling that if Conquest had been released more recently, as opposed to 1983, Ilias and Mace would have launched a thousand ships.) But things get complicated on the way, with both Ilias and Mace going through several different changes of heart. Of course, they also run into zombies, underground monsters, and super-intelligent dolphins….
Conquest was directed by Lucio Fulci, the Italian filmmaker who was responsible for some of the most visually striking and narratively incoherent horror films ever made. With Zombi 2, Fulci launched the Italian zombie boom. With The Beyond trilogy, Fulci directed three of the most intriguingly surreal horror films ever made. With The New York Ripper and Don’t Torture A Duckling, Fulci took the giallo genre to its logical and most disturbing conclusion. Fulci made blood-filled films, ones in which the overall plot was never as important as the set pieces. That’s certainly the case of Conquest, which pays homage to the old sword-and-sorcery films while also including zombies and a few rather graphic torture scenes. (The scene in which one person is literally split in half is shocking, even by the standards of Fulci.) And yet there’s an odd earnestness to Conquest, as both Ilias and eventually Mace are horrified by Ocran’s cruelty and willing to risk their lives to put an end to it. The friendship between Ilias and Mace comes out of nowhere but the film takes it seriously and, as a result, the final scenes are far more emotional than you might expect from a director of Fulci’s reputation. It’s tempting to consider Conquest as a bit of a prequel to The Beyond trilogy. Perhaps we’re looking into the Beyond itself and discovering that, even in that disturbing world, there are people who are willing to risk their lives to battle evil.
Conquest was not one Fulci’s box office successes, which is a bit of a shame as it really does seem to be a film that he put his heart into. Unfortunately, Conquest was followed by the controversy surrounding The New York Ripper and the critical failure of Manhattan Baby. Fulci’s career went into decline and he soon found himself directing stuff like Aenigma. It’s a shame but I think many of Fulci’s so-called failures are ready to be rediscovered and reappraised. That’s certainly the case with Conquest.
C.J. Thunderbird (played by Jorge Rivero) is a former professional fighter who is now a miner living in Arizona. Two years ago, Thunderbird’s best friend was killed by a fighter named Rhino (Matthias Hues). Thunderbird swore vengeance and, when he gets a telegram informing him that Rhino has been spotted in Bolivia, Thunderbird heads down to South America, looking to settle things once and for all. With the help of a down-on-his-luck trainer named Punchy (Edward Albert), Thunderbird nearly defeats Rhino in the ring but the fight is suddenly stopped by the local police, all of whom are paid off by local drug dealer, Billy Vance (Mike Connors). Rhino works for Vance and Vance doesn’t want his most fearsome goon to be shown up in public. Thunderbird and Puchy soon find themselves in one of those prisons where the inmates are forced to take part in underground cage matches. Thunderbird’s only chance of survival and perhaps escape depends upon defeating yet another fighter, the Beast (Gus Rethwisch).
The coolest thing about Fist Fighter is that it’s called Fist Fighter. It sounds like a title for a movie that someone made up but instead, it’s very, very real. The 2nd coolest thing about Fist Fighter is that the hero is named Thunderbird. I think this was Thunderbird’s only film adventure. If Fist Fighter had made more money, it could have led to a Thunderbird franchise. Jorge Rivero wasn’t much of an actor but he’s good in the fight scenes and Edward Albert overacts to such an extent that he easily makes up for Rivero’s inability to actually show emotion. I also liked Mike Connors as the smug villain. Brenda Bakker plays Billy Vance’s mistress. Of course, she ends up falling for Thunderbird.
Fist Fighter is dumb but entertaining. If Rivero’s role has been played by Jean-Claude Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren, two action stars who could actually act as well as convincingly fight, Fist Fighter would probably be a cult classic. As it is, it’s one of the more entertaining of the many rip-offs of Bloodsport.
An foul-tempered man named Yuri (Jorge Riverso) gets his hands on the skeleton of a werewolf that was discovered out in the middle of the Arizona desert. Anyone who gets scratched by the werewolf’s skeleton is destined to transform into a werewolf themselves.
Through the Shattered Lens 