A Movie A Day #248: Flinch (1994, directed by George Erschbamer)

Posted on September 13, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Harry (Judd Nelson) is a law student who has failed the bar exam three times. Daphne (Gina Gershon) is an aspiring actress who has an unfaithful boyfriend. With neither of them making much headway in their chosen careers, they end up working as living mannequins in a department store display window. If they flinch even the least little bit, they will lose their jobs. At first, it does not seem that there is much of a romantic future for Harry and Daphne. But when Daphne breaks up with her boyfriend, Harry invites her to join him in breaking into the store after hours and partying. But while Harry and Daphne are celebrating, they witness a crazed artist (Nick Mancuso) strangling one of his models.

If the name of the director, George Erschbamer, seems familiar, you may be familiar with the Snake Eater films that he made with Lorenzo Lamas. Fortunately, Flinch is far superior to Snake Eater III. Starting out like a romantic comedy before turning into a thriller, Flinch is actually one of the better direct-to-video Judd Nelson films to come out in the 90s. Of course, considering that the competition comes from Entangled and Conflict of Interest, Flinch doesn’t have that high of a bar to clear. Though the thriller aspect is predictable, The first half of the movie, which is almost entirely Gershon and Nelson trying to talk to each other without anyone noticing their lips moving, is actually enjoyable. Gina Gershon is as sexy as ever and she brings out the best in Judd Nelson, who is almost likable in this movie.

Still, there is one thing that could have improved Flinch. Like almost any other Judd Nelson film, it really could have used a Burt Reynolds cameo.

Right, Burt?

Cleaning out the DVR, Again #10: Get Out Alive (dir by George Erschbamer)

Posted on June 29, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After I finished up with The Perfect Daughter, it was time to continue cleaning out the DVR by watching Get Out Alive. Get Out Alive originally aired on March 27th on the Lifetime Movie Network and it is quite possible the silliest movie that I’ve ever seen on Lifetime.

Now, that’s not necessarily meant as a complaint. Part of the appeal of the movies that premiere on Lifetime and LMN is often the very fact that they are so silly and melodramatic. Get Out Alive is a film that not only embraces the melodrama but practically drapes itself in it. And while the naysayers may complain that Get Out Alive doesn’t make much sense, they’ll be missing the point. It’s not about making sense. It’s about being entertaining.

Or, at the very least, memorable.

Or, at the very, very least, it’s about going totally batshit crazy during the second half of the movie. Get Out Alive started slow. For the first hour, I was unimpressed. But then it went totally batshit crazy during the second hour and I said to myself, “This is why we watch Lifetime movies!”

Get Out Alive tells the story of a young married couple. On the outside, they look perfect. But, once you start to dig and actually look under the surface, you discover that they are on the verge of breaking up. Lucy (Beverely Mitchell) is organized and practical to a fault. She is not spontaneous. She does not take risks. For some reason, she wears absolutely no makeup, which she really could have used in a few scenes. (She also could have benefited from doing something with her hair.) Meanwhile, husband Greg (Ryan Williams) is all about taking risks and living life to the fullest. Their marriage has become so strained that Greg was even briefly tempted to cheat.

Well, what better way to fix things than to go to a marriage retreat? They’re invited by another couple, both of whom swear that the retreat will work miracles. And, at first, everything seems fine. The retreat is located in a beautiful wilderness. The cabins are nice. There’s an older, friendly couple who immediately befriend Lucy. Sure, the guy in charge (played by Vincent Gale) is a little creepy but who are we to judge, eh?

(Did I mention that, like most good Lifetime films, Get Out Alive is a Canadian production?)

However, there are a few things that make Lucy suspicious. For instance, there are guards wandering all over the compound. The old couple vanishes. At one point, Lucy tumbles down a hill. Greg suggests that maybe she just tripped but Lucy is convinced that she was pushed!

So, what’s happening here? Well, as I watched Get Out Alive, I came up with two theories.

My first theory is that the whole thing was just a big trick to make Lucy think that she was in danger. Seeing Lucy frightened would cause Greg to realize how much he loved his wife and then the movie would end with the guy in charge emerging and revealing the hoax. “You saved our marriage!” Greg would happily proclaim.

That was one theory. My other theory was that the retreat was actually an elaborate ruse to steal Lucy and Greg’s internal organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Which theory was right? You’ll have to watch the movie to find out! I’m sure it’ll show up on Lifetime again at some point in the near future. Lifetime is pretty good about continually rerunning their movies.

But anyway, my point is that Get Out Alive is totally ludicrous and kind of silly but that’s kind of the film’s charm. It makes so little sense and takes place so far outside of the realm of probability that it becomes oddly fascinating. Add to that, the film’s title doubles as good advice.

You should always get out alive!

Film Review: Snake Eater III: His Law (1992, dir. George Erschbamer)

Posted on July 22, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

I don’t know what happened here. In Snake Eater we have a ridiculous movie where an ex-special forces cop named Soldier (Lorenzo Lamas) fights rednecks. In Snake Eater II, Soldier fights a war against drugs from inside a mental hospital. Those movies both came out in 1989. This was released in 1992. From the first scene it’s night and day. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of similarities to the first two films, but it’s also so different, and better. Still bad, but better than the first two.

First off, it’s like those first two movies never happened. He doesn’t start out in the mental hospital he was left in at the end of the second film. However, just like those two movies, Soldier gets himself put on suspension from the force inside of a few minutes. In the first film, it was cheesy, sleazy, and corny, but okay. In the second film, it was a stupid rampage. But in this film, it’s a humorous little scene that I actually enjoyed that gets him suspended. A guy is trying to rob a diner when Soldier walks by and sees what’s happening. He goes in pretending like he wanted to rob the place, but that this guy had beat him to the punch. He warms up to the guy, then takes him down. In the process he scares the lady who works behind the counter and that’s what puts him on suspension.

I guess I would be scared too if a guy was doing this to me when another guy showed up and also pointed a gun at me.

Luckily, Soldier thrives on suspension. This time a family comes forward inquiring about his services. They want him to track down the bikers who kidnapped, raped, and generally traumatized their daughter so much that she walks over to the table where Soldier is sitting and starts pulling down her panties thinking that’s what she’s supposed to do. That’s some messed up stuff. That character is the big detraction for this movie. It’s just too much for what otherwise is more light hearted and humorous.

Soldier now seeks out a guy we will just refer to as Roy Rogers. He’s even listed as Cowboy on IMDb and if he had a name in the movie, I didn’t care, and still don’t. Roy is a private detective and Soldier wants to join forces with him to track down these bikers. Of course a humorous brawl ensues. Same thing happened in the first film in a bar, but this time it’s more enjoyable.

Roy Rogers (Minor Mustain)

Soldier never hits a girl, but he’ll gladly throw her out a window.

Stay right there, please!

The main connection to this gang is a man named Goose (Scott Bigelow). At this point, I have to point out that there are at least two scenes where guys just pee outside. Once in a parking lot and the other time Roy does it just outside a house. However, the movie gets a pass on the second peeing. That’s because Soldier electrifies Goose’s toilet so that it’s his final piss. Obviously, that toilet was out of commission.

This movie should be straightforward with Soldier working his way up the ladder till he takes down the bikers at their gang headquarters. That happens, but along the way that poor girl who drops trow for any guy keeps getting kidnapped. It happens at least twice and she is clearly raped and/or molested both times. It’s not only a little confusing, but too serious for this movie. At least this scene happens at the end so we know she finally got some backbone again.

She kills the bad guy to save Soldier

We see her at the end with her family and she appears like she’s going to be okay. The family offers him money, but he takes tomatoes instead. Honestly, this is better than the first two, but the girl is enough to say don’t check this out. If you must watch any of the three Snake Eater movies, then stick with the first two because as bad as they are, you can get some fun out of them. This one will make you feel uncomfortable. Just like this guy.

Film Review: Snake Eater II: The Drug Buster/Snake Eater’s Revenge (1989, dir. George Erschbamer)

Posted on July 22, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

Snake Eater II

There are numerous editors on this site. Lisa Marie Bowman gets the sleazy Lifetime movies and fun SyFy monster movies. Jedadiah Leland picks and chooses interesting things to post about. pantsukudasai56 is an anime expert. Dazzling Erin gets to post pretty pictures.

I could write about fun sleazy movies like I Am Frigid… Why? (1972) with it’s tick tock clock erection scene. I could carefully pick and choose pieces to write about. I’m no anime expert, but I could do a six part series on the short-lived Ralph Bakshi adult cable animated show called Spicy City (1997). I certainly can post pretty pictures. I love to hike and take photographs. Here’s a couple of them.

But no. I write about movies like Tammy and the T-Rex or Snake Eater. Why all that lead up? It’s because this movie is so boring and barely anything happens. There is next to nothing to talk about, but let’s do what we can.

The movie begins in a club for kids that couldn’t get MacGyver as their role model so they have Soldier (Lorenzo Lamas) instead. Some role model. Didn’t they hear about his rampage against the rednecks? Anyways, some girl falls to the ground, and wouldn’t you know it by the title, bad drugs have killed her. Obviously, Soldier isn’t happy about this and decides to do something about it.

Of course, since it took going Rambo to stop rednecks, it’s gonna take C-4 and grenades to deal with some local drug dealers. Soldier does just that. He gets a knife in his back in the process. Right after that another guy shows up saying he was going to do the same thing, but is going to leave since it wouldn’t be right for him to take credit for Soldier’s work.

After that the movie gets really stupid. While on trial, Soldier is put in a mental hospital. He is soon taught by the locals who like to order Chinese food that he can come and go any time he wants. Of course, this first means he needs to do battle in a wheelchair.

I wish I was making this stuff up, but no. Now he is allowed to leave through the vents where he also happens to run into a horny girl and a pizza delivery man. The rest of the movie is break out of the hospital, attack the drug dealers, then go back to the hospital till the big guys are taken down.

That’s all they wrote folks. It ends with the comedic relief from the hospital looking through a door and then dancing in the hallway. Soldier is found innocent of his crimes by reason of insanity and confined to the hospital. I wonder if the next movie picks up there. Who knows? They resurrected The Hammer after Black Caesar (1973) for Hell Up In Harlem (1973) so anything is possible.

Cliche

Dance Fools Dance!

Film Review: Snake Eater (1989, dir. George Erschbamer)

Posted on July 21, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

Jack ‘Soldier’ Kelly (Lorenzo Lamas)

I HATE THIS MOVIE!!! I didn’t know there was more of me that could die after having seen God’s Not Dead and that movie that shall not be named. I’ll review that movie eventually. I don’t have any choice seeing as Creed is on its way. Anyways, more of me is now dead inside thanks to Snake Eater. You know Lorenzo Lamas was in a sequel to What Would Jesus Do? last year. I know what he would do. He would condemn Snake Eater to the fires of hell!

The movie begins with Soldier on a drug bust that suddenly turns into a strip session with some lady who shows up. Then two idiots appear and have to be dealt with. Soldier springs a trap that sends nails shooting up through the floor to hold the bad guys in place. She gets caught in a net when she tries to leave the room.

At the end of the movie Soldier once again captures a bad guy as a cop. In between is the rest of this steaming pile of cow dung. The movie is Lorenzo Lamas vs. Rednecks. A bunch of rednecks come on board Soldier’s parents boat, kill his parents, and kidnap his sister. Why? You are never told. It’s just an excuse for Lamas to go all Rambo in the backwoods of the United States. These are the saddest bunch of bad guys I have ever seen. Just look at these jokes!

Oh, God! I’m so scared of these guys.

One of these guys looks like he’s from the Beavis and Butthead porno spoof Beaver and Buttface. No joke. No joke that the movie exists and that he looks like he’s one of the actors from it. But these rednecks not only are so powerful that they are able to capture Soldier at one point, but he needs to go completely Rambo in order to deal with them. They couldn’t be ninjas, members of a powerful gang, or international drug smugglers? No, they had to be rednecks.

It’s so wonderful to know that we have a special Search & Destroy Rednecks Tactical Unit in this country. I feel so much more safe when I go to bed knowing they’re around. Too bad they weren’t around in 1974. Poor Ned Beatty. My God, rednecks, really? Who thought these were good enemies for someone who was ex-special forces?

I would say more, but it’s just stupid fights with rednecks or bikers. That’s it! I can’t believe this not only started Lorenzo Lamas’ career as an action star, but it also spawned two sequels. But you want to hear the most shocking thing? I am actually looking forward to those sequels. It looks like they took the few minutes of this movie that worked when he was actually a cop and made it the whole movie. WHICH IS WHAT THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Note: A guy does get grabbed in the crotch, but it does not lead to a “testicular standoff” like in Tammy and the T-Rex. Lamas does pull a guy’s tooth out though. Nasty!

Crotch Grab!

What Lisa Watched Last Night #129: Accidental Obsession (dir by George Erschbamer)

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the Lifetime premiere of Accidental Obsession.

Caroline Cave stars in Accidental Obsession

Why Was I Watching It?

After A Deadly Adoption, Trigger Point, and Lethal Seduction, it is obvious that Lifetime is on a roll. In the future, when we look back at the history of Lifetime movies, 2015 will definitely be seen as a high point. Naturally, how could I not excited by the idea of a Lifetime movie premiering on Sunday? Surely, Accidental Obsession would prove to be yet another Lifetime masterpiece…

What Was It About?

After Carly (Caroline Cave) escapes from a mental asylum, she murders and steals the identity of a travel writer named Vanessa. She then manages to meet and befriend an attorney named Heather (Josie Davis).

Within a matter of days, Vanessa has become clingy and possessive. Not only does she regularly break into Heather’s house but she borrows Heather’s clothes without asking as well! (Breaking and entering is one thing. Borrowing without asking permission is something else all together!) However, it turns out that Vanessa is not the only person obsessed with Heather. There’s also Heather’s ex-husband, Ray (Sebastian Spence) and a private investigator named Jack (Marc Menard).

(This movie could have just as easily been called Everyone Loves Heather.)

How far will Vanessa go to have Heather all to herself? Well, Vanessa is kind of a crazy stabby psycho so you can probably guess what ends up happening.

What Worked?

Josie Davis is a Lifetime veteran and, as a result, she knew exactly the right type of performance to give in a film like Accidental Obsession. As well, Caroline Cave gave a good performance as the psycho Vanessa.

What Did Not Work?

Sad to say, this was definitely a lesser Lifetime film. The film opens with Carly stabbing Vanessa to death with a huge butcher knife. Despite the fact that Carly stabbed Vanessa repeatedly, there’s absolutely no blood seen on the knife or Carly afterwards. It was distracting and it pretty much set the tone for the entire film. Accidental Obsession definitely felt like a movie that was too rushed to pay much attention to details like blood.

Naturally, all Lifetime film require a certain suspension of disbelief. Accidental Obsession required a bit too much suspending. For the entire film’s plot to even come close to making sense, Heather had to be a total and complete idiot. And it’s true that there are idiots out there but they usually don’t make for compelling protagonists.

There’s also a scene of totally gratuitous animal cruelty. While I understand that the filmmakers were trying to show us how crazy and dangerous Vanessa really was, those two facts had already been pretty firmly established. As a result, the scene just felt sadistic and unnecessary.

Finally, Accidental Obsession is way too generic of a title. Add to that, no one’s obsession was really accidental.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

You meet someone, you try to be nice, and the next thing you know, that person is determined to be a part of every minute of your life. Yes, Lifetime, I’ve been there…

Lessons Learned

Be suspicious of people who steal identities, want to be your best friend, and attempt to stab your ex-husband to death. They’re probably up to no good.