Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.15 “The Tall And The Short Of It” and 4.16 “Just Friends”

Posted on May 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Today, YouTube makes watching Hang Time difficult!

Episode 4.15 “The Tall and the Short Of It”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

Rico has finally got a girlfriend! She loves video games and basketball almost as much as he does! The problem, as far as Rico is concerned, is that Rico is short and Gail (Bree Turner) is tall. Rico is worried that the team will make fun of him because of the height difference and, from what we’ve seen of the team, he’s probably right. Then again, Rico was addicted to marijuana just a few weeks ago so maybe he’s still having episodes of paranoia.

When the team starts to suggest that Rico is lying about having a girlfriend, Rico decides that the best possible solution would be pay his cousin, Lisa (Constance Zimmer, who later starred on Unreal), ten dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend. Knowing Rico, that’s probably not the first time he’s paid a cousin to make out with him. Needless to say Gail sees Rico with Lisa (who, at least, has a good name) and she breaks up with him. But then Rico apologizes and dances with her at the school’s 70s party so I guess everything’s resolved.

Honestly, who cares? It’s Rico. Rico makes Vince seem like an interesting character.

While this was going on, Mary Beth searched for Hammer’s lucky jacket, which she lost after he gave it to her for safekeeping. Don’t worry. She found it.

Episode 4.16 “Just Friends”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

In this episode….

OH MY GOD! IT’S NOT ON YOUTUBE!

Yep, it’s sad but it’s true. As far as I can tell there are only two episodes of Hang Time that can’t be found online and this is one of them. Obviously, I can’t review this episode but I can tell you what apparently happened.

According to the imdb, this episode found the team working, once again, as counselors at a basketball camp. You may remember that Coach Fuller bought the camp last season. Fuller’s gone but apparently, the camp is still a thing and now Coach K. is in charge of it. Did Coach K. buy the camp or did Fuller ask him to keep an eye on it? I can’t tell you because I can’t watch the episode but, from my knowledge of Hang Time, I have a feeling this question was probably never even addressed.

Anyway, it appears that this episode featured Julie kissing some other guy and realizing that she and Michael were better as just friends. Poor Michael! What’s funny is that, at this point, I’m so used to Julie cheating on her boyfriends and then making them feel as if it’s their fault that I feel as if I’ve seen this show without having seen it.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.13 “Nothing In Common” and 4.14 “And Then There Were Nuns”

Posted on April 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang Time! This week, we learn about geography.

Episode 4.13 “Nothing in Common”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)

We’re back in Indiana! I guess the San Antonio trip is over. Yay.

Michael, Silk, and Rico panic when they see Coach K. walking around their favorite after-school hangout, The Stadium. It turns out that Coach K. wants to buy the place and make it more friendly to older customers. Michael, Silk, and Rico totally freak out and I don’t blame them. No one wants to see their teachers outside of school. Anyway, they come up with the brilliant idea of having Rico’s uncle pretend to be a health inspector so that he can scare off Coach K. It doesn’t work because Rico’s uncle asks how Rico is doing on the team but Coach K. still decides not to buy the Stadium because this is a silly show where plot developments are brought and abandoned at random.

Meanwhile, Mary Beth is upset when Hammer resists her attempts to change him. Mary Beth wants to go to an art exhibit. Hammer wants to go to a boxing match. (Personally, I’m probably an even bigger culture snob than Mary Beth and I would be happy to go to either of those. I love museums but a boxing match is a good excuse to wear something nice and show off your cleavage.) Mary Beth wants Hammer to go sailing. Hammer wants to spend his time at a biker rally. Realizing that she’s trying too hard to change Hammer, Mary Beth dresses up in leather and hangs out at a biker bar. She teaches the bikers all about the proper utensils to use at a formal dinner. It was actually pretty cute and, in the end, Hammer and Mary Beth agreed that they didn’t have to like the same things as long as they liked each other. Awwwwwww!

I liked this episode. Season 4 may not be as strong as the previous three seasons but the Hammer/Mary Beth relationship works surprisingly well. As far as I’m concerned, any episode that features more of Mary Beth and Kristy being wacky and less of Julie getting annoyed is a good one.

Episode 4.14 “And Then There Were Nuns”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)

Oh hey, we’re back in San Antonio. Continuity be damned!

With only a few days left in Texas, Kristy suspects that she’s in love with Antonio. She tells Mary Beth and Julie that she can imagine a future with Antonio. Awwwwww! Antonio invites Kristy to a wedding …. in Mexico! Kristy agrees. Before leaving, she leaves a note for Julie and Mary Beth. Unfortunately, it’s a poorly-written note and Julie and Mary Beth are convinced that Kristy’s run off to Mexico to get married!

Because everyone on this show is stupid, they don’t tell Coach K or any other adults about what is happening. Instead, everyone except for Julie and Michael head down to Mexico and try to stop the wedding. I guess it’s lucky that they all happened to have their passports with them. (Either that or they crossed into Mexico illegally.) Of course, since they won the big Tri-state tournament. they have to get back to San Antonio by 4 p.m. so that they can get ready to do a media appearance. Michael and Julie are convinced that their friends can go to Mexico and come back while the Coach is taking an hour-long nap. Apparently, the show’s writers were under the impression that San Antonio is right on the border. It’s not. San Antonio is 155 miles away from the border and it appears that the wedding is taking place in a fairly small and remote village. In short, this trip is going to take a lot longer than an hour.

Admittedly, King of the Hill used to do the same thing. Hank Hill was literally an hour away from every location in Texas. But, in that case, it was obviously meant to be intentional and it was a fun in-joke for Texans. (It helped that Mike Judge was one of us.) But, in this case, it just feels incredibly dumb on the part of the Hang Time writers.

Anyway, Silk, Rico, Hammer, and Mary Beth arrive at the wedding but a nun tells them that this is a private ceremony. So, of course, they all dress up like nuns and sneak into the ceremony and….

….

Sorry, silently screaming.

The important thing is that it all works out in the end. Coach K. finds out where the team has gone so he, Michael, and Julie show up for the wedding. Meanwhile, Antonio promises Kristy that, someday, he will find her in Indiana. Awwwww! I’m going to guess that the media appearances were handled by the team’s non-starters, who probably talked about how much fun it was to spend every game sitting on the bench while Michael, Julie, Rico, Silk, and Hammer got all the glory.

What a stupid episode.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/16/23 — 4/22/23

Posted on April 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Barry’s back!

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Barry returned last Sunday with the first two episodes of season 4.

The first episode updated the viewers on what happened after Barry was arrested. Barry went to jail, where he was reunited with Fuches. Fuches briefly became an FBI informant until Barry told him that he loved him, which led to Fuches not only stepping away from the FBI but also declaring that he was going to start his own prison gang. Sally went back to Joplin and promptly got into a fight with her mother over the television show and its portrayal of Sally’s abusive ex. Gene plotted to control how the story of his relationship with Barry would appear in the media. Cristobal and NoHo Hank plotted to start a semi-legitimate business, selling sand to construction sites. Directed, as all of this season will be, by Bill Hader, the first episode was full of surreal touches and it left me feeling rather unsettled. Sitting in prison and only showing emotion when Sally briefly came by to visit and demand to know whether he had killed their dog, Barry appeared to have finally snapped. He went as far as to taunt a guard into nearly beating him to death. The show had its funny moments but, make no doubt, the first episode was all about tapping into Barry’s heart of darkness.

The second episode had a bit more of the show’s trademark bizarre humor. Cristobal and NoHo Hank attempted to convince two rival crime families to join them in their sand enterprise. In order to convince them, they arranged for a meeting at the happiest place on Earth …. Dave and Buster’s! The meeting went well, up until NoHo Hank announced that freeing Barry from prison would be a part of the plan. An upset Cristobal told NoHo Hank that his loyalty to Barry made him appear to be “soft.” However, Fuches then called NoHo Hank for prison and told him that Barry had decided to become an FBI informant. A stunned NoHo Hank announced that Barry would have to die.

While that was going on, Gene finally gave an interview about his experiences with Barry but, being Gene, he couldn’t just sit down and answer questions. Instead, he put together a one man show, one that actually turned out to be pretty good, even if Gene’s version of events was a bit self-serving. Meanwhile, Sally has returned to Los Angeles and is trying to put the pieces of her life and her career back together. Unfortunately, her career still hasn’t recovered from last season’s viral video scandal and, to top it all off, she is now known for being the girlfriend of a serial killer.

As for Barry …. well, Monroe wasn’t lying. At the end of the second episode, it appeared that Barry has decided to work with the FBI!

What a wonderful way to start the fourth season! This is the final season of Barry and I can’t wait to see how the story wraps up. I have a feeling that there won’t be many happy endings.

Beavis and Butthead (Paramount Plus)

Barry’s not the only one to have returned this week. These two morons, Beavis and Butthead, have returned as well. This week, Beavis and Butthead ruined meditation for everyone and then they went hunting with Mr. Anderson and nearly got killed. Of all the supporting characters on this show, Mr. Anderson is probably my favorite because he’s basically just a really old version of Hank Hill. His World War II flashback was wonderfully odd.

Beef (Netflix)

Unfortunately, it’s been a long week so I’ve only had time to watch the first four episodes of this miniseries. Ali Wong and Steven Yeun are both giving outstanding performances in this series about a road rage incident that spirals out of control. I’m looking forward to finishing it up during this upcoming week.

Dynaman (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this Japanese series on Saturday morning. A bunch of fish monsters were trying to take over the world. Dynaman stopped them. Sometimes, a picture is worth a thousand words so here’s a screenshot:

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, Fox)

The farmers are still not married.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed Half Nelson here!

Hang Time (YouTube)

I have watched and written up reviews for several hours of Hang Time this week. In fact, I’m nearly done with the show. (My reviews of the show will be running through September.) Read this week’s review here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I recapped this week’s episode for the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Tulsa King (Paramount Plus)

I finally got around to watching the second episode of Tulsa King this week and I’m afraid the show still isn’t working for me. I think it’s because Stallone’s character is a bit too aggressive. Stallone is at his best when he’s playing either a dumb but likable mook (i.e., Rocky) or when he’s fighting for his survival, like in First Blood. But when he’s the one who is actually barking out orders and intimidating innocent people, it’s just not as much fun. Plus, there’s only so many times that any show can go to the “Old people sure are confused by technology” well before the joke starts to run dry. That said, I’ve been told the show get better so I’ll stick with it and see what I think of the third episode.

Waco: The Aftermath (Sunday Night, Showtime)

This miniseries picks up where Showtime’s last Waco miniseries left off. The Branch Davidian compound has been burned down. David Koresh is dead. The main FBI negotiator (Michael Shannon) feels guilty about what happened at the compound but he also fears that the stand-off is going to embolden the militia movement. (And he’s right!) Meanwhile, the surviving Davidians are being railroaded in court and treated as scapegoats for the failures of both Koresh and the government. Things got off to a strong start on Sunday. I look forward to seeing where this show ends up going.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

This week’s episode was intriguing. I loved the scene where Shauna confessed to Callie. I’m still worried about Walter and Misty though. I can just see Walter getting on Misty’s nerves and getting poisoned as a result. I’ll also say that, as much as I enjoy this show, I’m starting to get a bit tired of the whole Taissa thing. The show need to either explain what’s going on with all that or just move on.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.11 “Restless Mary Beth” and 4.12 “Shoot Out”

Posted on April 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When last we checked in with Hang Time, the Tornadoes were in San Antonio and the show was doing an absolutely terrible job of portraying Texas. Wow, I hope that’s over with! Let’s find out.

Episode 4.11 “Restless Mary Beth”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 17th, 1998)

Hey, we’re back in Indiana! I guess that stupid and insulting Texas storyline is over with. Yay!

Freaking out because she’s worried that she doesn’t have enough extra-curricular activities to get into the college of her choice, Mary Beth starts taking on every activity that she can. She joins the band. She rejoins the cheerleaders. She joins the Speech and Debate club. When she finds out that a special election is being held to select a new student council president, she decides to run. Julie, Hammer, and Kristy warn her that she’s taking on too much but Mary Beth laughs them off. One scene later and Mary Beth is having a nervous breakdown and sobbing in the locker room because she’s working herself to exhaustion.

No worries! Mary Beth ends up falling asleep and she has a dream where she’s competing against Kristy in a shopping spree. Mary Beth has more stuff in her cart but Kristy still wins because, as Hammer explains, Mary Beth didn’t make it to graduation because she tried to take on too much. So, I guess the implication is that Mary Beth is going to die if she takes on too many extra-curriculars? Wow, that’s dark!

That said, I could relate to this episode. I tend to take on too much as well. Despite a rather stupid B-plot about the team losing the Coach’s championship ring while lounging in the new hot tub, this was a pretty good episode and it made a good point about taking time to rest. Plus, it returned the action to Indiana, where it belongs.

Episode 4.12 “Shoot Out”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 17th, 1998)

The Tornadoes are in San Antonio for the Tri-state Tournament….

WAIT A MINUTE, THEY’RE BACK IN TEXAS!? They were just in Indiana, how are they back in Texas!?

The obvious answer is that NBC showed these episodes out-of-order. NBC tended to do that to all of their Sunday morning shows so it shouldn’t come as a shock that they would do it to Hang Time. Still, it always surprises me how blatant NBC was in its utter disregard for the three or four people who were actually paying attention to continuity back in the 90s.

Anyway, the team is back in San Antonio and, as always, they are just one game away from winning not only the tournament but also a trip to New York. Coach K is excited to learn that their next game will be against a team coached by his protegee, Rick. However, when the Coach discovers that 1) Rick is now in a wheelchair and 2) Rick might get an NBA job but only if his team wins, Coach K finds himself feeling a bit conflicted. The Tornadoes interpret this as Coach wanting them to throw the game! Fortunately, after a terrible first half, Coach K tells them that he doesn’t want them to throw the game and that deliberately losing is an insult to the other team. Just as with every other game they’ve ever played, the Tornadoes come back in the second half and win by one point. They win a trip to New York and Rick gets his NBA position regardless. Does the NBA regularly hire high school coaches?

While this is going on, Antonio (Jay Hernandez) begs Kristy to forgive him for not telling her that he could speak English. He eventually wins Kristy over, mostly because he’s totally adorable and, since this show was filmed in the 90s, no one mentions how messed up it was that Kristy automatically assumed that Antonio and his friends couldn’t speak English to begin with.

Ugh. This episode did a slightly better job of presenting Texas than the previous San Antonio episode did but there were still way too many people walking around wearing cowboy hats. Not everyone in Texas is a cowboy.

Anyway, I guess the team is going to New York now! If they can make it there, they can make it anywhere …. well, you know the rest.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.9 “Love Triangle” and 4.10 “Texas Rose”

Posted on April 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we have one decent episode and one episode that …. well, just read the review.

Episode 4.9 “Love Triangle”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 10th, 1998)

Finally, a decent episode!

At the start of this episode, Kristy informs Mary Beth that she has a crush on Hammer but she’s too shy to talk to him. Not surprisingly, Mary Beth takes it upon herself to set them up. She tells Hammer to be at the Stadium at a certain time so that he can meet his blind date. Hammer agrees but is shocked when the blind date turns out to be Kristy. After the date, he approaches Mary Beth and tells her that, while he thinks Kristy is great, she’s not the girl that he’s interested in. He’s interested in …. MARY BETH!

Now, you can probably guess that this leads to Mary Beth dating Hammer in secret. And you can probably also guess that Kristy eventually figures out what’s happening while they’re all at the latest school dance. Mary Beth and Kristy argue and then they make up and then everything’s fine. Mary Beth has a boyfriend, Hammer has a girlfriend, and Kristy …. well, okay. It kind of sucks for Kristy. That said, Mary Beth and Hammer are a cute couple.

This was a pretty simple episode and it almost felt like a throwback to the type of episodes that dominated the show’s first season. (Remember when Danny tried to date Julie before eventually realizing that Sam was perfect for him?) But it was kind of nice to take a break from all the basketball stuff and Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto did a good job with both the dramatic and the comedic moments of the episode. And, after a rough few episodes, Mark Famiglietti finally got to display some bad boy charm in the role of Hammer.

All in all, this wasn’t a bad episode.

Episode 4.10 “Texas Rose”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 10th, 1998)

*sigh*

This episode finds the team going to a basketball tournament in San Antonio, Texas so, of course, it opens up with stock footage of an oil derrick. From the minute I saw that cliché, I knew this would be a difficult episode for me. As a Texan, I’m very sensitive to all the silly stereotypes and clichés that television shows tend to fall back on whenever they try to tell a story about my part of the world.

The oil derricks were followed by a shot of the Alamo. That was good. The Alamo is a huge part of Texas culture. This was followed by the Tornadoes checking into their San Antonio hotel and, of course, everyone in the lobby is wearing a cowboy hat. I rolled my eyes so hard that I gave myself a headache. “Is it me or does everyone around here look like Garth Brooks?” Mary Beth says.

Oh c’mon, I muttered for neither the first nor the last time.

“I can’t wait to get on the court and kick some cowboy butt!” Michael declares.

So, I guess the point of this episode was to make sure no one in Texas ever watched another episode of Hang Time. I mean, we’ve got enough confidence down here to take a joke but that doesn’t mean we want to spend 30 minutes being made fun of by a bunch of people who think Indianapolis is a real city.

At the local restaurant, the boys go crazy watching some fat dude try to ride an electric bull while Kristy sees a handsome Latino and automatically assumes that he can’t speak English. She speaks to him in Spanish and, as we can see from the subtitles, her Spanish sucks. Still, Antonio (Jay Hernandez, of Crazy/Beautiful and Hostel fame) is so attracted to her that he doesn’t mention that he was born in America and he can speak English. Myself, I just find it interesting that Kristy and her friends assume that just because someone has brown skin in San Antonio, they must have been born in Mexico or Latin America and that they must not be able to speak English. I mean, did they not notice that the town itself is called San Antonio but it’s full of people who speak and understand both English and Spanish? Did they somehow never learn that Texas has a strong and politically active Latino community? Seriously, the whole world isn’t freaking Indiana.

(And they wonder why we dislike Yankee tourists down here….)

Meanwhile, Silk meets a girl named Rose and falls for her. However, Silk thinks that Rose is rich so he pretends to be rich in order to impress her. When Silk takes Rose to Coach K’s suite and tries to pretend that it’s actually his hotel room, it works until Coach K shows up. Oh well, Silk — that’s what you get!

The next day, as the team gets ready for their first game, Kristy is shocked to discover that Antonio is on the rival team and he can speak English! Kristy yells at him for not telling her that he could speak English. You know, Kristy, maybe you should have given him a chance to speak English before assuming that he couldn’t.

Things work out in the end. Silk discovers that Rose isn’t actually rich and then he commandeers the stage of the local country-western bar and sings her a country song. Wow, that’s stupid. The episode ends without any word as to whether or not The Tornadoes won their tournament. I really hope this doesn’t mean that I’m going to have sit through four more episodes about the Tornadoes in San Antonio.

*shudder*

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.7 “Assault and Pepper Spray” and 4.8 “High Hoops”

Posted on April 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s all about self-defense and marijuana at Deering High!

Episode 4.7 “Assault and Pepper Spray”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

This was a weird episode. Kristy has a job working at the mall. Since this is a Peter Engel-produced show, that job involves wearing an ugly outfit and selling corny dogs. One night, when she gets off work, she’s mugged. Despite her efforts to try to move on with her life, she still struggles with PTSD. So far, so good. I’ve been in similar situations and it’s not something you ever really get over, even if you do eventually manage to get on with your life. After taking a self-defense class and discovering that she’s not good at beating people up, Kristy decides to carry pepper spray instead. The next night, while she’s walking out to her car, someone comes up behind her. Startled, Kristy uses the pepper spray. OH NO, SHE JUST SPRAYED MICHAEL!

Now, don’t get me wrong. It sucks that Michael got sprayed in the face. I carry pepper spray myself and I’ve accidentally sprayed myself in the face enough time that I know what it can do. (That’s one reason why I carry it.) But Michael also knew what had happened to Kristy earlier so he should have known better than to sneak up on her. Everyone on the show acts as if Kristy drew a gun, turned around and shot Michael but all Kristy did was spray him in the face. (And again, it really was Michael’s fault that he got sprayed in the first place.) Feeling guilty, Kristy says she’s going to give up the pepper spray and take another self-defense course. No, Kristy! The pepper spray worked! Just because Michael ends up crying about it, that doesn’t mean that the pepper spray was a bad idea. If Kristy had sprayed someone other than Michael, everyone would be talking about how lucky she was to have it with her.

I mean, take me for instance. I run. I dance. I know how to kick. I like to think that I’m in pretty good shape. But if some dude who outweighs me by over a hundred pounds is coming at me, I’m going for the pepper spray.

The plot of this episode left a bad, coppery taste in my mouth and brought tears to my eyes. Let’s move on.

Episode 4.8 “High Hoops”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

Rico is eating more than usual. He’s laughing at strange moments. He’s paranoid about people sneaking up on him. He’s screwing up at practice.

OH MY GOD, RICO’S ON THE WEED!

Which weed?

THE WEED WITH ROOTS IN HELL!

Yes, this is another Peter Engel-produced television show about the dangers of marijuana. This time, it’s Rico who is getting high and running the risk of hurting himself and his friends. The team discovers that Rico is now a stoner when he opens up his locker and a baggie of weed literally flies out of it. Rico says that pot is no big deal. Hammer says that his cousin used to think the same thing but now he lives in the park and thinks that he’s a squirrel. (I think Hammer’s cousin may have been doing something more than just marijuana if that’s the case.) The team is scandalized and who can blame them? Athletes doing drugs? WHO EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING!?

(Wow, I’m doing a lot of yelling today.)

Despite knowing that Rico is now a drug fiend, Hammer still asks him to fix the brakes on his motorcycle. Unfortunately, Rico gets too stoned to fix the brakes and Hammer ends up having a serious accident as a result. You have to wonder why Hammer would have trusted Rico with that responsibility to begin with, especially considering that this episode has an entire B-plot about Mary Beth, Kristy, and Michael taking auto shop because they think it’ll be an easy A.

(It turns out that not only is not an easy A but Kristy manages to get trapped in the trunk of the teacher’s car while installing a radio. It was kind of dumb but, as I’ve said more than a few times, Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto were a strong enough comedic team that they could wring laughs out of even the dumbest of situations.)

Anyway, Hammer comes back to school with his arm in a sling and looking for revenge. He uses his one good arm to try to beat up Rico, which is all it takes for Rico to realize that he needs to clean up his act. So, the lesson here is to beat up all of your drug-abusing friends but don’t use pepper spray if they come at you.

I’m glad that’s cleared up.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.5 “S.A.T. Blues” and 4.6 “Easy Credit”

Posted on March 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 4 continues! Maybe this will be the week when it actually gets …. good.

Episode 4.5 “S.A.T. Blues”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

It’s S.A.T. time! (Seeing as how Julie and Mary Beth are both in their fifth year of high school, it’s probably a good thing that they finally took the test.) Everyone does well on the S.A.T. except for Hammer. But Hammer is convinced that he doesn’t need good test scores because of his talent on the court. Unfortunately, a recruiter from Duke U. informs Hammer that it doesn’t matter that Hammer single-handedly won the team’s last game. Duke takes academics very seriously and there’s no way Hammer will ever play for them. NOT WITH THOSE SCORES!

A dejected Hammer tries to quit the team. Fortunately, a friend Coach K’s informs Hammer that he can still get into the NBA, even if he does end up going to junior college. I’m going to guess that Coach K’s friend was played by a real-life basketball player, just because the audience went crazy when he made a basket. Coach K. also made a basket but, noticeably, it was made through camera trickery because, unlike Reggie Theus, Dick Butkus was not a former basketball player and didn’t come across as being someone who had ever made a basket in his life. Anyway, Hammer learns an important lesson and agrees to take the test again. That said, if Hammer was actually as good on the court as he claimed to be, I imagine Duke would have bent the rules for him.

Meanwhile, Julie and Michael celebrate their 2-year anniversary. After Mary Beth hears Michael talking about getting an expensive “ruby guitar” for himself, she tells Julie that Michael is getting her a “ruby.” Julie buys Michael an expensive guitar case. Meanwhile, Michael finds out that Mary Beth told Julie that she’s getting a ruby ring so he sells his guitar so that he can afford to get her the ring. Somewhere, the angry ghost of O. Henry is researching copyright law. Anyway, Julie gets mad at Michael for spending too much on her. Who actually gets mad over something like that?

This episode was not particularly memorable but it wasn’t really bad either. It was very much a middle-of-the-road Hang Time episode. An important lesson was learned and the audiences was told to cheer whenever Michael and Julie kissed. Dick Butkus is still totally unbelievable as a basketball coach. Let us move on.

Episode 4.6 “Easy Credit”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

Ugh. This is another one of those episodes where every complication is due to the characters being idiots. I hate episodes like this.

In the B-plot, Julie is set to be named Indiana Basketball Player of the Month, because of course she is. Coach K. doesn’t want Julie to find out before he announces it at the school dance. However, he makes the mistake of telling Mary Beth and Michael about it and they do such a bad job of hiding how excited they are about Julie winning yet another honor that Julie suspects that something strange is going on. Through a series of events that are way too annoying for me to detail, this leads to Julie and Kristy thinking that Coach K is going to ask the principal to marry him and this would all be interesting if I had never seen any other shows produced by Peter Engel.

The A-plot is even more aggravating. Silk has a credit card but he’s only supposed to use it for emergencies. But he ends up using it to buy stuff for himself and his friends. He also ends up with a huge credit card bill. Instead of getting a job or asking his parents for the money, he decides to use the credit card to buy a TV so that it can be raffled off at the school dance. (What?) Unfortunately, the TV gets broken so Silk, Rico, and Hammer decide to borrow the team van so they can take the TV to Rico’s uncle who is a master at repairing televisions. Unfortunately, the van breaks down and Silk can’t afford to get it fixed because the credit card is maxed out and….

….

Sorry, I was silently screaming. This was such an annoying episode. I’m done talking about it. Everything worked out and Silk learned an important lesson about not being an irresponsible dummy. Yay!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.3 “Let Them Play” and 4.4 “Lend A Helping Hammer”

Posted on March 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 4 continues! Will Coach K ever figure out how to step into Coach Fuller’s shoes? Will the team ever come together? Will Julie and Mary Beth ever graduate? Let’s find out!

Episode 4.3 “Let Them Play”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

Another big game is coming up but the majority of the team doesn’t want to play it! It turns out that one of their rival teammates is HIV+ and, as a result, high schools across Indiana have been refusing to play them. When Coach K puts it to a team vote, only Michael argues that they shouldn’t cancel their upcoming game. Even St. Julie votes to cancel the game.

However, Michael then brings the HIV+ positive player down to The Stadium, the oddly sterile restaurant where everyone hangs out. The team discovers that their rival is just like them and almost all of them change their minds about playing. The only one who doesn’t now want to play is …. JULIE! Julie tells Michael that she doesn’t feel safe playing against a player with HIV, especially since she’ll be the one guarding him in the game. “C’mon, Julie,” Michael says, “we need you in this game!” And Michael’s correct because, if there’s anything we’ve learned from Hang Time, it’s that Julie is the only good basketball player in Indiana. Maybe that’s why she’s been allowed to stay at the high school for an extra year….

Despite the players changing their minds, the school board says that the game still cannot be played. As a way to protest, the teams decide to play an “unofficial” game. When a member of the school board comes by the gym to complain, Julie sees that it’s the same member of the board who always says that a girl shouldn’t be allowed to play basketball! Julie decides that she will play, once again proving that the best way to get Julie to do anything is to make it all about Julie.

This is one of those episodes that probably would have worked much better with the “old” cast. I imagine if this episode had aired during the previous season, Danny would have been the one arguing that the team should play and that would have been totally in character for him. Turning Michael into a social crusader with a conscience goes against everything that we’ve learned about Michael up until this point. As well, we still don’t know any of the new players so it’s a bit hard to know how to react to their feelings about playing against someone who is HIV positive. Are they prejudiced or are they just worried? Are they homophobic or are they just uneducated about how HIV is transmitted? And, finally, it’s hard not to notice that Dick Butkus has a bit less gravitas than Reggie Theus when it comes to discussing whether or not HIV can be transmitted through playing basketball. This episode came across as being well-intentioned but heavy-handed.

The B-plot features Mary Beth encouraging Kristy to write an angry letter to the art teacher who gave her a C on an assignment. As played by Amber Baretto, Kristy put so much joy into writing her letter that it was fun to watch. I laughed

Episode 4.4 “Lend A Helping Hammer”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

Nick Hammer gets his first storyline as a member of the Tornadoes! When he falls for Taylor, the new waitress at the Stadium, he’s shocked to discover that she and her family live at a homeless shelter. On Saved By The Bell, when Zack liked a girl who was without a home, he arranged for her and her father to live at his house. (And, much like the tenants of H.H. Holmes, they were never seen, heard from, or mentioned again….) Nick, however, convinces the Coach that, instead of using the money raised at the school dance to buy new uniforms, the money should be donated to Taylor and her family. Of course, Nick also accidentally announces that Taylor is homeless to the entire school.

This was another episode that probably would have worked better with the old cast. It’s easy to imagine it as being another Danny storyline. Nick goes out of his way to help someone in need, which is nice, but we don’t really know Nick so we don’t know if his behavior is unusual or if he just does this for everyone that he meets. It was a well-intentioned episode but it did seem to suggest that the best way to deal with homelessness is to have a bunch of wealthy friends. Everyone goes out of their way to help Taylor but everyone else at the shelter just kind of gets ignored.

In the B-plot, Kristy is using a lot of slang. Julie says that it’s because Kristy recently read a book by Queen Latifah. In the C-plot, the Coach makes the team take a ballet lesson to make them more flexible. “Ballet!” I excitedly exclaimed, when the idea was first brought up. Unfortunately, the ballet scene is really short and the entire team has terrible form.

So far, Hang Time Season 4 has yet to escape the shadow of the past. Hopefully, next week will be better for the Tornadoes and their new coach.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.1 “A Whole New Ballgame” and 4.2 “Team Players”

Posted on March 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to start season 4!

Episode 4.1 “A Whole New Ballgame”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera and Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

It’s a brand new school year! Teddy, Vince, and Danny have all graduated, with Teddy and Vince going to Southern Florida University and Danny going to NYU to pursue his stand-up career. Despite the fact that Julie and Mary Beth were in the same grade as Danny with the show began, they’re both still students at Deering High, along with Michael Manning and Kristy.

And, of course, Coach Fuller is gone. He’s now coaching at Southern Florida University. For the first three seasons of the show, Coach Fuller was played by Reggie Theus. Reggie Theus was a stiff actor but he was a former basketball player and he was believable whenever Fuller discussed the mechanics of the game with his players. As stiff as Theus was, it was still easy to believe him as an inspiring basketball coach. Replacing Coach Fuller is Mike Katowinski. Mike is played by Dick Butkus, a former football player who looks and sounds like a former football player. From the minute he appears, it’s hard to buy him as a basketball coach, despite the fact that Julie mentions that Coach Katowinski coached the Houston Rockets for 20 years. As I watched Coach K, I found myself wondering why Deering didn’t give the job to that assistant coach who appeared in two episodes during the third season.

(Add to that, what type of loser goes from coaching an NBA team to coaching a high school basketball team?)

Along with a new coach, this episode introduces some new players, all of whom are suspiciously familiar substitutes for the actors who have left the show. Nick Hammer (Mark Famiglietti) is cocky and confident and, despite the fact that she’s still dating Michael, it’s pretty obvious that he’s being set up as Julie’s next love interest. Rico Bosco (James Villani) is short and dumb, like Vince. Silk Hayes (Danso Gordon) is a thinner version of Teddy. Silk tells us that he’s called Silk because he’s “smooth on the court and off …. with the ladies!”

Things get off to a bad start between the new Coach and Julie when Julie starts to suspect that the Coach is going easy on her because she’s a girl. The main reason she thinks this is because the Coach tells her that he’s going easy on her because she’s a girl. Julie attempts to prove that she’s just as good as the boys by practicing super-aggressively and knocking everyone down. “Don’t worry,” the Coach tells Hammer, “it’s probably just a female thing.” Julie storms out of the gym, as she had every right to do. (Wow, is this the first time that I’ve liked Julie since this series began? I think it may be.) Later, Julie attempts to talk to the Coach about his attitude and he responds by sending her to the school nurse. Julie resents the Coach assuming that all of her behavior is period-related but she does appreciate the nurse sending her home early. As someone who used to fake cramps to get out of gym class on a daily basis, I related.

Julie then shows up at practice dressed in an apron and carrying a plate of cookies. In her words, she’s behaving acting the way coach expects her to act. This leads to Julie getting put on the B-team and not being listed as a starter. Coach explains that it’s not because Julie is a girl. It’s because “you’re a weird girl.” Fortunately, Julie does well-enough in practice that she’s promoted to starter. The audiences goes crazy.

While all of this is going on, Mary Beth tries to come to terms with no longer having a boyfriend. Come on, Mary Beth — it was just Vince!

With this episode, the fourth season got off to a rocky start, with a miscast Coach and a set of new players that just don’t seem to have as much personality as the players they replaced. Would things improve in the second episode of the season?

Let’s find out.

Episode 4.2 “Team Players”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

Uh-oh, the team’s just not coming together! Mostly it’s Michael and Julie’s fault, because they think that they’re too good for the new players. After Hammer overhears Michael telling Julie that the new team sucks, he tells all of the other players. During the first game of the season, the Tornadoes struggle during the first half but, after realizing they have to work together, they stage a comeback and win in the second half. Wow! JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GAME THEY’VE EVER PLAYED! After the game, Julie says that this new team might even be better than last year’s team. Uhmm …. no. Sorry, Julie, no. Last year’s time had Danny. None of these new guys can compare to Danny.

In the B-plot, Mary Beth tries too hard to get the Coach to like her. Through a series of unlikely events, she knocks a hole in the wall of his office and she and Kristy has to fix it during the game. Megan Parlen and Amber Baretto are a good comedy team and it’s always a lot of fun when Mary Beth is flustered at the thought of having to do actual work. Unfortunately, the situation is not quite as funny without Reggie Theus’s looking stunned at whatever it is that Mary Beth has done. As played by Dick Butkus, Coach K. is just a bit too angry and gruff to be a good comedic foil. Whenever he gets annoyed with something, he looks like he’s about to tackle someone and break their ribs.

Season 4 is off to a rough start! Hopefully, things will get better next week.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.25 “The Curfew” and 3.26 “Fuller’s Big Offer”

Posted on March 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 3 comes to an end as the Tornadoes play in the state championship and Coach Fuller is faced with a big decision about his future. It’s hang time!

Episode 3.25 “The Curfew”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 6th, 1997)

The Deering Tornadoes are in the championship tournament! After they arrive at Indiana University or the University of Indiana or Gary Community College or wherever it is that they’re playing, Coach Fuller tells them that they’re under curfew. However, Teddy sneaks out to a sorority party and then the rest of the team sneaks out to bring him back. Then Fuller shows up at the party, looking for his team. Since no one on this show can just do the simple thing and admit to having screwed up, the boys dress up like sorority girls and Julie dresses up like a frat boy and they attempt to sneak back to the dorms. Everyone but Teddy shows up before curfew. When Fuller finds out what happened, he benches Teddy. Even when a player gets injured, Fuller sends in some guy we’ve never seen before and keeps Teddy on the bench. What’s funny is that the player Fuller does send in pauses to dramatically glare at Teddy as he heads out to the court. I wonder if he’s related to the guy from the Fake ID episode, the one who snapped, “I don’t want to let the team down!” when Fuller asked him if he could play despite being injured.

Even though he’s not on the court, Teddy still helps the team by joining the cheerleaders and cheering them on to victory.

This is stupid and the next episode is a lot more interesting. Let’s move on.

Episode 3.26 “Fuller’s Big Offer”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 6th, 1997)

The Deering High Tornadoes have a chance to win the state championship but they’re struggling. “The Tornadoes are self-destructing!” the in-game announcer says. Their heads are not in the game!

Well, who can blame them? Coach Fuller has been offered a chance to become the head coach at Southern Florida University. The team is convinced that Fuller is going to leave them after the season ends but, in a rousing locker room speech, he tells them that they can’t worry about what’s going to happen in the future. They have to concentrate on the here and now. Inspired by his words, the Tornadoes take the court and win the championship! Of course, Julie scores the winning point because Julie was the greatest player in the history of basketball. And, of course, the Tornadoes only win by a point because the Tornadoes almost always only won by one point. It just seems like a truly great time wouldn’t always have to come from behind and win by a point.

At the dinner to celebrate the championship, I can’t help but notice that Fuller and all of the starters are there but the rest of the team is nowhere to be seen. It’s hard not to feel bad for the members of the team who never got names or storylines. Not only do they have to spend all of the games sitting on the bench but they also aren’t allowed to attend the championship dinner. Fuller toasts his starters and announces that “All good things must come to an end.” Awww, he’s leaving. Then, Fuller says that he can’t wait to win another championship with the Tornadoes! Yay! He’s not leaving! The season ends with a jubilant team surrounding their coach.

Except, of course, Fuller did leave. Season 4 opened with Fuller in Florida and a new coach in Indiana. We’ll get to that next week.

So, what happened with the finale? Apparently, Reggie Theus left the show because he was offered a real-life coaching job but the offer wasn’t made until after this episode had been filmed. Here’s what I think happened. I can’t prove this but my theory is that the ski lodge and basketball camp episodes were meant to be the final episodes of the season. I think the championship episode was probably supposed to happen before all of that. (The ski lodge episode was taking place during everyone’s vacation, which indicates to me that it was supposed to be happening during the summer break. The whole basketball camp also seems like something that would happen during the summer as opposed to the middle of the school year.) But, when Theus announced he was taking a coaching job, the episodes were rearranged so the season now ended with Fuller getting offered a coaching job. Though the video on YouTube ends with Fuller announcing that he’s going to stay, several commenters say that they can remember that, when the show was originally aired, it ended with Fuller saying, “All good things must come to an end.” That indicates to me that the episode was hastily edited to try to create a cliffhanger, just in case Reggie Theus decided that coaching wasn’t for him.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened behind-the-scenes, this was a strong season ender. In fact, it would have been a perfect way to end the series. After three seasons, it would make sense that most of the characters would be graduating from Deering. (And indeed, Reggie Theus was not the only cast member to depart after season 3.) The show would have ended with everyone together one last time before moving on to even better things. It would have been poignant and sad and it would have have brought tears from even this cynical reviewer.

However, that was not to be. Instead, the show would continue with Julie and Mary Beth somehow still students at Deering High and a new coach stepping into Coach Fuller’s shoes. Next week, we start season 4!