Elizabeth Franz | Through the Shattered Lens

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Brantley Foster (Michael J. Fox) heads to New York City with his business degree from the University of Kansas and the promise of an entry-level job as a financier. He arrives to discover that the company that hired him no longer exists and that Brantley is out of a job. New York is a harsh town for someone who is down on his luck and all of out of money. Brantley eventually gets a job working in the mail room of a company owned by his wealthy uncle (Richard Jordan). His uncle doesn’t even know who he is but soon, Brantley becomes just as rich and successful as he always dreamed.

What’s the secret of Brantley’s success?

Screwing his Aunt Vera (played by Margaret Whitton).

What’s the other other secret of his success?

Pretending to be named Carlton Whitfield and claiming that he’s a new executive at the corporation.

I remember when Kramer did the same thing on Seinfeld. It didn’t work out for Kramer. He got fired after turning in his first report.

“This is gibberish,” his boss said, “It’s almost as if you have no business training at all. I’m afraid we have to let you go.”

“I don’t actually work here,” Kramer replied.

“That’s what makes this so hard.”

Seinfeld, never topped.

Back to The Secret of My Success, this is the most 80s film ever made, complete with montages of Brantley exploring New York and a saxophone playing on the soundtrack. Brantley’s all about TCB, taking care of business. He screws his aunt but falls in love with Christy Wills (Helen Slater). Brantley doesn’t learn anything but he gets the best office and becomes a success without actually doing any real work. It’s the ultimate fantasy and, like many fantasies, The Secret of My Success is superficially appealing. Michael J. Fox is likable as Brantley. Margaret Whitton is outrageously sexy as Vera. Helen Slater is pretty and boring, traits that made her the ideal “good” girlfriend for Brantley’s story.

The Secret of My Success is your ticket to the 80s.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week’s episode of Monsters is all about killer worms!

Agck! Seriously, nothing freaks me out more than carnivorous creatures that slither around. Obviously, most worms are too small to be dangerous and I assume the same can be sound of most snails. Still, thought of giant worms bursting out of the ground and eating people …. I mean, obviously, it might make a good film but it’s not something that I would necessarily want to see in person. If I ever saw something like that happens in my back yard, for instance, I would probably have to move to another house. That would suck because I like this house. Seriously, killer worms, stay away!

Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, the show….

Episode 1.15 “The Mother Instinct”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on February 18th, 1989)

Nelson (Tom Gilory) is a real loser. He’s a loser in business and a loser in life. He’s got a gambling addiction and, despite being married to the loyal Sheila (Finn Carter), he simply cannot bring himself to remain faithful to his wife. Nelson is in debt and desperately needs money. His original plan is to ask his wealthy mother-in-law (Elizabeth Franz) for the money but she can see straight through him and refuses to give him a cent.

However, Nelson discovers that his mother-in-law has been growing melons in her green house that can provide temporary, superhuman strength. (Usually, the mother-in-law is confined to a wheelchair but, whenever she drinks the super-powered melon juice, she can walk and literally toss people around her house.) Nelson wants to steal the melons and sell them. His mother-in-law refuses to give her permission so Nelson forces Sheila to help him steal them.

What Nelson didn’t expect was that the melons would be protected by carnivorous worms! Nelson pressures Sheila to discover how her mother-in-law deals with the killer worms but it turns out that his mother-in-law has one last trick up her sleeve. “Never miss with a mother’s instinct,” Nelson’s mother-in-law says as the episode reaches its tasty conclusion.

This episode suffered from being a bit rushed, which is something that happens when a show attempts to tell an hour-length story in only 20 minutes. The killer worms were a bit too obviously puppet-like to really be scary but they still had their own silly charm to them. Sometimes, you just have to be willing to accept that you’re watching a low-budget production and you need to just enjoy it for what it is. Nelson was so obviously villainous that it made it difficult to believe that even insecure Sheila couldn’t see through him but at least he met his just deserts.

Incidentally, a year after appearing in this episode, Finn Carter starred in a movie that featured slightly more frightening killer worms, Tremors.