I recently opened up Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares DVD box set from Mill Creek and went searching for a movie to review for October. The movie that I picked was Dead 7, a slasher film from the year 2000.
Dead 7 — or, I should say, the version of Dead 7 that I saw — got off to a pretty bad start when the douchebag pictured below appeared on the screen.
Speaking in a low, guttural voice that I guess was supposed to sound scary, this guy introduced the movie and explained that it was about a meth dealer who tossed a deaf kid in a hole and who suffered an appropriate fate as a result. Okay great, I thought. But then the guy kept talking and, to be honest, his voice was so annoying that I have no idea what he was talking about. It reminded me a bit of that old episode of Saved By The Bell where the gang found the old radio station and Screech got to host Screech’s Mystery Theater.
However, Dead 7 should not be judged by that introduction. For one thing, I get the feeling that the introduction was tacked on by the film’s distributor, Brain Damaged Films. (In fact, the credits even state that the intro was filmed by a separate director.) And once you get past the intro, Dead 7 is actually a fairly effective slasher film.
Now, don’t get me wrong. According to the imdb, Dead 7 was made for $7,000 and it definitely looks like it was made for $7,000. This is an ultra low-budget film and it really doesn’t do anything to redefine the slasher genre. This is one of those films where a group of people do something bad in the past and then, a few months later, they die as a result. There are no great surprises but still — when taken on its own terms, Dead 7 is an effective film.
Just as the toadsucker in the intro promised, a group of meth dealers toss a deaf kid into a mine shaft and leave him to die. Three months later, the kid’s odd sister, Venus (Delia Copold) performs some sort of odd ceremony in the wilderness and soon the meth dealers and their girlfriends are all dying in various bloody ways. Can you figure out what’s happening? Of course, you can!
That said, Dead 7 definitely works. Garrett Clancy makes the best possible use of his low-budget, filming with a constantly roaming camera and using properly askew angles to keep the audience off-balance. The gore is surprisingly well-done for such a low-budget film and, while the acting won’t win any awards, all of the lowlifes are appropriately scuzzy. (Delia Copold probably gives the best performance in the film, especially when taunting the main dealer.) The film ends on a properly ironic note and, all in all, watching Dead 7 is not a bad way to waste 72 minutes in October.
Originally released in 1996, Castle Freak is a film that I watched a few years ago and seriously, it totally freaked me out! Seriously, this is one truly creepy, scary, and disturbing film. I imagine that I’m not alone in having nightmares after watching Castle Freak.
Castle Freak takes place in Italy and yes, the main setting is a castle. (One the reasons why Castle Freak was so effective in freaking me out is because I have actually been to Italy and I have stepped inside castles much like the one featured in this film.) The castle belonged to a duchess who has recently passed away. The duchess’s son, Giorgio, is still alive. The duchess it seems was a bit insane and, after being abandoned by her husband, she was so angry that she had Giorgio chained up in the basement. After being trapped for years, Giorgio has reverted to a feral state, speaking in grunts and growls. Horribly disfigured, Giorgio is served a meal a day by a frightened maid. When Giorgio finally escapes (via breaking off his own thumb so he can slip out of his manacles), he is looking for revenge against humanity.
Giorgio is probably one of the most frightening monsters in cinematic history but yet, like all great monsters, he is as much a victim as a villain. One reason why the film works is that, even though you’re terrified of Giorgio, you can’t blame him for being angry. Indeed, one of the film’s strongest moments come when Giorgio sees his reflection for the first time and wails at the sight. Jonathan Fuller gives a great performance as Giorgio.
Just as Giorgio escape, the duchess’s last remaining descendants move into the castle. John Reilly (Jeffrey Combs) is a recovering alcoholic. Years ago, a drunk John had an automobile accident, which led to the death of his son and the blinding of his teenage daughter, Rebecca (Jessica Dollarhide). His wife, Susan (Barbara Crampton), cannot bring herself to forgive John for the accident.
Though neither is initially aware of the other’s existence, there’s an obvious bond between John and Giorgio. Much as the duchess never forgave Giorgio, Susan will never forgive John. Giorigio was held prisoner by chains while John was held prisoner by both his own guilt and Susan’s anger. Both of them are capable of monstrous acts with the only difference being that John has yet to totally surrender his humanity to his rage. It’s somewhat appropriate that, after John picks up a prostitute from town, it’s Giorgio who ends up killing her because Giorgio really is John’s id unleashed. And now, John’s entire family is in danger to falling victim to that id.
Castle Freak is a frightening movie, one that mixes shocking gore with other more subtle scares. Director Stuart Gordon makes good use of the castle’s ominous atmosphere and he also gets wonderful performances from his entire cast, with Jeffrey Combs as the stand-out. This is a scary and gory film that was truly made for intelligent adults.
And finally, that scene where the blind Rebecca talks about her hopes and dreams while Giorgio stands unseen beside her?
Up until recently, I firmly believed that Love and Other Drugs was the most annoying movie ever made. But then, a few nights ago, I cracked open my Mill Creek 50 Drive In Movie Classic box set and I watched a little film from 1971. I was just looking for a horror film to review for October. Little did I know that I would soon be watching the most annoying movie ever made!
The name of that movie?
The Manipulator.
The star of that movie?
Mickey Freaking Rooney.
In The Manipulator, Mickey plays B.J. Lang, a former Hollywood makeup artist who has had a mental breakdown. He now lives in a dusty warehouse, surrounded by old movie props and mannequins. B.J. spends a lot of time talking to himself and trying on makeup. Sometimes, he wears a fake nose and pretends that he’s Cyrano de Bergerac. And then, at other times, he imagines all of his mannequins coming to life and taunting him. (It’s kind of like the final scene of Maniac, except nobody’s head gets ripped off.) Occasionally, he has weird flashbacks, which are all about giving the filmmaker an excuse to utilize the fish-eye lens and psychedelic lighting.
Eventually, we learn that BJ (and, as I watched the film, I kept wondering if his name was supposed to make viewers think about oral sex) is not alone in his warehouse. There’s a woman (Luana Anders) who is being held prisoner. He has her tied up in a chair and, whenever she begs to eat, he feeds her baby food. BJ calls her Carlotta, though that’s apparently not actually her name. The woman yells a lot. Her first five minutes of screen time consist of her repeating, “MR. LAAAAAAAAAANG” over and over again.
BJ spends most of his time delivering monologues about how Hollywood used to be and occasionally, he demands that Carlotta help him put on a play. At one point, BJ appears to have a heart attack and this leads to Carlotta going, “DON’T DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE, MR. LAAAAAAAAANG” over and over again.
And then a homeless bum (Keenan Wynn) shows up and wanders about for five minutes before dying.
The problem with writing about a film like The Manipulator is that, just by describing the plot, you make it sound more interesting than it actually is. You’re probably reading this and thinking, “Wow, this sounds really weird! I need to see it at least once…”
No, you don’t. It may sound weird but ultimately, it’s more emptily pretentious than anything else. This was both director Yabo Yablonsky’s first and final film and there is not a single camera trick that he does not employ. We get the weird angles, the random moments of slow motion, the even more random moments when the film is suddenly sped up, the extreme close-ups, the sudden blackouts, the ragged jump cuts, and, of course, lots of rack focus and zoom lens use. Compared to The Manipulator, the direction of Getting Straight appears to be mild and conventional! The film does feature three talented performers but none of them seem to have the slightest idea what the movie is about or who they are supposed to be playing. In particular, both Rooney and Wynn seem to be making up their dialogue as they go along.
And really, that’s why The Manipulator is so annoying. It should have, at the very least, been an insane misfire. Instead, it’s just boring.
Hi there! Well, I’m on vacation for the next two weeks so this latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse Trailers deals with the crazy things that can happen as a result of being on the road!
It’s Sunday and that means that it’s time for another edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers! In honor of Black Mass, these trailers are all mob-related!
So, I sent the trailer kitties out and I told them to find me 6 good grindhouse previews. They came back with these 6 action-filled trailers! Let’s see how they did.
I feel no shame in admitting that I love horror movies. I don’t think that’s any secret to anyone who has ever read my reviews on this site. When I’m feeling so restless that I can’t sit still or focus, all you have to do is give me a horror film (especially if it’s one that I’ve never never seen before) and I’ll be quiet for at least 90 minutes.
That’s why I’m always on the look out for horror movies that I haven’t seen before. If it’s a horror movie, I’ll watch it regardless of obscurity, age, or critical disdain. At its best, this habit has led to me discovering neglected cinematic gems like Sole Survivor.
And it’s worst, it’s led me to me sitting through films like 1980′s The Hearse.
The Hearse is one of those public domain film that turns up in every other Mill Creek Box Set and it tells a very familiar story. A recently divorced woman named Jane (played by Tish Van Devere, who was married to George C. Scott at the time) leaves the big city to seek peace and solace in a creepy small town that’s full of rednecks who stare at her with a combination of lust and total disdain. Jane moves into a house that once belonged to her aunt and, pretty soon, she’s hearing strange sounds and having nightmares. On some nights, she sees a hearse (which, earlier, had attempted to run her off of the road) pull up in front of her house.
Jane attempts to tell the local sheirff about the strange happenings at her house but he responds by suggesting that maybe she should move. The local townspeople respond to her concerns by telling her that her aunt made a pact with Satan. The local priest comes by and tells Jane that the necklace her aunt gave her is a symbol of Satan.
None of this really makes much of an impression on Jane, mostly because she’s busy dating this creepy guy named Tom. Tom rarely ever shows any emotion and, on those rare occasions that he does smile, his face looks like a leering skull.
Again, Jane doesn’t seem to notice any of this…
Obviously, horror requires a certain suspension of disbelief but, seriously, it’s hard not to watch The Hearse and feel as if the scariest thing about the movie is the idea that anyone could be as stupid as Jane.
That said, The Hearse isn’t a total waste of time. The nightmare sequence is genuinely effective and the film itself features a few creepy visuals but, then again, there’s no way the sight of a hearse pulling up in front of a house in the middle of the night couldn’t be creepy. Trish Van Devere does okay as Jane, though she was far better in both The Changeling and One Is A Lonely Number. (The film also features a few too many less-than-credible scenes where the town’s teenage boys talk about how “hot and sexy” they find the aristocratic and rather uptight Jane to be.) If, like me, you’re into film history, you’ll enjoy this film as a relic of the past, an example of what horror movies were like in a less ironic age.
Say what you will about the overall quality of the 1966 horror-comedy, The Undertaker And His Pals, it has an absolutely brilliant opening shot. One man on a motorcycle drives around in a circle in a parking lot. He’s wearing a leather jacket and his features are hidden underneath a white helmet. Soon, another man wearing a leather jacket and white helmet rides up on another motorcycle. And again, they circle the parking lot. And then, they’re joined by a third identically dressed man on yet another motorcycle and the three of them circle the parking lot before then driving off into the city. The night is dark, the city streets are otherwise deserted, and the entire scene is tinted an otherworldly yellow. It’s a truly creepy scene and, for those first few moments of the film, those three faceless riders are truly frightening. If you ever watch The Undertaker and His Pals, be sure to appreciate that opening scene because nothing else in the film matches it.
It turns out that our three motorcycle riders are up to no good. Two of them own a restaurant and, because they’re too cheap to actually order fresh meat, they kill people and serve them up as the special of the day. The third one is the local undertaker. Business has apparently been struggling so he’s started killing people so that he can get paid to provide them a funeral. Apparently, half of each corpse is turned into lunch meat while the other half is put in a cheap, wooden casket at Shady Rest Funeral Parlor.
Now, here’s what makes The Undertaker and His Pal such a strange movie. The murders are graphic and gory (and I imagine they were quite extreme for 1966) but the rest of the movie is an over-the-top comedy, full of bad puns and slapstick. At the start of the film, while the latest victim is being stabbed to death, the camera continually cuts to a photograph of her sailor boyfriend, looking more and more upset with each cut. Later, the undertaker accidentally steps on a skateboard and we watch as he uncontrollably careens into the middle of the street while everyone else in the film points and laughs. When the undertaker finally falls off the skateboard, we even hear a waa waa on the soundtrack. After the undertaker has his accident, the owner of the diner accidentally insults a customer and literally gets a custard pie thrown in his face. (And again, we hear that waa waa.)
And then there’s the names! The film’s first victim is named Sally Lamb. The next day, the special at the diner is literally “Leg of Lamb.” When an administrative assistant named Ann Poultry complains about the poor quality of her leg of lamb and threatens to call the health department, the next day’s special is “Breast of Chicken.”
Ann worked for and was dating a detective named Harry Glass (James Westmoreland, appearing here under the name Rad Fulton). After her death, Harry is … well, Harry really doesn’t seem to care. Harry is the film’s nominal hero but he really doesn’t do anything. In fact, he is remarkably stupid. Though he claims that he’s trying to solve his girlfriend’s murder, he seems to spend most of his time unknowingly eating her down at the diner.
The Undertaker and His Pals is weird and yet strangely watchable. Of course, it helps that the film is only 66 minutes long and that the acting so cartoonish (and, I think, intentionally so) that it’s impossible to take the movie seriously. (If the film was, in any way, believable, it would be almost unbearably grim and misogynistic.) Fortunately, the film ends with clips of the entire cast coming back to life and laughing, letting us know that no one was intentionally harmed or traumatized and apparently, everyone had a great time making The Undertaker and His Pals.
I imagine the film was made to capitalize on the success of Herschell Gordon Lewis’s similarly over the top Blood Feast.Ultimately, The Undertaker and His Pals works best as a weird time capsule of what was shocking in 1966.
Just in case you needed proof that I will literally watch and review anything, here’s a few thoughts on an extremely obscure Greek thriller, which was first released in 1976. As often happened with exploitation films in the 70s, this movie was released under several different names. It’s original Greek title was To koritsi vomva. Apparently, in England, it was known as The Para Psychics, which is truly a hideous title. I prefer the American title, Death Has Blue Eyes.
So, maybe you’re wondering how exactly it was that I ended up watching a totally unknown (and unsung) Greek thriller that was filmed long before I was even born. The trailer for Death Has Blue Eyes was included on the first volume of 42nd Street Forever, an amazingly fun and entertaining compilation of grindhouse movie trailers. (I imagine that I’m not alone in counting 42nd Street Forever as my introduction to the anything goes aesthetic of the grindhouse.)
Check out the trailer below!
I have to admit that this trailer became something of an obsession of mine. Some of it, of course, was the music. And some of it was because every second of the trailer screamed out “low-budget 1970s.” But, beyond that, I loved this trailer because it contained so many scenes and yet it still told me absolutely nothing about the film. Seeing as how there were very little information about Death Has Blue Eyes online, I would watch the trailer and I would try to figure out how all of the random scenes fit together.
I could tell, of course, that the film was an action movie. It was also obvious that the film featured a woman with psychic powers and that she could apparently blow up tents and kill men in bowling alley. Just as obviously, the two men — one dark-haired and one blonde — were trying to protect her from an evil organization.
But, beyond that, I found myself obsessing on the odd scenes of the two men and the woman on the beach. Why, I asked myself, were they on that beach? And why, in a few shots, did both the woman and the blonde guy have such dark circles under their eyes? Why was their skin so much more pasty and white on the beach than it was in the rest of the trailer? Why was the blonde guy laughing like a maniac as the tide came in? Why did the dark-haired guy appear to look so shocked when he saw the blonde guy and the woman dancing? Why were they dancing on the beach in the first place? And why, while the mysterious woman looked on with a mournful expression, were the two men fighting in the ocean?
Could it be, I wondered, that the three of them were dead? And maybe the beach was purgatory? Perhaps that explained why the blonde guy was laughing. Maybe he had been killed after opening that briefcase full of money. Maybe he was laughing at the fact that, as soon as he became rich, he lost his life and found himself on Purgatory Beach. All that trouble to get all the money and here was betrayed, dead, and in purgatory. No wonder he couldn’t stop laughing.
And what about that briefcase full of money? Obviously, this was a heist film. The two men must have been friends until they both fell in love with the same psychic woman. And then, after the heist and the fireworks show, the two men turned against each other. They fought. They died. And they ended up in purgatory.
Yes, I thought to myself, that had to be it!
And, as soon as I figured that out, I knew that I had to see Death Has Blue Eyes. I mean, how often do you get to see a film that so perfectly combines film noir with Catholic theology as the trailer for Death Has Blue Eyes? Death Has Blue Eyes was obviously a forgotten classic, waiting for one brave red-headed film blogger to defend it! And if that film blogger has mismatched eyes and loved to dance, all the better!
Unfortunately, it was not easy to see Death Has Blue Eyes. There’s a few old (and expensive) VHS copies floating around but the film has never been released on DVD or Blu-Ray. (I am lucky enough to have an old VHS player, as all good lovers of film and history should!) However, a year ago, someone was good enough to upload Death Has Blue Eyes to YouTube and I finally got to see it!
And all I can say is that my version is sooooo much better.
I was right about the film being an action film that featured two guys protecting a blonde with psychic powers. But I was totally wrong about purgatory. In fact, when I saw how the beach scenes were actually used in he film, I got angry because my version was so much better!
Anyway, as for the film, it tells the story of Bob (Peter Winter) and Ches (Hristos Nomikos), who are two con artists who make a living by seducing older women and pretending to be guests at expensive hotels. After Ches’s latest cougar victim kicks them out of her home, they find themselves homeless. But then, they’re hired to serve as bodyguards for Christine (Maria Aliferi). Christine is a powerful psychic who witnessed a political assassination. Because she can read minds, she knows both who the assassin was and who he was working for!
The rest of the film is basically a nonstop collection of car chases, exploding tents, and random assassins. (What’s odd is that Christine can blow people up by merely looking at them and yet, she still needs bodyguards.) It doesn’t make a bit of sense and the two “heroes” are incredibly unlikable but, because it’s such a product of its time, the film is oddly watchable. It’s terrible and there’s no purgatory but it’s still probably the only film ever made about two gigolos hired to protect a blonde with ESP from a bunch of motorcycle-riding assassins.
That said, I still think my version of the film is better!
Check out some footage below, along with listening to a bit of the film’s score. As I said, it’s all very 70s.
Through the Shattered Lens 