Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Gabe is really poor and Epstein has a chance to get really rich!
Episode 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)
Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Aunt Brenda, who believed in reincarnation. Brenda went to a psychic to find out what had happened to her late husband, Sidney. Sidney’s spirit informed Brenda that he woke up every morning and made love.
“Are you in Heaven?” asked Brenda.
“No,” Sidney said, “I’m a bull in Montana.”
Welcome back….
Continuing this season’s weird thing of keeping Barbarino separate from his fellow Sweathogs, this episode finds Barbarino in the hospital. It’s nothing serious. He’s just getting his tonsils out. However, since Barbarino is not in school (and not even in the 11th Grade until he passes that makeup exam), he is not around to contribute his weekly quarter to the Sweathogs’s lottery fund. Gabe reluctantly contributes a quarter in Vinnie’s name so that Epstein can buy a ticket.
Gabe’s reluctance turns to frustration when the ticket turns out to be a winner! The Sweathogs split the money amongst themselves but all Gabe gets is a quarter from Barbarino. As the father of newborn twins, Gabe could really use some of that money. Finally, after Julie basically calls him a wimp to his face, Gabe heads down to the hospital to demand his share of the money. As Gabe puts it, Barbarino gave him his word about sharing the money.
“My word ain’t worth nothing,” Barbarino says but we all know that Vinnie Barbarino isn’t as tough as he pretend to be. Barbarino does the right thing and agrees to split his share with Gabe, 50/50.
(Except, of course, I think it’s debatable whether it was the right thing because Gabe only put in a quarter because Barbarino wasn’t there to do it himself. He essentially loaned Barbarino the quarter and Barbarino paid him back. So, really, Gabe should stop whining.)
Because his ticket won, Epstein is entered into a million dollar lottery. Epstein and Horshack go to Gabe’s apartment to watch the drawing. The million dollars is won by Juan Ep — EVERYONE GOES CRAZY! — uh oh, the announcer can’t make out the handwriting!
“Epstein!” everyone yells at the TV.
“Juan Eppinger!” the announcer says.
Congrats, Juan Eppinger! Unfortunately, Juan Epstein is not Juan Eppinger. Esptein looks like he’s about to cry, making this kind of a depressing ending.
Fortunately, Juan’s misfortunate does not keep Gabe from telling a stuffed animal a joke about his Uncle Eddie, the bank robber.
This episode felt a bit off, just because Barbarino belongs with the Sweathogs and the Sweathogs belong with Barbarino and keeping them all separate throws off the chemistry that made the first two seasons so successful. I’m going to assume this was due to Travolta also doing Saturday Night Fever while working on Welcome Back, Kotter. I imagine the show had to work around Travolta’s suddenly very busy schedule and this was not an easy task. But still, without Barbarino, the Sweathogs are just lacking something and turning Horshack’s weirdness up to 11 is not substitute.
Next week …. Barbarino finally takes his makeup exam!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Julie and the twins return home!
Episode 3.4 “The Visitors”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 22nd, 1977)
Julie and the twins are home!
Soon after arriving at the apartment, Julie and Gabe start to argue over what to name the babies. Gabe suggests that they name them This One and That One. Gabe also suggests that they name them Ethel and Lucy. Julie, not being a fan of television or comedy in general (which makes it a bit odd that she ended up married to Gabe), suggests that they name the babies after their grandmothers, Rachel and Robin.
Speaking of grandparents, Julie’s mother and father show up unannounced. Mr. Hansen (Jack Dodson) and his wife (Alice Backes) are from Nebraska and they don’t know much about city folks or Sweathogs or apartment buildings. The Hansens actually appear to be extremely nice and polite but Gabe also immediately starts to complain about them staying at the apartment. Yeah, Gabe …. I guess it’s not fun when visitors show up at random and then just decide to hang out.
Speaking of which, the Sweathogs also show up at the apartment. Unfortunately, because Barbarino is stuck in the 10th Grade until he can pass a makeup exam, they are without their leader. Watching this episode made me realize just how important Barbarino was to the Sweathogs. Though John Travolta does appear in this episode, he doesn’t share any scenes with the other Sweathogs and without Travolta’s likeable screen presence to ground them, the other Sweathogs are just too weird to believably function as a group. It was halfway through this episode that I found myself wondering if Epstein and Washington would actually hang out with Horshack if Vinnie wasn’t around to tell them to do so.
With Gabe gone, the responsibility for teaching his class falls to Mr. Woodman. The students are bored with Woodman as a teacher but Woodman doesn’t care. Woodman doesn’t care about much of anything, which makes it all the more heart-warming when he shows up at the Kotter apartment and proves himself to be a natural when it comes to taking care of babies. Woodman was usually such an bitter character that it’s impossible not to smile when you see how much he seems to sincerely like talking to one of the Kotter twins.
Woodman proves himself to be not such a bad guy but telling Kotter than he’ll give Barbarino a makeup exam and allow him to join the 11th Grade if he passes. “But if he fails by one point,” Woodman says, “he stays in the 10th Grade.”
“Did I ever tell you about my uncle who was in the 10th Grade for three years?” Gabe replies.
Woodman says that he’s willing to bring gifts to the babies and give Vinnie a makeup exam but “I will not listen to one of your uncle stories.”
And that’s it for this episode! This episode was pretty slight, with characters randomly coming in and out of the Kotter apartment and getting on Julie’s nerves. I’m going to assume that Barbarino’s absence from much of the episode was due to Travolta’s burgeoning film career as opposed to Barbarino being held back a grade. (Barbarino better pass that exam. The Sweathogs need their leader!) That said, the bit at the end with Woodman was funny and full of heart so I’ll give this episode a solid B.
Next week: Gabe and Barbarino buy a lottery ticket!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Julie gives birth and Woodman shares a story from his past!
Episode 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)
After a recap of what happened in the previous episode (i.e., Julie went into labor and Barbarino was held back a grade), this episode picks up with the story already in progress. In other words, we don’t begin with any stories and jokes about Gabe’s family. Instead, we open with Barbarino checking Julie into the hospital.
While Julie is taken to the labor room, the admitting nurse asks Barbarino for some information.
“Name?” the nurse asks.
“Vinnie Barbarino,” Vinnie replies.
No, Vinnie! She wants Julie’s name and it turns out that Barbarino’s not sure. The nurse then asks, “What month?” When Barbarino struggles to remember the current date, the nurse clarifies, “How long has the mother been pregnant?”
“Who said my mother’s pregnant!?” Barbarino snaps, “I’ll break his face!”
This entire exchange reminds us of why Barbarino was left back. That said, John Travolta’s earnest delivery and vulnerable eyes makes it impossible not to feel at least a little love for Vinnie Barbarino.
Gabe shows up at the hospital, accompanied by the other Sweathogs. The rest of the episode is pretty much a collection of scenes of Gabe, the Sweathogs, and eventually Mr. Woodman saying and doing strange things while waiting for news about Julie. Yes, Mr. Woodman does show up. As he explains it, “I like to be around when a new delinquent is brought into the world.”
Seeing that Gabe is nervous, Woodman tells him a story about a time that Woodman “got a girl in trouble.” Woodman explains that he was dating a girl who was obsessed with feet so they naturally spent all of their time shopping for shoes. One night, while out on a date, they stopped by a shoe store and Woodman’s girlfriend fell for a shoe salesman who appreciated feet just as much as she did. They ran off together and one thing led to another.
Gabe points out that Woodman wasn’t the one who got the girl in trouble.
“I’m the one who took her to the shoe store,” Woodman explain.
Gabe considers Woodman’s words and then says, “Don’t ever tell that story again.”
Meanwhile, Horshack is scandalized to hear that Julie is in “the labor room.” “They’re making her work at a time like this!” Horshack declares.
Freddie steals some flowers from a guy who has kidney stones and gives them to Julie, explaining that she deserves the flowers more than some dude who “got his kidneys stoned.” When Julie’s doctor asks Freddie if he’s a relative, Freddie replies that “I’m the cousin they don’t talk about. I’m the …. white sheep on the family.”
As for Barbarino, he and Epstein try to figure out which train to take to get to Burma, which they assume is somewhere near the Bronx. Gabe says that he thinks that he can talk Woodman into letting Barbarino enter the 11th Grade. So, I guess that’s the end of that story.
Anyway, eventually, Gabe is informed that he’s the father of twin girls. TWINS! Gabe will have to double up on the jokes. Gabe goes to see Julie, who smiles beatifically because she now knows there will be someone else around to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Max.
This was an okay episode, in that every member of the cast got a chance to get some laughs and, unlike a lot of sitcom episodes featuring someone giving birth, the show avoided any cheap melodramatics. For me, the worst “birth” episode of any sitcom was the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory throws a fit because his mother has the nerve to go into labor on Valentine’s Day and ruin Cory’s plans with Topanga. Seriously, Cory Matthews was a little creep.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
It’s time for a new school year and a new addition to the Kotter family!
Episode 3.2 “And Baby Makes Four, Part One”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)
This episode opens with the sad scene of Gabe Kotter staring at himself in the bathroom mirror and telling himself a joke about his Uncle Charlie. Even Gabe is not impressed with the joke and tells himself that he needs to be more funny. Poor, Gabe!
Watching this scene, I was reminded of all the stories I’ve read about how much Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman disliked each other and how Strassman apparently really couldn’t stand having to listen to and laugh at Kaplan’s jokes. Apparently, by the time the third season rolled around, the hostility between Kaplan and Strassman was so pronounced and obvious that even the actors playing the Sweathogs were forced to take sides, with Ron Pallilo siding with Strassman, Robert Hegyes and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs siding with Kaplan, and John Travolta trying to get along with everyone. On the one hand, the opening scene here once again reminds us that Gabe is compulsive joke teller. On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel that it was written to give Strassman a break from Kaplan.
Of course, the very next scene features Gabe and Julie awkwardly interacting, as Gabe tells the very pregnant Julie everything that she should do if she goes into labor while Gabe is at school. Gabe tells Julie to call a cab, call the school and tell Woodman and then Gabe will call Dr. Melman and they’ll all meet at the hospital. Julie assures Gabe that she’s not due for another week but Gabe says that he’s not sure that the baby knows that. He then tells a joke to the baby while Julie grimaces.
It’s the first day of school! Horshack is super excited while Epstein and Washington are still thinking about the fun they had during the 1977 New York City blackout. (Epstein gave lemonade to “people running with a TV set.” Washington “ran with a TV set.”) Barbarino is not at all excited because, just before school began, he received a letter telling him that he was going to have to repeat the 10th Grade. Barbarino explains that he skipped the exam that all the students were required to take to be promoted into the next grade but he thought that Mr. Kotter was going to handle it for him.
(Myself, I’m just shocked to learn that the Sweathogs were only supposed to be in the 10th Grade when the show began. Considering that Horshack and Epstein both appear to be in their 30s, Washington appears to be in his mid-twenties, and Barbarino looks like he’s around 20, I’m going to guess that getting held back is not necessarily a new experience for this group.)
Determined not to be held back, Barbarino decides to sit in the classroom as if nothing has happened and he’s been promoted with the rest of the Sweathogs. When Gabe arrives, he’s not surprised to see Barbarino in his classroom, mostly because Gabe doesn’t know that Barbarino was held back. It’s not until Woodman, ordered by Principal Lazarus to personally welcome back each class, steps into the room that Barbarino’s status at a 10th Grader is revealed.
Gabe is shocked to hear that Barbarino was held back. Barbarino says that Gabe was supposed to take care of it. Gabe says that he did when he arranged for Barbarino to take a makeup exam. But Barbarino thought that, when Gabe said he would take care of it, Gabe would sneak into the principal’s office and fix the records Barbarino didn’t realize he still actually had to take the test and now, his dreams of being “a doctor …. or a longshoreman” have been put at risk.
Woodman laughs maniacally as Barbarino leaves the classroom. Hitting his breaking point, Gabe kicks Woodman out of the classroom and tells him to stop interrupting his class.
Rather than go to his new classroom, Barbarino goes to the Kotter apartment, where he tells Julie about his problems. Julie is a bit more concerned with the fact that she’s having contractions. When she gets out her suitcase and calls for a cab, Barbarino worries that she’s leaving Gabe. When she says she’s going to the hospital, Barbarino worries that his story made her sick.
Meanwhile, Woodman — banned from entering Gabe’s classroom — uses the PA system to let him know that Julie has gone into labor. Gabe rushes from his classroom, accompanied by Horshack, Washington, and Epstein. I kind of doubt Julie is going to be happy to see the Sweathogs at the hospital but whatever. Julie’s stuck with them in her life.
And so ends Part One of this special three-part episode! This episode was a bit uneven. The scene between Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman felt a bit strained, largely due to the fact that the two of them could obviously barely stand to look at each other while delivering their lines. John Travolta was charming as Barbarino but his co-stars were all obviously getting a bit old to still be playing high school students. As always, John Sylvester White made me laugh with his portrayal of Woodman’s growing insanity. The studio audience was very loud as they went out of their way to make sure that anyone watching knew how much they loved John Travolta.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, season 3 begins!
Episode 3.1 “Sweathog Back to School Special”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 10th, 1977)
A new school year approaches and the Sweathogs have decided to throw a surprise party for their favorite teacher! Julie and Woodman (who makes it a point to say that he was against the party) lead Gabe to his classroom and surprise! The Sweathogs even spent $5.75 to get Gabe a new watch.
Gabe and the Sweathogs talk about everything that they’ve been through over the past year and….
Yep, it’s a clip show.
Usually, I skip over clip shows but I did watch this one, just because the first season and the first half of the second season of WelcomeBack, Kotter were both pretty good. Unfortunately, the first half of this clip show was more devoted to catch phrases than sharing classic scenes. As such, we got a lot of clips of Horshack laughing, Freddie saying “Hi there,” Epstein handing over notes, and Barbarino dancing. It allowed all four of the main Sweathogs to show off their trademarks but it also made the overall series seem even more gimmicky than it was.
It was only during the second half of the episode that the show offered up some clips from the first season in which Gabe helped each Sweathog find their confidence. Gabe encouraged Barbarino to get tutoring. He played a game of basketball with Freddie and, even though Gabe lost big time, Freddie still agreed to take a makeup exam. Gabe told Epstein that he knew there was a sensitive soul underneath Epstein’s fierce exterior. And Gabe listened as Horshack talked about the reality of being the class weirdo. I was glad these clips were included because they served as a reminder that the show started out as an earnest series about a teacher trying to help kids who had been written off by the system. John Travolta, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Robert Hegyes, and Ron Palillo all showed, in those early episodes, that they were capable of more than just delivering jokey one-liners.
The best part of the episode was when Gabe said, “Remember that time I nearly got fired?” and Woodman replied, “That was a wonderful day.” John Sylvester White could do a lot with a one-liner and one of the pleasures of the show was discovering just how truly out there Woodman could be.
As for Julie, she remembered the time the Sweathogs destroyed the apartment while trying to clean it. She still didn’t appear to have forgiven the Sweathogs but that could just be because, as always, Marcia Strassman came across as if she would rather be doing anything other than co-starring on WelcomeBack, Kotter.
Once all the clips have been shown, Gabe asks everyone if he’s ever told them about his Uncle Morris, bringing the party (and the episode) to an abrupt end as everyone flees the classroom.
Next week, Julie gives birth and Barbarino drops out of school!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, season 2 ends as the new art teacher tempts Gabe to have an affair with someone who actually likes his jokes!
Episode 2.23 “I Wonder Who’s Kissing Gabe Now”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on March 3rd, 1977)
The second season finale opens with Gabe telling Julie a joke about his cousin Mark, who went back to the old neighborhood and dropped in on the old shoe repairman. The shoe repairman saw that Mark was carrying a sales ticket from several years ago and he said, “Your shoes will be ready next Tuesday!” Julie laughed politely.
The second season finale closes with Gabe telling Julie a really long joke about the time his Aunt Mabel went to see a psychiatrist on Park Avenue and was basically led back to the outside of the building because she didn’t make enough money to see a Park Avenue doctor. Again, Julie laughed politely.
From the very first episode, Gabe telling Julie a joke about his family has been one of this show’s mainstays. Sometimes, Julie smiles in response. Sometimes, she gives up a pity laugh or two. And sometimes, she seems downright annoyed with Gabe for wasting her time. Gabe’s jokes are obviously very important to him. (And, of course, they served to remind the audience that, when he wasn’t starring on a sitcom, Gabe Kaplan was a stand-up comedian.) However, Julie never really seems to be too enthusiastic about them. I imagine that a lot of this was due to the fact that Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along behind-the-scenes but, for the show, it really does make you wonder just how much longer Gabe and Julie are going to be married. I mean, by this point, it’s obvious that the reason Gabe spends so much time with the Sweathogs is so he won’t have to deal with Julie. And Julie’s bad cooking is obviously a result of her secret desire to poison her husband. This marriage just feels doomed.
The Sweathogs are certainly concerned about that. When Epstein overhears the new art teacher, Paula Holtzgang (Denise Galick), telling Gabe that she has fallen in love with him, he is stunned. He is even more shocked when he sees Gabe and Holtzgang kissing. Of course, what Epstein doesn’t realize is that Paula was the one kissing Gabe and not the other way around. Epstein tells the Sweathogs what he witnessed. Horshack panics, wondering who will get custody of the Sweathogs if the Kotters split up. Barbarino tries to solve the problem by showing off some of his dance moves as Paula leaves the school but, to his shock, she ignores him.
For his part, Gabe tells Julie about what happened and he says that he told Paula he wasn’t interested. Julie demands to know if Paula is prettier than her. Gabe says that Paula is a “different type” than Julie ….. which, yeah, that was not the right answer. Fortunately, Gabe does not tell Julie that Paula kissed him. Instead, the Sweathogs show up at the apartment and, attempting to save the marriage, tell Julie that she shouldn’t worry about the kiss.
With Julie on the verge of demanding a divorce, Gabe kicks the Sweathogs out of the apartment and he then assures Julie that he loves her and he can’t wait for their child to be born. He even has a name picked out: “Farrah Fawcett Kotter.”
The next day, Gabe enters his classroom to find Paula waiting for him. Paula says that she no longer finds Gabe attractive and leaves.
And that’s it for the second season!
Wow, what a strange episode to end on. I mean, I guess it was good because it confirmed that Gabe and Julie will not be getting a divorce even though it’s obvious that they hate each other. And this episode also reinforced how much the Sweathogs loved their teacher. John Travolta got to show off his dance moves and that’s always a good thing. But, overall, this episode was broad even by the standards of Welcome Back Kotter, with the Sweathogs coming across as being a bit to cartoonish for their own good. The Sweathogs have always been a bit over the top but, in the past, they were still at least believable as tough but sometimes vulnerable Brooklyn teens. But, for the past few episodes, they’ve become more like comic book characters than real people.
And yes, there was a Welcome Back, Kotter comic book:
Anyway, that’s it for the second season! Next week …. season 3 begins! Will the Sweathogs ever graduate?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the Sweathogs make like difficult for a pregnant woman.
Episode 2.22 “I’m Having Their Baby”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 24th, 1977)
At the apartment, Gabe is saying goodbye to Julie because he’s going to a week-long teacher’s convention. Before he leaves, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle, who worked at the same job for several years without getting a promotion because he wasn’t bright enough.
Meanwhile, at school, the Sweathogs are waiting for their substitute and wondering why Mr. Kotter did not invite Mrs. Kotter to the convention. Why do they care? I always made fun of City Guys for the bizarre obsession all of the students had for their principal but the Sweathogs are almost as bad with their obsessing on the Kotter marriage. Mr. Woodman steps into the room and introduces them to their substitute, Mr. Overly (Frank Corsentino). Woodman assures Mr. Overly that the Sweathogs are wonderful students.
Later, the Sweathogs are hanging around outside of the school and talking about how Mr. Overly left the classroom in tears. Julie walks by, carrying a bunch of groceries. The Sweathogs help her take the groceries to her apartment. Unaware that Julie hates them and is trying to get them to go home, they all decide to hang out in her living room. Epstein mentions that all of the Sweathogs’s mothers were pregnant at one time or another.
“Not my mother,” Barbarino replies, “She’s a saint.” Barbarino goes on to explain that stork “don’t bring babies no more …. they fired the storks.”
Julie tells the Sweathogs, “I am a pregnant woman and pregnant women have cravings. I’m craving privacy.”
Usually, Julie kind of annoys me but she’s absolutely right here. GO HOME, SWEATHOGS! Seriously, Gabe should have called the police the first time they broke in through the fire escape.
The next day, at school, the Sweathogs — with the exception of Barbarino — finally figure out that Julie was mad at them and now, Gabe will be angry at them. Freddie says that they need to do something to make it up to Julie. “What would a young expectant mother want?” he wonders.
“A husband!” Epstein says.
“She’s got a husband!”
“A better one!”
Epstein suggests throwing a surprise party …. oh no, this sound like a bad idea….
Woodman then shows up with the new substitute (Ned Wertimer), who says he doesn’t want any trouble and that he has two kids.
“They’re going to miss ya,” Epstein says.
After school, the Sweathogs somehow get into the Kotter apartment, even though Julie is not there. Sweathogs, this is not a good idea! Apparently, they’ve decided to clean the apartment for Julie, which leads to Epstein accidentally trashing the place while trying to vacuum and Horshack putting way too much dish soap in the sink. Soon, there are bubbles everywhere. Julie comes home to discover the apartment trashed.
“Surprise!” Barbarino shouts.
“What are you guys doing here!?” Julie demands.
“Cleaning up!” Epstein replies.
The Sweathogs apologize and Barbarino actually has a tear in his eye. (Awwwwww! BARBARINO!) Gabe calls and Julie tells him that the Sweathogs are at the apartment. Freddie takes the phone and says, “Hi there.” Horshack, who is really annoying in this episode, grabs the phone and yells, “Hello, big buckaroo!” Julie gets the phone back and assures Gabe that the Sweathogs have been total gentlemen.
Hanging up the phone, Julie thanks the Sweathogs for their good intentions. The Sweathogs return to school, where they discover that their third substitute (Larry Brooks) is 7’1 and not easily intimidated.
Finally, Woodman stops by the apartment and tells Julie a joke about a woman who goes to the police after a random man tells her that her baby is the ugliest he’s ever seen. The policeman says, “Lady, calm down. We’ll make out a report, you’ll have a cup of coffee, and we’ll get a banana for your monkey.” Julie is not amused but I laughed typing the joke out. Woodman is so proud of the joke that you can’t help but be happy for him. You also can’t help but appreciate the gleeful madness that John Sylvester White brought to the role.
I have to say, as someone who really, really likes her space, this episode made me cringe. It takes a lot to make me feel sorry for Julie but the Sweathogs pulled it off! As the second season comes to a close (we’ve got the finale next week), it’s hard not to notice that Sweathogs have been progressively been getting more and more cartoonish in their antics. They were always pretty over-the-top but, during the first season and the first half of the second season, they still came across as being believable teenagers. When the show started, there was a vulnerability to the Sweathogs, all of whom were basically good kids who had spent their entire life being told they were worthless. That vulnerability seems to disappear after the Sweathogs got locked in that museum and that’s kind of a shame.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Julie’s pregnant and Freddie’s a star!
Episode 2.20 “The Littlest Sweathog”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 10th, 1977)
At the apartment, Julie sees that Gabe has a sketch pad and she demands to know what he’s drawing.
“A picture of you,” Gabe replies. He explains that he’ll let her see the picture after he tells her a joke about a relative of his who lost a lot of money when he put $5 on horse number five and the horse came in fifth. (It went over my heard but I’m not a gambler.) Anyway, the picture isn’t very good and Julie tells him that Gabe’s attempt at art is “funnier than the joke.”
YIKES!
After the opening credits, we return to the apartment where Gabe is tutoring Barbarino. The audiences screams so loudly when Barbarino shows up at the apartment that it’s hardly surprising that he’s having trouble concentrating in school. I mean, that audience is really loud!
No sooner has the lesson begun with Gabe asking what Barbarino knows about D-day (“That’s the day I bring home my report card.”) then the phone rings. Barbarino tells Gabe that it might be a girl calling for him but instead, it’s Julie’s doctor calling to tell her that she’s pregnant.
“Julie’s pregnant!” Gabe shouts.
Barbarino says, “Don’t look at me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Vinnie! I know who the father is!”
“Who?”
Gabe is convinced that he’s the father, despite the fact that Vinnie does kind of have a point. I mean, Julie really doesn’t seem to even like Gabe the majority of the time. When Julie comes home, Gabe eventually convinces Vinnie to leave so that he can tell Julie the news. Gabe is excited. Julie is not excited at all, pointing out that she can’t even remember to water the plants half the time. Gabe tells Julie that she’ll glow. Julie responds that “Spending a half-hour trying to get out of a chair is not my idea of glowing.”
The next day, at school, the Sweathogs are debating what type of present they should get Gabe. Freddie suggests a savings bond. Horshack offers to donate 89 cents. The Sweathogs are incredibly invested in the happiness of Gabe’s baby, which is quite a contrast to the way we viewed the teachers at my high school. We didn’t know anything about their lives outside of school and we didn’t want to know.
After Horshack tells Woodman that Gabe is going to be a father, Woodman replies, “This time, you’ve gone too far, Kotter! Who is it!? What’s her name?”
Gabe assures Woodman that the only person who he’s gotten pregnant is his wife. Woodman replies that Gabe is going to have to start holding up gas stations to have enough money to raise a child. Gabe tells Woodman that Julie doesn’t seem to be to thrilled. Woodman replies, “I wouldn’t be too thrilled about having your baby either,” before laughing maniacally.
Back at the apartment, Julie is feeling depressed because, as she says when she hears someone knocking at the door, “Somehow, I just don’t feel like I’m glowing!” Julie answers the door and sighs in frustration as the Sweathogs enter the apartment.
“Oh! The lady in waiting!” Horshack announces. Meanwhile, Barbarino notices that Julie is reading a book by Dr. Spock. “I’m a big Star Trek fan, too,” Barbarino says.
Gabe comes home and, somewhat oddly, is not shocked to find the Sweathogs in his apartment. Gabe asks the Sweathogs to leave. Barbarino and Freddie are happy to go because they want to watch TV. “This bionic woman is getting bigger transistors tonight,” Barbarino says. “Dyno-mite!” Freddie replies.
After the Sweathogs finally leave, Julie says that she realizes that, fears aside, she wants to have the baby. Gabe is happy because he’ll have someone new to tell all of his jokes.
Later, Gabe buys a stuffed dog for the baby and then tells it about his uncle who owned a dog named Roscoe.
This episode was both sweet and a bit awkward to watch. On the one hand, I appreciated the fact that the show tried to be realistic in its portrayal of Julie’s overwhelmed reaction to learning that she was pregnant. On the other hand, this episode really drove him the fact that Gabe Kaplan and Marica Strassman didn’t exactly have a lot of chemistry. By most accounts, Kaplan and Strassman couldn’t stand each other behind the scenes and that tension between the two of them was really noticeable in this episode. (It’s hard not to notice that Gabe and Julie never seem to make much eye contact in this episode.) Reportedly, Strassman often complained that she didn’t get enough to do as Julie. This episode put Julie center-stage but she still had to share it with the Sweathogs and the whole thing just felt kind of weird. I actually felt bad for Julie. She can’t even relax in her own apartment without Gabe’s students coming by!
I’m starting to worry about the baby. Let’s move on.
Episode 2.21 “Radio Free Freddie”
(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 17th, 1977)
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a paratrooper and who apparently plunged to death when his super emergency parachute didn’t open. That’s not a nice joke to tell a pregnant woman, Gabe!
At the school, Gabe is explaining to the Sweathogs that a famous radio DJ known as Wally the Wow is a former Sweathogs and Gabe has arranged for Epstein, Barbarino, Freddie, and Horshack to work as radio DJs for the week. What? How did that happen? This seems more like a City Guys thing than a Welcome Back Kotter thing. If you owned a radio station, would you turn programming over to four high school students? Would you let Horshack on the radio?
Anyway, Wally the Wow is played by legendary comedian George Carlin and his producer, Andy, is played by The Love Boat‘s Fred Grandy. When the Sweathogs take their turns on the radio, Wally is totally impressed by Freddie’s radio voice and, realizing that the rest of them don’t have Freddie’s talent, the other Sweathogs leave the station. Freddie becomes a big hit but his friends think that he’s let the fame go to his head. Wally tells Freddie that being a DJ can be a lonely job. Freddie is prepared to give up his radio dreams but then the other Sweathogs drop by the station and apologize for being jealous. Freddie agrees to stay on as a DJ.
Later, Gabe drops by the station and thanks Wally for taking care of the Sweathogs. They reminisce about high school. “I remember you used to tell all of those stupid jokes about your uncles,” Wally says, “I’m glad you outgrew that.”
This was a weird episode, largely because it really didn’t make any sense for Wally to put the Sweathogs on the radio in the first place. It would not surprise me if this was yet another backdoor pilot, this time for a sitcom that would have followed the adventures of Wally the Wow and his goofy engineer, Andy. Still, as strange as the episode was, it did give Freddie, the most underused of the Sweathogs, a chance to have a moment in the spotlight so that was a good thing.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we learn more than we ever wanted to know about Arnold Horshack.
Episode 2.19 “There Goes Number Five (a.k.a. Has Anyone Seen Arnold Part 2)”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro and James Komack, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)
When last we checked in with the Sweathogs, Arnold Horshack was missing and perhaps dead. This episode opens with the Sweathogs in the classroom, telling Gabe that they’re worried about their friend. Gabe says that Arnold must be having a “problem in his personal life.”
“Come on, Mr. Kotter,” Epstein says, “Arnold ain’t got no personal life.”
Suddenly, Horshack comes into the classroom and asks Mr. Kotter how one becomes a father. “Well, first you meet a girl….” Gabe starts but Horshack stops him and explains that his fifth stepfather has died, felled by a heart attack while driving his taxi on the Long Island expressway. Horshack is now the man of his family. Everyone hugs Horshack and promises to help him out if they can.
“Awwwwww!” the audience says and it actually is a pretty sweet scene.
Unfortunately, the rest of the episode is not quite as effective. After the scene with the Sweathogs, the viewer is suddenly confronted with a new tenement location, a host of new characters, and some very broad acting as the show goes from being an episode of Welcome Back Kotter to being a poorly disguised pilot for a show that presumably would have focused on Horshack’s eccentric family. We meet Horshack’s mother (played by Ellen Travolta, sister of John). We meet Horshack’s obnoxious sibilings. When meet Goldie (Susan Lawrence), who Horshack has a crush on. And we eventually meet Horshack’s uncle, the wealthy Harry Orshack (James Komack). Uncle Harry gives Horshack a part-time job and agrees to train him to be “a shark” so that Horshack will be able to take care of his family. We also meet Leonard (Robert Stoneman), who is Harry’s other protégé and who takes an immediate dislike to Arnold. One can only imagine how many conflicts they would have had if this pilot had been turned into a show.
The episode suffers from a lot of problems, the least being that a little bit Arnold Horshack goes a long way. As a character, Horshack is funny when he’s a part of an ensemble but he’s a bit too cartoonish to be effective as a lead. On Welcome Back, Kotter, Horshack is an amusing eccentric but, in this episode, he’s surrounded by characters who are equally eccentric and it really does get to be too much. Watching it, one can see why the idea of doing a show about the Horshacks never got out of the pilot stage.
For the record, this is the first episode of Welcome Back Kotter to not feature Gabe telling a joke at the beginning of the show. As it ends, when Horshack returns to school and tells everyone that he’ll be working for his uncle Harry, Gabe offers to tell Horshack about his uncle who once had a job but we don’t actually get to hear the punchline of the joke.
In this episode’s defense, I should mention that it appears that both it and the previous episode actually aired on the same night and, as such, the backdoor pilot was the second half of a one-hour broadcast. So, I imagine that viewers in 1977 didn’t find all of this to be as jarring as a viewer in 2023 would. Still, if I was going to spin-off a Sweathog, I would have gone with Epstein. He seemed like he had a wild life.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we have the start of a two-part story!
Episode 2.18 “Whatever Happened to Arnold? Part One”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a skin diver. His name was Mike Nelson Kotter. One day, Mike was shocked to see a guy go down 40 feet without equipment. When Mike demanded to know what the guy was doing, the guy replied, “You jerk! I’m drowning!”
At school, Epstein amuses the Sweathogs by doing his Mr. Kotter impersonation.
Gabe walks in on Epstein’s routine but he’s not upset because it actually gives him the perfect excuse to tell the Sweathogs about the school drama festival. He needs some volunteers to appear in one scene from a play, which Gabe will direct.
“Acting is stupid,” Barbarino says, “Pretending to be somebody else.”
Horshack disagrees and shows off his acting skills by falling to his knees and declaring his love for Freddie. Freddie proceeds to do his Harry Belafonte impersonation which leads to Barbarino ripping his t-shirt and shouting, “Stella!” before Gabe then does his Vito Corleone impersonation and compliments Barbarino’s Marlon Brando.
“I was doing John Wayne,” Barbarino replies.
Realizing that Horshack actually is serious about wanting to act, Gabe offers to direct Horshack in a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac. Of course, Horshack’s co-star will be Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), who goes to Mr. Woodman to complain about having to work with a Sweathog, though she should be used to it by now as she ends up having to work with them every time that she appears on the show. Woodman tells Judy to do what he does and imagine that she’s a missionary and the Sweathogs are a bunch of cannibals preparing to eat her.
“Throw me into the pot! THROW ME INTO THE POT!” Woodman starts yelling.
Later, when Woodman sees Horshack in costume and carrying a sword, Woodman shouts that Kotter is “arming the Sweathogs!” before adding, “Call out the national guard!” Poor old Woodman.
Unfortunately, Gabe’s attempts to hold rehearsal are interrupted by Barbarino, Freddie, and Epstein, who all show up and proceed to heckle Horshack and Judy. First Judy storms off. That’s to be expected because that’s what Judy always does. But then Horshack gets angry, yells that he’s trying to do something good for all the Sweathogs, and storms off the stage.
The next day, there has still been no sign of Horshack. Freddie, Epstein, and Barbarino tell Gabe that they broke into Horshack’s house but didn’t see any sign of him or his family. With Horshack missing, that means someone is going to have to put on the fake noise and play Cyrano in his place.
“Stella!” Barbarino shouts.
Anyway, the day of the drama festival comes and Barbarino …. well, he’s not a very good Cyrano. He forgets his lines. He talks back to the audience. He and Judy argue in the middle of the scene. He dances while delivering the few lines that he does remember. He ends the scene by falling to his knees and screaming, “Stella!” But it doesn’t matter because he’s a young John Travolta and he’s absolutely adorable with his fake nose. The audiences loves him but Barbarino says that the moment feels hollow because this should have been Arnold’s moment.
“Where could he be?” Freddie asks.
“I don’t know,” Gabe says, “but I think the problem is something more serious than this play. But what?”
And, on that rather ominous note, this episode ends. Fear not, we’ll learn what happened to Horshack in the next episode. For now, let’s just remember that John Travolta did a very convincing Brando and a very amusing Cyrano. The entire cast of this show did a good job (and I especially enjoy John Sylvester White’s weekly descent into insanity) but episodes like this remind us of why John Travolta is the one who went on to become the biggest star.
Through the Shattered Lens 