jeep | Through the Shattered Lens

So, as far as this year’s Super Bowl was concerned, the commercials were disappointing. I mean, sure, we got a few movie trailers that looked really good. I’m super excited for Black Widow and Mulan, not to mention Hunters and WandaVision.

But, otherwise, it was a pretty forgettable year for commercials. I mean, I guess we should be glad that, for the most part, we didn’t have any gigantic corporations trying to sell themselves as being woke crusaders. (We did get that one beer commercial that had to include clips of people at a protest mark because that’s definitely something you want to do while your drunk off your ass. Why are beer commercials always so pompous?) With the exception of one well-meaning but rather creepy spot for Google, there also weren’t any disturbingly morbid commercials like that one from a few years back where the TV crushed the child. There was also a definite lack of grotesque commercials. There was no Puppy Monkey Baby or whatever the Hell that thing was.

Instead, the majority of the commercials were kind of tasteful and a little bit dull. There was one commercial where Martin Scorsese invited Jonah Hill to a party and that would have been fun if Jonah Hill hadn’t looked so depressed. I was like worried about him the entire time I was watching the commercial. And then there was another one where Ellen DeGeneres wondered what people did before Alexa and that would have been a funny commercial if not for the fact that it felt like it went on for like an hour. There was a Facebook commercial where Sylvester Stallone beat up Chris Rock for some reason. And, of course, there was a Mike Bloomberg commercial because there’s always a Mike Bloomberg commercial.

Anyway, usually I do a top ten list after every Super Bowl but this year, I’m just doing my top six because that’s the type of year it was. As I said previously, my favorite commercials were for Black Widow and Disney+ but, since I already shared those on this site, I will not be listing them below.

In other words, here’s the best of the rest:

6. Cheetos

I liked this commercial because it was basically the opposite of all of those incredibly pompous beer commercials where they act like their product is going to save the world. Instead, Cheetos proudly announced, “Buy our product and you’ll never have to help anyone again! And really, let’s be honest. The world is not full of people who want to help you move. The world is full of people looking for an excuse to say, “Sorry, can’t do it.” This commercial is for them.

5. Mr. Peanut

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyUsWhuWD34

Seriously, Baby Nut is freaking adorable.

4. Mountain Dew

Bryan Cranston as Jack Torrance? Hey, it works. To be honest, even if not for Cranston’s cheerfully demented performance, this video would have worked just for the final shot of the elevator.

3. Hard Rock Hotel

A lot of people on twitter didn’t care much for this commercial because …. well, I’m not sure what their problem was. I thought it was fun.

2. Tide

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPrLiNseyCc

I enjoyed all of Tide’s Super Bowl commercials, mostly just because Charlie Day is adorable. I was a little bit annoyed when they tricked me into thinking that I was about see a new commercial for Wonder Woman 1984 but, even in that case, I have to give them credit for taking me by surprise. Tide should definitely use Charlie Day in all of their commercials and get rid of that boring couple talking about “the funk.”

Jeep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnhzGUcENWo

From the minute I heard about this commercial, I knew it would probably end up being my favorite of the night and it turns out that it was. Usually, I hate Jeep commercials because they tend to be almost as pompous as beer commercials but how can you resist Bill Murray and Phil?

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, everyone! I hope your team won. And if they didn’t, I hope they win next year. And if they don’t …. well, maybe look for a new team. I don’t know. Football’s not really my thing. I do like the commercials, though.

So, about a month and a half ago, Arleigh and I had a little disagreement on which commercial deserved the title of Best Freakin’ Commercial Of All Time. I argued for the cute little Kia commercials featuring the Sockmonkey and the Freaky Red Thing in Vegas. Arleigh, however, claimed that the title actually belonged to a series of ads featuring a scary football player destroying stuff and selling deodorant. Okay, that’s fine. Friends can disagree. In the end all that matters is that I love Sockmonkey and Sockmonkey loves me and we don’t care what you think. So there.

However, all throughout that debate, neither one of us mentioned any possible contenders for the worst commercial of all time. To be honest, there’s probably too many contenders to really pick just one. However, I definitely have a least favorite and here it is…

Okay, maybe this isn’t the worst commercial of all time. In fact, in many ways, it’s oddly effective. However, if it’s not the worst, it’s certainly the most insulting.

What are my specific objections to this commercial? Thank you for asking.

1) I don’t care how effective the freaking 3-D was, the story still sucked! Oh, wait a minute. That’s my specific objection to Avatar. Sorry, it’s been a long week.

Okay, let’s try this again.

1) First off, do I really need a car company to tell me what it means to be an American? Ever since they got their asses bailed out in ’09, American car companies have been producing the most pompous, condescending commercials possible. Whereas once we just saw footage of people driving too fast, car commercials today just feel like propaganda. Now, car commercials are narrated somber men going, “You know what America needs? America needs a comeback.” No, America doesn’t need a comeback. You guys just need to get your shit together. This commercial continues the new tradition of condescending car commercials.

2) “We have always been a nation of builders…” Actually, we’ve also been a nation of poets, artists, freethinkers, farmers, atheists, politicians, libertines, and just about every other category under the sun. I kinda thought that was the whole point. I mean, is this a car commercial or is it an educational video?

3) If you’re going to brag about how America is responsible for the Colt Revolver then at least have the balls to actually show a Colt Revolver while you’re doing it. A bunch of horses races at the Kentucky Downs while a bunch of rich people sit in the stands and cheer has absolutely nothing to do with the Colt Revolver. The Colt Revolver was not named after a horse, it was named after the man who invented it. For the most part, horses were imported to America from Asia by way of Europe. So, just because whoever made this commercial was scared to show a gun, they instead show an image that totally negates the commercial’s message.

4) What’s up with the weird little guy in that radiation suit? I mean, does he not look like a villainous doctor from some horrific science fiction movie from the early 80s? Do we really want someone like that working with radioactive material?

5) Yes, I understand the background music is taken from Johnny Cash song and who doesn’t love Johnny Cash? But the music is still annoyingly repetitive, like the sort of thing that they play to dull your brian during a brainwashing session.

6) “As a people, we tend to do well…” You know what, Mr. Smug Narrator Man? As a person, I do well when I’m not building anything at all. Don’t insult me with all that “as a people…” BS.

7) “The Things We Make, Make Us.” Seriously, this is the type of empty, collectivist statement that would make George Orwell throw a fit. Animal Farm much?