After a blow-up at work, air traffic controller John Chester (John Candy) is given five weeks of paid leave. He takes his family to Florida, where they rent a beach house and discover that their summer town is controlled by snobbish sailing champion Al Pellett (Richard Crenna). It’s the snobs vs slobs as Pellett tries to kick John and his family out of their summer rental and John tries to prove himself to his son and daughter (Joey Lawrence and Kerri Green) by winning the local sailing championship. Luckily, John has Sully (Rip Torn), a modern-day pirate captain, on his side.
John Candy was a remarkable talent. It’s just a shame that he didn’t appear in more good films. He will always be remembered for films like Splash, Uncle Buck, Planes, Train, and Automobiles, and Only The Lonely but unfortunately, most of his starring roles were in lightweight, forgettable far like Summer Rental. Candy is likable as John Chester and sympathetic even when he’s losing his temper over every minor inconvenience. But the film itself never really does much to distinguish itself from all of the other 80s comedies about middle class outsiders taking on the richest man in town. Candy is stuck playing a role that really could have been played by any comedic actor in 1985. It’s just as easy to imagine Dan Aykroyd or even Henry Winkler in the role. It feels like a waste of Candy.
The best thing about the film is Rip Torn’s performance as Sully. Torn’s performance here feels like a dry run for his award-winning work as Artie on The Larry Sanders Show. I would have watched an entire movie about Sully. As it is, Summer Rental is inoffensive and forgettable.
A sincere and heartfelt faith-based film that works largely due to a sensitive and likable performance from Joey Lawrence?
Well, stranger things have happened.
2022’s Pardoned By Grace tells the story of Scott Highberger (portrayed by Joey Lawrence). Scott is a screw-up. From the first time we see him until roughly until about an hour into this film, Scott is always doing something wrong. He starts out the film as a small town drug addict and dealer and, throughout the course of Pardoned By Grace, he is consistently tempted to retuning to that lifestyle. He’s someone who has spent his entire life being told that he’s never going to amount to anything and that he’s destined to be a failure so it kind of makes sense that he wouldn’t be worried too much about following the laws of conventional society.
The film follows Scott as he goes in and out of prison. The warden, the guards, and even the other prisoners all know that Scott is capable of being more than just a convict but Scott himself cannot find the faith to keep from getting into trouble. Whenever he’s released, he messes up and he’s sent back to jail. At one point, he even gets a good job and he starts making a lot of money and that’s all it takes for him to start using cocaine again.
Finally, after having alienated every member of his family and committed one too many crimes, Scott finds himself in a church, where he listens to a sermon from Pastor Dave (Michael W. Smith). Dave instinctively hires Scott to handle odd jobs at the church. While Scott cleans up the place and stacks chair and tries to live an honest life, Dave makes plans for his prison ministry. Scott is excited when he’s invited to take part in the ministry but then he learns that he won’t be allowed to enter any prisons to preach because he still has a years-old warrant out for his arrest. Scott heads to Florida, where he turns himself into the police, even though he knows that, as a repeat offender, he is looking at a potential life sentence as a result.
Pardoned by Grace works surprisingly well. Joey Lawrence is not exactly the first person who comes to mind when you think of an actor with tremendous dramatic range but he is still likable and earnest as Scott, a man who is determined to atone for his past mistakes and to take responsibility for his actions, even if it means losing his freedom. If anything, Lawrence’s limited range actually makes him a good pick for Scott, who is initially portrayed as being someone who does whatever he feels has to be done in the moment with very little consideration given to what his actions could mean in the future. As well, one doesn’t have to be religious to appreciate the film’s portrait of a justice system that is so obsessed with punishment that it’s forgotten that one of the purposes of prison is rehabilitation. Scott is not someone who wants to be a criminal but it’s not prison that helps him to move on from his old ways. Instead, it’s the faith of someone who is willing to give him a second chance.
Yes, that’s Kelsey Grammer holding a machine gun in the picture above. This is a screenshot from a film called Money Plane, which is about a plane where people gamble on everything from Texas Hold ‘Em to Russian Roulette to how long it will take a man to die after being bitten by a cobra. A group of thieves are recruited to rob the money plane. Grammer plays the man who ordered the robbery, a total psycho who is named Darius Grouch III but who prefers to be called The Rumble.
And listen, there’s a lot of things that you can say about Money Plane. Does the plot always make sense? Of course not. Heist films aren’t supposed to make much sense. Does the film look cheap? You bet. This isn’t a Hollywood blockbuster. This film is closer to be a mockbuster. But, dammit, any movie that features Kelsey Grammer loudly announcing, “I’m the baddest motherfucker around!” in that voice of his is automatically going to be one of the best of the year.
Well, maybe not the best. As I said, Money Plane is a low-budget action movie and, watching it, you get the feeling that the film was largely made as a lark. It’s a silly movie but, when taken on its own very undemanding terms, it’s actually pretty fun. Unlike a lot of action films, Money Plane has a sense of humor and one gets the feeling that the cast and crew were in on the joke. One could imagine a director like Steven Soderbergh taking this material and ruining it by trying to pretend as if there was more going on underneath the surface of the film than there actually was. Money Plane, on the other hand, makes no apologies and doesn’t pretend to be anything that it isn’t.
Here’s a few things I liked about Money Plane:
1) One of the thieves was played by Katrina Norman and she got to beat up some sleazy men. That’s always fun to watch.
2) The great Thomas Jane had a small but key role as the best friend of the main thief (who was played by former wrestler Adam Copeland).
3) I couldn’t help but be amused by the fact that the famous Money Plane was just an ordinary airplane, as opposed to some sort of gigantic floating fortress.
4) I also found myself strangely amused by the fact that the inside of the plane appeared to be significantly bigger than the outside.
5) When it was announced that the next game would be “Texas Hold ‘Em,” a dude wearing a cowboy hat stood up and was like, “This is my game!”
6) Jackson Pollock and several other painters are referred to as being “a bunch of bitches,” which amused me as an art history major.
7) Adam Copeland’s ex-wife is played Denise Richards, who once again proves that she’s a better actress than she’s frequently given credit for.
8) And, of once again, how can you not love a film that has Kesley Grammer cursing up a storm and running around with a machine gun?
(Once again, I am trying to clean out my DVR. I recorded Girl Followed off of the Lifetime Movie Network on April 2nd, 2017.)
Poor Regan (Emma Fuhrmann)! She’s 14 years old and all she wants is to be as popular as her older sister, Taylor (Gianna LaPera), and her best friend, Sabine (Olivia Nikkanen), and for Austin (Jake Elliott) to like her. Taylor and Sabine managed to get boyfriends by sending them sexy pics so why can’t she do the same thing? Everyone else skips school, so why can’t she? Everyone else shoplifts so why is it such a big deal when she does it? As Regan points out, her parents (Heather McComb and Joey Lawrence) expect her to be so perfect that they always overreact to the least little mistake.
Of course, they would really freak out if they found out about Regan’s now boyfriend. Nate (Travis Caldwell) is handsome, charming, and he drives a really nice car. Even better, at least from my perspective, his parents own a really big house. (If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you are undoubtedly aware of how much I love the big houses that always show up in Lifetime movies.) Of course, there are some problems. For one thing, Nate is 22 years old. Nate has a tendency to be a little bit controlling. Nate works with Regan’s mother, at a clinic. (Hey, at least he’s in the medical field! Who doesn’t want to marry a doctor?)
Oh — and Nate’s also batshit insane. How insane is Nate? He’s insane enough to hack into Regan’s phone and send risqué pictures of her to everyone who works with her dad. He’s also insane enough to replace a patient’s chart, all in an attempt to make Regan’s mother look dangerously incompetent. And, of course, there’s the whole kidnapping thing. Nate has a sordid and dangerous history that Regan knows nothing about.
Girl Followed may sound like a typical Lifetime stalking film and, in many ways, it is. However, Girl Followed also has a surprisingly insightful and intelligent script. If anything, Nate and his issues are red herrings in the overall scheme of the film. Girl Followed is more concerned with Regan and her struggle to estabblish her identity in an increasingly complex world. Anyone who has ever been insecure or felt lost will be able to relate to what Regan’s going through and Emma Fuhrmann gives an excellent and empathetic performance in the role. She is especially strong in the scenes where she tentatively opens up to her therapist, admitting that — on a scale of one to ten — she considers herself to be a “two.”
Of course, I related to the character because, when I was her age, I used to act out in the exact same way. This movie features one of the most realistic shoplifting scenes that I’ve ever seen. When her mom steps up and declares that her daughter is not a shoplifter and shames anyone who would suggest otherwise, I cringed a little and not just because I knew that Regan actually was a shoplifter. It was a moment to which I could relate. Suddenly, I was fourteen years old again.
Girl Followed is definitely a better than average Lifetime film so keep an eye out for it.
I just finished watching the premiere of the latest Asylum-produced SyFy film, Isle of the Dead!
Oddly, this film premiered on a Thursday night at 10:00 pm and, especially when compared to Sharknado 4 or 2 Lava 2 Lantula, it did so with relatively little fanfare. Fortunately, I just happened to see the premiere mentioned on Facebook. Otherwise, I probably would have missed it all together.
And that would have been a shame because, for a low-budget zombie film that was reportedly filmed in just 12 days, Isle of the Dead was actually a pretty effective little film.
The film’s plot will probably sound familiar but there’s a reason for that. The action starts at a secret Army research post that is located on an isolated tropic island. While Dr. Wexler (D.C. Douglas) watches, a virus spreads through the lab, turning doctors and soldiers into ravenous zombies and leaving death and terror in its wake. Jump forward ten years later. A team of Navy Seals has disappeared on the island and a strike force has been sent to find out what happened to them. Leading the strike force is the tough Lt. Gibson (Joey Lawrence). Accompanying them is a CIA agent named Mikaela Usylvich (Maryse Mizanin). Early on, Mikaela establishes a simple run: If you’re bitten by a zombie, you’re as good as dead. A zombie bite means a bullet to the brain.
Eventually, the strike force makes their way to the old research post, where they discover a lot of zombies and one rather crazed Dr. Wexler. Wexler, who turns out to have a personal connection to Mikaela, has spent the last ten years experimenting on zombies. As a result, we now have zombies who can shoot guns as well as zombies who can talk and who can plot and plan…
If all of this is sounding familiar, it’s because Isle of the Dead is an homage to the Resident Evil games. (Douglas may play Dr. Wexler here but he’s best known for voicing Albert Wesker in the games.) As such, the film follows a pretty standard formula: we watch as the members of the strike force try to move from one area to another without getting ripped to pieces by zombies. Admittedly, I’m not a huge expert on the Resident Evil games but I’ve been told by people who are that Isle of the Dead was full of references that were both subtle and occasionally obvious.
What I can tell you is that, taken on its own terms, Isle of the Dead was an effective, no-nonsense zombie film. The zombies were relentless (and I personally like the idea of talking zombies), the gore was both credible and copious, and the entire film maintained a proper atmosphere of impending doom. Douglas did a good job as crazy Dr. Wexler and Maryse Mizanin got to kick a lot of ass as Mikaela Usylvich. If you’re into zombie films or you just enjoy the unique Asylum aesthetic, I suggest keeping an eye out for Isle of the Dead.
I reviewed Stalked at 17 with Joey Lawrence’s Melissa & Joey co-star Taylor Spreitler yesterday. So, I thought I would remind people that Joey Lawrence having a music career was once a thing. If I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany is so 80s that it hurts, then this is so early-90s that it hurts. Wasn’t alive during this period, or are too young to remember? Well, they certainly put every aspect of the time period in this music video.
I don’t have anything else to say considering what happened. I just hope this early-90s cheese fest at least takes your mind off of it for a couple of minutes.
Wait, this was written by Gary Goldstein? Well Gary, if there was ever one of your Hallmark movies where the characters should be singing When The Saints Go Marching In, then this is it! If nothing else, at least Joey Lawrence can sing. But I guess just rehashing My Fake Fiancee (2009) with a holiday twist is fine. At least this is back when Joey had some of his hair again.
So there’s Joey Lawrence playing Rob. Rob is a bit of downer. His grandmother is in the hospital harassing him to get married since this is a Hallmark movie. He claims to be dating a woman named Rosemary.
That’s Emily Hampshire playing Julie who doesn’t look happy because her mom, played by Marilu Henner, is harassing her to get to dating. But that alone doesn’t put that look on your face or cock your neck to the side. So let’s have her mom trying to make her date a guy with a foot fetish. This guy.
Oh, and even at the end of this movie when this guy shows up again the movie switches from the kind of music you’d expect to foot fetish music as he stares at her feet. It’s pretty funny. Wait…foot fetish and this was written by Gary Goldstein. I wonder if Gary has a thing for feet? The leading lady put “nice feet” on her list of things that must be in the man she marries in The Wish List, which he also wrote.
Well, you’d think after Hampshire survived My Awkward Sexual Adventure (2012) that she’d be able to handle Mr. Foot Fetish, but she’s pretty non-confrontational. So how do these two meet? Well, through Rickyslist.org of course!
They are each looking for someone to be a temporary stand-in lover for the holiday season. Seeing as this is a Hallmark movie, she can’t go with the more interesting and humorous option this screen affords. I wonder what “misc romance” means.
Still, this movie probably would have been more interesting had she accepted that message from SatanSpawn.
They hook up and go to a party together as a couple. Unfortunately, Rob tries to do the dance number from The Wish List, but seeing as there isn’t another dude there and his character is drunk, it doesn’t work out. Of course they end up making amends, but there’s another issue. She’s Jewish and he’s Catholic. They even throw Kwanzaa into the mix. Actually it’s snuck into the movie in a rather humorous way. At least it’s funnier than this scene.
Julie of course tells her parents that Rob is Jewish too. So that means they need to light the Menorah. She leads him through this whole elaborate ceremony only to have him blow the candles out immediately after he finishes lighting them. Yeah, I believe Rob is that ignorant and stupid about as much as I believe Anastasia Steele didn’t know what butt plugs were in Fifty Shades Of Grey. At least the worst that happens to her is she breaks an old family ornament of Rob’s after trying to hang it on his family’s Christmas Tree, which later becomes a Hanukkah Tree.
That’s this movie in a nutshell. It’s a series of religious misunderstandings that ultimately ends up with Rob and Julie finding out that their families care about them being happy before anything else. Even when Rob says he’s going to convert to Judaism he’s surprised when his family is happy about it because they know he obviously cares for Julie and that’s what matters to them.
Of course there’s a minor hiccup at the end. But it all works out because Rob ends up with a horse. I guess that’s what “misc romance” means.
Actually, he does wind up on a horse in order to reach Julie through bumper to bumper traffic on New Year’s Eve. All I can think while writing this is that Crocodile Dundee (1986) did it better.
If the clip is gone and you don’t know what I’m referring to, then go watch Crocodile Dundee now.
In the end some title cards tell us what happened after they found each other. It includes that they were married by both a priest and a rabbi. There’s a joke in there, but I’m still busy trying to figure out the rest of that joke email about the brunette and the redhead trying to break out of jail from Midnight Masquerade.
This one’s okay if you can push past some of the ignorance it expects you to buy here and there about the characters and religion.
After a blow-up at work, air traffic controller John Chester (John Candy) is given five weeks of paid leave. He takes his family to Florida, where they rent a beach house and discover that their summer town is controlled by snobbish sailing champion Al Pellett (Richard Crenna). It’s the snobs vs slobs as Pellett tries to kick John and his family out of their summer rental and John tries to prove himself to his son and daughter (Joey Lawrence and Kerri Green) by winning the local sailing championship. Luckily, John has Sully (Rip Torn), a modern-day pirate captain, on his side.
Through the Shattered Lens 